Be Gentle, Immortal Master

His blank stare lingered over my face, as if I had just said something utterly incomprehensible to him. Then a bitter smile crossed his lips. "You got it backward, Qing-er. I didn't have to save you if I didn't kill you."

"To kill me in a situation like that WAS to save me," I corrected him. "How could I answer otherwise to all those innocent lives that were lost? It was my fault to begin wi—"

"It was not," he cut me off. "None of it was ever your fault. Twin Stars would never have grown so strong if not because of me. You would never have bonded with them if not because of me. There could've been other ways to strengthen your body, and there could've been other ways to stop you without—" he tensed again, a wince of pain knitting his brow, "—without resorting to that kind of approach. I took the wrong step from the very beginning … and it was too late by the time I realized how grave my mistake was."

I gaped at him. Teng Yuan was right—Bai Ye had truly been blaming himself for everything all this time. I fell silent, knowing that arguing over this right now would be fruitless. "If you insist," I squeezed his hand and ventured cautiously, "if you want to make up for it … then do it with me, will you? We'll make amends together to those we've wronged. After you recover, we'll find a way to fix the damage to those trapped souls and bring them back. We'll watch over their rebirths and keep them safe. We'll guard Twin Stars … There's so much left for us to do for the rest of our lives."

But he only shook his head. "You don't need to be part of this, Qing-er. I chose this path for myself, and I'm only thankful to have a chance to pay back what I owe. This is not about you. This is the ending I deserve, one that I've always wanted—"

"Stop trying to make a martyr out of yourself!" I finally couldn't take his stubbornness anymore, and I shouted again, not wanting to hear any more of his attempt to push me away. "And stop talking like you are dying! Even if that's truly what you wanted, have you not considered how I would feel? Have you ever asked what it is that I want?" My voice trembled. "If you still remember how much it hurts to lose the one you love, then how could you do this to me? How could you be so cruel to make me go through the same pain?"

A stunned puzzlement appeared on his face. "You …" he hesitated. "Haven't you learned all about the past now? I thought …"

His genuine confusion shredded my heart to pieces. How deeply had our past hurt him … to the extent that he wouldn't even believe how much he still meant to me? My eyes blurred once more. "You weren't listening, Bai Ye," I said softly and brought his hand to my cheek, letting my tears fall into his palm this time. "I said I love you, even after knowing everything … especially after knowing everything. I was so terrified when I stood outside that sealed door, not knowing if you were—" I paused, unable to bring myself to say the rest. "If all the coincidences in the past few days didn't line up so perfectly, or if it took me too long to start suspecting things … I don't know what I would do if … if …"

I stopped, not daring to imagine any further. I had never been so afraid in my life. What would I do if I really was too late? I didn't know. All I knew was that I wouldn't be able to bear a life without him. Not after knowing everything that he had done for me.

Cold fingers brushed over my face, wiping off my tears. "I'm sorry," I heard him say. "I'm sorry … I didn't think that you …" He sighed. "I never meant to hurt you. I only wanted to make it up to you this time, and to do everything I can to help you live this life without regrets."

Those words only made my tears pour down faster. "Do you really not know what my biggest regret would be if you never came back from this 'retreat'? If you just leave me forever like this?" My words were mixed in so much with sobs now that I could barely make them out myself. "I won't let you die, Bai Ye. I won't let you leave me. If you care about my feelings, then let the past go and come back to me, safe and sound."

His blank gaze moved, as if trying to search for me, trying to ease me with that reassuring look that he knew I loved. "Qing-er," he said softly, "What's done is done. I'm grateful that I could hear you say these to me before I reach my end, but it's too late to—"

"It's never too late!" I glared at him. "You brought me back from a demonic sword when no one else thought it was possible. If you could do the unthinkable for me two hundred years ago, why won't you believe that I can return the favor to you two hundred years later?"

I leaned in, draping my arms over his shoulders. He was cold all over, and I carefully wrapped myself around him, trying to warm him without hurting his weak body. "Why won't you believe that I can do as much for you as you can for me?" I whispered. "Why won't you believe that I can love you as much as you love me?"

I felt his breath catch. Slowly, he raised an arm and laid it over my back, gathering me lightly. "Qing-er, I—"

He stopped abruptly as the sound of a crowd approaching came into our ears.. I frowned, but I didn't let go of the embrace. Then I heard the Gatekeeper's voice roaring outside the door, "Yun Qing-er!"