A President’s Out-of-Body Experience

Zhi Xuan was really not interested in listening to Renzi describe the contents of his dream with some voluptuous girl. This was really too incompatible with his physical and emotional well-being as a pure gay.

Having been hurt by Zhi Xuan’s coldness, Renzi once again descended into dejection and depression.

Gu Xiaoshan’s sofa was very soft. When Renzi lay on it, it was like falling onto a cloud. Unexpectedly, he started to miss the warmth of Gu Xiaoshan’s embrace. It was clearly a dream, but how was he able to feel its warmth?

Pondering over all these, Renzi was very distressed. Then, as per expectations, he — fell asleep.

Gu Xiaoshan’s body clock was messed up. Travel-fatigued, he reached home to see Renzi sprawled across his customised hand crafted sofa, sleeping without any care for his image. The television was on the movie channel, and today’s topic was a selection of Wong Karwai’s movies. Gu Xiaoshan sighed helplessly, “Watching this, no wonder he would fall asleep.”

Gu Xiaoshan shook out a blanket that was on another couch, and covered Renzi with it. Then, he pushed Renzi’s spread limbs under it. Too bad for him, Renzi might have felt that it was too warm and stretched his legs out again, only to end up kicking at Gu Xiaoshan’s nose. Gu Xiaoshan was not prepared, and so got kicked. Rubbing at his nose, he felt lucky that his nose was natural. With that amount of force, a fake nose would have been kicked all the way to his ear! He rubbed as he thought, this fellow is really turning his nose up at him!1

Gu Xiaoshan thought about how hard he worked to rush back, how he kindly covered him with a blanket, now only to end up with a kick to his face, what a great insult! However, even though Gu Xiaoshan was angry, he could neither hit him nor scold him, and could only dragged his luggage back to his bedroom in suppressed anger. Still when he turned back halfway to take a look, seeing Renzi’s leg still hanging outside the blanket, he thought, just take it as my OCD is acting up. He went back and shoved Renzi’s leg back under the blanket, tucking it firmly within, and wrapping Renzi up properly.

At night, Gu Xiaoshan secretly added coriander to Renzi’s soup. The coriander was added to the sealed herb sachet, and removed after cooking. As such, just by looking at the soup, there was no trace of coriander in it. Only after Renzi’s face turned green after drinking it, then Gu Xiaoshan considered his anger released.

Renzi was not on guard, one reason being that Gu Xiaoshan had been very secretive about it, and the other being that Renzi had been very distracted.

The reason for his distraction was also very clear. The other participant in his wet dream was having a meal with it, it really felt very strange. Now, he did not even dare to look at Gu Xiaoshan directly. The obvious guilt on his face made Gu Xiaoshan suspicious. “What mistake did you make again this time?”

Hey, what was with the “again”?

— Renzi replied, dissatisfied, “Do I only make mistakes?”

Gu Xiaoshan only sighed emotionally, “But this also has nothing to do with me anymore. Now that you have a good older brother to help you cover, you no longer need me now.”

Renzi had only found out that he had a brother, Yu Yuntao, in recent years. Before that, Gu Xiaoshan had always been playing the role of the elder brother for Renzi — although Gu Xiaoshan often played tricks on him, and so could not be considered to have “shown love and respect as good brothers should”.

Renzi stirred the fish soup, seeing those milk-coloured ripples, he started to feel drowsy again. Seeing Renzi struggling to keep his eyes opened, Gu Xiaoshan was amused. “I’m really amazed by you. Having slept half the day away, but you’re still sleepy.”

Renzi felt that he had been looked down on, and hurriedly explained. “It’s because I slept so much, that’s why I get sleepy easily. Haven’t you heard about this before, the more you sleep the sleepier you get!”

Gu Xiaoshan retorted, “Without enough sleep, you’re also sleepy. The sleepier you are, the more you sleep. With too much sleep, you’re still sleepy. The more you sleep, the sleepier you are. It seems like you don’t have a moment when you’re actually awake.”

Renzi was at a loss for a reply.

However, with Gu Xiaoshan’s ridicule, Renzi gradually went back to how he usually interacted with him, and was no longer so unnatural about it.

After dinner, Gu Xiaoshan collected the cutlery and put them in the sink. The cleaning up would be handled by the part-time cleaner that would come in the next day. Gu Xiaoshan washed his hands, then took out a gift that he had originally planned to hold onto for a little while more — most likely because he sensed Renzi’s low spirits. Gu Xiaoshan thought, isn’t it just because of Yang Yihan? Is she worth it? He’ll even forget her last name in a couple of months anyway.

Gu Xiaoshan spoke lightly, “Are you still thinking of Yang Yihan?”

Renzi was surprised. “What Han?”

Seems like two months are not needed at all… Gu Xiaoshan was dumbfounded.

Gu Xiaoshan tossed a velvet box onto Renzi’s knees. “A present!”

Renzi was already used to Gu Xiaoshan’s irregular gifts, so was not surprised by it. However, as long as he had a present, he would always be very happy. He forgot about his gloom, and opened the gift happily. In it was something gold and glittering. It looked like a bowl, but also did not look like one. “What is this?”

Gu Xiaoshan laughed, “This is you!”

Renzi frowned. “I’m a bowl?”

“Aren’t you the Yu family’s Gold Chalice?”

Renzi was shocked. “Ah? So this is how a gold chalice looks like?”

Gu Xiaoshan nodded. “Actually, this is also my first time seeing an actual gold chalice. I happened across it in an exhibition, and immediately thought of you. Seeing that it’s not too expensive, I brought it back. If you like, you can also drink your wine from it.”

Renzi was very entertained by this legendary gold chalice. Like a child with a new toy, he played with it non-stop — and damaged it. The edges of the gold chalice were carved with elaborate patterns, and the gold was soft. Without much care, Renzi was tugging at it, and bent the edges. He was alarmed, “It’s bent…”

∵ Gold chalice is bent.

Also ∵ I = Gold chalice

∵ I am bent.

Was this a sign?

Renzi struggled between the thoughts of materialism versus idealism.

Gu Xiaoshan was watching a television show. When he saw the dazed look on Renzi’s face, he paid some attention to him, only to notice that the edge of the gold chalice was damaged and sighed. He could only console him, “It’s fine, this thing is also not expensive. We can also get one made as well.”

Renzi lifted his head and asked, “How much is this?”

“It costs about the same as that crap watch you’re wearing.”

Renzi looked down at the Daytona on his wrist, alarmed. “What? This crap bowl cost a million yuan? And it’s still so lousy?!”

Gu Xiaoshan replied disdainfully, “Look at your crap watch, it’s so ugly yet it still costs a million. This gold chalice is art, I even think I got it for a bargain.”

Renzi refused to accept that. He had been very proud of being able to get his hands on this out of production Daytona Rainbow. He wanted to search for it online, and read out those highly rated reviews to Gu Xiaoshan to let him broaden his horizon. However, once he entered “rainbow”, the term “rainbow flag” appeared, followed by “homosexuality”. Renzi once again fell into a philosophical mood. My watch actually represents homosexuality…?

Not only that, he just bent the gold chalice, and his brother was also bent, his best friend was also bent, and he also dreamt that he himself was bent… It was as though the heavens were telling him something…

Could I, be, a, destined, gay?

Just as expected, after going through some thoughts, Renzi fell asleep again.

Gu Xiaoshan suspected that Renzi really had some problems with his brain. But thinking about it carefully, maybe he himself also had some problems with his brain, always indulging him.

This was definitely a type of sin too.