Be Gentle, Immortal Master

There was only a hair's distance between us. I could feel his shock as his breath caught, his lips slightly trembling. My heart pounded, and I wasn't sure if it was still from anger or from my own nervous anticipation.

I hadn't asked him to kiss me purely out of impulse. As much as I was mad at his attempt to fool me and arrange everything for me without my consent, it was the reason behind why he did these that hurt me the most. He didn't believe in how much he meant to me. He didn't believe my feelings for him were something that could never be replaced. And that was why he was still trying to push me away, because he didn't think that his death would leave an unhealable scar over my heart. He saw no point in even trying to fight for a chance, because he thought that the sooner I let him perish, the sooner I'd be able to start a new life without being trapped by our painful past.

That may have been what my past self had told him, but it was no longer how I felt or wished for in this life. I had to make him understand the difference … and I had to show him how wrong he was, all along.

"Bai Ye," I softened my voice and said. "I'm waiting."

His hesitance made my heart sink a little, but I gave him time. I knew he had his own battle to fight, and I didn't want to scare him away by pushing too hard. So I waited patiently until finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he moved. With the tiniest tilt of his head, his cold lips met mine.

It was a mere peck. The barest touch, and the next moment, he had leaned back, heaving a slight sigh as if relieved from accomplishing his goal. Speechlessly, I stared at him. "Again," I demanded. "That couldn't possibly count."

He stiffened. "Qing-er—"

"Again."

Defeatedly, he gave me another peck. But this time, before he had the chance to pull away, I slipped my hand behind his nape, holding him in place, and I parted his lips with my tongue.

He started resisting me almost by instinct, grasping my shoulder and trying to push me away. My heart sank some more, though I didn't give in. Slipping my tongue into his mouth, I deepened the kiss, fighting his stubbornness with my persistence.

He felt so different from before. Without the usual incense from his wardrobe, the familiar scent of cedar was gone. The taste of fresh herbs was replaced by a faint whiff of blood. Even the coolness of his lips felt foreign, lifeless to the touch. A dull pain stabbed me. Was this also why he wanted to keep me at arm's length? Because of how much things had changed … because he didn't want to disappoint me with a reality that was no longer the way I remembered?

Then that was even more reason why I had to prove him wrong. Things might have been different now, and he might have changed, but I hadn't. I was still here, still in love with him, even more than before.

"Bai Ye," I whispered against his lips. "Do you still remember that summer night under the plum tree outside my room … when you cornered me at the door and asked me why I was avoiding you?" I couldn't help but smile at the memory. "Do you remember … how you kissed me back then?"

I knew he wouldn't give me a response, so I didn't wait for one. Looping an arm over his back, I held him in a gentle embrace, and I sealed my lips against his once more.

I let myself remember that night, reliving the memory that was one of the most precious moments of my life. I let myself remember the warmth of his embrace, the soft tickle of his breath over my cheeks, the blurry shadow of his long lashes when I stared at him in disbelief as his lips met mine. I let myself remember the heat of his body burning me like fire, the scent and taste of him sweeping over me like a tide, the soft caress of his tongue and my clumsy response. I let myself remember the overwhelming love and cherishment I felt from that kiss, and I gave him the same, telling him wordlessly what he had told me back then with that intimate surprise.

He didn't respond to me at first. But then I felt the tip of his tongue brushing over mine in a soft, almost uncertain touch. The hand pushing on my shoulder started to relax. Inch by inch, it slipped down my side, stopping just over my waist.

He was still hesitant, I knew. Clasping my hand over his, I helped him finish that embrace. "Hold me," I breathed into his mouth. "And don't let me go ever again. Don't even think of making me leave you or forget about you. It won't work … Do you know why?" 𝘧𝔯𝑒𝒆𝓌𝘦𝘣𝓷𝘰ѵ𝑒𝘭. 𝐜oｍ

I brushed my lips over his again. "Because you are the one who taught me this … and many more. You didn't only give me a new life, Bai Ye. You showed me what life could be like and should be like, and you are the reason why every day of my new existence is bright and full of hope. No one else can ever take your place, no matter how well you plan it for me, because no one else knows me as well as you do, and no one else makes my heart leap the way it does every time I see you."

I pressed myself closer to him, feeling the harmonious rhythm of our heartbeats against each other. "If you die, my heart dies with you." I closed my eyes and circled my arms lightly around his neck. "So come back to me, for my sake.. Because I need you … Because I love you, for as long as I live."