Because I Cannot Hurt You

"I didn't tell you all this to gain your sympathy. You, Uncle, Zhiyuan and Xinyi can keep hating me for your whole lives. I just don't want you to utter this crap anymore that I don't love you. Do you think I attended all those socialite parties and mingled with those hypocrites just for fun when you were young? I was just doing what I could to make them favor you more than Zhiyuan. Indeed, I failed in paying more attention to you because of it…" she lowered her gaze. "You have every right to hate me for that. But I was only doing it for you."

Keung trembled. "B-But what about Uncle An? Didn't he…?"

"Bro Guoting?" She snorted. "Of course, he didn't know. Our life was miserable. Bro Guoting could earn a scholarship to college, but I couldn't and you know why. We could never become close as siblings because we had different values. I didn't mind scheming to earn some cash, but he was totally against it. We just drifted apart, especially when he got to college. I felt useless and a burden. He would have a bright future whereas I wouldn't. It made me feel bitter.

But I was hell bent on earning cash my way even if he didn't like it. He knew about my day part time jobs but not the ones I did at night. And it's fine, right? He never told me about his breakup with Han Zongying. I didn't reveal about my job. We both hid things from each other. I never understood why he was so against me marrying Mingli, but it was because of Han Zongying. I entered this house after Zizi's birth, so I never came to know."

She shrugged. "But it's fine. This is only as far as I can go now."

Then she looked at Mingli. "You can hate me too. Uncle was right all along. I used you. So…"

Han Mingli shook his head. "Do you think I didn't know?"

Han Guang widened her eyes. "Of course, you didn't. I never told you about my past."

"Yeah, but I checked out your background anyway. I became interested in you when we met in the bar. So, I did what any rich family does. Background check. I already knew you were a prostitute. You tried to hide it, but it didn't really work."

She blinked her eyes rapidly.

Han Mingli cleared his throat. "I admit I was taken aback. I was even…disappointed," he looked away. "That's why I never told you that I knew because if you had asked what I thought about it, you would have hated me. But I liked spending time with you. You didn't mind knowing that I was a failure myself," he awkwardly smiled.

"After all, my cousin Han Tian was more capable than me. I tried, but I really couldn't do business. There was a wide gap between him and me. I hated him. I hated everything about this family. Why is only Uncle's side like this? My father couldn't but Uncle Han was able to build a business all on his own. I couldn't make good business decisions, but Han Tian could. Why was there such a huge disparity between our families? But you chose me despite my uselessness." He clenched his fists.

Han Guang gritted her teeth. "Did it occur to you that I might be doing it to gain your favor?"

"You didn't have to. If you wanted to be in a rich family, you didn't have to particularly choose me. There were other rich, young masters more capable than me like Liao Yun. Or you could have even chosen cousin Tian for that matter. Anybody else was a better option than me. Then you wouldn't have had to fight so hard for your child. Your future would have been secure," he smiled, "And even after you married me, you never left my side. You didn't get fed up with me. I was honestly worried if you would find another man and leave me…"

"Are you an idiot? Of course I wouldn't. Otherwise, why would I marry you in the first place?"

"Because life after marriage gets harder. I was just nervous. I didn't want to lose you because you were the only one who didn't make me feel like a failure. I thought that 'Ah…at least somebody needs me.'" His eyes slightly ached. "It was a…nice feeling. So, I don't care if you fooled me or not. What you made me feel was precious to me. I would have slept with you even if I knew it was a lie." ｆ𝓇𝘦ℯ𝙬𝑒𝐛n𝐨νe𝙡.c𝑜𝗺

Han Guang quickly looked away, trying to hide her tears.

He is an idiot.

The reason she chose Mingli was not just because of his family but on a personal level, she simply resonated with him. Yes, there were other wealthy men to target, but she still chose him because of how similar she felt being with him. She felt as if he understood her pain. How it felt to lose everything.

Han Mingli felt bitter about Han Tian's talent while she did so too about An Guoting. She couldn't complete her education while Han Mingli couldn't handle business. 𝗳𝓇ℯe𝓌𝚎𝚋𝓃𝚘𝚟𝘦𝑙.𝑐𝚘𝙢

They were two people in the whole world who probably understood each other the most.

Han Guang looked up at Keung. "I told you what I had to. I did what I could. You have also made up your mind about what you want to do. I will stop here. I won't tell you what to do anymore. You can live like you want. But, I am sorry. I cannot live in this house anymore."

Silence.

"I am the most hated person here anyway and because of me, Uncle hated Mingli too because he married me. Zhiyuan and Xinyi hate me too, but I won't ask for their forgiveness. It's better I just leave this house. Then everybody will be happy. I should have done this years ago, but I became selfish for the sake of my family. But now, I will leave."