Debut or Die

Keun Sejin, who opened the door, was smiling, but naturally, he didn’t look happy.

“Um… Can I come in?”

“Yeah.”

I entered the room, closed the door roughly, and lightly tossed the bottle of cold water I was holding.

“What’s this? Are you telling me to drink cold water and get a hold of myself?”

“Simultaneously, yes.”

“Haha.”

This guy didn’t find it funny at all, he was just pretending to laugh.

Keun Sejin sat on the floor. And after opening the bottle and emptying nearly half of it, he slowly opened his mouth.

“First of all… Now that this has happened, I’ll apologize and solve it myself.”

His voice was low without any rising tone.

“Don’t worry, once he calms down a bit, I’ll apologize and wrap it up. I’m not going to harm the group with this.”

“…”

However, his next words were filled with emotion.

“I feel bad for you and the other members. Everyone must have been surprised by the fight in the car.”

I crossed my arms.

“…You’ll apologize to Bae Sejin, but you don’t feel bad for him?”

“Isn’t that obvious?”

Keun Sejin laughed. Then he rubbed his eyes with one hand.

“Really… I don’t understand. Don’t you think I’ve kept my duty to him as a team member?”

Keun Sejin folded his fingers and continued.

“I’ve watched half of hyung’s choreography one-on-one. It’s only once or twice that I said something when the camera turned, or I just kept my mouth shut.”

It was true.

Apart from his dislike toward Bae Sejin, he helped him as a team member in our activities.

It wasn’t for Bae Sejin’s sake, though.

“But pretending to be close… Ha.”

Keun Sejin crumpled the water bottle, then loosened his grip again as if to calm himself down.

“Is there such a thing in front of the camera? This is work. Is he telling me not to talk to him when the camera is rolling because he’s uncomfortable with me? And he’s serious about his work, but makes it sound like I’m joking around…”

We were getting off-topic.

Let’s cut him off before it got any worse.

“Yeah. I see what you mean.”

“…”

Keun Sejin drank the water without saying a word.

I chose my words slowly.

“You’ve contributed a lot to the team. Like you said, there are many times when hyung has one-sidedly received your help, whether he realized it or not.”

“…”

“That’s why he must have felt even more pressured.”

I continued calmly.

“Because hyung has no choice but to keep getting help.”

Aside from Bae Sejin’s determination and hard work, it was inevitable that his ability as an idol was lower than the other members.

He didn’t wish for this in the first place.

So, he must have held back even more because he thought it was his karma, thinking that ‘I’m causing damage to the team’.

“That’s probably why it exploded while he was trying to hold it in. There was a misunderstanding. I don’t think he was purposefully trying to make you a bad guy in front of other kids.”

Because of his personality, there was a high possibility that Bae Sejin intentionally lowered himself in front of other people, so let me tell you this as well.

“….”

Sure enough, it was a bit sincere.

Keun Sejin asked calmly.

“…Be honest with me. Did I sound sarcastic to you?”

“In the car?”

“Yeah.”

I rubbed my chin.

“No.”

I continued before Keun Sejin could answer.

“But it didn’t seem sincere. You didn’t mean it, and it felt like you only said it because of the atmosphere.”

In fact, looking at the situation alone, Keun Sejin’s words were similar to what the other members had said earlier.

The problem was, it was something that had been accumulating over time.

‘Actually, at the beginning of the debut, you were such a jerk*ss so it felt like you were only treating him with a smile because you’re on the same team.’

From Bae Sejin’s point of view, the impression from that time was so strong, so it wouldn’t be weird for him to feel like Keun Sejin’s insincere tone continued to sound sarcastic.

“I know you did it because you thought not ignoring him would be better for the team atmosphere. But for some people, it can be more unbearable.”

“…”

“Of course, it would have been better to discuss it separately with him in a better atmosphere first… But it wouldn’t have worked with your personality.”

“I don’t understand.”

I sipped my water and smiled.

“Your personality just doesn’t fit together with hyung’s.”

“…Sigh.”

Keun Sejin pressed his forehead with one hand.

“Take this opportunity to have a conversation.”

It would be better if they could understand each other’s principles of behavior with their heads, then they could tolerate it along the line of ‘that guy doesn’t mean to screw with me either’.

But the answer didn’t return until quite some time.

“…I’m a little sick of it.”

It wasn’t a very positive answer.

“Of what?”

“Has he ever tried to get along with me even once?”

“…!”

Keun Sejin said calmly.

“Don’t you remember? Ever since Idol Inc, if you say things he doesn’t like, he gets serious.”

…From the first team match, numerous cases passed by. I put up with the silence.

“…That’s true. Although there were circumstances.”

“Moondae, who is the merciless one here? There’s no one who doesn’t try.”

Keun Sejin smiled.

“But don’t tell me that I should have treated him better just because that hyung is hardworking, has circumstances, and is a naturally sensitive person.”

It sounded like he had given up expectations for Bae Sejin.

“You saw it too, that hyung is still like that. He hated it when we got caught up on a variety show. Isn’t that rude again? Even if I don’t like it, I treat him kindly, so now I’m being sarcastic?”

Keun Sejin seemed a little tired somehow.

“Yes, well, I understand what you mean anyway. I told you, I’ll apologize. Let’s get some sleep… We can talk about it tomorrow.”

“…”

This was driving me crazy.

I held back my sigh, then I just let it out.

“Hey, don’t do it if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“…!!”

“Just because you two fight, it doesn’t mean that the album will be doomed right away… You don’t have to apologize if you don’t want to. It’d be better to curse and fight when you have the chance.”

Keun Sejin shook his head.

“No.”

“What?”

“There’s a schedule starting tomorrow afternoon. It won’t be noticeable if I loosen it up before then.”

“…”

Wow, he was such a great guy.

‘He doesn’t care, work comes first.’

That’s why it was hard for him to have good feelings for Bae Sejin, who could barely take in one serving.

‘And, there’s his background as well.’

I remembered one of the reasons why I had to visit this guy.

Let’s break it down to this guy first.

“We have 7 members. Even if the two of us don’t talk, one or two times can be passed off as a coincidence. Even if I had a trashy attitude for about a month, it didn’t turn into a big problem.”

And let’s get to the point. Saying this… felt a bit awkward, but there was no other way.

“What I am talking about was kind of a personal experience. After talking to Chungwoo hyung… I feel better.”

“…! It’s different from that.”

“No, there are some similarities.”

I drank my water.

“It’s not that I was uncomfortable with him, I was just uncomfortable with the incident associated with him.”

“…”

“I think it’s the same for you.”

“What?”

“Among the many reasons why you keep giving Bae Sejin hyung poor evaluations, isn’t it also because he’s associated with an incident that made you uncomfortable just like how it is for me? ‘The last member who was an actor’.”

“…!”

Right. The past that Keun Sejin had confessed when we were preparing for the concert unit stage in the past bothered me.

Why did he get kicked out of the debut team?

– Just before the launch, a new kid whose parents were both actors joined all of sudden. He’s well-known, so he has to be put on the team… The higher-ups said that we would make it with seven people. What was I supposed to do? One person got cut off

Looking at Bae Sejin, the last member who lacked skills and had the keyword actor, he must have still had the trauma, even if unconsciously.

“…”

Keun Sejin closed his mouth, looking as if he had been hit on the back of his head.

Actually, if I did this wrong, he might want to fight me too, but he wasn’t an idiot so he knew what I meant.

“…Maybe.”

Yeah. He got it.

I nodded.

“So I want you to talk and find out what kind of person Bae Sejin hyung is. I’m not asking you to understand or apologize right away, I’m asking you to judge the other person calmly.”

“…”

Keun Sejin smiled slowly and bitterly.

And after sighing, he shrugged his shoulders.

“…Yes, I get it. I’ll give it a try.”

It was an answer that had different nuance from the previous ‘Let’s talk’.

The nuance that he would try to have a serious conversation, not apologize half-heartedly to get over the situation.

‘It’s done.’

With this, I achieved my intended purpose.

I closed the lid of the water bottle and got up from the floor.

“Well thought out.”

“Oh, thank you for your hard work, Mr. Moondae.”

“Stop it.”

“Haha!”

Keun Sejin looked slightly lost in thought, even though he was smiling.

Perhaps he was checking to see if there was really such an irrational aspect in his repulsion.

‘He’ll sort it out on his own.’

Whether it was a sink or swim, I couldn’t do it anymore because I was tired. I kneaded the back of my neck, opened the door, and went out.

“I’m going to bed.”

“Sure. Ah, right.”

“What?”

I thought it might be a question related to Bae Sejin, but unexpected words came out.

“You didn’t have a trashy attitude back then, Moondae. You just worked hard even though you were sick. Chungwoo hyung was worried too.”

“…!”

“Thank you for caring. Good night.”

Keun Sejin smiled faintly and waved his hand, closing the door.

Click.

“…”

I didn’t expect to hear this.

It felt a little weird.

“Hmm.”

I stood in front of the closed door, then came to my senses and walked into the living room.

If Bae Sejin was still talking with Ryu Chungwoo in the room, it would be a little awkward to go in there.

In the living room, the three I had seen earlier were gathered side by side, watching TV and whispering.

“When are we going into our room? I’m sleepy.”

“L-Let’s wait a little longer…”

“Be patient, idiot. You can sleep in the living room.”

“I hate the floor, I like the bed.”

“Is that more important than the hyungs’ feelings?”

“Both are important!”

Cha Eugene and Kim Raebin were about to grab each other’s collar and fight. Seon Ahyeon was breaking out in a cold sweat.

“G-Guys. Don’t fight…!”

I clicked my tongue and spoke.

“…You guys, go inside.”

“Hyung!”

“Moondae hyung!”

“T-They made up…?”

“No.”

After accepting the promise to ‘not ask anything’, I sent Cha Eugene back to his room where Keun Sejin was, and I sent Kim Raebin to his room and requested to not wait for Ryu Chungwoo.

And I said to Seon Ahyeon.

“Let’s just sleep in the living room.”

“Y-Yes!”

It was the first time I slept outside of bed since my debut. Again, I wished things would stay fine.

However, when I took out the blanket from the closet in the other room, Ryu Chungwoo came out of our room.

“Hyung.”

“Ah, guys. …You brought out your blankets?”

“I-I was afraid it was going to be a long talk…”

“Oh, it’s all right. Get inside and sleep. I’m done talking to Sejin.”

“Did it go well?”

“Hmm…”

Ryu Chungwoo had a complicated look.

“…Sejin seems to have had a hard time. I don’t blame anyone, but… We need to arrange a place for the two of them to solve it. What about Lee Sejin?”

“He said he’d talk when he comes back to his sense.”

“Good. Then, let’s look at the situation tomorrow and talk again.”

“Yes, thank you for your hard work.”

“It wasn’t hard at all. You did a great job.”

It seemed Ryu Chungwoo had done a great job listening to Bae Sejin. After roughly saying goodnight and going back to the room with Seon Ahyeon, Bae Sejin was definitely in a stable state.

“…I’m sorry. I made the atmosphere uncomfortable.”

“N-No…! H-Hyung, are you okay…?”

“I am fine. I am just a little… Anyway, I’m sorry. I’ll be careful.”

Bae Sejin said that with a pale and swelled-up face, and then he lay on the bed and became quiet without moving a single inch.

Even without looking at him, I could feel the stress swirling inside.

‘He must have been very troubled.’

It was obvious even if I didn’t hear it.

Starting from “Did I go too far?” to ‘No, but that bastard’, all kinds of thoughts went up and down.

“…”

When Seon Ahyeon went to bed quietly like a dead rat, I sighed, turned off the room lights, and lay down on my bed.

‘I couldn’t do a monitoring.’

Originally, I was planning to do it in the car, but as you already know, it was impossible in that situation.

‘Should I do it now?’

After turning on my smartphone, I slowly looked at public opinion starting with news articles.

But it wasn’t long before I could hear a small voice.

“…Aren’t you sleeping?”

It was Bae Sejin. Maybe he was conscious of the sleeping Seon Ahyeon, his voice was very small.

“Not yet.”

“…”

Bae Sejin was silent for a while.

And after a while, I heard a very hesitant hoarse voice.

“Hey… Did I make a mistake?”

I could feel his anxiety.

“No. It’ll be all right.”

It was just… The two guys who didn’t get along well had been putting up with each other for the sake of the group in their own way for a long time.

If I had to argue, Bae Sejin was the weaker one, so it must have been more difficult for him.

“…Hmm.”

Sniff.

I could hear a very small sniffle as if covered by a blanket. It seemed he didn’t want to get caught.

I turned off my smartphone and quietly closed my eyes without making a fuss, pretending not to know.

‘You’ll come to a conclusion after you have a conversation.’

Until then, I would have to separate those two.

The next day, I had no idea that the two would be in the same group at W Live.