EPIC Side Story: Dragon Ball

In spite of his words, Oolong was visibly shaking as he looked around to find himself surrounded by the people of Aru Village. To make matters worse, he was currently bound in rope and confined in a steel birdcage. The former wasn't much of an issue, but, with his smallest form being that of a large bat, escaping through the pencil-thin holes in the birdcage was impossible.

Destroying any hopes the diminutive pig man might have possessed, Sarina, standing closest to the birdcage, explained, "Your magic has been sealed. Give up, Oolong. Your reign of tyranny has come to an end."

Though he was briefly distracted by Sarina's breasts, Oolong immediately came back to his senses when he heard her words, shouting, "What are you talking about!? I have no idea who this Oolong person is! If you don't release me…I'll report you to the police and have you arrested!"

Deadpanning in response to the shameless pig's words and actions, any desire Sarina had to spare him promptly faded away. An uncharacteristically cold expression developed across her face, and, after a moment of silence, she dropped the proverbial guillotine on Oolong's neck by saying, "The entire village witnessed you transform from that red ogre to your current form. You also mentioned the name Oolong the moment you woke up. From now on, every time you attempt to lie your way out of this, six months will be added to your sentence…"

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Observing the scene inside the Village Chief's house from within the Model Tiamat, Bulma couldn't help remarking, "Wow…stop me the next time I try to pick a fight with Sarina. That girl doesn't play around, does she…?"

Raising his brows, a skeptical look developed across Vahn's face as he flatly replied, "If it were that easy to prevent you from picking a fight, there wouldn't be any conflict between you. Sarina, deep down, is a kind and caring girl. I honestly don't understand your hatred toward her. After all, it's not like she's taken anything from you. Quite the opposite, actually…"

Frowning in response to Vahn's words, Bulma wanted to retort but found herself unable to. She had never been good at arguing against facts, so, whenever Vahn presented her with an objectively true statement, she always found herself at a loss. In this instance, she knew precisely who was intruding on the other's relationship. Thus, even if she was more than a little annoyed by Vahn's words, Bulma couldn't really say anything to refute them.

"You're a real jerk sometimes…"

Shaking his head, Vahn maintained a relaxed smile as he retorted, "No. I'm just honest. As much as that might annoy you at times like this, you'll come to appreciate it in the future. You never have to worry about me lying to you. Rather, the closer we become, the greater the truths you'll have access to…"

Inhaling a slow and steady breath through her nose, Bulma punctuated it with an exasperated sigh before asking, "Once this search for the Dragon Balls has come to an end, how long will we have to prepare for the events you have alluded to?"

Raising his eyes towards the crystal clear sky overhead, Vahn briefly considered his response before answering, "It's hard to say. The moment I descended into this world, the future was altered in such a way that not even the Gods of Time would be able to accurately predict its course. Unless I simply ignore everyone and everything, most of the threats scheduled to appear in the next eighteen years can be dealt with easily. Sarina is guaranteed to grow stronger at an exponential rate and Goku has the potential to be one of the strongest beings in all Universes…"

Appreciating the fact that Vahn hadn't simply disregarded her question, a faint smile returned to Bulma's face as she incorporated his words into her growing plan for the future. There was no way in she was going to let her home be destroyed, so, even if she had to squander her entire fortune, she intended to make sure they were prepared for any and all threats.

"Well, that's a relief. Eighteen years is more than enough time to prepare. In fact, if we get a move on, our kid will be an adult by the time things start to get out of hand…"

Though she had been intending to put off having children until her early thirties, the eighteen-year timeframe Vahn had presented was exceptionally convenient. If she could get raising a child out of the way, she would have more time to dedicate to her research once the proverbial sh*t hits the fan.

Surprised by Bulma's words, it was Vahn's turn to be at a loss. He had already surmised that she was a remarkably pragmatic person. Unfortunately, pragmatism wasn't exactly a maternal quality. Bulma may have the means to care for a whole host of children, but, with her personality, parenting would forever take a back seat to her research. Her magical studies were bound to consume even more of her time, so, as much as he would like another child, Vahn didn't think it was fair to father one just because it was convenient…

Fortunately, just as Vahn was about to advise her against making a hasty decision about birthing a new life into existence, Bulma appended, "Nah, as convenient as that would be, I'm not ready to be a mother right now. I still have to attend college and my father is planning to name me as CEO of Capsule Corp once I finish my degree. If anything, it would be better to wait till things settle down before having a baby. Better to be safe than sorry…"

Having seen Vahn revert someone to their prime with a literal touch, Bulma wasn't worried about becoming too old to be a mother. She could even make use of the Dragon Balls to wish for eternal youth if she really wanted to, so, instead of jumping into parenthood, Bulma decided to shelve the idea until she had a better grasp of the situation. So long as Sarina didn't have a child before her, it wasn't really a pressing matter.

With this in mind, Bulma surprised Vahn by asking, "Do you use contraception when you have sex with Sarina…?"

After supplying a dry laugh and a wry smile, Vahn explained, "Contraception is all but meaningless to Gods. We don't have to worry about things like accidental pregnancies. In fact, many of us don't even possess a genetic code. My offspring, in particular, inherit the majority of their characteristics from their mothers. They are still my children, but, instead of contributing genetic material, the vital essence produced from my body refines their qualities and stimulates their evolution. In the event I produce offspring with a human, the end result is almost always a High Human. If you were able to increase your strength beyond a certain threshold, there is a chance our children would be born as Lesser Gods or something known as a Vanir…"

Committing everything Vahn said to memory, innumerable trains of thoughts vied for superiority within Bulma's mind. The notion that her power would influence the starting point and potential of her children, while obvious, wasn't something she had considered. This drastically altered her plans for the future, as, rather than simply waiting until she was in her thirties to give birth, she needed to take measures to guarantee her children had the best possible start. This meant becoming stronger, and, more importantly, learning more about the characteristics of Vahn's 'vital essence'…

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. 𝘧r𝘦𝗲w𝘦𝚋𝐧o𝘷𝘦𝙡.co𝑚

After making it transparently clear he wasn't going to be able to talk himself out of his predicament, Sarina convinced Oolong that his only hope was to confess his crimes, return the children, and work off the money he had stolen. His only other option was to be turned over to the authorities in West City, a scenario that would invariably result in him being sentenced to prison for upwards of twenty years.

As he would rather work on a farm than spend half his life rotting away in a penitentiary, Oolong ultimately agreed to Sarina's proposal after failing to transform more than a hundred times. He was even weaker than most children without his ability to transform, so, with no other options available to him, Oolong signed a magically binding contract with Granny Paozu. He would help take care of her for the next ten years, and, in the process, earn his freedom through tilling the land and helping to harvest crops.

With that taken care of, Sarina and Goku bade farewell to the people of Aru Village after promising to check in every three-to-six months to ensure Oolong was on his best behavior. Shortly after that, they met up with Vahn and Bulma outside the village before setting course for the Diablo Desert, a vast stretch of badlands to the West of Mount Paozu and bordering Mount Frypan.

As the name implied, the Diablo Desert was a hellish place where temperatures routinely exceeded 50 degrees Celsius during the day and -3 degrees Celsius at night. This made it impossible for most plants and animals to live there, so, with the exception of a few sunbleached stone structures, only bandits, coyotes, and a few subterranean creatures called the Diablo Desert home.

Since Sarina wasn't particularly interested in Yamcha, Vahn ultimately agreed to simply fly over the inhospitable desert surrounded by natural stone walls. She was apparently dissatisfied with the way Yamcha had treated Bulma in the series she was familiar with. The two had been together for more than sixteen years, yet, despite Bulma helping to launch his baseball career and allowing Yamcha to live with her, he was constantly cheating on her.

Were she not vying for Bulma to end up with Vahn, Sarina would have preferred it if the intelligent blunette had been paired with Goku. She had never been particularly fond of Chi-Chi, especially in the later arcs, so she had always envisioned Goku ending up with the childhood friend he had gone on numerous adventures with.

Sarina had always found it odd that Goku had married Chi-Chi in spite of the fact the two had only known each other for a few days before subsequently separating for more than six years. After that, the two married, and, without any real developments between them, Gohan is born a year later and subsequently turned into a bookworm by his excessively violent and intolerant tiger mom.

Though Chi-Chi supposedly loved Goku, her words and actions contradicted this at every turn. She constantly badmouthed him in front of Gohan and was vehemently against the idea of him turning out anything like his father. This had never made sense to Sarina, as, how could you purport to love someone if you didn't want your children to end up like them?

From the moment of his birth, Chi-Chi had literally controlled every aspect of Gohan's life. Were it not for the fact Piccolo had literally kidnapped him, the Earth may have been destroyed several times over just because she wanted her son to be a scholar rather than a fighter. Then, despite the fact she continued to dictate his life even into his adulthood, so much so that he would sometimes go years without training, she actively trained her youngest son and allowed him to pretty much do whatever he wanted. She went from not wanting Gohan to be anything like his father to not caring at all if Goten was exactly like his father…

Since Vahn had given her free rein to make decisions, Sarina was determined to change everything she hated about the version of Dragon Ball she was familiar with. This included pairings, so, even if Goku did end up with Chi-Chi, Sarina would be damned if she allowed the woman to treat him the way she did in the original series. As for Yamcha, Sarina didn't particularly care about him. He never really accomplished anything in the version of Dragon Ball she was familiar with. Instead, he literally exploited the power he had gained while training under Master Roshi to basically cheat at sports by competing against normal human beings. When things got dangerous, he was either the first to die or the first to propose running away. In the end, he ended up being relegated to little more than a background character, who, even after they were separated, leeched off Bulma by convincing her to let him stay rent-free in one of her properties…

It was kind of sad…

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(A/N: Alternate Titles: 'Oolong gets his bacon cooked…','Ah, yes, 'vital essence'. Indeed…','Sarina is fucking brutal o_o…')