Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

“...How unfortunate. How could things become like this? It’s all over before I even got to have fun? This shouldn’t be! Roland! It’s all your fault!”“Walk faster, idiot. I want to find my old acquaintances to hear the latest news.”

Naturally, I ignored Karwenz’s complaints. We had just crawled out of the River Styx. Tall black mountains surrounded us on both sides, and the only silver path led to a group of palaces in the distance. I could only exclaim over the familiar dark gray sky.

“Hell. I never thought that I’d be here again.”

Karwenz’s exclamation was filled with nostalgia. Perhaps it was the battle of Hell that had changed the path for the entire world.

For Karwenz, he had broken free from the will of the Chaos Abyss’s control here. He obtained Cynthia’s knowledge and memories and gained complete freedom, which was how he got the idea of opening the dimensional barrier to have more fun.

As for me, the creation of Hell meant that the Cycle of Reincarnation which represented endless despair had finally been broken, and that we avoided the worst possible ending for the world in the game’s history.

It could be said that the battle of Hell had changed the fate of the entire world, and that the influence of this change would only keep increasing in the future.

The collapse of the entire Holy Light system, the avoided Armageddon ending of total destruction, the chaos in politics, different tribes, species, and countries, and all the other species filled with their own ambitions, and such changes were more than enough to change the ruling species of humans into a second-rate species.

The nobles who obtained authority when a king lost the crown would never allow the former king any chances to recover.

However, Hell’s pure Holy Light system had taken over for this tattered world. As long as everyone made it through this time, many things would be different.

The teachings of pure Holy Light were far more moderate. They were completely replacing the more extreme original teachings of Holy Light. Additionally, the Hell Faction was like a “temporary government” which already consisted of many species, so racial discrimination was significantly less rampant. Although it was impossible to completely eliminate racial discrimination, there were no more foolish things such as being able to casually steal from or slaughter the young of another species and being considered a hero for it.

“Honestly, I should really thank those friends from the other universes.”

I knew quite a bit about how wicked people could be. No matter how friendly these visitors from other universes acted, no matter how their Overwatch Contract appeared to be fair and neutral, and no matter how loudly they shouted about “not interfering with the internal politics of other species and other worlds”, as long as their metal airships remained in the sky and there was still the possibility of the Star Devourers and other enemies returning, then Eich’s society would become far more peaceful due to the existence of an “external enemy”, along with a significant reduction in the tension between the species of Eich.

All intelligent beings had the same instinctive bad habit. They all liked to create social circles, where those outside their social circle were enemies, and those within were friends. They would then use glorious-sounding reasons to bully or eliminate their enemies, and let their enemies take the blame for all mistakes or tragic events while hogging all the resources and land to live on.

So-called connections, so-called small social groups, so-called social classes, and so-called wars were all actually nothing more than what people cared about in their hearts as a reason to fight over.

What people cared about could be religion, species, skin color, tribe, or even gender, where you were from, your accent, your level of education, if you preferred to eat sweet or salty snacks... Oh, I think I may be treading on taboos now, so I should probably stop here in order to prevent arguments between sweets supporters and salty snacks supporters.

Earth was a world with only one dominant intelligent species, yet wars had never stopped there in all of history, nor had wars ever stopped in Eich where many intelligent species coexisted.

In any non-Holy War period in Eich, religion and species were the two most common reasons for warfare. It was equally easy to come up with countless reasons for war between the same species. As long as there were benefits to fight over, it would be really easy to come up with any random reason for bloodshed.

During the period of the Holy War, the Order Faction and Chaos Faction would draw natural boundaries for which side you were supposed to be on. Now, there was a boundary between the original residents of Eich and the external enemies, so it was easy to infer that things in the new social circle of all of Eich would be far more peaceful.

If my guess was correct, that Overwatch Contract was no mere paper document with empty words. Although there would definitely be many insufficiencies and loopholes, the will of the 12 powerful existences that signed it was more than enough to make the contract’s effects stronger than any soul contract.

“Right, I should thank you for opening the door to the dimensional barrier. My guess is that the world will become significantly more peaceful because of it. Should I recommend you for a Roland ****** award?”

I laughed happily and sincerely expressed my thanks to Karwenz, and then enjoyed watching my foolish younger brother explode in anger.

As for the process? That wasn’t important to me at all, since I was the type who only cared about the results. Only an idiot like Karwenz would be satisfied by simply having fun during the process.

“Who says that the result isn’t important? Saying that the process is important is something that a loser would say to console themselves. If you can win, why try to lose? No matter how pretty the process is, if the result is terrible, was your fight just an act for outsiders to watch? Or, are you just an artist who’s only in search of self-satisfaction?”

I had always been someone who cared only about results. I was known for wanting victory at all costs no matter what tactics I used. Now was the time for me to enjoy the fruits of victory and laugh at this idiot brother of mine who had worked so hard for nothing while also losing his life in the process.

“...You’re laughing at me? You lost your life as well. According to your own philosophy, shouldn’t you have stopped after you saw that I achieved my goal of opening the door to the dimensional barrier? Why’d you end up losing your life as well?”

I was the one filled with aggrievement now as tears almost burst out of my eyes. I had died such a wrongful death... I hadn’t even had the time to destroy my “precious books” in my old residence yet. My reputation would be ruined if word of those books spread!

However, with the current situation, Karwenz was the one who probably felt the most helpless and regretted things the most. Not only did he lose his chance to go out of the Eich universe to have fun, things ended before he could start a big ruckus, so he probably felt quite aggrieved at his death.

The end result of us two attacking each other was that neither of us was happy about the end result. Both of us kept our mouths shut and ignored each other, just like how things used to be.

“...The woman up ahead looks rather familiar.”

A female soul who had her stomach pitifully exploded open was actually glaring viciously at me.

“You want to keep looking at me? Keep staring and I’ll eat you!”

The River Styx was highly corrosive. Any dead soul would constantly lose their memories and sense of self in the River Styx... Basically, it was like having a constant stream of “-1 Intelligence” debuffs until only the deepest obsessions were left behind. Yet, even those obsessions would disappear in the Cycle of Reincarnation.

Such dead souls that didn’t know anything were easier to send through the Cycle of Reincarnation, as well as more convenient for what was now Hell’s judgement.

Theoretically, my and Karwenz’s souls had already been soaking in the River Styx for about a month, so we should have become idiots already, but it seemed that our souls had died too many times, making us resistant to the River Styx. The end result was that the two of us were the only ones who kept chatting with each other in the procession of dead souls blankly proceeding forward.

“Ilmisya? Or Leona? You died so pitifully!”

I was really scared by Karwenz’s sudden howl. Had I really met an old acquaintance coincidentally?

However, that female soul ignored Karwenz and kept staring at me. Could she really be Ilmisya or Leona? I took a closer look and discovered... that I had been mistaken.

“Her skin color, face, and hair color are all different, did you think I was an idiot!?”

“Ha, scared you, didn’t it? You love to feel regret, so keep regretting. Leona, you died such a pitiful death...”

We kept verbally sparring with each other while following the procession of souls when suddenly, things lit up in front as the Tower of Holy Light focused on this path to guide the dead. The mountain path also became much easier to traverse here.

Perhaps they had noticed me.

“...Roland, you designed all of this, right? You should know what will happen next to us? Are there any loopholes?”

Even Karwenz was hesitating now. It seemed that even he was rather scared of Hell’s divine laws.

I laughed in delight as I had been waiting for this day for so long already.

“Of course... not. I personally created this judgement system, and it absolutely doesn’t have even a single possible loophole. Even if the judge wants to be merciful, there’s no possible way...”

I suddenly felt mysteriously sadder and sadder as I said this. Although I was quite proud of the justice system that I set up for Hell, it seemed that I had broken yet another new record in shooting myself in the foot.

“After more than 200 years of punishment in the Infernos, there’s still a chance of reincarnation afterwards. Those with extra serious crimes will receive even more punishment. Yep, no need to look at others, as I’m talking about you, Karwenz Mist.”

As the saying went, misery loves company. I loved to share my misery with others whenever I was in a bad mood. Although I figured that my punishment would be lighter than Karwenz’s, my punishment still wouldn’t be very light.

“Ilmisya?”

This time, I was indeed correct in recognizing Ilmisya’s soul. She had an expression of satisfaction as if she was a saint as she sank into the ground while being enveloped in a pink light. It seemed that she was going to receive punishment in the Lust Inferno of Hell’s Seven Infernos. In Hell, how much light your soul emitted was a sign of the severity of your crimes. Seeing how she was glowing like a lighthouse, she would be punished for a minimum of 100 years.

“Meow, so scary. Can I have the magical pet contract canceled now?”

The cat soul who was constantly sleeping on my head yawned as she said this. I did some quick calculations and figured that this cat’s punishment might be even longer than Karwenz’s.

“Tsk, you refused to cancel it when I offered before. It’s too late now. I’ll be looking forward to being together with you again in the future, my dear cellmate.”

In fact, since most of my and Harloys’ crimes were related to slaughter and scamming, it was highly likely that we would be punished together in the same Inferno.

Finally, the mountain path ended as we reached the hall of judgement. Even I inhaled a cold breath when I saw the familiar figure of Wumianzhe with his emotionless eyes sitting above me.

“Criminal Roland, these are your crimes...”

—————————-

50 years later, in a certain Inferno of Hell.

“I’m out on bail? My achievements will make up for my crimes? Hell’s laws that I created don’t have such a law! I don’t accept this, I want to complain and sue! This is a corrupt government official abusing laws for their personal purposes!”

“...Stop messing around. You think it was easy for us to find a loophole and let you out? We finally managed to pass a new law that was based on Earth’s laws so that those who have served more than half of their sentence can use their previous achievements to make up for their crimes. Stop giving me more trouble.”

Ayer rubbed his forehead as this bastard before him was truly so much trouble for him to deal with. Even after Roland’s death, Ayer had to deal with two insane women who attacked Hell countless times in an effort to rescue Roland from Hell.

It just so happened that those two insane women were impossibly strong ever since they returned from the other universes. With Roland jailed in Hell, Ayer had to worry every day that all of Hell would be destroyed by those two insane women, which was way too much trouble for Ayer.

On top of that, Wumianzhe had an extremely rigid way of thinking and no understanding whatsoever of human emotion. In the end, since this matter was far too important, this meaningless law was passed so that Hell’s jailers could release a criminal early when the criminal’s assistance was required if the criminal had served more than half of their sentence already and had made great achievements before.

Why was this law meaningless? In normal situations, Hell’s jailers would never need to ask a criminal for help, and additionally, souls that had served long enough sentences would have long since lost their sense of self and then been reincarnated already.

“Besides, we truly do need you guys to do something, and this is something that probably only you guys can accomplish.

I fell silent. What would we be needed for? I had retired long ago and should be enjoying myself in my advanced age. Right now, I was waiting for my punishment to end so that I could be reincarnated.

“Eich. We must find Eich. You probably don’t know since you’re in here that Eich is one of the 12 Original Gods of the Overwatch Contract to protect all intelligent beings. That’s why there’s so much attention upon the Eich universe right now. Our Eich universe is being viewed as the magical civilization with the most potential that’s been discovered in the past thousands of years by the Overwatch Association. That’s because we are the original civilization of one of the 12 Original Gods. Our Eich universe needs more power and authority in the Overwatch Association for the sake of our Eich civilization, but in order to do that... we need Mother Eich.”

Ayer then kept talking on and on about many things. It seemed that he had been under so much pressure lately that the original cool young man had swiftly transformed into a nagging middle-aged man.

Finally, the Hell Gods decided that it was time to send the tadpoles out to find their mother... er, I meant send the Child of Fate to find Eich.

“Why me?” free𝒘ℯ𝗯𝙣𝗼ν𝑒𝗹.𝒄o𝒎

“Ridiculous. That soul within you is Goddess of Order Astrya, isn’t it? Don’t think that we don’t know about it. You have the Elven Empress and the Goddess of Order in jail together with you, it’s so...”

“...It makes me so envious!”

Of course, Ayer wasn’t the one who said that, but rather Karwenz who had such a jealous expression.

Karwenz was probably the most pitiful one being punished. The Infernos had an extra punishment for playboys, including meeting all his ex-girlfriends... By that, I meant it was more like a council of revenge. All of Karwenz’s ex-girlfriends, who numbered around 4000, were transformed into imitation souls by the power of Hell and revived, so that fierce shuraba was so... enjoyable to watch. I didn’t know what Karwenz himself felt about it, but I enjoyed watching it as a comedy.

Yep, the part where Karwenz’s body was cut up into 4000 pieces by knife and fork and then all of his ex-girlfriends ate a piece was truly such an enjoyable scene to watch. If I had the chance, I would definitely write this into a new story as a warning to all playboys in life.

“Hmph, justice will always descend from the heavens!”

Ahem, ahem, getting back on the main topic, due to a certain Goddess within my body, it seemed that in the end, I was determined to be the most likely person who could find Eich.

Ayer and the other Hell Gods used this reason to convince Wumianzhe to finally let me finish my sentence early.

I fell silent and actually hesitated.

“Actually, I don’t want to go out yet.”

This was no lie. I really didn’t want to go out, as at least I finally had the peace and calmness that I wanted here.

“...If you don’t come out, we’re going to put those two insane women in here to accompany you.”

I fell silent. I couldn’t help but recall Karwenz’s pitiful state after meeting all his ex-girlfriends, which sent chills running down my spine.

[Roland, I miss my mother.]

I also hesitated due to Astrya’s words since I did owe her.

“Roland, I want a child, a real child, a healthy, living child.”

The blond-haired loli girl behind me suddenly hugged me. Her overly stimulating words surprised me so much that I almost spat on Ayer’s face...

“Cough, cough, is it possible for a soul to choke to death...? Harloys, what ridiculous things are you saying?”

However, her calm expression transmitted her determination to me. Not having a physical body naturally meant not having descendants, and she was unwilling to stay like this.

Actually, I was even more reluctant to stay like this.

I was now more than 400 years old, yet I tragically remained a virgin still, which was probably a new record in all of Eich... ahem, delete this portion—nobody could be allowed to know this part of my history. I absolutely wouldn’t allow such a record to be written about my life in history!

“Okay, okay, I agree. However, I don’t have a physical body right now, so you guys need to prepare one for me. I have the ability to maintain my sense of self and my memories after reincarnation, but my physical body needs a sufficiently strong bloodline. Otherwise, it will be quite tiresome to start over from the very beginning again.”

“Rest assured, they’ve already prepared one for you. I guarantee that you’ll be satisfied.”

“They?”

In the future, the thing I regretted most was that I hadn’t asked in greater detail about who “they” were at this time...

———————————–

One year later, a certain maternity ward in a certain hospital on Earth was receiving much attention from certain fanatics.

The obstetrics director of this hospital hadn’t slept in 48 hours already. That was because the first half-human, half-wood spirit descendants on Earth were about to be born here. The lucky man who managed to get married to a wood spirit had been cursed by so many people already. There were those who tried voodoo dolls against him, those who wanted to cut off his penis, and even those who wanted to change the laws so that this man would be sent to jail for getting married to a “legal loli”.

However, the cute and intelligent wood spirits were outstanding interstellar diplomats who were easily liked by others. After several decades of interaction, the wood spirits now had countless fans on Earth. Countless people also blessed and had high hopes for the half-bloods who were determined to be twins in the womb... while the father also broke new records with how many threats he received.

Although there were plenty of half-human, half-wood spirit descendants in Eich already, and although the scientists repeatedly promised that there were no genetic differences between humans from Eich and humans from Earth, the doctors didn’t dare to let down their guard one bit as they guarded the mother around the clock, until the twins were born a bit earlier than expected...

“...Where is this?”

I woke up from a blank state. However, my question turned into the loud crying of a baby. I instantly realized where I was due to hearing the familiar language of Chinese from Earth.

“So I’ve returned...”

After going through everything, I had returned to my first life’s home country. I could only exclaim over things as the past events in Eich seemed like nothing but a dream that was all behind me now with this new beginning...

“Haha, I’ve had enough of those days with no internet and no television! Finally, I, king of games Roland, have returned...! Wait a minute, I’m in an infant’s body with an adult mind, isn’t this the legendary reincarnation novel plotline? Can I plagiarize those novels and plagiarize songs, plagiarize inventions, and get together with the school beauty? Has my misfortune finally ended, and someone else is writing the story of my fate for me?”

The “legal loli” wood spirit mother on the bed felt like her healthy older twin had such a pure, cute, and energetic smile.

I could also faintly sense that a familiar soul was right next to me. As expected, that bastard twin of mine was here as well. This was only natural, since in a way, it was impossible to separate our souls.

“Ha, it seems that I’ve won again. I’m still the older brother, hahaha! My foolish little brother, just watch how I’m going to deal with you.”

I could sense that my lifeforce was slightly stronger than Karwenz’s. It seemed that I was born slightly earlier than he was once again.

“Such a healthy pair of boy/girl twins. You’re a truly fortunate mother.”

I instantly started trembling after I heard those words from a young nurse. I did my best to raise my head in my despair, trying to struggle and look at my genital area. However, it was impossible for me to even move my body, not to mention how I was just a newborn infant who didn’t even have the ability to clearly see the outside world.

“Handsome older brother, you need to protect your little sister well in the future.”

Lips gently brushed against my cheek. This woman was actually taking advantage of me, but I didn’t mind right now, as I was instantly filled with satisfaction and almost broke out in tears with joy. Meanwhile, I could sense how a certain unfortunate twin of mine was oozing nothing but despair.

He... she was struggling at trying to crawl. I grabbed the bedsheet and did my best to look over... could it be that Karwenz was intending on committing suicide by smashing his head against the baby bed?

“The little sister must be hungry.”

“...Give me my baby.”

Unfortunately, the naughty little sister was discovered, and then forcefully given over to the “legal loli” mother for breastfeeding... at this moment, Karwenz... or maybe I should call her Karwenna, was filled with such pleasing despair to witness... er, I meant heartbreaking, as no matter what, I was an older brother, and I should be nice to my younger sister.

I heaved a sigh of relief at this time as another pregnant woman was pushed into the adjacent room. My magical pet contract reactivated itself at this time, meaning that a certain cat had successfully reincarnated to become human... Wait a moment, I really hoped that Harloys didn’t get her gender wrong, since if she did, that would be too much for me to handle as I was straight.

I kept feeling like something was off about the situation. Normally, souls had their own traits, so there would never be a mistake with a normal person’s reincarnation. Wasn’t Karwenz way too unfortunate here?

“Have you come up with their names already?”

The young nurse held me. Her ample bosom had such a familiar sensation... ahem, ahem, I meant that I was probably getting hungry, but I still had my morals. Where could I find a milk bottle?

“The older one will be named Roland, and the younger one will be named Karwency.”

“They’re not going to have their father’s surname in their names? I remember that their father’s surname is Jiang?”

“Mm, these two children are truly fortunate as they were blessed by the Main God of my species. Mother Goddess even decided to be their godmother. She was the one who came up with their names.”

The wood spirit mother’s voice was filled with pride. This was the happiest moment of her life that the retired Amelia suddenly came out of retirement to act as the godmother to her children.

“Wahh!”

“Wahh!”

Both twins suddenly started crying simultaneously due to fear.

However, this wasn’t actually real crying, but rather the twins arguing in infant language.

“Stupid Roland, your misfortune has infected me as well! How many times does this make!?”

“Is this my fault? This is clearly... clearly the evil intentions of the world itself!”

The world took needless blame once again. The energetic twins caused their mother to misunderstand.

“Children, are you happy? There’s something even happier that will happen soon. Mother Goddess said that she will personally come here to give you her blessings.”

Both twins instantly stopped crying as they simultaneously started struggling in an effort to escape this dangerous location.

Unfortunately, the newborn infant bodies they had were extremely weak. They struggled for a bit, but were unable to even escape the mother’s and the young nurse’s grasp.

The young nurse’s braid fell against my face and itched in a mysterious familiar manner. I instinctively reached out with my hand to grab it and touched smooth silver hair.

“By the way, you probably won’t be able to take care of twins by yourself. Do you have someone already to help you raise your children? My internship is ending soon, and I don’t think the hospital will hire me. How about I come work as your nanny and help you take care of the twins? I’ve learned infant care before.”

How strange, the young nurse’s voice also sounded really familiar.

“That would be so wonderful! Thank you, E...”

The young wood spirit mother was overjoyed because she had been worried about having difficulty raising twins with her small stature, but then she recalled how she didn’t even remember the young nurse’s name fully.

“...Elisa Mist. I’m a Russian mixed-blood. Please take good care of me.”

At that instant, I felt as if the warm embrace Elisa held me in had transformed into the strongest jail of all. She really was holding me so much tighter than earlier! At this moment, I had no idea how I was going to escape.

At this moment, another familiar voice sounded outside the door.

“Where’s my godson? Bring him over so that I, the Wood Spirit Mother Goddess, can kiss him. Little Roland, you’re so cute. Come, try and call me Mommy.”

My vision instantly darkened. Where was the baby bed? I should just commit suicide right here!