Flowers of Worship

chapter 9

I killed a man when I was thirteen years old in an amphitheater. My opponent was a slave gladiator, who would be very “lucky” to be free if he won against the best student in the Royal School, and not against a lion. It was an opportunity of a lifetime. No, he would have thought so. He probably accepted the fact that it was a lucky opportunity, and that he would be free if he won against a 13-year-old me, and not against a lion.

But everyone who knew me knew very well that the lion is more likely to make him free than I am.

“What are you doing here?”

When I looked back at the unexpected voice, Eden was standing behind me. I was dumbstruck by the moonlight on the shore of the lake. Maybe he came out to the lake in the middle of the night, was kidnapped, wandered around for years, was treated as a slave, and lost his place to return. But I can’t believe it happened at the lake at night.

I think my eyebrows furrowed without even realizing it. Eden shrugged his shoulders.

“I saw you came out.”

“…….”

“I have a question.”

I didn’t put down the pipe I was holding even though I heard him. I know Eden is a prince, but honestly, I am not in the mood to treat him like one right now. I really hope he leaves. I looked down at him, thinking of something I couldn’t bear to say. When he looked at my squinted eyes, he held up his chin proudly without shrugging his shoulders.

He is really born to be the king.

It is a bit disappointing to think of the present king, who was once called Grand Duke Raphnel. Eden thinks he is much more like a king’s usurper. Of course, it is not a topic to say that someone like him fits to be the king and while the other isn’t, but it means that he has a natural ability to not shrink while receiving a cold stare.

This is bad.

He was born with everything and I’m so lucky.

“I’ve never seen a woman burn cigarettes.”

Eden’s words made me laugh. A woman. From birth till now, being a woman has just been a symbol of risk to me. Nothing is good because I was born as a woman. I am just a monkey that made it difficult to have everything I would have had comfortably if I was born a man.

“Is it good?”

“Would you like to try it?”

Eden looked at me for a moment and shook his head when I tried to give him the pipe. Eleven years old is a young age and should keep their big mouth shut. It’s a wasted luxury for a child. However, when the current king was still Prince Raphnel, he held a pipe in his mouth like water. He was my senior at the Royal School.

Come to think of it, he’ll end up at the Royal School.

Not all aristocrats attend royal schools, but successors and others are obliged to attend. It is not a legal obligation, but in a way it is a stronger intangible law. In rare cases, one is deprived of their own right of succession if one did not attend the Royal School.

Well, by the time he goes to the Royal School, he’ll have stopped with me at the “once known” level.

Even while I was thinking this long, Eden was silent. I thought it was a tricky question to ask, so I raised my eyebrows a little bit.

“Didn’t you say you had something to ask?”

“I heard about the holy knight test.”

“Ahhh.”

“That’s very difficult, isn’t it?”

If I have to answer.

“It’s rare, it’s close to.”

Holy knight tests don’t work by effort.

“So I’m supposed to be born with it?”

“That’s the first condition.”

That’s where it begins. There are many conditions to take a holy knight test. To be born, to be disciplined, and to be satisfied with the environment.

“I want to be a holy knight, too.”

With Eden’s words, I looked at him once. He is so beautiful. I’ve never seen a fairy in person, but I wondered if they are as beautiful as this child. The soft hands of this beautiful child is somewhat pathetic and out of place, so I didn’t really want to see it. Whether it’s the sword of the Holy Knight, Magic Sword, or a Knight’s Sword, all of the swords are bound to be soaked in blood and blood is not harmonious with this child.

I know his young life was hard. But I don’t think it suits him.

“It’s too much.”

“Why?”

Eden’s face distorted as if he really wanted to be a holy knight.

“Because you’re not born for it.”

“I have magic, too. My magic teacher said, my mana is of rare character and very strong!”

“That’s right.”

At first, it didn’t feel this strong, but I think it was because his body is not in a good condition due to long abuse. When the ritual table was resolved, his mana appeared as if he had depleted off a few more. He has a very strong and clear force. But…

“A holy knight is someone who have both faith and mana. You can’t be a knight if you have faith. If you have mana, you can’t use divine power. Being born into a body with both powers at the same time, this is the first condition to be a holy knight.”

“…That’s how I should be born, but then even if I tried it wouldn’t happen….”

Eden’s angry voice made me laugh. Someone would resent Eden’s desire to have that magic every day. His legitimacy may have been coveted every moment. So is the present king. I can’t believe a man with neither orthodox nor powerful mana has any credibility.

“Yes.”

He gave me an angry look due to my plain answer. But as for me, I had nothing more to say. He lowered his eyes when I said nothing. Watching the rich ends of eyelashes curl up gracefully, I once again admired his beauty. His mother, Queen Anne, had many episodes about her beauty, but when she was the queen, I had never seen her face properly. Looking at her son’s face now, I can imagine how amazing her beauty must have been.

“Then……Wh-…d…I…have to..d-.?

Eden asked in a very small voice, and I couldn’t understand what he said.

“What?”

“Well, what should I do?”

He raised his head while he was bowing. Tears formed in his coral eyes. He didn’t shed tears because of his natural pride, but he still seemed to be angry and sad. I asked back, feeling embarrassed because I didn’t know how his emotions were fluctuating.

“W-what do you mean by that?”

“What should I do to protect myself then?!”

♡ Chapter 2, Good Person♡

When I screamed, the woman looked down at me with a complex look. I know she’s not in a position to answer my question. She’s the daughter of the person who locked me up, and she’s just a contractual relationship with me, and we can always betray each other. I know, but I couldn’t stand it without asking anyone, and the only thing I could think of is this woman.

I wanted to be a holy knight or something. No, I wanted to be like this woman. I wanted to smile like this woman. This woman always smiled. I thought I would laugh at difficult moments, at embarrassing moments, and at angry moments. A woman whose body feels like a cool breeze blowing everywhere, and her hair is like burning red. Her eyes looks like gold. Her skin is pale and her height is just like that of an ordinary woman. Nevertheless, she led a lot of people who are much larger and more physically powerful than her. All the people treated her with respect and fear.

[Don’t you know Cecilia G. Sarian? She is amazing wherever she goes. ]

Whenever I asked about her, people looked curious and soon told me about her with pride. Cecilia G. Sarian. It’s called Sicily. Twenty-six this year. One of the only three holy knights on the continent and the sole heir to the Sarian family, who became a member of the Knights of Hastred at the age of 20. When she became the leader of the Knights, there were many disturbing opinions, but she ended the whole story.

She is so different from me. Unlike me, who lost everything after being swayed by my uncle despite being a crown prince.

I couldn’t bear my envy. The thought of how immature and lacking I was seeing her made me feel upset. But on the other hand, I am convinced that she isn’t looking at me like that. She isn’t that kind of person. A person who dispels my anxiety that she might be despising me. A person who convinces me that she does not despise me at all. Maybe she feels sorry for me and sympathizes with me, but there’s no feeling of contempt. It’s not that she doesn’t hate me. I’ve thought about stabbing her in the back if necessary, but I couldn’t stand it because I was afraid of being hated by her. I couldn’t sleep every night. It is hard to bear because I am so mean to her to think like that.

I thought I might be able to stand alone without relying on her and not stabbing her in the back, or maybe I could be a holy knight.

“It’s a bloody road. Don’t walk through it.”

Saying so, while she tapped on my shoulder awkwardly. It is a gesture that seemed to be a little worried about whether it is okay to do this. But she seemed to want to comfort me and couldn’t find another way to comfort me. Eventually, she tapped my shoulder a couple of times and reached for me.

“My mother and father are dead.”

I laughed when she said not to walk on the bloody road. Bloody lane? What’s the big deal?

“You can’t block the way with your child like thinking.”

She closed her mouth and smiled vaguely. I had something to say, but I couldn’t figure out whether I wanted to quit or if I should think like a child that had a unique childish voice. But one thing is for sure, her eyes are the reason why my teary heart has subsided. Her eyes were always touching me. She had those worried eyes. Her eyes were friendly as if whispering and had the effect of quenching my nerves.