Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Chapter 5 - I’m really easy to kill! I won’t fight back!

Neither of them had expected Yearning For to make a move, so they were both stunned for a while.

After Jing Huan finished greeting Yearning For’s entire family in his heart, he grit his teeth while saying ‘fuck’ a few times in eight different languages.

The Binding Immortal Rope was an item that only drops in high level wild maps; it could imprison its target for six seconds.

Six seconds was enough for him to get hit by one of this Little Mosquito Repellent’s skills.

But who would’ve thought that this Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent wouldn’t move as well after throwing out that big move of his.

[Current] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: … Why are you a Fairy Fox Cave? You switched sects?

The net thrown out by Jing Huan just now was a skill of Fairy Fox Caves. Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent clicked on her character to see, and sure enough, the three words “Fairy Fox Cave” were clearly written as her sect.

Fox Fairy Caves are different from Mount Putuos. Although they’re both healers, Fairy Fox Caves paid more attention to sealing and support, and they couldn’t heal much. The skills of this sect were so complex, and the scope of their spells so small that the players of this sect were at two extremes – they either played crazy well and could engage in server-wide PKs, or were so noob that they wouldn’t even be able to seal for their quests and were just good-for-nothings.

Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent hesitated, and he was about to continue typing.

When suddenly, the yellow rope disappeared from Xiao Tianjing, and the female character jumped straight up from the ground. Pink fireball skills flew straight towards him!

Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent got a huge fright and immediately jumped away to avoid the attack. It was not until he landed before he realised that he had fallen right onto the spot where the fireballs were really aiming at.

No, to be exact… It was Xiao Tianjing who had figured out his position beforehand.

[Current] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: ???

[Current] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: Wait a minute…

Xiao Tianjing ignored him and summoned her beast. Fairy Fox Cave Sect’s attack skills could only be used to clear monsters; they still had to rely on their summons for actual PK fights.

She summoned… a small white fox with plum blossoms on its forehead and nine tails on its rear.

Nine-tailed Immortal Fox, a rank 9 divine beast. Even the cheapest one in the marketplace costs tens of thousands of yuan.

The Nine-tailed Immortal Fox shook its tail and flung several fireballs at Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent. He immediately lost half of his HP.

[Current] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: Wait a minute!!

[Current] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: Wait a minute… Jie! I’m the one in the wrong Jie!

Xiao Tianjing did not speak and just threw another seal skill at him. He couldn’t move at all now and could only stand there foolishly as he endured the attacks of the Nine-Tailed Immortal Fox.

In front of the computer, Jing Huan was seriously studying the skills of Fairy Fox Cave.

Fairy Fox Cave only accepted female characters and was a sect that he had never played before. There were more than 20 skills in total, and just the skill profiles alone were complex enough.

[Current] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: Jie, I just sold a summoning animal, and I have more than 2,000 gold on me now… I beg you, please spare me!!

[Current] Xiao Tianjing: Who’s your Jie?

[Current] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: …

Was this the same person as the one just now who had been acting coquettishly and pleading for mercy?

Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: Then Meimei, Meimei don’t kill me. I’ll give you five hundred gold, okay?

[Current] Xiao Tianjing: Who’s short of your five hundred gold?

[Current] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: Yes yes yes, I can see at a glance that you are not short of money.

[Current] Xiao Tianjing: I want 1,500.

[Current] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: …

[Current] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: Aren’t you being too much, Meimei!

[Current] Xiao Tianjing: Didn’t you ask for my 200 gold just now? [cute]

[Current] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: Of course I was just kidding. How could I really ask you for money? [kneeling for mercy]

[Current] Xiao Tianjing: Cut the crap, just say if you’ll give it or not.

Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent grit his teeth.

This game had a damn setting, that is, after you initiated a compulsory PK against others, if you were killed instead, not only would you lose more money and experience, but there was also a small probability of you dropping the equipment you were wearing as well.

He opened up his inventory and looked at the glowing equipment on his body, only to feel a sharp stabbing pain — who would dare take the chance?!

[Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent gave you 1500 gold.]

When the money arrived, Jing Huan moved his finger and called back his fox.

These people always want to kill people at the drop of a hat, so they needed to be taught a lesson sometimes.

After getting the money, he did not bother to talk anymore nonsense and flew directly back to the main city, leaving Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent behind alone.

But who would’ve known that not long after he left, the friend icon in the lower right corner of his screen would suddenly flash.

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: [aggrieved] So this account really has changed hands.

Jing Huan was stunned. Only then did he remember to open up his friend list. He had been constantly busy with other things ever since he went online, so he hadn’t had the time to check that at all.

Sure enough, Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent was on his friend list.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: … Why are you friends with this character?

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: I’ve done quests with the original owner before.

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: I just saw how you play, and it’s really not something she can do.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: …

He was clearly friends with the original owner, yet he still initiated a compulsory PK and even asked him for money?!

… He should have just taken his whole two thousand yuan away.

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: Are you a guy?

Jing Huan’s anger dissipated in an instant.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Ah 0.0! How am I like a guy? [hammers your chest]

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: Uh…cause it’s rare to see girls play so well.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: You’ve misunderstood~ you really don’t play that well, there are a lot of girls who can beat you up like you’re their little brother [cute]

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: …

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: Sigh, actually, I didn’t want to kill you, but I saw an elite team from Idle Pavilion nearby doing quests. You would be discovered sooner or later, so I thought I might as well be the one profiting from the kill. Also, just think about it, you can’t kill those five people from Idle Pavilion no matter how good you are anyway, so I can be considered to have saved you in that case!

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Okay~ since the misunderstanding has been resolved, let’s delete each other peacefully, and I’m grateful to you I guess.

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: Don’t don’t don’t, I still have something to tell you.

Jing Huan drank a mouthful of water.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Say it then.

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: You see, Idle Pavilion is offering a reward. This character of yours can’t be used at all anymore. Why don’t you make a lot of money out of it before selling it!

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: ?

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: Take off your equipment and let me kill you, and we’ll split the reward fifty-fifty. How about that?

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: ??

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: …or 30-70?

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: [smile]

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: 20-80 then, at least let me earn a little ah Meimei.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Sure, but if I kill you by accident and cause you to lose your equipment, you can’t blame me for that okay? [taps fingers together]

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent:… Okay, just treat it as if I didn’t say anything. [waves handkerchief]

——

After a few days in his new home, Jing Huan finally took time out to go to the supermarket.

It wouldn’t do for the house to be so empty anyway. After choosing the necessities, he went to the food section.

Jing Huan’s mother was a cook. He had been influenced by her since he was a child, so he had no problems whipping up some home-cooked dishes. Also, he had promised Gao Zixiang to invite them over for dinner after settling down.

Gao Zixiang called, “Where are you Huanhuan?”

Jing Huan didn’t like to be called Huanhuan by others, it sounded like they’re calling a girl, but they wouldn’t change this address no matter how much he coerced and bribed them, so he could only let them do as they please.

“Food section, wait for me at the cashier.”

After paying, Gao Zixiang and Lu Wenhao took the initiative to carry the bags.

“Huanhuan, did you buy or rent the house? It doesn’t look like anyone else has lived here before ah?” After arriving at Jing Huan’s house, Gao Zixiang looked around.

“Rented, it’s a new place, no one has lived here before.” Jing Huan wore an apron. “The two of you can just wait outside. You can turn on the TV if you want.”

Jing Huan casually cooked several home-cooked dishes. Lu Wenhao started clamouring after taking a bite, “Fuck! Huanhuan, you should have told us sooner that you had skills like these! Why should I still look for a girlfriend? I’ll just marry you!”

Gao Zixiang: “If you want to marry him, you’ll have to ask our department’s belle if she’d agree. She has been aiming for Huanhuan since a long time ago.”

Jing Huan didn’t prattle along with them. He suddenly stopped in the middle of the meal and looked at Lu Wenhao. “Hao’er, I wanna ask you something.”

Lu Wenhao wiped his mouth. “What is it?”

“What kind of girl do you like?”

Lu Wenhao, with a strange expression on his face, immediately clarified, “No wait… Huanhuan, I was just talking nonsense. I, I’m purely straight!”

“Rest assured, I wouldn’t look for you even if I really wanted to be gay.” Jing Huan said, “What I meant was… Didn’t you date girls online several times? What kind of girl do you like to find in the game?

“Ah.” Lu Wenhao thought about it, “Girls who have a sweet voice, like to act cute, and knows how to sing, I guess.”

Gao Zixiang commented, “So tacky!”

“Tsk, what do you know? You’ll die on that childhood sweetheart of yours in this lifetime.” Lu Wenhao retaliated.

Jing Huan ate in silence. He seemed to fit all three points pretty well?

With the voice changer, there was no problem in getting a sweet voice; acting cute…he can learn how to; as for singing, he loved showing off in junior high and participated in his school’s Top Ten Singers, and he even took the third place back then.

After chatting for a while, Gao Zixiang suddenly diverged from the topic, “Oh right, Huanhuan, I can’t wash dishes for you later. I have to rush back to my dorm. I have an appointment with the people in my guild to kill the God of War at seven o’clock.”

Jing Huan raised his eyebrows: “Kill the God of War? You want to craft a divine artifact?

“Un, isn’t the server-wide PK coming up? I’ll go try again. If I manage to get a divine artifact, winning will be in the bag.” Gao Zixiang sighed, “And I still need a lot of forging materials. There are three teams in my server that going to fight this year. All of them want to upgrade their hardware, so materials need to be fought over… this is so hard on me.”

Jing Huan listened and nodded thoughtfully. “Okay, that’s all right. I bought a dishwasher.”

After sending them away, Jing Huan returned to his computer and saw his friend icon flashing constantly.

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: Jing Meimei, what are you doing?

After they finished chatting that day, Jing Huan had planned to delete him from his friend list, but Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent said that he had an alternate account in Idle Pavilion and could help him ask around for news at any time. Jing Huan considered it for a moment and kept him as a friend.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Just finished eating. I wanna ask you something.

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: What is it?

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Who goes to fight in the SPK every year in our server? Yearning For?

SPK, in short, was the server-wide PK. It was an annual PK feast, and the ones who won the championship would get a trophy, game title, and money.

Each server could only send out one team to fight. If more than one team signed up from a server, then they would have to fight amongst themselves first, and only the winner could represent the server in the SPK.

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: Ah? Nope. Yearning For has never fought in a SPK.

Jing Huan was shocked.

With the best equipment and first-class summoning beasts, he actually didn’t take part in the SPK?

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: Yearning For played once years ago and won. He never registered again after that. In recent years, the ones representing our server has been Regardless of Lovesickness’ team.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Ohh, that’s such a pity. I think our server will definitely win if he goes.

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: Not necessarily, it’s no use if he’s the only one who’s good. Playing PK requires five people. He doesn’t even have a guild. I’ve investigated the teammates he usually plays with for experience — they’re all questing characters. If he wants to fight, he can only choose to join Idle Pavilion.

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: Hey! Now that you mention it, did he join the last time because he wanted to join Idle Pavilion? If that’s the case, you’re finished. Have you heard of his nickname?

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: … What nickname?

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: Fairy Fox killer! He once went to the Server-wide Arena to play a 1V1, and he was matched with the number one server-wide Fairy Fox Cave. Wah… that Fairy Fox couldn’t fight back in the slightest, it didn’t have the upper hand at all.

Jing Huan laughed. That was because that Fairy Fox Cave was too noob.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: So strong 0.0! No wonder he’s the Great God!

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: Hehe, well duh.

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Repellent: By the way Meimei, have you come round to it yet? Are we going to get rich together or not?

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Don’t wanna, I don’t care about that bit of money. [turns away]

After closing the dialog box, Jing Huan was ready to do his dailies.

[Megaphone] Yearning For: 100 gold each for Golden Finch Feathers, trade directly at Sunken Moon City’s city lord, more money can be offered for large quantities, PM me.

As soon as the megaphone came out, the world flared up.

[World] Peachy Fate: Fuck! Yearning For appeared!

[World] Immortal Mengmeng: Ha ha:)

[World] Confused from Squandering: Wait a minute, aren’t Golden Finch Feathers used to forge divine artifacts? God Xiang already has a divine artifact, why is he still collecting them?

[World] Is Gege Big: God Xiang your ass, he’s just a slag guy.

…………

Meanwhile, Jing Huan’s gaze was fixed on the last two words of the megaphone.

PM me.

If people can PM him, doesn’t that mean that Yearning For has turned on the friend chat option?!

He tried it immediately, and sure enough, he managed to add him as a friend.

Although this was a one-sided friendship, he could still send messages as long as the other party was on his friend list.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Gege! [excited]

Three minutes later, there was still no response.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Gege, don’t ignore me~ Aren’t you collecting Golden Finch Feathers? [aggrieved]

[Friends] Yearning For: Trade at the city lord.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Gege, I don’t have any Golden Finch Feathers, but I have a way to make money, which can make you thousands of dollars a day! >.<, feathers are so expensive, so this can help Gege earn a little back!

At the other end, Xiang Huaizhi frowned slightly after reading this.

How was this tone any different from the swindler who specialised in hacking QQs a few years ago?

Ha, looks like it’s someone used to swindling.

He was almost done with collecting feathers anyway. He was about to turn off the friend function when the other party sent another message.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Idle Pavilion is offering a bounty for me right now, 100 gold per kill. I’ll strip everything off and let you kill me Gege~ [blows a kiss]

[Friend] Yearning For: …

[Friend] Yearning For: No.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Why not? I’m really easy to kill! I won’t fight back!

[Friend] Yearning For: Not short of money.

Xiang Huaizhi hesitated a little before typing.

[Friend] Yearning For: Why do you want to find someone to kill you?

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Ah. I didn’t look for anyone else else, I only looked for Gege 0V0, other people can’t kill me, I’m very good at running away!

[Friend] Yearning For:… Why are you looking for me? Because you robbed me of my kill?

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: No.

[Friend] Yearning For: ?

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Aiya, it’s because I’m your fan ah…

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: QAQ ah, I suddenly feel so shy.

[Friends] Yearning For:…

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: I watched a lot of your arena videos in secret. You look so cool when you play! And I’m only playing this game because of you too. [blush]

Good! Perfect answer! One hundred marks!!

Jing Huan! You’re too amazing!

Jing Huan read the messages he sent over and over again, and the more he looked at them, the more satisfied he felt.

There was no reply from the other side.

Jing Huan couldn’t help laughing. Ha, he must be so nervous that he doesn’t know what to type in reply.

He must follow-up his victory with more attacks.

“Although I bought a…character that doesn’t have a very good rep, I spent most of my pocket money on it. I can only survive on instant noodles for now, but I think it’s worth it to be able to see you in game~”

Oh my God.

What kind of touching speech was this?

Jing Huan had even moved himself.

He thought about it and added a cute game expression at the end of the sentence.

Perfect! And send!

As he pressed the key, a row of yellow letters popped up——

【Player Yearning For refuses to receive messages, failed to send your message. 】

Jing Huan: “???”

Jing Huan: “…”

—

Juurensha: Omg, I loved the sudden 180 turn in his character/return to character as soon as Yearning For isn’t around.

—

Announcement!

This was the new project I decided on after finishing SD~ those who know me would know that I’m an absolute fan of campus stories, and I have been on a campus hunt recently. This is one of the most interesting and cute ones I found! It’s an ongoing novel with 38 chapters as of now, and honestly I started translating it so I’ll stop chasing after it daily and feel the disappointment whenever I reach the end of the daily chap LOL…….. TVT