Heyi Shengxiao Mo

(translated by lidge and edited by peanuts)

Mo Sheng was startled for a moment, then shook her head and said: “No, I don’t want to go back, probably because I’m weak. Ying Hui, in a foreign country, it’s natural that I’m alone like everyone else who lives in a foreign country. But if I return home and is still alone, that would be very sad.”

She looked down and did not say anything more.

When they were leaving the airport, Mo Sheng said: “Ying Hui, I have to talk to you about something.”

Ying Hui certainly knew what she wanted to discuss, so he said immediately: “By chance, I need your help with something.”

Ying Hui’s parents planned to visit him in the U.S. for one month, mostly because he accidentally said he had married.

Ying Hui wanted Mo Sheng to pretend to be a married couple when meeting his parents.

The timing was just right.

Mo Sheng has already completed her studies, so she could leave N City any time. Ying Hui’s company was operating smoothly so he had more free time.

The first thing Mo Sheng did after moving to California was to look for a job. But she was often left frustrated because she is Chinese and also a woman.

Ying Hui wanted to use his contacts to help her, but Mo Sheng refused: “Ying Hui, you’ve helped me so much already, so I can’t always rely on you.”

Ying Hui remembered Mo Sheng has never accepted any financial help from him. Then he also recalled what his ex-girlfriend said to him when breaking up with him, he couldn’t help but sigh with sorrow.

Seeing him looking pensive, Mo Sheng asked: “Ying Hui, what are you thinking?”

Ying Hui smiled and said: “Nothing, I’m merely trying to understand the word pride once again.”

Mo Sheng was puzzled and looked quizzically at him but did not question further.

Valentine’s Day came before the day of Ying Hui’s parents’ visit, but Ying Hui was not a romantic person. Mo Sheng also did not think anything of it, so in the end nothing special happened that day.

On the evening of Valentine’s Day, Ying Hui was in the study upstairs involved in an international call. When he walked downstairs, he saw Mo Sheng sitting on the sofa, her head propped up in one hand, a laptop on her knees, completely unaware of his presence.

From his point of view, he saw tears at the corner of Mo Sheng’s eyes.

Thinking she was watching a sad movie, he walked closer to take a look. It was only an ordinary website, and it was the SOSO search page he knew well.

The keyword in the search was a name he has never heard before –– He Yi Chen.

When Mo Sheng discovered him, she quickly turned around. It was too late to wipe away the tears on her cheeks.

She closed the laptop, stood up, stared downward at her toes and looked a little embarrassed.

Ying Hui understood immediately: “He…..”

Suddenly, he did not know what else to say.

Mo Sheng looked up at him, her eyes were exceptionally clear from the tears. Ying Hui clearly saw the sorrow in her eyes.

“Ying Hui, have you ever loved anyone?” She asked.

“Ah!” Ying Hui thought carefully before answering, “When I was at C University, I had a girlfriend who is very smart and also very beautiful.”

“My ex-boyfriend is also very outstanding.” Mo Sheng replied in a low voice.

“Oh?” Ying Hui tried to smile, “Your ex-boyfriend isn’t as lucky as me.”

After all, he was now just someone from your ‘past’ only.

Mo Sheng misunderstood his words completely. She probably thought Ying Hui meant her ex-boyfriend was unlucky because he chose her, so she felt upset and said: “I’m not so bad……”

Ying Hui did not explain himself. He quickly walked up to his study but has no mood to do anything.

Having seen that name, it seemed as if he began to see the name everywhere.

From that day onward……

From time to time, Mo Sheng will absent-mindedly call that name –– He Yi Chen.

When Mo Sheng was inexplicably feeling happy, she’ll smile and call He Yi Chen.

When Mo Sheng was suddenly feeling lonely, she’ll call He Yi Chen.

……

Mo Sheng began to frequently mention that name to Ying Hui, as if she finally found someone to talk to about that person.

That person is very intelligent.

That person is very capable.

……

Of course, Ying Hui was impatient.

But when he saw the grievance and loneliness in her eyes whenever she mentioned that person, he did not have the heart to be impatient.

His heart also felt a kind of unknown pain.

Previously, when Ying Hui knew Mo Sheng thought of him as a brother figure, he was not bothered. It was because he was confident that no one more outstanding than him will appear in her life, so he’ll take it slowly. However, that feeling has now gone, as he can clearly feel a frozen wall was erected in Mo Sheng’s heart. That frozen wall will block out all the ambiguous stuff.

Perhaps all he can ever be will be a brother figure only.

Ying Hui began to feel impatient.

So what happened that night, he did not know if it was from his suppressed emotions or a momentary loss of control.

That day, he drank a lot while socializing outside and was drunk when he arrived home. Mo Sheng took care of him in a flurry.

Ying Hui did not know if he was drunk or sober. If drunk, how could he still remember all the details clearly. If sober, why did he not reign in his emotions like before……

Seemingly half drunk half sober, he pressed himself on top of Mo Sheng……

When he woke up, it was already morning.

The moment he regained his consciousness, he rushed downstairs.

The lights were not on in the living room which was in complete darkness.

He vaguely saw Mo Sheng sitting on the sofa, two arms hugging her knees and her head bent down.

Ying Hui felt he had seen this mentioned somewhere before that when people suffer great harm, they would subconsciously sit in that position like a baby in the mother’s womb because of the lack of a sense of security.

His hand wanted to turn on the light switch but stopped.

Mo Sheng suddenly spoke in a weak voice: “Ying Hui, did you…… pretend I’m her?”

Ying Hui was dazed for a moment before he realized who the “she” Mo Sheng referred to.

It was his ex-girlfriend.

He seemed to mention about his ex-girlfriend only once and he could not really remember what he had said. She probably thought…… he still thinks of her, still loves his ex-girlfriend?

Mo Sheng, did you think everyone is like you, always remembering the past?

Ying Hui smiled bitterly.

He realized that Mo Sheng put him in an interesting dilemma: If he says “yes,” he would not be able to confess his true feelings, maybe their relationship would never be able to progress further. If he says “no,” he would be admitting to sexual assault.

Even though an unsuccessful attempt.

Seeing the trust in Mo Sheng’s eyes, Ying Hui decided to close his eyes and not answer.

Let her find the answer which can comfort her the most.

Actually, after that incident, Mo Sheng could not calmly live together with Ying Hui in a house anymore. When Mo Sheng said she wanted to move out, Ying Hui said: “Mo Sheng, return home and see what has happened.”

Mo Sheng stared at him in shock.

“You can’t be an ostrich forever.”

Return home and see what has happened.

If the weather there is sunny and nice, then you stay there.

If the weather there is raining and bleak, then you quickly come back.

Completely forget that place, completely forget that person.

At the airport, Ying Hui said goodbye to Mo Sheng who was no longer even his wife in name only. He looked at the plane ascending into the clouds, loneliness filling every corner of his body.

Did she understand what he said when they parted just now? In certain things, she could be surprisingly slow.

“If you are not returning to the U.S…….best if we temporarily don’t keep in touch with each other.” He told her before she boarded the plane.

Did he still have a chance?

Perhaps!

Perhaps that man called He Yi Chen has already fallen in love with someone else.

In this world, how many people are as foolish as Zhao Mo Sheng?

The fragrant of the tea was rising up through the air.

The years were long, but only a few hours were used to finish talking about them.

“……So there was more than one person.” Ying Hui finally said.

“Sometimes, she’s surprisingly slow.” Ying Hui looked up and sighed, “Things of the world can be so strange because I didn’t expect you’re the only person I can talk to on these matters.”

Yi Chen did not speak. After finished smoking his cigarette, he picked up his coat: “Mr. Ying, it’s late so I’ll leave first.”

“Why are you in such a hurry?”

YI Chen paused: “Mo Sheng is drunk, so I’m a bit worried.”

Ying Hui laughed out loud: “Mr. He, are you showing off you’re the winner in front of the loser?”

Yi Chen did not turn around and walked out of the tea shop. When he pushed open the door, a blast of cold air hit him in the face.

Yi Chen breathed in deeply.

It was a good while before he gradually relaxed his hands fisted to the point that the blood vessels stood out.

It was already two o’clock in the morning when he arrived home.

Mo Sheng slept like a good child when drunk, her body wrapped in the quilt, in the exact position when Yi Chen left the house. Yi Chen gently took off his shoes, got into bed and pulled Mo Sheng into his embrace.

She moved slightly to get used to her new position and frowned. Yi Chen loosened his embrace and her eyebrows started to relax.

The sweet smelling of Mo Sheng’s hair filled the air around him.

Yi Chen whispered: “I won’t let you drink in the future.”

She did not protest, still sleeping soundly.

Yi Chen could not sleep and stayed awake until four something in the morning. He sighed, got up and went to the study.

There were still a lot of work to do. In fact, tomorrow, no, it was already the next day, he had not finished preparing the case for the court hearing in the morning. For Yi Chen, this was really a rare doing things at the last minute experience.

He was busy working until the first rays of morning sun.

Yi Chen closed his tired eyes and massaged his brows. When he opened his eyes again, he saw Mo Sheng standing at the doorway of the study looking at him.

“Yi Chen, you didn’t sleep at all?” Mo Sheng asked and bit her lips.

Yi Chen knew very well that was her habit when she felt nervous.

“Come here.” He beckoned.

When she walked closer, Yi Chen pulled her into his arms and she sat on his lap. f𝙧𝒆𝚎𝑤e𝚋𝓷o𝘷𝗲l.c𝐨m

“You’re awake? People who are drunk don’t usually sleep.”

“Really?” Mo Sheng was probably confused by Yi Chen’s attitude, so she asked innocently, “Then, what should I do?”

“Do something meaningful……” While talking, he lowered his head and kissed her soft lips.

Mo Sheng gasped for breath and lay her head on his arm. After a moment of silence, Yi Chen said: “Last night, I met with Ying Hui.”

Mo Sheng suddenly froze in his embrace.

“He told me someone searched my name in SOSO. I want to ask that person, what did she find?”

Mo Sheng did not say anything. Yi Chen continued to say: “I just searched your name and found out that you’ve won an award in photography before but you never told me.”

“Just a little-known award…… Besides, you did not ask me.” Mo Sheng said softly.

Yi Chen sighed and held her tighter: “I’m sorry, it’s my fault.”

“Mo Sheng, tell me now, what have you done?”

“In the U.S.?”

“Yes.”

Mo Sheng had never seen before, a He Yi Chen who is so gentle, not even at university seven years ago when their relationship was at its best. A soft and gentle inquiry easily opened the floodgate to all the grievances she suffered in those years.

Mo Sheng began to talk about those things that she experienced in U.S. When she first arrived in the U.S., she did not know English well. Thus, she could not understand the street signs and got lost. She talked about how she hated to study English, the strange habits of Americans and also those awful food. She focused on describing how awful a particular brand of instant noodles tasted.

“Then, why didn’t you eat something else?”

“Other food are expensive, as at that time, I was very poor.”

“Your father didn’t give you money?” This was the first time Yi Chen spoke of Mo Sheng’s father with such gentle tone.

Mo Sheng looked at his expression before continuing to say: “Yes, my father gave me a large amount of money. At first I was shocked, but later I read from the newspaper, then only I knew what happened…… so I sent the money back to the embassy.”

“Did the embassy write you a letter of appreciation?”

“I didn’t put my name, I sent it when there was a call for Chinese people to donate. In fact, there was nothing noble about my intention….” Just that I could not bring myself to use those money which was earned by the sacrifice of life. Furthermore, I also deceived myself into thinking without those money, my dad wouldn’t have died. Everything would be fine like nothing happened.”

“Oh, Mo Sheng was so smart, what else?”

“And……”

Mo Sheng thought one day she would tell Yi Chen these things, but she never thought it would be like this. She did not feel burdened at all, as if she was chatting about something ordinary. Those painful experiences seemed to have disappeared overnight.

They gradually stopped talking.

The day had brightened completely.

“Yi Chen, surprisingly I don’t feel sad at all. I thought it would be very difficult to talk about this.”

Yi Chen said quietly: “Because you have me now.”

Mo Sheng did not say anything. She lay her head on his chest and didn’t move at all. A long time later, Yi Chen thought she has fallen asleep. Gradually, he felt wetness on his chest. f𝑟e𝒆𝘄𝐞𝚋𝚗oѵ𝐞𝗹.c૦𝑚

It was already Monday and they have to go to work in the morning.

It was the first time Yi Chen went to battle unprepared. At the court, he discovered the prosecutor and judge seemed more muddied than him. Hence, everyone stayed muddy until the court session finished and the case would be heard again next time.

When the family of the defendant saw the dark circles under Yi Chen’s eyes clearly from the lack of sleep, they were deeply moved because they thought he exhausted himself for the case. They thanked him over and over again making Yi Chen not knowing whether to laugh or cry.