How To Raise Your Regressor

"I mean, they are monsters outside the norm while I'm just a normal human, but they never listen."

Fucking bastards.

"That's…"

"Like, sure, they can take on a blow which will literally wipe out a country from the face of this planet and emerge unscathed, but that's because they are fucking monsters. But they say that unless I can do that, I'm weak and have to be protected. It's as if they took their common sense, cooked it, fed it to a monster then killed it."

"…"

I think that should be enough.

"So, um, my rant aside, yeah, I'm not lacking in the numbers department."

"…"

"But let's put that aside and move on to your second argument. You claim that even if I'm strong enough to take on the Organisation, the people I actually want to protect are not. The Organisation could kill them, or worse, take them hostage."

"Now you're going to tell me that they too are stronger than you, right?" He replied mockingly.

"Unfortunately, they are not. But I CAN make them."

"Huh?" He replied stupidly.

Did this guy forget that I'm the R&D Head of my Guild?

"You see, the reason I'm the weakest member of my Organisation is that I made them stronger than me. It is because of me that they were able to attain the monstrous strength they now hold."

"That's not possible."

"Possibilities are limited by your own imagination, Tristan."

"But there is a line after which imagination turns into delusion."

Wow.

"That line is decided by your own ability. The wish to conquer the entire world is nothing more than a delusion when it comes out of a child's mouth, but when the King of the strongest country declares it as his next goal, it suddenly turns into a believable conquest."

"And you have the ability to turn others strong?"

"Of course. In case you don't remember, Neia was supposed to be a Dragon with zero attack power. Yet today, 30% of your forces were wiped out by her. Who do you think made her capable of that? Not a genie, that I can say for sure."

Oh wait, that sounds like a good idea.

Time to turn myself into a genie that grants wishes as long as it doesn't inconvenience him.

Do you desire power that can put you on the same level as the Gods? Ask and ye shall receive.

What about genius that would carve your name into the history books of this Universe? I got it.

Want me to take better care of myself? Yea nah, yeah nah, yeah nah, yeah nah, yeah nah, yeah nah, yeah nah, yeah nah, yeah nah, yeah nah, go fuck yourself.

"So that weapon is your invention."

"Exactly. It's the Gauss Sabot Rifle Mk-VII. Every shot of it is strong enough to blow away a Dragon's head."

Extra points if you do it in style.

"Why would you even create something like that? And why would you give it to Neia? Isn't she a Dragon herself?"

"You talk as if members of the same species have never fought each other."

"…I can't argue with that."

Damn right you cannot.

"Back to the point. My talent in fighting techniques, magic spells, or anything related to kicking others' ass is, at best, abysmal. Fuck, I had to train for 3 years straight before I could create a single ice spear."

"Then what the fuck was that magic spell earlier?"

Oh, fuck.

"I just realised that instead of training like a madman, getting no results and being depressed over it, it's better to create equipment to compensate for my lack of ability."

Holy shit, my lies are getting more and more elaborate by the moment.

Also, I feel like I'm forgetting about something.

Eh, if I forgot about it, then I guess it was nothing important.

I'm sure it'll turn out well.

"You cast that spell through equipment?" His eyes widened.

"Obviously. A normal human, much less a 12-year-old child, couldn't possibly cast a spell of such a grand scale."

It would be the stuff of nightmares if they could.

Imagine beating a chimp half your size in Uno and getting blasted in the face by 15000 ice spears because that child could not take his loss.

Brutal.

"Yet you, a 12-year-old child, could create equipment that could cast a spell of such a grand scale."

Alright, no need to be sassy about it, Tristan.

"Well, why do you think this 12-year-old child was given the position of the R&D Head of THE New Dawn Guild?"

I did say 'THE' but I honestly have no idea how good the New Dawn Guild actually is. f𝘳𝚎𝐞we𝐛𝑛𝐨𝘃e𝘭.co𝘮

Sed.

"I thought you got that position through connections."

"I wish I had that sort of connections."

"Don't you have your Organisation?"

"It would be quite dumb of me to go around telling everyone that I'm a part of that Organisation. That's just a speedrun to dying a pretty horrific death after being tortured for information."

Oh, wait.

"…"

This guy sure loves his random bouts of silences, doesn't he?

"Anyway, we digressed. Where was I again?"

"You were talking about your abysmal talent," he sighed, as if saying 'I have no idea what the fuck is going on'.

"Right. Like I was saying, I myself cannot get strong. But when it comes to raising those around me, it seems I have been blessed by every single God out there. I can look at a person and know exactly what I should do to make them stronger. It's depressing."

"Why is it depressing?"

"Because I cannot do that for myself! I can look at a random foetus in a mother's womb and instantly make a training regime as well as a list of equipment, techniques and other such bullshit to give to him to make him one of the strongest people of this country. But the moment I try it on myself, my mind just goes blank. A fucking goblin has a better chance of solving the age-old question of how to create an artificial Elixir than I have of figuring out how I can get stronger. It's like a big, fat 'Fuck you!' from the Gods. Do you have any idea how many times I have cried myself to sleep?"

Zero.

"I don't, and I don't think I want to know."

Wise decision, Tristan.

"Oh God, I think I'm going to cry."

"Please don't."

A cute child just poured his heart out to you, yet you cannot even lend him your shoulder to cry on.

And I thought I was the psychopath.

"Alright. So, my main point is that even if my comrades are currently weaker than your Organisation, I could easily turn every single one of them into a living disaster that could wipe your Organisation with a snap of their fingers."

In fact, that's exactly what I plan to do.

My plan of turning Neia into an incarnation of the first Dragon Emperor by making her capable of wiping out even the Legions of Hell through her healing powers is going along nicely.

I have already given the DVSH heart to Arteria. With the right training, she should be able to step into the realm of Demigods soon.

Hmm, who should I go for next? Vafferan seems like a nice choice; it would be interesting to show how wrong she is to think of herself as the Ultimate Weapon(lol).

"B-but surely that would take time-"

"The amount of time it'll take honestly depends on my mood. It's entirely possible that tomorrow's newspapers would show pictures of Lecia slaughtering your entire Organisation."

Hmm, that sounds like a nice money-making scheme, now that I think about it.

I'll snap exclusive shots of Lecia killing the members of Tristan's organisation, then sell them to the various news reporting agencies of this country for very high prices.

Within no time, I'll literally be swimming in Gold coins.

"So yea, I don't need your daughter and her information."

"No, wait-"

"However," I stopped the panicking duckling. "I do have something else- something better, in fact- in my mind. Would you like to hear it?"

Let's have some fun, shall we?