How To Survive as a Villain

Xiao YuAn has been going to Yongning Palace recently.

On the first day, Princess Yongning was learning to play the Guqin. When she saw Xiao YuAn, she was very happy and played a piece of music for him. Her slender jade fingers were flying, and the scenery was beautiful.

Xiao YuAn was amazed, and then, went right to the point: “Ning’er, do you want a personal Imperial Bodyguard?”

Princess Yongning hooked the strings and looked up doubtfully: “No, thank you for your concern, Imperial Brother.”

Why don’t you want! How can this be! Why are you both, young couple, so frustrating! Why!

Xiao YuAn smiled kindly: “Why not?”

Princess Yongning did not understand: “Why should I?”

Because he can develop into your husband!!!

Xiao YuAn said: “He can serve you.”

Princess Yongning said: “Yongning is very happy with her personal servants and doesn’t need one more person.”

“He can protect you.”

“The palace is safe day and night. Yongning doesn’t need to be protected.”

“He can talk with you.”

Princess Yongning smiled: “If Yongning feels lonely, why can’t I talk with Imperial Brother? Instead, I have to deal with someone I don’t know?”

Xiao YuAn said with difficulty: “In case I’m busy with politics, I’ll have no time to accompany you.”

Princess Yongning blinked mischievously: “Then Yongning is willing to wait for Imperial Brother to find me when he’s free. At that time, Imperial Brother will certainly talk with Yongning, right?”

Xiao YuAn breaks down and caresses his forehead: “Yes…Yes…”

For fucks sake!

Princess Yongning sweetly smiled and said, “You are so nice, Imperial Brother!”

Nice my ass!

The next day, Xiao YuAn said firmly to Princess Yongning, “I still think you need a bodyguard.”

Princess Yongning’s face showed grievance: “Why? Because Imperial Brother doesn’t want to talk to Yongning anymore?”

Don’t twist my words! You believe that just because you look sad, I will be soft hearted and I won’t arrange a bodyguard for you!

Then Xiao YuAn became soft hearted, and didn’t mention the matter of the bodyguard for the whole day.

On the third day, Xiao YuAn made psychological preparations beforehand and went straight to Yongning Palace.

Princess Yongning was also very happy to see Xiao YuAn: “Imperial Brother, I’ve found a bodyguard!”

Xiao YuAn stared at her with wide eyes.

What! So I don’t need to know when you two ran into each other, so I’m not necessary for the plot to develop?!

They’re genuinely worthy of being the male and female protagonists.

Xiao YuAn felt that he was worrying for nothing.

“If you found him, then that’s good.” Xiao YuAn smiled like a father and nodded.

“But she’s not a guard yet. Yongning wants to ask Imperial Brother to give her a position.” Princess Yongning shook Xiao YuAn’s hand.

Xiao YuAn said kindly: “I understand, I understand.”

“Great, I’ll let her see Imperial Brother!” Princess Yongning said happily, and quickly sent her maid to bring someone.

Xiao YuAn took a long breath.

Ah, this seems like a strange illusion of marrying a daughter.

As soon as Xiao YuAn finished this feeling, Princess Yongning brought a tiger with a wide back and a big waist. They were like two Xiao YuAn’s wide bodies.

A woman.

This woman, who resembled Lu Zhishen1, was so embarrassed that she gave Xiao YuAn a polite gesture: “This maidservant salutes His Majesty.”

Xiao YuAn stumbled and asked Princess Yongning: “This, this is the bodyguard you are looking for?”

Princess Yongning smiled: “Yes! Do you feel at ease?”

Yes!! Can’t refute!!

“Yes, yes…” Xiao YuAn hesitated, “She gives people the feeling that …no, it’s not like she would be able to protect you.”

Hearing Xiao YuAn’s words, the woman suddenly exhorted, covered her face and began to cry: “Your Majesty, this maidservant, this maidservant will do everything to protect the Princess! I swear! Wuwuwu!”

Princess Yongning quickly patted her on the back: “It’s okay, Cui’er don’t cry, don’t be aggrieved, Imperial Brother just doesn’t understand you.”

Xiao YuAn: “……”

I don’t understand!! I really don’t understand!

Princess Yongning said: “Just show Imperial Brother that you can protect me, okay?”

Cui’er wiped away her tears, nodded carefully, then reached for the porcelain cup on the table and easily crushed it with her bare hands.

Crushed…… With her bare hands……

Xiao Yu’an was still immersed in shock. When Cui’er ran out of the Yongning Palace, after finding a tree with thick branches, she embraced it with both arms. She then roared and suddenly uprooted it! Then she took another small step and shook it two or three times, weak willow’s leaves were falling down.

Xiao YuAn: “……”

Princess Yongning: “Look Imperial Brother! She can serve me, right?”

Xiao YuAn: “Yes…”

“And protect me!”

“But……”

“And talk to me!”

“This……”

Princess Yongning finalized: “Okay, it’s decided that she’s the one!”

Xiao YuAn was very tired, he put his head on the table and his hands fell on his sides. A lifeless look on his face, he couldn’t even drink the delicate porridge in front of him.

Hong Xiu asked anxiously, “Your Majesty, what’s wrong with you?”

Xiao YuAn replied weakly: “The cold leaves are floating all over my face, and my daughter’s rebellion hurts my heart.”

Hong Xiu was used to Xiao YuAn’s amazing words for a while now. She bowed her head and asked: “Is His Majesty’s internal fire attacking him, is his heart burning? Should this servant arrange a little slave for His Majesty to extinguish the fire?”

Xiao YuAn held his head with both hands: “Ah, poof–”

Hong Xiu advised: “I know that His Majesty is worried about the country and the people, and is now very obsessed with the government. But if this internal fire doesn’t go away, it will also hurt your body.”

Xiao YuAn tried to change the topic: “By the way, how has Yan HeQing been recently? Tomorrow I will… Forget it, you can call him over now.”

Xiao YuAn decided to forcibly follow the plot moving on it’s own, and let Yan HeQing and Princess Yongning meet by chance! If the two of them don’t spark this time, he doesn’t care! It doesn’t matter!!

Suddenly, Hong Xiu screamed: “Your Majesty, but, this maidservant thinks he’s not ready yet.”

Xiao YuAn was puzzled: “Ah? What are you going to prepare him for?”

Hong Xiu froze, then saluted: “This maidservant understands.”

After saying that, Hong Xiu immediately left.

After Xiao YuAn finished the porridge, he waited at the left side of the Imperial Palace then he waited at the right, he waited until it was time to sleep. Suddenly, Hong Xiu reappeared: “Your Majesty, it has been arranged properly. ”

Xiao YuAn nodded and went back to the bedchamber with Hong Xiu. She didn’t get inside and instead closed the door gently. Xiao YuAn didn’t care too much, thinking that she wanted to give him and Yan HeQing some privacy.

Anyway, he didn’t expect the room to be without lighting, he couldn’t see anything clearly. On top of that, the fragrant incense burner was sending out a sweet smell, which made Xiao YuAn feel kind of dizzy.

Xiao YuAn felt strange and was about to call for Hong Xiu. But suddenly, he was struck by lightning and understood what was going on, quickly approaching the bed.

After seeing the person lying on top of the bed, Xiao YuAn’s back went cold and his knees trembled in fear, almost kneeling down.

Footnotes:

Footnotes

鲁智深 lǔ zhìshēn; Lu Zhishen is a fictional character in 《水浒传》(shuǐ hǔ zhuàn), “Water Margin”, one of the four great classical novels in Chinese literature. It was written by 施耐庵 (shī nài ān) Shi Nai’an [1296-1371].