How To Survive as a Villain

It rained down all night, and into the next morning. The green leaves were dripping, the air was cold, and the sun was shining brightly through the hazy morning mist.

Xiao YuAn finished his breakfast in a spirited manner and said to Hong Xiu: “Today you can call me Cupid-Xiao.”

Hong Xiu’s face looked dull: “The ball must nervously laugh?1”

Even if you didn’t understand the first three words, how can you hear Xiao as a falling tone2 when I said it with a high level tone3???

“Anyway, Hong Xiu, is the Imperial Guard uniform that I asked you about yesterday ready?” Xiao YuAn asked.

Hong Xiu nodded, she was holding a set of clothing in her hands. Xiao YuAn looked at it and found that Hong Xiu even had black boots, belt and sword.

“What does His Majesty want to do?” Hong Xiu asked doubtfully.

Xiao YuAn smirked with pride: “The thirty six strategies4 weren’t created out of nothing5, you must watch the fire from the other side of the river6, and lastly! The soul! Will return! To the corpse!7”

Xiao YuAn’s selfish calculations were very smart. First, he’ll make Yan HeQing pretend to be an Imperial bodyguard. Then, he’ll take him to see Princess Yongning for a moment, and lastly, he can just watch the plot develop on its own!

After all, it isn’t impossible for the male lead and the female lead to meet each other, stare at the other’s eyes and like each other. They’re like the positive and negative poles of a magnet, they’re similar and compatible with each other!

As a personal maid, the magic of Hong Xiu is that even if she doesn’t understand Xiao YuAn’s words, she can still guess his intentions: “Your Majesty, are you going to Jing Yang Palace again? This time, you must bring an Imperial Guard with you.”

Ever since the last time when Xiao YuAn didn’t take an Imperial Guard with him, disappearing for a whole day and coming back with an injury, Hong Xiu persuades him to take an Imperial Guard with him now every time he goes out.

Xiao YuAn thought for a moment and said: “Maybe this time I’ll bring some Imperial Guards and maidservants.”

After all, if he want to bring Yan HeQing to Yongning’s Palace Hall afterwards, he has to put on airs.

Seeing that Xiao YuAn listened to her advice, Hong Xiu was relieved. She personally selected a few smart maids, and asked Yang LiuAn to choose several Imperial Guards to follow Xiao YuAn.

When they reached the Jing Yang Palace, the great group of people looked inspiring. Xiao YuAn subconsciously was going to knock Yan HeQing’s door, but Hong Xiu quickly stopped him: “Your Majesty, why do you need to knock on this male concubine’s door?”

Xiao YuAn didn’t have the time to speak yet, when Hong Xiu pushed the door open and entered without hesitation.

Wait, this is too abrupt! What if Yan HeQing hadn’t gotten up yet! Or in case he has the habit of sleeping naked! Or what about if he’s changing clothes! Hong Xiu, hold back a little! Don’t make him lose face8!

Seeing that Hong Xiu had entered the wing room, Xiao YuAn must catch up quickly. Unexpectedly, at the moment he stepped in, Hong Xiu suddenly took a step back, almost hitting him.

Huh?

Is he really changing clothes?

Xiao YuAn looked inside, his pupils shrank and he turned around almost running into Yang Liuan who followed him in.

Yang LiuAn was startled and looked right inside the wing room: “Your Majesty, what happened?”

But after looking inside, Yang LiuAn’s throat seemed to be suddenly strangled by something. His face became pale as if he was falling into an ice cave.

Yang LiuAn was once stabbed in the abdomen by an assassin with a sharp blade. He still remembers the pain he felt that time: the cold and sharp tip submerged into the flesh letting out the blood, the pain accumulated everywhere, and then, it exploded violently through his four limbs.

But the pain he felt then was ten thousand times less painful than what he was feeling now.

“All of you, go out and wait outside.” Xiao YuAn stopped Yang LiuAn, who was about to follow him in. He was so frightened that he raised his eyes in shock.

Yang LiuAn’s eyes were red and his lips were white. He was trembling, his voice was hoarse and dry, he wasn’t able to utter a whole sentence: “Your Majesty, this, this, must be…a misunderstanding.”

Why is your reaction so exaggerated?! Were you shocked by the erotic view inside the wing room?

“LiuAn, wait outside and don’t let anyone come in.” Xiao YuAn patted him, but Yang LiuAn grabbed his arm. He breathed hurriedly and said: “Your Majesty, I, I……”

You, you, what do you want to say?

After a long time, Yang LiuAn lowered his head as if he had been crushed by something and murmured: “I’ll comply with His Majesty’s order.”

Xiao YuAn closed the door of the wing room and pinched himself fiercely. Making sure that this wasn’t a dream, he then turned around.

The wing room wasn’t so big. With a table and chairs, bookshelves and wooden cabinets, and a tulle bed that could be seen clearly at one glance.

The messy bedding on the bed covered two naked bodies that could be seen faintly. Their long black silk-like hair intertwined, lying in each other’s arms, elegantly drunk, one of them was Yan HeQing.

Xiao YuAn blinked, blinked again, and then blurted out: “What the fffffuck??”

What the fuck?

Yan-ge! Why are you lying next to him! He’s! A! Man!!! Even if you hadn’t met the goddess yet, you can’t bend so suddenly!

No, no, no, that’s not the point.

Xiao YuAn was at a loss on whether he should be more horrified by the sight of Yan HeQing becoming gay or the fact that he’d already slept with someone else before meeting the female lead. After a while, Hong Xiu finally came out of the shock, and a terrible rage possessed her. She stepped forward, and after rounding her arms, she was ready to slap the two men sleeping on the bed.

Footnotes:

Footnotes

The confusion here is that Xiao YuAn said: 丘比特萧 qiū bǐ tè Xiāo; lit translated as Cupid Xiao (Xiao as Xiao YuAn’s surname). But Hong Xiu heard 球必忑笑 qiú bì tè xiào; lit translated qiú = ball, bì = must, tè = nervous, xiào = laugh.第四声 dì sì shēng; fourth tone in Mandarin. The fourth sound, use [ ˋ ] to express a tone, for example: là.第一声 dì yī shēng; first tone in Mandarin. The first sound, is represented by [ ˉ ], for example: lā.《三十六计》 sān shí liù jì; The Thirty-Six Stratagems, a Chinese essay used to illustrate a series of stratagems used in politics, war, and in civil interaction / All the possible schemes and stratagems.无中生有 wú zhōng shēng yǒu; It’s a Chinese idiom, it means that something came out of nothing / Fabricate rumors / A sheer fabrication out of nothing. It’s the seventh plan of the “Thirty-six Stratagems” and it comes from 《道德经》第40章 (“dào dé jīng” dì 40 zhāng), the 40th chapter of “The Book of Dao”, written by (老子 lǎo zǐ) Laozi or Lao-tze, a Chinese philosopher and founder of Taoism.隔岸观火 gé àn guān huǒ; It’s a Chinese idiom, it refers to staying out of the way, not helping others when they’re in danger, and taking a stand by attitude / Looking at somebody else’s troubles with indifference. From 《投谒齐已》(tóu yè qí yǐ), “Everyone Had Been Invited”. Written by (乾康 qián kāng) Qian Kang from the Tang Dynasty [618-907 AC].还魂 huán hún; Revive after death / Return from the grave.面子 miàn zi; The Chinese concept of “face” refers to a cultural understanding of respect, honor and social standing. Actions or words that are disrespectful may cause somebody to “lose face” while gifts, awards and other respect-giving actions may “give face”.