I Don't Like The World, I Only Like You

009

The impression others have of Mr. F is that he is a model youth who excels in the five important areas: study, thought, occupation, discipline, and way of life. Wherever he went, he always looked impeccable and flawless; however, my fellow friends, we should always caution ourselves against being deceived by appearances! Indeed, this fellow is obstinate, stubborn, compulsively clean, fusses over minor details and is highly difficult to please.

He never ever loans his books to others, because he hates people flipping through his book flippantly without taking proper care of them; he never ever lets outsiders enter his room, and instantly locks his room the minute young children visit the home. He reared a golden retriever when he was younger. However, when he brought it out for a walk and met others who requested for his permission to pat the dog, he always refused, and would even get peeved on several occasions, demanding to know why in the world they wanted to touch his dog.

When we were studying, there was this one time our class organized a BBQ outing. The rest of us made do with disposable bowls and utensils – only he, he actually brought! his! very! own! utensils! During the outing, when someone wanted to check whether the chicken wings were fully cooked, the classmate seated next to Mr. F grabbed Mr. F’s chopsticks and used the chopsticks to place a piece of chicken in his own mouth. Subsequently, Mr. F, being the annoying brat that he is, threw away his chopsticks and refused to eat anything else, causing the entire atmosphere to become rather strained.

When we started staying together, I initially thought that his fussy temperament and obsession with cleanliness would contribute to numerous conflicts between us – who would have known that not only would he refrain from fussing over minor matters, he would further allow me to slowly but gradually enter, and invade his personal space. Currently, he is able to tolerate my habit of using his cup and his chopsticks, and he is also able to put up me when I wear his T-shirts. He has even allowed me to influence him in cultivating numerous bad habits – nowadays, when we wake up in the morning, he would lay in bed with me whilst we eat our breakfast; when reading, he would lie with me on the floor or on the sofa for one entire afternoon. When standing, he no longer stands upright, and when sitting, he no longer straightens his back. When describing such a phenomenon, he chose to characterize it as follows, “the good habits that I cultivated since young are now all destroyed because of you.”

I replied, saying that your personality in the past was horrendously dislikable. Conversely, you’re so cute now it’s unbelievable.

010

Previously, I asked Mr. F whether there was anything in which he was confident of achieving.

Subsequently, he told me that amongst the numerous things he believed in, one of them was his expectation that we would ultimately end up together.

However, what he did not expect was my decision to come to Beijing to look for him of my own accord. At that time, I didn’t tell him that I had quit my job in Changsha, mainly because I felt that it would be extremely embarrassing if I suddenly ran up to him and told him that “I quit my job only because I wanted to slog it out in Beijing with you”.

It was only after I arrived in Beijing and settled down when I finally decided to give him a call. He thought that I was here on a business trip, and arranged to meet me on a weekend.

I managed to locate my rental apartment from a cursory Internet search, and moved in immediately on the night I arrived in Beijing. Because of my young age, I had very little experience renting rooms from others, and never thought about checking the housing permits. Subsequently, I discovered that my ‘landlord’ was actually just a tenant – because of his greed for rental money, he secretly erected partitions in the house and sublet these ‘rooms’ without the landlord’s permission. On the second day of my stay, the landlord came to check the apartment.

Having found out that the apartment housed six families, the landlord insisted that we move out immediately before she resorted to calling the police.

As such, I was thrown out of my apartment. It was 12 midnight, and I stood by the roadside with my two big luggage, absolutely clueless and lost as to my next course of action. I had nowhere to go.

Thus, I was forced to give Mr. F a call. He rushed over immediately, and when he saw me looking lost and destitute whilst dragging my luggage, his anger boiled over.

“Why would you decide to rent an apartment?” He interrogated me.

It was only then that I told him the truth.

“I quit my job.”

“When was this?”

“Last week.”

“Why did you quit your job?”

“I just…… didn’t want to work there anymore.”

“You want to stay in Beijing?”

“Yes.”

“Do you have any plans?”

I shook my head.

“Have you found a job that you desired? Have you sent out your resume? Would your previous employer be able to help write some recommendation letters for you?”

He is an extremely logical and rational person; before embarking on a course of action, he would have crafted Plan A, Plan B, and Plan C in great detail, which is the entire opposite of what I did. I shook my head innocuously, and said that I hadn’t thought of any plans. When he heard that, he flew into a rage, “Then why on earth did you come here?! Don’t you know how to plan for your future? You had a good job, but you threw it away singlehandedly. You’re not young anymore, so how could you be so wilful? What on earth are you thinking?”

His harsh words made me feel terribly anxious, so I simply blurted out the truth, “I was thinking of you! Why else would I come to Beijing!”

The moment those words left my mouth, both of us were stunned into silence. I felt highly awkward, and tried to defuse the situation by dragging my luggage and walking away. “In any event, I have made up my mind to stay in Beijing. I will look for a job, so you don’t have to worry about me.”

He caught up with me, silently grabbing my luggage and heading to the road to flag a taxi.

I was still feeling rather upset, but I suddenly burst out in laughter when I gradually neared him.

“Mr. F, are you blushing?”

“Keep quiet, you.” He turned his face away, his voice muffled in the night.

011

Now that I think about it, it’s quite interesting – when he confessed to me and when I subsequently confessed to him, neither of us used the word ‘love’. We just became lovers naturally, as though it was the most logical thing in the world.

In actuality, I had been a very cowardly person since young, and was usually extremely indecisive. Coming to Beijing was the firmest decision I had ever made. Even I myself am unable to understand why I experienced a sudden surge of courage – maybe it was because I was still young then, and thought that any decision I made didn’t involve too much investment.

Once, a person asked me whether I ever queried the correctness of my decision to go to Beijing. This is a really difficult question to answer. Staying at Changsha definitely had its perks – my life would definitely have been smoother and more comfortable, but Beijing enabled me to experience an entirely different lifestyle. It provided me with a platform to realize my inner potential, helped to create in me an attitude that is brave and positive, and allowed me to morph into a person with more confidence. Of course, a large part of this change can be attributed to Mr. F’s presence by my side.

In my opinion, one is unable to definitively judge whether a decision is right or wrong. As long as one is willing to bear the consequences, one’s decision would generally be free from criticism. Abandoning the past, and choosing to create a new life together with him was a decision I made. Regardless of whether the ending is good or bad, I would accept them with a peace of mind.

Having said, I would nevertheless joke with him occasionally, saying that had I stayed in Changsha, I might have been the leader of some department by now. During these times, he would rebutt me with a righteous tone, “Aren’t you the leader presently in charge of me anyway? Clearly, you’re not at a disadvantage .”

012

If I recall correctly, after I came to Beijing, we naturally transformed from friends to lovers. When he came by to help me move into my new place, the landlord asked, “ Are you staying alone, or are both of you staying together?”

I hurriedly replied that I was staying alone, my face reddening in the process.

Subsequently, when I was chatting with my roommate, she pointed at Mr. F and asked, “Is he your boyfriend?”

Before I had a chance to reply, a certain person put his arms around me and nodded his head. That was how we ascertained our relationship as lovers.

However, he subsequently did open up, “I too, experienced an internal struggle when I was thinking about our relationship.”

Confused, I asked, “What’s there for you to struggle over?”

He replied, “If I immediately agreed to be your lover just because you made a offhand and random decision to pursue me, I would lose face.”

“May I ask how you showcased this ‘struggle’?”

“I decided to ignore you for a period of time, because I couldn’t let you become too arrogant.”

“So…?”

“That’s why several times, when you called my mobile, I intentionally chose not to pick up.”

“And…?”

“And sometimes, when you asked me out on a date, I replied saying that I wasn’t free.”

“That’s it?”

“Yup.”

Mr. F, I’m really sorry, but I was totally clueless about your sensitive and delicate inner thoughts and feelings at that point in time. I truly thought that you were simply too busy for dates.

013

In the past, Mr. F appeared terribly cold on the outside, but had a great amount of internal emotional activity – as such, even in situations where his heart was about to burst with happiness, he nevertheless tried his best to maintain his cold, deadpan expression. Unfortunately, a certain fellow’s “Male God” image is presently crushed into smithereens; instead, he has switched his course, and is currently galloping on the road to Shamelessness. No matter how hard I whip my horse, I am unable to catch up with him.

Last weekend, I put in a huge amount of effort to prepare a complex, home-cooked dish. When I brought it to the table, he was extremely picky and criticized my food, saying that it wasn’t nice.

I got so mad I started shouting, “I’m never going to cook[1] for you ever again!”

“If that’s the case, you can simply cook the dishes – anyway, I know how to steam the rice.” He replied calmly.

[T/N: [1] The Mandarin words used by the author are 做饭 (zuo fan), which directly translates to cook rice, but is used colloquially to refer to cooking an entire meal. This is why Mr. F decides to explore the linguistic loophole to interpret Joey’s words as “I’m never going to cook rice for you ever again!”]

“I won’t even cook dishes! Who are you anyway Mister? Do I know you? Are we in a relationship?”

“Yes.” He didn’t even blink before answering. “We are in a physical relationship.”

I was so angry I nearly fainted.

The next day, however, he was extremely obedient, and finished all the dishes and the rice. Subsequently, he put down his bowl and lay on the sofa, moaning and wheezing. “I’m stuffed.”

I helped him massage his stomach, “You’re already an adult, so why don’t you exercise some self-control when you eat?”

He sighed, “I have no other option.”

“Why?”

“I am only able to escape washing up duty if I eat till I’m stuffed.”

Hey buddy, do you even remember the ‘elegant and cool’ image you tried so hard to create in the past?

014

When I decided to quit my job in order to go to Beijing, all my friends thought that I was crazy, and each of them took turns to counsel me. However, I was determined to go Beijing, and no amount of counseling would change my mind. According to them, it was as though I was possessed – to them, it wasn’t worth going through so much hassle just for a man. Thus, my best friends had an extremely negative impression of Mr. F.

During my second year in Beijing, my dorm leader (who was on extremely good terms with me during my University years) came to Beijing on a work trip. My dorm leader was from the North part of China, and was 1.75m tall. In order to appear normal when I stood next to her, I grit my teeth and wore my 8cm heels for our meeting.

I soon realized that it was a fatal mistake. From the South Gong and Drum Lane (Nanluoguxiang) to Prince Gong’s Mansion (Gong Wang Fu), from Prince Gong’s Mansion to Huo Hai – I walked the entire distance in my heels. My 8cm heels. As a result, I nearly died from walking.

Initially, the original plan was to go window shopping and sightseeing with my dorm leader in the day before meeting Mr. F for dinner at night. However, my plan got disrupted when my wallet got stolen at the Yonghe Temple (What?! This is the Fourth Prince’s territory! Thieves these days are truly running wild.)

[T/N: Yongzheng Emperor, the Fourth Prince of Kangxi Emperor, lived in Yonghe Temple when he was alive.]

As such, I gave Mr. F an emergency call. Even though it was a weekend, he was still in his office working overtime – thus, even though I wanted him to return home to help me grab a more comfortable pair of shoes, I decided against it in the fear of wasting his time.

Before long, Mr. F arrived, a paper bag in his hand. I wondered whether this fellow had bought a present in an attempt to win my dorm leader over. To my surprise, the paper bag contained a pair of shoes – those shoes were mine, and they were flats!

I asked, “You went home?”

He replied, “I didn’t. But since you wore your heels out this morning, I thought that you might feel tired from all the walking. Thus, I brought an additional pair of shoes for you and placed them in the car.”

He bent down naturally, helping me change into my new pair of shoes whilst completing his sentence. Next to us, my dorm leader was in a state of shock, with a ‘Kao, what am I seeing!’ expression etched on her face.

015 𝘧𝒓e𝑒𝑤e𝙗𝚗o𝙫𝒆𝙡.𝐜𝐨ｍ

He chose not to return to the Company that day, instead volunteering to accompany us in our window shopping adventure. He trailed behind us, helping us carry our bags and pay for our purchases without the slightest complaint.

When it was time for dinner, we went to a relatively famous restaurant which he had earlier called in order to reserve a private room. When we were selecting our dishes, he asked the dorm leader whether she had any dietary restrictions, to which the dorm leader replied that she hadn’t had any. He immediately proceeded to order various dishes, all of which suited the taste of our dorm leader. Our dorm leader was thus extremely touched. In actuality, a certain sneaky person had already confirmed with me the previous night what our dorm leader liked to eat. free𝒘ℯ𝗯𝙣𝗼ν𝑒𝗹.𝒄o𝒎

After dinner, we sent the dorm leader back to her hotel, and Mr. F volunteered to drive the dorm leader to the airport the next day. Before our dorm leader left, Mr. F told her, “A few years ago, I wasn’t at Joey’s side. Thankfully, you guys were there to help me take care of her, and for that, I am eternally grateful.” When he said those words, his eyes glittered with sincerity and his actions shone with gentlemanliness.

At this point, I began feeling weirded out, and thought in my heart, “Who are you? And what have you done to hopelessly arrogant Mr. F who suffers from facial paralysis and the dead-fish-eyes syndrome?!”

As expected, after ten minutes, the dorm leader started to roar in the group chat, “AHHHHHHHHHH! Joey’s man is too bloody sweet and understanding!!!!”

The nosy audience started to boil with excitement.

“Boss you went to Beijing?”

“Everybody, come listen to the latest gossip!”

The dorm leader started to recount the tale meticulously, without leaving a single detail out. When she ended, she specially emphasized, “Kneeling down in the middle of the street to help Little Joe change her shoes, that’s so gentle of him!!! And during dinner, after he sought my opinion, he managed to order all the dishes within two minutes!! Two minutes!! I like these type of clear-cut guys best! In today’s day and age, it’s so difficult to find a guy who’s decisive yet gentle, and would even personally help you wear your shoes.”

At the very same time, a certain person immediately lay on the sofa upon reaching home, pulling out his tie in the process. Grinning from ear to ear, he asked me, “Wasn’t my performance good today?”

I nodded in agreement, and told him that he did alright.

With a wave of his hand, he instructed me, “If that’s the case, hurry along and prepare the bath for me.”

I tottered to the bathroom to prepare the bath, but decided to stick my head out after some thought, “Since you saw me wear my heels out this morning, why didn’t you remind me before we left the house?”

He smiled without replying my query.

In the group chat, the dorm leader was still hollering, “Too thoughtful too thoughtful too thoughtful!”

Tears silently rolled down my cheeks – ah, my dorm leader, you’re still too innocent……

016

After becoming lovers with Mr. F, I would always receive queries from people asking me when we were going to get married. I was extremely puzzled – did I have a face that was flaming with a desire to get married?

“It’s not that, it’s just that I feel that you two would definitely last for a long period of time, so marriage is simply an inevitable event.” My friend explained it as such.

When I was young, I had a bad habit – I liked to bite my nails. Although my mum had spanked me countless times over my bad habit, I am simply unable to change it. As such, my nails are generally very ugly. My mum often chastised me, “When your boyfriend proposes to you in the future, would you have the cheek to give him such an ugly hand and expect him to put the diamond ring on for you?” Due to her warning, I always worried over whether I would get dumped at the stage when I was due to wear the diamond ring.

But the reality was – on the morning of a certain weekend, both of us were lazing on the bed when he suddenly asked me, “Do you have any plans today?”

“No, I don’t.”

“I don’t have any plans either.”

Using an extremely calm and normal tone, he asked, “Let’s get our marriage certificate then.”

I responded immediately without thinking, “Sure.”

It was only when he got up and started booking plane tickets when I finally managed to process what he just said – That was his marriage proposal?! What about the diamond ring?

This story tells us that, reality is often not as bad as you think it would be – it would only be worse.