I Trick Even the Lames to Stand Up for Me

Translator : KuroShinji

TL Checker & Editor : SilentDawn

Editor & Proofreader : Mariabel

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Xia Xiang had obviously noticed that he was being stared at. As he curled himself into a ball shaking like a leaf, the bed shook alongside him. Gu Ye was worried that Xia Xiang wouldn’t be able to hold back his pee and it would be Gu Ye who gets showered as his bed was the bottom bunk. Getting up and walking slowly toward the window, Gu Ye said in a joking manner, “Sister, it’s so late now. Are you not going home to sleep?”

The ghost backed away a few steps and instinctively felt that Gu Ye wouldn’t be easy to deal with. “Who are you?” she asked vigilantly.

Gu Ye answered seriously, “The successor of communism .”

The female ghost immediately felt that she had been fooled. Her hair fluttered menacingly as if blown by wind, revealing her bloody face. Her scarlet eyes stared at Gu Ye fiercely. “Boy, I advise you to mind your own business.”

Gu Ye yawned lazily, looked at the pitiful ghost lady, and said softly, “You should also not be too excessive.”

Gu Ye’s attitude heightened her apprehension, but she couldn’t let Xia Xiang, this delicious big cake with a pure Yin constitution go. Reluctant, she tried calculating the probability of killing Xia Xiang and escaping under Gu Ye’s watch.

Gu Ye sneered, made a gesture with his fingers, and a faint purple flame appeared. “You don’t want to leave, so you want to be my pet, right?”

Gu Ye’s hand gesture was a ghost-controlling technique forbidden in Taoism.

The female ghost was instinctively afraid of the fire. After hesitating for a few moments, she turned around and ran.

Gu Ye clicked his tongue and regretfully sighed. He just wanted a group of cute pet servants, it’s best if they looked beyond the norm. If nothing else, this one sure is ugly.

At this moment, Xia Xiang poked his head out from under his quilt, sneakily staring at Gu Ye with a fervent gaze.

Gu Ye paid no attention to him. Wrapping himself in his quilt, he rolled over and continued to sleep. Outside, the lingering Yuan Qi and Sha Qi rustled like the wind. The ghost was still wandering around. She must have died unjustly. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have that much Yuan Qi on her, and she wouldn’t be attacking people without provocation.

The next morning, Gu Ye exited his dormitory with books in hand, planning to head to the classroom to study.

Seeing him leaving, Xia Xiang also hurriedly followed suit. Before he could speak, he was stopped by two boys at the door. They were haggard with pale lips and bloodshot eyes. Seeing Xia Xiang coming out, they anxiously dragged him away.

Being a bit farther away, Gu Ye could only hear Xia Xiang timidly say : “I can’t help you either. I already told you not to play with that thing. You will really die, but you just won’t listen to me! This has nothing to do with me, ah!”

After morning class, Gu Ye went to the cafeteria alone for breakfast. As soon as he went in, he was stopped by Xia Xiang and two boys. Xia Xiang offered him two meat buns and a bowl of Eight Treasure Congee (Laba Porridge).

Gu Ye raised an eyebrow. “What do you want?”

“Please eat.” Xia Xiang’s voice was low, like a little rabbit. It looked like he was being forced to act as a spokesperson for the two boys. “Thank you for helping me last night.”

Gu Ye smiled and walked past him to buy food for himself. “It wasn’t for you.”

After buying some meat pies, Gu Ye found a seat and Xia Xiang sat beside him. Holding two big meat buns, he whispered : “I know that in your line of work there’s a rule that if you help others, your fortune will be affected. And if it’s serious, your lifespan may even decrease. You guys will usually charge a certain fee for the people who need help depending on the severity of the situation to make up for your personal losses. I beg of you, please help me, and I will pay you accordingly.”

Gu Ye was in a good mood because of the delicious pie. “Boy, you sure know a lot, even the rules.”

“Well, my family often looks for masters.” Due to his physique, he was often scared stiff or haunted by ghosts when he was a kid. Throughout his life, he had seen plenty of capable masters, but Gu Ye was the first one who could scare off a ghost with just a hand gesture.

Gu Ye said with a smile, “Let’s see how much money you can pay.”

Xia Xiang’s eyes brightened, and he held up two fingers : “Currently, I can only give you 2,000 yuan. How much do you want? I will ask my mother to transfer the amount to you next month.”

The two other students didn’t expect Xia Xiang to directly pay 2,000 yuan to Gu Ye, so they tugged at his clothes anxiously to show their disapproval. However, despite his timid look, Xia Xiang was very stubborn and wasn’t deterred at all.

Gu Ye was amused. “Okay. Tell me, how did you get entangled with that lady?”

“It wasn’t me. It was these two. They played Pen Fairy and called her out. I never expected that she would come for me. She has been following me for the entire winter vacation, all the way to when I changed dorms.” Xia Xiang was desperate. He didn’t provoke the ghost at all, but ghosts just seemed to like him anyways.

Gu Ye took a sip of his porridge and said in a serious manner, “Isn’t she beautiful? She loves you deeply as well. You’re simply blessed, ah, lad!”

Xia Xiang wanted to cry. “I don’t want this kind of blessing, ah!”

While Gu Ye sympathized with Xia Xiang, he was also secretly delighted. The boy had a pair of Yin and Yang eyes coupled with a pure Yin constitution that was a great tonic for ghosts. However, Xia Xiang didn’t have the ability to protect himself. It was quite the wonder to have survived until now.

After finishing his meal, Gu Ye pulled Xia Xiang’s arm and drew a charm right on his skin, saying, “If you see those things again, chant this in your heart : Accompanied by the Emperor, what spirit dares appear?? Tian Gang stirs the heavens, binding evil far and near.”

Xia Xiang repeated the mantra a few times in his head before asking curiously, “Is that it?”

“It’s a spell. When chanted silently, ghosts and spirits won’t be able to approach. Your 2,000 yuan is only enough to buy this charm. It will last for two months.”

Xia Xiang looked at his arm excitedly. He believed that he would be safe as long as he shared the same dorm with Gu Ye, and with this charm, he would no longer be afraid to go to the restroom at night. He would no longer have to hold his pee!

“Erm, could you help them settle…”

Gu Ye had already stood up, wanting to go back to the classroom. He didn’t even spare a glance at the two boys and said, “Forget it. They reap what they sow. They can go accompany the other ghosts dancing cha cha this evening or I will feel bad for that lady.” Gu Ye continued, sounding cold : “It’s fine if you, yourself, have a death wish, but don’t drag others down with you.”

The two students were viciously scolded and couldn’t help swearing under their breaths. They also resented Xia Xiang a bit for bringing up the issue of the Pen Fairy. This is too much!

Lin ZiHao, one of the students, looked at Xia Xiang as if he were a fool and quipped sarcastically : “Are you stupid or does your family have a gold mine at home? You really want us to give all of our pocket money to him, huh!”

Liu YiWen also added : “He’s obviously cheating you. What ghost repelling charm, I can’t even see anything. Is it like the Emperor’s new clothes?”

“He must be lying. He can’t catch ghosts at all. He’s just some rich kid and a learning slag at that. I don’t know how his personality changed over the break, but if I were him, I would’ve already been recruited to several famous universities already. And you still want to believe him? Liu YiWen, let’s go. We don’t have the leisure to waste money.”

Liu YiWen also agreed with Lin ZiHao but felt his words were a bit too much. He looked at Xia Xiang apologetically with a gaze that implied “You take care of yourself” before following Lin ZiHao.

Xia Xiang munched on the meat buns with a taut expression. His family was indeed rich, but he never flaunted the money he had. As a matter of fact, the copper coin that prevented the woman ghost from entering the dorm in the first place was bought by his father from a famous master at a great price before winter vacation. Otherwise, they would’ve already died. He spent his money to protect their lives. Why should people despise him for being a rich second generation?

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Later, in the dead of night, a dark shadow slowly creeped toward the dorm that Xia Xiang previously lived in. In the other dorm, there was Gu Ye protecting Xia Xiang. Who would dare take that risk? She couldn’t act rashly and could only go back and settle for the second best. The two people who summoned her before were Lin ZiHao and Liu YiWen. After she fulfilled their wishes, their contract was established. Following the rules of trade, she should be able to take their lives at any time.

She wanted a corporeal body. She wanted someone to be bound as a spirit in her stead so that she could step out of this school and find that scum to avenge herself!

After several attacks from the ghost, the copper coin guarding the door lost most of its power. The ghost reached out with her black nails, instantly snuffing out the weak white light protecting the dorm, and stormed into the room under three people’s horrified scream. She then grabbed Lin ZiHao’s hair and yanked him upward.

“Ah!!!” Lin ZiHao cried out in pain, covering his head in horror while kicking his feet and struggling desperately. He felt sharp nails digging into his scalp and blood flowing down his cheeks. The smell of blood was so thick that he didn’t know whether it was his own blood or the female ghost’s. He was scared shitless. “Help! Help! Let me go! Help me! Zhao PengYu, help me!”

The female ghost leaned close to Lin ZiHao, taking a sniff and squinting her scarlet eyes in pleasure. She had no face, and her only distinguishable features were her eyes and mouth. Her wounds varied in size and depth with pale, white bone showing through the deep ones. There was also some rotten flesh along with dripping blood, and it can be clearly seen that she was badly mutilated during her death. Even without the dorm lights, the cold moonlight and street lamps outside were enough to allow a clear view. The visual impact was not something that ordinary people can bear, and Lin ZiHao’s eyes rolled back with fear before fainting.

Liu YiWen held his head in horror and his body trembled in fear. He had lost his will to struggle and even the thought of running away made him so scared he almost peed his pants. How could he have the courage to save Lin ZiHao?

It was the other student who saw that Lin ZiHao was about to lose his life and was filled with sudden courage. Swinging a chair and smashing it on the ghost, he jumped up and scolded fiercely, “Motherfucker! I’ll take you on!”

People’s Zheng Qi can usually overcome ghosts’ Qi, which is one of the reasons why ghosts generally won’t provoke police officers and soldiers. Zhao PengYu’s sudden burst of courage and him smacking the ghost with a chair made the female ghost pause in her actions. She then became completely enraged. Letting go of Lin ZiHao, she scrambled madly at Zhao PengYu.

Zhao PengYu was so scared that he immediately wanted to run away. When he got to the door, he found that the door wouldn’t open no matter how hard he tried to pry it open. It was like the door had been welded shut. Furthermore, the noise here was extremely loud, but the rest of the people in the dorm didn’t have any reactions, as if they were deaf. Zhao PengYu’s heart went cold as he thought to himself : He wouldn’t be that unlucky tonight, right? He, Zhao PengYu, 19, died from an act of bravery. He fought against evil spirits to save his moronic classmates. Come on, this epitaph sounds stupid!

In a blink of an eye, the ghost pounced on Zhao PengYu. Grabbing his neck, she said, “Since you’re so nosy, then I’ll kill you first.”

Zhao PengYu’s height was 180 cm, but he was being held up easily by the thin female ghost. He couldn’t even struggle and could only bulge his eyes in pain. They were already bloodshot from the lack of oxygen. Zhao PengYu’s gaze turned toward the ground where the shivering Liu YiWen was. He looked like he had no intention of helping him, which in turn plunged him deeper into despair. The last thought that came to his mind was that he really let his parents worry about him too much since his childhood. He didn’t realize until he was dying that he had done too many fucking things that angered them, especially his mother. What a shame…

When Zhao PengYu was about to lose consciousness, he heard a loud bang. The dormitory door was kicked open by someone from the outside, and in an instant, a figure dashed towards him. With a miserable shriek, the female ghost was beaten down and kicked to the wall, hitting it sharply. The area where she was hit was scorching black and smoking, leaving her face even more deformed.

The figure who rushed in raised his leg with a blank expression. He was wearing cotton pajamas that had a cute sheep print with two horns. He looked absolutely adorable, but the next second, he kicked the female ghost’s face violently and angrily scolded : “I fucking told you to not be too excessive! People are sleeping, you know! What time do you think it is now?! Do you want me to teach you how to read the time, hah?!”

It was Gu Ye, who hadn’t had a good night’s sleep for two days in a row.

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Really am sorry about the delay. Again, a lot happened and I’m pretty sure everyone is tired of listening to this kind of excuse. Updates might be sporadic but I will make sure to add up a chapter once a week. Really am sorry for this.