Ihoujin, Dungeon ni Moguru

I decided to make yakisoba(fried noodles) for lunch.

The sisters had just returned home, so along with Lanseal, the four of us had lunch together. Misuranika-sama was nowhere to be seen. Maria wasn't back from visiting her parent yet.

The dwarf's meals were all handled by Makina, so I didn't make his share.

「Onii-chan, what's the deal with this?」

For some reason, my sister was glaring at me fiercely.

「What's the deal, you ask......it's yakisoba. Rana, how many fried eggs do you want with yours?」

「I'll take two」

I flipped the fried eggs in the frying pan, then put them on top of Rana's yakisoba.

「What about you, Lanseal?」

「I’m fine with one」

One for Lanseal.

「What about you, Ea?」

「Haaaa~」

Ea shook her head in dismay and let out a deep sigh.

「Onii-chan, this ramen is no good」

「It's not ramen, but yakisoba though」

My sister ignored me and went on.

「One of the good points of ramen is the sense of comfort and feeling of satisfaction that comes from knowing that there will still be plenty of broth left after finishing the noodles and eating the ingredients. That luxuriousness is its selling point. This dish kills off that aspect of ramen. It reduces the supreme dish of ramen to the level of a normal dish. I don't acknowledge this, you hear?」

「Oh, I see」

It appears that Ea isn't pleased with the yakisoba.

I'll take her plate back and whip up something else for her.

「You two can go ahead and eat first」

『Itadakimasu』

Rana and Lanseal put their hands together and then started eating the yakisoba. Both of them were using chopsticks. Rana was still getting used to them, but Lanseal had mastered them with ease.

「Oh, it's delicious. The sweet and spicy seasoning becomes richer when mixed with the runny yolk of the fried egg. I like this dish very much」

It looks like Rana likes it.

「Souya, it's very tasty. I can see Maria and the others liking this dish a lot. Please teach me how to make the noodles. And also how to make this sauce」

Likewise for Lanseal.

「The noodles are pretty easy to make, but the sauce may be a little trickier. I'll need to work on that」

Otafuku sauce.[1]

Can it be reproduced in the alternate world, I wonder?

「Well then, Ea, there's some leftover pot-au-feu, so I'll use that to make potage, and you can eat it with bread, alright?」

When I grabbed Ea's plate, she grabbed my arm.

「I didn't say I wouldn't eat it. I'll also have two fried eggs. You should be more confident in your own cooking, Onii-chan」

「………………Okay」

Despite complaining about it, my sister still devoured the yakisoba with gusto.

「Hmmm. How about mixing in some curry powder? I think it needs to be a little spicier. This sweet sauce is really good though. As expected of you, Onii-chan」

That's just Otafuku sauce though.

I sat down next to Rana and put my hands together before the yakisoba.

「Itadakimasu」

The ingredients were simple, just some bean sprouts grown in our home's basement, pork belly from a dungeon pig, and thinly sliced leeks.

For seasoning, I used an unfamiliar pepper from the alternate world and salt from the famed demon realm, Mojubafuru Ocean. The clincher was Japan's Otafuku sauce.

As I picked up the noodles with my chopsticks, the sweet smell of the sauce filled my nostrils. It whetted my appetite immensely, and I devoured the yakisoba.

I couldn't get enough of eating the slightly fatty belly meat together with the noodles. The small amount of bean sprouts and thinly sliced leeks added a delightful texture to the noodles.

And then there was the Otafuku sauce.

Amidst its sweet and spicy flavor was a concentrated taste that was rich in history.

They won't lose. Japanese seasonings are more than a match for the diverse ingredients of the alternate world. They go well with and dominate them all.

After savoring the flavor of yakisoba by itself, I tore apart the fried egg and mixed its yolk with the noodles.

Yeah, it's delicious.

Why does it taste so good when the yolk is combined with the deliciousness of the sauce? Honestly speaking, I think it would be good to have fried eggs with many other dishes.

I couldn't help observing the way in which everyone was eating their yakisoba.

Rana, like me, had torn apart the egg and had mixed the yolk and egg white into the noodles.

Lanseal was eating the yolk, the egg white, the noodles, and the ingredients in turn, carefully savoring each one.

Ea seemed to be eating the yakisoba first and leaving the fried eggs for last.

There's this dubious test that says that the way one eats their fried egg reveals their outlook on love. I wonder how that'd work when combined with yakisoba.

「But, you know, Onii-chan, you're horrible」

「Eh, what do you mean?」

Sitting opposite me, Ea said with a serious expression.

「If you can make ramen, you should have done it earlier. These noodles are way better than the ones in cup noodles」

「That's what you're talking about, huh?」

Certainly, they taste better than those in cup noodles. No, the noodles that Makina made are much firmer and much tastier than the ones I made on the fly earlier. She did a great job on these.

「I only found out today that we can make Chinese noodles on this side」

「Huh? How come?」

「What I needed, or more accurately, a substitute for what I needed to mix into the noodles was just found」

「A substitute?」

Ea asked while munching on a mouthful of yakisoba.

Her skill with chopsticks is much better than her sister's. All in all, my sister is very dexterous.

「Well, this may come as a surprise, but the wheat flour is mixed with detergent. However――――――」

「PFFFT」

She choked and spat out her yakisoba.

Hey, you got some on my face.

「Ea! What are you doing all of a sudden?!」

Rana got angry, which was rare.

「Ugh, koff, koff」

After drinking some water, Ea managed to pull herself together somewhat.

「No no no, Onee-chan. It's detergent, you know?! Onii-chan gave us detergent to eat, you know?!」

Makina is the one who made the noodles though.

「No no no, Ea. I boiled it properly, so it won't cause any harm to the body」

「But it's detergent, right?! I tried some in the past and it gave me a stomachache!」

「That's more of a problem, isn't it?」

「Look, even Lanseal's chopsticks have stopped!」

Ea dragged the frozen stiff Lanseal into it.

She also looks surprised in a lot of ways.

「Souya, ea, eating detergent is……」

「Like I said, I've boiled it, and the composition―――――」

「Haaaa~」

Rana let out a sigh with an air of incredulity.

I've never seen her act this haughty, or rather, with this much disdain. This is worse than how Ea was when I first met her.

「Ea, you’re just a『child』and sister, so it can’t be helped」

The word "child" sounded extremely barbed to me.

「However, Lanseeeeeal」

She's sounding a bit like Norio Wakamoto.[2]

「The affection you have for my husband can be swayed by something as trivial as being given detergent to eat, I see. What a huge letdown. I'm so disappointed and disgusted. It's so hollow and empty」

「Urgh」

Lanseal clutched her chest.

I feel a little bit bad for her, so I'll try to help her.

「Rana, you didn't have to be so harsh. It's also my fault for not explaining」

「Both of you, listen carefully」

Ah, you're not listening to me, I see.

「Even if it's poisoned, I'll still eat up whatever my husband serves me without a second thought. That's the resolve of a wife」

No, I won’t do anything like that though.

「It can't be helped in Ea's case. After all, she's just a『sister』. It's alright for her to not have the level of resolve a companion should have. Even if they take baths together from time to time, it's a brother-sister thing, not a male-female thing, so it's alright」

『………………』

This time, it was the word "sister" that was barbed. Ea looked chagrined, but my mind was on something else.

She knows that I had taken baths with my sister. The fact that she just let that slip out at that timing gives me the shivers.

「Lanseal, I'll give you a chance to explain yourself」

Rana gave Lanseal a cold look.

And here I was thinking that they had gotten closer recently.

「………What a blunder. Even for a moment, I doubted Souya」

「You lack training. Y?O?U, who should be better at housework than I am, why are you unable to trust my husband's cooking skills? Why did it not occur to you that he can turn detergent into delicious food? Why! Didn't you! Think of that?!」

「Errr, no one would think that normally, isn’t it?」

I couldn't help but blurt that out.

「Dear! Are you not frustrated?!」

「Eh, not really. I didn't think it was possible to make Chinese noodles from detergent either. And one more thing, the pancakes that you love to eat, Rana, they also contain stuff extracted from detergent」

According to Yukikaze, it's apparently possible to make baking powder from baking soda.

With that, even this side's bread can have a fluffy texture………………Huh? Fluffy bread? I've heard that before somewhere. I have a feeling that it was on the menu at some bar and I had heard someone order it before.

「Even pancakes have detergent……… Is this your magic?」

「It's actually more of a chemistry thing」

「But if there's a precedent for eating it, then all the more it proves that it's safe to eat」

「I would never give any of you food that would harm your bodies, much less food that’s poisonous」

「Both of you, did you hear that?」

Oh crap. I ended up pouring oil on the fire.

Rana took a bite of the yakisoba. Or rather, she had continued to eat it while chastising the two of them.

「What do you have to say to my『husband』?」

『I’m sorry』

The two depressed women bowed their heads. Rana seemed satisfied.

After that, the meal continued in silence.

………………The meal that I had been enjoying had changed completely. To be honest, I can't even taste the yakisoba anymore. The sauce that's supposed to be sweet now tastes bitter to me.

After we finished lunch, Rana left for Gladvain-sama's place in high spirits.

In part to console them, I taught the dejected Ea and Lanseal how to make Chinese noodles.

「Umm, well, you know, I'm sorry」

「Why are you apologizing, Onii-chan?」

I mean, I'm her husband, after a fashion.

「Rana must have been delighted to get a chance to act like a wife. That's why she took that attitude……」

「No, Souya. What Rana said isn't wrong. Please don't fault her」

It's just like Lanseal to be so serious about these kinds of things.

I showed them the baking soda water that I had boiled.

「And well, this is what you get when you boil detergent until it stops bubbling」

I scooped some onto a small plate and handed it to the two of them. They both dipped a finger in it and licked it.

「It's bitter. And it has a strange smell that stings my nose a little. But I suppose it's safe to drink?」

「It's meant to be mixed with things and not drunk though」

After getting my sister's impression of it, I mixed it into some wheat flour and started kneading.

「Oh, I want to try that. It's the same as when making udon, right?」

「That's right. You can make it the same way you make udon」

Ea took over halfway.

「Onii-chan, how about adding salt?」

「Yeah, that may give it a more chewy texture」

Salt was sprinkled over it.

Lanseal was observing, sticking close to Ea while making sure not to get in her way.

Somehow, she's behaving very much like a small animal.

But my sister is kneading the dough very expertly. I guess she's practiced at it because she makes udon pretty often.

「Ea, that's good enough. Roll it up and wrap it with a piece of cloth, then put it by the fireplace」

I took a 30-minute hourglass and placed it beside the dough.

「Hmm. It's the same as udon」

「Souya, why do we let the dough rest?」

「Errr」

I found myself at a loss as to how to answer Lanseal's question. As an amateur, I vaguely know that『it tastes good when you do that』, but I don't know the specifics behind why.

「Lanseal, let me fill you in」

My sister replied for me with a smug look on her face.

「By letting the dough rest, it increases its elasticity and stickiness. In other words, it gives it a more chewy texture. It also helps to even out the moisture content in the dough as well as facilitates the formation of gluten」

「Umm, Ea, what's gluten?」

Lanseal asked with an apologetic look.

「Gluten is………………」

Ea started glancing in my direction.

What was it again? Some kind of protein?

「Ah, that's right. Magic! It's an incantation. You have to chant the word "gluten" to make it taste good. That was close, I almost forgot~. Gluten, gluten?」

「I see, I've learned something very useful. Gluten, gluten」

「Gluten, gluten」

I joined in and chanted along with them.

So gluten was an incantation, huh? Come to think of it, it kinda sounds like a god's name.

『Stare~』

There was an entity staring at us.

『Stare~』

I can see her head sticking out of the stairway in the corner of the kitchen. Or rather, seeing her head = seeing all of her. She has zero intention of hiding.

「Onii-chan, should I say something?」

「Or should I do it?」

Ea and Lanseal were concerned, so I reluctantly spoke up.

「What is it, Makina?」

『Have you come to hate Makina, Souya-san?』

「What's this all of a sudden?」

Though you can be a pain sometimes, I don't hate you.

『I mean, Souya-san, you find Yukikaze-chan to be cuter than Makina, don't you?』

「Well, yes」

Why are you asking something like that after all this time? In my ranking of who's the cutest, you're the unshakable last place. Right next to Gunmerry, that is.

『Yes?! Did you say yes?! Isn't this the kind of situation where you deny it by saying, "That's not true!"』

「That’s true though」

『UWwwaaaaaaaaaaaaa!』

Water flowed from the pod as she wailed loudly.

It's been a while since I've seen this.

「Hang on, Onii-chan, that's too much. I feel sorry for her」

「That's right, Souya. I don't know what happened, but you're being so small-minded again」

Please don't bring that up again, Lanseal.

But it can't be helped. If that's what the two of them are saying, then I should leave it at that.

「Aah, yeah. I was being childish. I forgive you. I'm sorry for blocking your communications」

『By the way, who's cuter, Makina or Lars-chan?』

「Lars, by a landslide」

『Ugggh, that damned pet』

「Bo?」

Thinking that it had been called, Lars turned in its flowerpot to look our way. ƒ𝚛𝐞𝚎𝑤𝘦𝚋𝓷o𝚟e𝘭.c𝐨𝙢

Even if Makina becomes a bishojo(pretty young girl), it won't change her placing at the very bottom. A generic moe character like that will never change my views! That's for sure!

『At any rate, it appears that you've forgiven Makina, so here's a little bribe』

「Are you sure that's how bribes work?」

Makina took out a pot.

『This is Makina's special shio[3] ramen broth. Please give it a try』

「You should have brought that out from the beginning」 𝒇𝗿𝙚ℯ𝑤ℯ𝑏𝒏𝑜ѵe𝙡.c𝐨ｍ

『It’s because Makina thought that withholding it first would net Makina more affection points!』

It's because you're like this, you realize? The reason why I think that of you is because you're like this!

「I guess we'll be having ramen for dinner then」

「Onii-chan, let's try it now」

Ea made an unexpected suggestion.

「Ehh, didn't we just have yakisoba?」

「Because of Onee-chan, I couldn't taste anything towards the end! Besides, when it comes to ramen, I always have space for more」

It can't be helped, I suppose.

「Just a little bit of the ramen then. Otherwise, you'll spoil your dinner」

「Yay~!」

My elated sister high-fived Lanseal.

『Yay』

Makina was also elated. In a very calculated way.

I softly tapped the arm that she had held out towards me.

『Alright then, let's have a noodle feast today!』

In high spirits, Makina started to knead more noodles.

And before I knew it, there were again more noodles than could be eaten. There's too much for one family to consume. I'll have to give some away.

[1] Otafuku is not the name of the sauce, but the brand actually. Its full name is “Otafuku's Original Sweet and Savory sauce”, and it’s a sweet condiment made with 12 different fruits and vegetables and goes well with food like Japanese pancakes, vegetables, fried foods, BBQ, and more. (pic courtesy of otafukufoods.com)

[2] Norio Wakamoto(若本 規夫), born October 18, 1945, is a Japanese voice actor who’s famous for the deep, drawling voice that he can do that’s perfect for villains. The best example of that I think of is probably how he voiced Charles zi Britannia of Code Geass. He’s also the Japanese voice for Megatron.

[3] Shio means salt in Japanese. Any broth that gets its salinity and flavor primarily from salt, rather than miso or soy sauce, can be called “shio”. Of course, it’s not made with just salt, but with chicken or fish bones (pork bones are also added sometimes) and vegetables as well.

Gluten, gluten? I couldn’t help chuckling out loud. The explanation was going so well until that point then it just fell off a cliff.

More antics as promised lol. What a long lunch though. And a huge foreshadowing… Well, Souya will be heading back to the temple after lunch, so stay tuned!