Ihoujin, Dungeon ni Moguru

Translator : Solo | Editor : DarkBlazeWolf

【43rd day】

「Listen to this, Geto. Onii-chan gave away 30 servings of my ramen! What’s more, for free!」

「No, they aren't yours, are they?」

「Onii-chan’s things are my things!」

「Is that really how it is?」

A sunglasses-wearing fishman and my elven sister-in-law were having a conversation like that while they were stomping their feet up and down.

A blue tarp had been spread out beneath their feet. Underneath it was a plastic bag filled with wheat that had been kneaded with water and salt. Below the bag was a wooden board.

Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp.

Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp.

I glanced sideways at them while I went to war with fried food. I had been defeated once, so I was putting my spirit into it.

I put cold water and mayonnaise into a bowl. After mixing them sufficiently, I added flour then mixed it roughly, leaving it a little bit lumpy. With this, the batter was completed.

Well then, I turned my gaze to the large pot of oil. It was simmering on the fire.

「Makina, what’s the temperature of the oil?」

『180℃, the temperature is suitable』

A voice rang out from the cylindrical unit.

Makina?Unit?Repair. Sixth generation artificial intelligence made for space exploration. When viewed from the side, she looked just like a white drum can, but even though she looked like that, she was the fruit of cutting-edge technology.

However, something seemed to have gone wrong after my repairs. As her model number had became unknown, I attached “Repair” at the end for convenience. Her functionalities seemed to be under repair all the time.

「Alright, let's get started」

First, I covered an onion with batter and dropped it into the oil. It made a nice sizzling sound. I watched the splashes the bubbles of air made, and listened carefully for changes in sound. The instant it became louder, I counted 40 seconds, then lifted it out of the oil.

「How is it?」

『Wow~ Looks delicious. You’ve fried it very nicely, Souya-san』

「It’s the sound. I could hear the changes in the sound as it heated up. By the way, what’s the score?」

『35 points』

Low.

I mass-produced the 35-points onions, and placed them on a clean cloth. Next was julienned white eggplant. I felt that it should take longer, so I lifted it out from the oil after one minute.

「How is it?」

『Yes, marvellous. It’s well-cooked』

「So, what’s the score?」

『28 points』

It went down!

I mass-produced the 28-points eggplants, and placed them on the cloth.

Next I dropped the watercress into the oil. This one was pretty difficult. I gathered the pieces that broke off and somehow managed to get it to keep its shape. It could be eaten raw, so I lifted it out of the oil after about 30 seconds.

「How is it, Makina? Its shape is a little bad though」

『Geto-sama~, Ea-sama~, that's enough~ that's~ enough』

No way, not even an empty compliment?

I mass-produced the unreviewed watercress, and placed them on the cloth.

During that time, Makina removed the blue tarp and checked the kneaded wheat.

『Wonderful. It will definitely be wonderful and delicious』

「Ehh~, really~? It's something a fishman stomped on, you know?」

「Are you sure? It's something an elf stomped on, you know?」

I scooped out the fried residue from the oil and stored them in a container.

Now, time for my lonely fight against the main dish.

I soaked the shrimp that I had prepared earlier in the batter. I shook them gently, then coated them with more batter. I put one into the oil as a test case. I released it before the batter hardened and stuck it to my chopsticks. I pushed back the pieces of batter that looked like they were going to break apart.

I watched over the shrimp as it sank then floated. After about a minute, I turned it.

I watched over it for a while.

The bubbles had become smaller. The sound was also clearly louder.

Now!

With a splash, I lifted up the shrimp whose batter had blossomed. The deep fried color got full marks.

I placed what I felt was 100 points on the cloth.

「How is it? Makina」

『Oh, yes. Looks delicious』

That reply sounded like it came from sheer force of habit.

You’re hurting my feelings, you know?

「Hmmm, let’s see」

A pale hand stretched out over my shoulder, grabbed the shrimp, then retracted.

「Ah, hot, nom nom」

The sound of someone eating crispy food came from directly behind me. I tried to turn around, but as expected, my head was grabbed to stop me. When I turned back after my head was released, there was a cat rubbing itself against my feet.

Golden eyes and long gray hair. She looked like a useless cat, but she was properly my god.

「It’s so-so」

「Misuranika-sama. Next time you steal food, I’ll reduce your side dishes」

「You’re so cheeky in spite of being my follower」

「Ou, ouch, it hurts」

A small, overbearing god was clawing my feet ferociously.

Makina rolled up next to me (she was rolling on her side), and placed the kneaded wheat on the cutting board. She folded it into shape, then cut it evenly using a kitchen knife held in her arm. It was beautiful in a polished and efficient way. Of course, it was a mechanical hand, but its movements were reminiscent of a skilled professional. Precise, but not mechanical. I even felt the gratitude for the ingredients in its movements.

I had been vaguely aware of it, but she was pretty skilled.

『Souya-san, who do you think meals are for?』

「Huh, well, it’s for the person who eats it, isn’t it?」

For some reason, I was asked a philosophical question.

Makina continued without stopping her hands.

『That’s right. However, rather than a professional’s 80-points meat and potatoes, people love their mother’s 70-points meat and potatoes much more. In other words, cooking is love, which is subjective. Love cannot be scored』

Wh,

「What!?」

I was struck by a bolt of lightning. In a mental-imagery sense.

Misuranika-sama, who was clinging to me, said『Look out～』as I reeled in shock.

「I’ll be darned!」

That’s right. If there is love, even instant noodles would become delicious. But that's because of the deliciousness of the seasoning. No, no, it’s love.

「I’m sorry, Makina. I had forgotten. That’s right, the food that the person who eats it thinks is delicious, will always have a perfect score. ………………So, what’s the shrimp’s score?」

『21 points』

Low~~~

I vowed that I would devote myself to improving without getting carried away. I mass-produced the 21-points shrimp.

Before long, the fried food was completed.

「Makina, I’ll leave it to you」

『Roger』

Makina dropped the wheat that she had cut into boiling water.

I put Geto-san’s share of the fried food into a mesh basket. I had prepared an old-type drone meant for high altitude observation. Its design was like a tea can with a propeller attached. I secured the basket to it.

「Makina, raise it up」

『Okay~』

The drone went flying. It quickly became smaller.

「Lower it after it has cooled down properly」

『Yes, yes~』

Next, the dipping sauce.

I put soy sauce and grain stock into a pot, then dissolved mirin and a little bit of sugar in it. I taste-tested it. Alright. I poured it into a teapot.

The seasonings were a ginger rub, roasted pine nuts, a vinegar rub containing red peppers and onions, which was a by-product of my failed attempts to make Sriracha sauce.

『Souya-san, it’s boiled』

「Okay」

I picked up a large colander meant for dehusking that I had purchased on this side, and changed locations together with Makina, who was holding the pot. The hot water was poured on an appropriate spot on the ground. I shook it lightly to drain the remaining water. After returning to the camp, it was massaged while submerged in cold water. It was dished out and divided into portions equal to the number of people. The portions set aside for refills was left in the cold water.

The drone was back.

I checked the temperature of the fried food because Geto-san couldn’t eat hot food. It was 12°C. The batter was still crispy because the fried food had been rapidly cooled by the high altitude winds.

Four days ago, for the sake of eating fried food, he had been about to cast heat-resistance magic that would have reduced his life-span.

That Geto-san and Ea were sitting side by side at the table. Ea looked like she was waiting impatiently.

I went into the tent to call Rana.

「Lunch is ready」

「Fuwaa」

She had a lethargic expression, and looked tuckered out. Rana had trouble waking up in the mornings, but she was having more trouble with it today. She was dressed lightly in a T-shirt and hot pants. My eyes were glued to the swaying of the generous twin hills.

「If you have no appetite, I’ll save some for you, but what are you going to do? Go back to sleep?」

「Yes~」

Rana gently hugged me, who had approached her, and drew me close.

Her sweet scent made me feel light-headed.

「Wait, dear wife……」

「Thank you, for always, suu ~ suu………………suu」

She had fallen asleep.

Oh, so big. I swelled with happiness. Physically too! Putting that aside, I need to suppress the urge to directly massage. Suppress, suppress! ………………Suppressed. I laid Rana down. I’ll rub her stomach instead. I’m not a chicken. I just want to do it in an open and aboveboard manner. I want to do it…………… Yes.

I came out of the tent.

About the other tent…… What the heck am I thinking about? 𝙛𝙧𝙚𝒆𝘸𝚎𝙗𝒏oν𝙚𝘭.𝐜𝒐m

「Where’s Onee-chan?」

「She still wants to sleep. Is that the effect of running out of magic power?」

「Eh~, she’s so sloppy, jeez」

Something like that was said by my usually sloppy sister.

Makina had already prepared Rana’s share of the food. I said that I would save it for her, but both dishes couldn’t be preserved. As for Misuranika-sama’s share, it was placed in a separate tent as usual.

Then,

「Whoa, that's an interesting lineup. I’ve lived my fair share of years, but this is the first time I’ve seen a fishman, an elf, and a Hemu sharing a dining table」

「Huh?」

Otou-san was here.

He was on foot today, and had appeared without me noticing.

I wondered if the reason why Makina didn’t issue a proximity warning was because it was a person who wasn’t showing hostility.

『Medimu-sama. If it’s alright with you, please come with me』

「O, okay. Is there someone inside?」

Makina offered Otou-san a meal. I suppose it was just right since Rana’s share was available. Makina had oddly been interacting a lot with the locals recently. She had also showed herself to the people of the merchant company. It would be nice if it didn’t become a problem in time to come.

「Should I take my leave?」

「What are you saying, Geto? You're the landlord, so it should be the people who have complaints that get out」

Ea refuted Geto-san’s thoughtfulness.

Otou-san, who had arrived at the table, also agreed.

「Dear fishman gentleman, if you feel displeased, then I’ll leave. I'll go once I take some food though」

「In that case, you should eat here」

It seemed like all three had come to an understanding, so it was time to eat.

「So, what is this?」

Asked Otou-san.

「Alright, I’ll explain today's menu」

「Keep it short, got it?!」

I was given a warning by Ea.

「As there seems to be not many noodle dishes in this region, I tried to make udon. The ingredients are water, salt and wheat flour(medium-strength). They are mixed, stomped on to knead them, then boiled. It can be eaten with ease as it has been soaked in cold water. Ea and Geto-san helped me out with it」

「It was quite fun」

「It was stomped on?」

「No, Otou-san. As we had properly separated it by putting a cloth in between, there is no problem in terms of hygiene」

「I see, then it's fine」

It's not as if it's wine, we won't stomp on it directly.

「Dip about half of the noodles into this dipping sauce before eating it. When adding seasonings, please put in a little bit at a time and enjoy the changes in the taste」

Makina poured the dipping sauce into smaller bowls and passed them around to everyone.

「Next, the tempura. It’s a dish in which the ingredients are covered in a mixture of wheat and water, then fried. Ingredients include onions, eggplants, elven tooth-cleaning watercress, and shrimp from the Mojubafuru Ocean.

The vegetables were obtained fresh from the farm this morning, and the shrimp are also a special treat that Geto-san caught and brought here first thing in the morning.

This dish, while simple, requires long years of training, and it takes at least ten years just to get your foot in the door. From there, you’ll train until the day you die.

With my skill, it’s nothing like the original taste. I worked hard, but it’s far from the passing grade. However! I guarantee that it’s taste definitely won’t disappoint. Because the ingredients are great!

Simply eating it with salt is good, so is eating it after dipping it in the dipping sauce, and by the way, it has a long history, and was introduced to my country along with firearms from Portugal, and――――」

『Hurry up and let us eat!』

I broke off my explanation because complaints were coming in from three directions,

「Then, today's menu. Cold udon and tempura. Please enjoy」

The three of them hurried through their prayers, then picked up their forks. Makina went around and served everyone tea.

First was the tempura.

「What’s the heck is this! It’s crispy and crunchy!」

Geto-san was very excited. I was glad that he didn't have to reduce his life-span.

「Onii-chan, your skills improved, didn't they?」

Ea was satisfied & proud.

「Hmm. It's not greasy despite being fried food. It's crispy. The batter, the frying method, it's very interesting. It's delicious when eaten with salt」

Otou-san was tearing through the tempura.

There was a loud slurping sound.

Ea was slurping the udon. Otou-san stared at her.

「Wow, it's so chewy. I could eat this forever」

「Princess Ea, a mere adventurer like me is not one to talk, but isn’t that a little bit uncouth?」

As Otou-san had pointed out, Ea was more or less still an elven princess. On this side, it was bad manners to slurp loudly when eating.

「But in Onii-chan’s country, it’s eaten like this. I saw it」

In movies, that is.

「I see」

Said Geto-san as he slurped heartily. The udon slid into his mouth and he chewed with bulging cheeks.

「Hmm, is because of this soup? Or the way we’re eating it? The way the aroma and taste spreads is different!」

「I know, right? Ramen eaten this way is also delicious~」

Otou-san, who looked like he was pondering something, immersed the udon in the dipping sauce until it almost overflowed, then slurped it all in one go.

「Hmmm, the texture is like fluffy bread that has been compacted. It goes down well. Not firm, but chewy. This soup, is it perhaps made using fermented beans?」

「Huh, how do you know?」

I was surprised by what Otou-san had unexpectedly pointed out.

「In the past, I was served soup with a similar flavor by that guy, Melm. No, it tasted horrifying bad compared to this though」

Who’s Melm? As I searched inside my brain,

「Ehh, Medimu, you’re acquainted with that guy?」

Hearing the hate in Ea’s voice, I realized that he was the sisters’ father.

「In the old days, we formed a party for a time. Me, the king, Lanseal’s mother, Melm, and his――――」

Otou-san was mumbling at the end so I couldn’t hear what he had said.

「So that guy used to be an adventurer」

「Yeah, his swordsmanship was usually good for an elf. In the end, I never won once against him」

「Hmpt~, I'm not interested」

He had stepped on a landmine. Otou-san silently concentrated on his meal.

Finally, I also began to eat.

「Itadakimasu」

The chewiness of the udon was okay, its softness was not too bad. I put more ginger and enjoyed the noodles. It was yummy.

As for the tempura, I tried the onion first. I dipped it in the dipping sauce, then ate it. The crispy feel of the thin layer of batter and the sweetness of the onion were good. Without a moment’s delay, I slurped the udon. The one-two punch of tempura, udon, tempura, and udon. I added the seasonings little by little, and enjoyed the changes in the taste. Ea was in agony because she had made it too spicy. It was a common occurrence. Geto-san got another helping of the udon. Otou-san also wasn’t falling behind in eating.

I had saved the shrimp for last, and I ate it gratefully.

Under the sky of the alternate world, the sounds of udon being slurped resounded.

And then,

「What do you want from me?」

We had finished lunch and the dishes had been washed. Geto-san had returned home, and Ea had gone to play with Bel and the others, Otou-san was still at the camp. He was puffing away at an expensive-looking pipe which had a gold design.

「I'm also waiting. It’s late」

「Haaa」

What's up with that?

I had nothing to do so I sat down at the table. With a『Nyan』, Misuranika-sama jumped onto my lap. I stroked her forehead and neck. I had fun pressing her paw pads to make her claws go in and out.

She was a god that could be petted and used to kill time.

「By the way, the king's body has become better」

「I’m glad to hear that」

「This morning, he held his sword for the first time in a long while, and was training the prince from the ground up again. The king of adventurers is not for show, his sword swings weren’t unsteady at all」

「No, it's too soon for it to be cured, isn't it?」

Was beriberi a disease that could be cured so easily?

Well, the humans in this world were hardy, and had various strange abilities. Magic power was probably involved as well.

I guess it was useless to measure them using modern common sense.

「And so, there's talk of a reward」

「A reward, you say......」

A reward, huh...... Well, I did save the king's life, so I guess that was certainly natural. It had never crossed my mind though.

「If there's something you desire, I'll pass it on」

「What I desire, huh?」

As for that, there was nothing.

Money? No, now that the mayonnaise had been successfully mass-produced, I had obtained an adequate amount of money for adventuring. Money is important, but having too much would only bring ruin upon myself. I didn’t need more than what I had now.

If not that, then something like a handy magic item? ……………Nothing came to mind…… It would only be a nuisance if I got something weird that I was inept at using.

「Ah」

There was one urgent need.

「Otou-san, is there a way to restore the regeneration point instantly?」

「Yes, there is」

Surprisingly, it was found rather easily. All I had to do was ask.

「In that case, I'll give you this」

「?」

Otou-san handed me a gold coin with a chain attached to it. Due to my comings and goings to the merchant company, I thought that I had seen every type of coin, but I had never seen this one before. It had a design of a wheel? Or was it a collar?

「You've met the military policeman, right?」

「Yes, when I had just arrived here」

「Directly behind the station, there is a place called『Mansion of the Sleep Demon and the Goddess of Fertility』. Wrap this chain around your left hand and go there」

When I was about to ask for details, a carriage came and interrupted me.

「Ohh, it's here」

Otou-san stood up, unloaded some goods from the carriage, then dropped them off at the camp. It looked like bags of wheat flour. One bag, two bags, three bags.

「Umm, this is?」

「It's sugar」

Otou-san coughed, then spoke in a solemn voice.

「Adventurer from a foreign land, receive the king's edict. With these, make food that heals the king's body」

「No」

When Otou-san had conveyed the edict sternly, I flatly refused.

「Err, in the first place, it’s an edict, you know? It’s bad if you defy it, isn’t it? I don't want to have to kill you」

「I mean, that’s not the job of an adventurer, but the job of a chef, isn’t it?!」

With the difficulties I was already having with things that were unrelated to the dungeon,

I can’t handle any more troublesome stuff!

「It can't be help, right? You’re probably expected to make something that is not only good for the body, but is more delicious than what the royal castle’s chefs can make. As much as three chefs have lost their jobs, you know?!」

「W, who cares~~~~! There's ramen so just put up with it~~~~!」

「I think so too.『Medimu, after eating salty things, I get a craving for sweet things. I’m sick of raisins. Tell Souya to prepare something』was what the king said. Obey, and do your best. I also have work to do in the dungeon. I don't want to make time for menial stuff like this. Getting carried away just because others were worried about him…… That baldy」

「Ah, you called him baldy! You called the king a baldy!」

I'll let the king hear the recording!

I’ll drag you down with me!

「That’s right. I’ll say it again and again. Baldy. Balーdy! Even if I’m the father of adventurers, I’m not the caretaker of the king」

Otou-san was getting heated up over his long-standing dissatisfactions, so I read the situation and cooled down.

「But I've also got my hands full with my own adventuring, so as you might expect, I can’t accommodate the king anymore」

It was one thing if it was something as important as a person's life, but I wasn’t going to go so far as to take care of his indulgences. Besides, if I accepted it once, I would probably get asked to do it ceaselessly.

Starting tomorrow,

The Japanese, Becomes A Chef.

It's so normal! I'll have to change the title of my memoir!

That baldy.

「……………Hmm, true. That's true. That’s certainly tough」

Otou-san was deep in thought.

After thinking it over for a while, he came out with an incentive.

「What about maps? Those of the 10th to 12th floor」

「Seriously?!」

It was a surprising counterproposal.

Maps were expensive items. If they could be trusted to be accurate, they cost a ridiculous amount.

By the way, maps of the 5th to 10th floor, in which every nook and cranny was filled in, cost 500 gold coins. For the floors above that, it was scary so I didn’t look.

If they were sold and circulated carelessly, they would end up becoming obsolete, and it would jeopardize the very profession of adventurers itself. The dungeon functioned due in part to the human sacrifices. If that was disturbed in the pursuit of efficiency alone, who knew what kind of disaster would result from the collapse of its ecosystem.

It became an unspoken rule that the trading of maps was absolutely only allowed between fellow adventurers.

There was a person who had broken that rule and sold them to a merchant, but it seemed that he and the merchant were floating in the river the very next day.

For some reason, the Guild President's face came to mind. He was flashing a white-toothed smile with that aggravating cuteness.

「Well, the maps are reasonably accurate. Don't tell anyone, got it? It'll damage my credibility」

「H, how about if you provide maps till the 13th floor?」

I negotiated a little bit.

And then, I let him get a quick glance at the feather in my breast pocket. In fact, this was the proof of a god that would arbitrate a fair deal.

Instant ramen that couldn’t be made in this world and sweets that contained vitamin B1 that weren’t available in this region. I wondered how much they would cost if their value was determined fairly.

「……………It can’t be helped, till the 13th floor, right? I'll bring them tomorrow. Have the sweets ready as well」

Yes!

That was a stroke of good luck. I’ll get Izora to scan the maps and plot the best route.

With this, our next adventure would likely go smoothly.

But I suppose that the further down that path I traveled, the less likely it was that things would be lenient(sweet like sugar).