I’m Not Going to Be Bullied By a Girl

“Alright, it looks like I’ll have to do it the hard way!” Xiong YaoYue feigned anger and said, “I’ll have to order B-2 to come and force you to do it!”

Xiong YaoYue could order B-2 around somewhat as B-2’s fourth master, so B-2 received the command from Xiong YaoYue to make Gong CaiCai agree to become their team’s mascot.

“Beep —— how dare a mere weak carbon-based life form defy the orders of B-2!”

B-2 pointed at the pale-faced Gong CaiCai with its hand that shot out anaesthesia needles, “If you don’t agree, I’ll cut off your wifi signal and make your life worse than death!”

Gong CaiCai, who wasn’t afraid of not having a wifi signal but was afraid of the anaesthesia needle, had no choice but to agree. She sat sadly in the team’s activity room, where Xiong YaoYue forced her to take several photos with everyone.

“Can you stop bullying Gong CaiCai?” the class leader said, “If you’re not afraid of having your pictures taken, why don’t you become the mascot yourself?”

As the weather turned colder, the class leader was dressed in a chiffon top and denim pants again. The slightly small jeans highlighted the curves of her legs. On the other hand, Xiong YaoYue still wore short sleeves and shorts indoors, as if she had a nuclear reactor inside her body.

“That won’t do!” Xiong YaoYue declared, “Traditionally, mascots don’t have any battle power, and I’m the deputy leader! If I, as a main force of the team, also take on the role of mascot, then others will look down on me! Why don’t you become our mascot instead…”

“No way!” The class leader rolled up the newspaper in her hand and bonked Xiong YaoYue on the head, “You did so poorly on your midterms and you’re still playing games all day instead of focusing on your studies. Don’t you want to make more plans for your future?”

“I have made plans!” Xiong YaoYue looked towards the sky and said, “Clinging to Miss Ai Mi’s coattails for a hundred years is my future plan! Studying and exams just aren’t for me. It’s also troublesome to walk the path of a student athlete with all those rules —— making friends with the rich is the easiest way!”

The class leader gave Xiong YaoYue a look of disdain. She didn’t bother arguing with her and directly pulled Gong CaiCai away.

“Hey! Class leader, stop! Where are you taking our mascot? The reporters from the gaming channels are coming soon! It will be embarrassing if we don’t have a mascot!”

While the class leader, Winnie, and Gong CaiCai were upstairs, Xiao Qin was downstairs in the gym and playing pranks on Obama.

The principle was simple: she tied Obama’s chubby waist with a rope so that he couldn’t leave the treadmill, then she placed a bowl filled with dog food not far in front of him to attract him to try and eat it.

However, the treadmill was set to adaptive mode! It didn’t matter how fast Obama ran, the conveyor belt would automatically adjust speeds and made it impossible for him to move forward even an inch!

As a result, Obama looked dejected. He was pulled backwards if he didn’t move, but unable to shorten the distance even if he did move. So he was never able to get close to the food bowl, let alone eat even eat a single piece of dog food.

If Obama could talk, he would definitely swear and say ‘Are you fucking with me?’, but he would probably swallow his words when faced with Xiao Qin.

“Don’t abuse the dog!” I said to Xiao Qin, “Just because you think you’re a cat, it doesn’t mean you can pick on dogs! Come here, I’ll give you a tablet to play with!”

“I’m not abusing Obama, I’m just helping him lose weight!” Xiao Qin defended herself, then she curiously leaned in to look at the black tablet I pulled out of my backpack.

“What brand is this? Why is it so big and thick?”

Xiao Qin poked the tablet a couple of times, but it didn’t respond because it wasn’t turned on.

It was a bit embarrassing because I couldn’t tell which company made this tablet even though I consider myself somewhat knowledgeable about electronic goods. It was a gift my dad got a few days ago after attending an offline event for the HHH enthusiast group. It was apparently a present from the president of the HHH group and everyone got one.

It’s so heavy and clunky, it would be very effective as a blunt force weapon. Just holding it in your hands would be an effective workout.

However, it’s just like how even garbage movies have entertainment value. I brought out the tablet to show that there still these ridiculous hardware designs in the world.

Based on the button positions, the tablet should be operating on Android 3.0, which was an even newer operating system than my phone. The only problem was that it couldn’t connect to the internet.

How could it be a tablet if it can’t even connect to the internet? B-2 even provided free wi-fi, but we can’t even use it!

Also, what’s up with the English written on the tablet! Samjiyon? How do you even read it? Does it sound the same as three gay friends (sanjiyou)? Not only was the hardware awful, but the software inside was also terrible! There was a blatantly obvious rip-off of ‘Angry Birds’ on the home screen —— why does it feature Kim Jong-un’s angry face being hurled at President Obama? There’s absolutely no fun in playing it! Neither of them are as cute as birds and pigs!

Even worse, the sanjiyou tablet came with videos that taught people how to draw the little red flag, as well as portraits of Kim Il Sung, Kim Jong Il, and Kim Jong Un! There were also bizarre songs pledging loyalty to the great leader, with people dancing in them as if they’ve just been released from a psychiatric hospital…

Was this really produced by some factory in Shenyang as my dad said? Why do I feel like this was ordered by the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea? The lack of internet connectivity fits their national conditions perfectly!

Xiao Qin sat on the stationary bike, leisurely cycling while playing the Kim Jong Un hits Obama game, then she frowned and said:

“The tablet is really strange… Also, why does Obama oink like a pig when hit?”

“Maybe they didn’t have time to create new sound effects? So they just reused assets from Angry Birds.” I said while playing table tennis with the robotic arm out of boredom, “By the way, weren’t you supposed to learn cooking with the class leader? Why are you here? And you even had time to prank Obama earlier?”

“The class leader just brought Gong CaiCai down from the second floor. It seems she also wants Gong CaiCai to learn cooking, so she’s currently looking for unbreakable tableware… I have to wait a bit longer before it’s my turn.”

At that moment, as usual, Ai Mi, who was dressed like a celebrity as usual, pushed the door open.

“Pfft, are you showing off that weird tablet again?” Ai Mi looked disdainfully at Xiao Qin on the stationary bike, “Your bulky and dumb object can’t be weirder than our American products! Come with me! I’ll show you what we produce in Silicon Valley, a tablet that uses red wine as its energy source!”

What is this! Xiao Qin and I saw a tablet that looked like a flat induction cooker placed on the table in room 101, but we couldn’t for the life of us find the screen.

“Hmph.” Ai Mi folded her arms and proudly said, “This was invented by Intel engineers, a low-energy tablet that runs only on red wine! It doesn’t have a screen to reduce energy consumption!”

“What the hell! If it doesn’t even have a screen, then isn’t that even worse than my sanjiyou? Sanjiyou is an MP4, while yours is an MP3!”

“Shut up, damn manservant! You have no idea how luxurious this tablet is! It only runs with a 1997 Lafite! Your low-quality Chinese liquor would burn this machine out!”

“That makes it even more useless! A 1997 Lafite is considered state banquet-level, isn’t it? I think that was only used when the French President met with Chinese leaders! Using a state banquet wine to start a broken MP3? Or are you saying a 1997 Lafite isn’t actually that precious, but the French were just being stingy and should have at least used a 1979 Lafite…”

Ai Mi always had to showcase that American technology was number one in the world. She even had to compete with China on who had the strangest tablet.

Ai Mi insisted on holding onto titles like “the worst movie ever” or “the most brutal murderer” for America. So the title of “strangest tablet in history” was likely reserved for America.

“Why do we have to use wine as a power source for a computer?” Xiao Qin held the heavy sanjiyou tablet and struggled with its weight.

“Commoners lack imagination! Isn’t it romantic? The tablet is primarily designed for e-ink devices, like Kindle and other e-readers. If you started up an e-reader with red wine, wouldn’t you be able to sense the aroma of the wine while reading?”

“Hey! If that’s the case, wouldn’t it be more convenient to just read a regular e-book and then enjoy some red wine with it?”

“I can’t drink alcohol…” Xiao Qin, who had just transformed a few days ago, couldn’t touch alcohol.

“That’s the point!” Ai Mi said to me as if she were looking at an idiot, “I’m not at the legal drinking age, so I can’t drink alcohol! If I have a tablet that needs red wine to start, I can use it as an excuse to ask the bodyguards for wine! Maybe I’ll get a chance to taste what wine is like!”

“So you’re still thinking about sneaking a sip! Peng TouSi won’t fall for it.”

“Hehehe…” Ai Mi suddenly started to snicker, “Peng TouSi went to visit a friend who had an anal fissure today, so he’s not in the VIP building! I’ve already asked the French chef where the ’97 Lafite is stored, so I’ll get some and try it later!”

“Stop dreaming! You think I’d let you drink while I’m here?”

“Who said I was going to drink it? I just need it to use the tablet!” Ai Mi pouted. “Manservant, don’t you have any interest in technology? You lack the spirit of exploration, if everyone from your country were like you, then the country wouldn’t have a future!”

“You’re just craving wine, don’t use a noble excuse to cover it up! It’s fine if you really want to see how red wine can start a tablet, but I’ll be the one to guard the bottle. Don’t even think about sneaking a sip!”