Imperfect Desires

Just when Xiu entered the Mala Hotpot Restaurant, she felt like she was back in ancient times. A beautiful hostess in an elegant qipao bowed and greeted her with a gentle smile.

Xiu returned the gesture with her own smile.

"Miss, are you here with someone?" The hostess was inquiring politely.

"Yes, my friend, Nora must be here." Xiu even tried to look around but on the wooden tables couldn't find her.

"Ah. Please follow me, Miss," the hostess ushered her through the dining area.

The combination of red and black really caught Xiu's attention. Even the tables had a generous space between them which ensured privacy for diners. Closely following the hostess, Xiu noticed how the restaurant was fully packed. It was no wonder Nora knew about this place. It must be quite influential. 𝘧𝗿ee𝚠𝙚𝙗𝑛o𝚟𝐞l.𝐜૦𝗺

The hostess brought her to a private room and left after bowing to her.

"Baby Xiu'er, what took you so long?" Nora immediately bombarded her with her questions, not even letting Xiu catch a breath. Without saying a word, Xiu placed the shopping bag in her hand at the table. Nora eyed it for a while and when she opened it, a shrill shriek of excitement escaped from her mouth. "You still treat me the best," Nora said while hugging her like a koala.

Xiu patted her arm that was around her shoulders and said, "Don't be dramatic. It's your reward for learning self-restraint." She rubbed the space between her brows and continued, "I wish you could have the same restraint with your boyfriend's list as well."

"What's taking them so long?" Nora changed the topic yet again very conveniently. But seemed like the luck was also on her side as the door opened and a couple of servers came to place their order.

Seeing that Xiu decided to not push this topic anymore. She looked at the steaming hotpot and her eyes glossed up behind the steam.

Holding her chopsticks, Xiu picked up a fishball and blew on it before taking a bite. Her tongue felt the assault of spices making her face red immediately.

"Baby Xiu'er, it's their special Extremely spicy flavored hotpot. You should eat from the other pot of mild flavor. That's for you." Nora reminded her with concern.

Xiu shook her head and said, "It's okay. I feel like eating this flavor. It's so good." She was lying. She never was fond of spices. But she insisted on eating these extreme spices because she felt like this way, she'd be able to hide her real tears that were threatening to spill out.

'Don't talk about that hypocrite!'

'All the backlash was well-deserved.'

'Chen Xiu, if you have any sense, leave the industry immediately!'

'It'd be better if you just die. So what if you have talent. You're the most horrendous person.' ƒ𝘳ee𝔀e𝚋n૦𝐯el.c𝗼𝓂

'People like you should be stripped off of your clothes or better yet, their skins!'

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The voices from earlier mixed in with the voices from the past came like a gust of memories that slowly tried to penetrate her heart.

Nora saw her small nose getting extremely red along with her glossy eyes. Her clear eyes looked like they were in a daze. But she still saw Xiu stubbornly stuffing that spicy hotpot in her mouth while wiping her snot and tears with a tissue. She looked like an utter mess. Or she seemed devastated. Nora wasn't sure anymore. She hadn't even seen Bai Xiu like this when her mother died.

Somehow, Nora's heart was sure that she was using this hotpot to hide her tears from her. But why?

With a long calming breath, Nora held Xiu's wrist and stopped her from torturing herself. It was indeed torture since, at this point, Xiu's tongue was completely numb.

"That's enough," Nora said softly while she wrapped her arms around Xiu's shoulders and let her head lean against her chest. "If you want to cry, I won't stop you. I won't even ask you. But please, stop hiding from me."

Nora's words made Xiu finally break in sobs. But she still didn't want Nora to see her breaking apart. So, she shot up from her seat and ran outside the room. As she saw the sign of bathrooms at the end of the hallway, she frantically ran inside and locked the door from inside.

Hugging herself in a protective manner, Xiu dragged her body and stood before the mirrors to look at herself. The face staring back at her was looking like a riped tomato but she could feel the burn of spices on her lips even now.

Looking at herself she sniggered, "In the end, you're still that coward who chose the easy way out." She placed her hand under the running water of the tap and splashed her face a few times. "This is who you were. You're still the same. Nothing can change about you. How long are you going to let your past dictate your future?"

She was screaming at her reflection like a madwoman. She felt pathetic. Not because she was reminded of the past. But because she realized that she was still letting others words rule her life. She was letting those unimportant people's words get to her head and mess with it. It made her feel ashamed.

She wasn't just ashamed to face herself. She was ashamed to face the person who gave her the right to live as Bai Xiu. With a 'thud' she dropped on her knees and the marble floor hit her knees hard but she felt nothing as the pain in her heart was much worse.

In this new life, she was letting the wounds of her past life get to her. She felt it was not fair with the real Bai Xiu. Not at all!

She held her head in her hands and whispered, "I'm so sorry, Bai Xiu! I really am sorry!" She was mumbling all by herself, "I was always innocent but how did I end up here?"

"Asking for forgiveness is pointless unless your own heart forgives you." Suddenly, Xiu heard another voice in the silent bathroom. She whipped her head to see a man leaning against the wall near the washbasin. "Innocence has a peculiar quirk about it; every innocent ends up being the guilty one." She saw him pushing his body off the wall and standing straight.

That's when she noticed his beautifully tall stature. He has casually dressed in a pair of trousers and a red jacket with a crisp white shirt underneath. He was wearing white sneakers and a Vacheron Constantin on his wrist.

He walked towards her kneeling figure and as he stood against the light, his shadow fell on Xiu and blocked her vision. She had to arch her neck and look up at him. Suddenly, her honey-brown orbs collided with a pair of gray orbs. Her eyes widened at the way those eyes bore into her. She was actually really absorbed in them.

He passed a tissue to her and turned to leave not before saying over his shoulder, "You might think that most of your life belong in that past. But don't forget that the past is already gone. Now, it's just a memory that can only hurt you or teach you a lesson if you're willing to learn."

With these words, he took long strides to walk out leaving a dumbfounded Xiu on the cold floor with her knees aching badly.