My Mister Ostrich

Translated by Twelve_Months_of_May

Gu Mingxi, your toenails have gotten long.

What’s done cannot be undone. Pang Qian finally understood what that phrase meant. She thought she just had to eat until she was full and that was all. As if being tortured by the teacher in school all day wasn’t enough, she also had to go over to Gu Mingxi’s house in the evenings and suffer. After five nights of doing homework at Gu Mingxi’s, Pang Qian suggested she stop going, but Gu Mingxi wouldn’t allow it.

“No,” he said solemnly. “I didn’t realize that your foundation was so bad. Pang Pang, how much time do you usually spend on homework each day?”

Pang Qian couldn’t answer. Her evenings usually went like this: Watch an episode of a cartoon after school. Then eat dinner. After she ate, she would flip through a magazine– The metals company would give their employees some money each year to order some newspapers or magazines. In the Pang household, Pang Shuisheng ordered the E City Evening Press, and then also ordered two monthly comics for Pang Qian.

It was usually past 7 o’clock when she finished going through the magazines. Her TV shows started then. Pang Qian always dallied and lied in her parents’ room to watch TV dramas. It wasn’t until Pang Shuisheng finally asked her, “Did you finish your homework?” that she would gloomily return to her room.

She’d spend an hour randomly doing her homework, and then she’d wash up and get ready for bed.

Even before sleeping, she wasn’t entirely honest. She would tell her mom that she wanted to listen to her English cassettes, but her cassette player was already broken. She could only listen to the radio with it. Pang Qian would hide under her covers, ears plugged, listening to various music programs. Occasionally, she would listen to “Warm Harbor” at 10 o’clock.

A lot of people called in to the host, sharing all about the troublesome things in their life. Sometimes they would ask health questions. Pang Qian’s unprecedented curiosity would burst forth at that point. She would listen attentively to the callers’ questions, even though there were a lot of questions she didn’t understand.

There was one question that she’d heard asked many times before, but she could never figure out quite what it meant. So she took advantage of her time going to school with Gu Mingxi to humbly ask him.

“Gu Mingxi, do you know what a wet dream is?”

Gu Mingxi was steering with his shoulders on the metal contraption. After hearing Pang Qian’s question, his bike swerved, and he immediately braked with his right foot, stopping the bicycle in its tracks.

Pang Qian was also startled. After she stopped her bike, she noticed Gu Mingxi’s complexion was a bit strange. His cheeks were completely flushed. She asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Gu Mingxi started peddling his bike. Pang Qian chased after him, asking, “You didn’t answer my question. What’s a wet dream?”

Gu Mingxi’s response was slightly muffled, “Don’t know.”

“…” Pang Qian felt that he was just putting on airs. She pouted, not too happy. Then she asked, “Then… Then do you know what premature ejaculation is? Or nocturnal penile tumescence (colloq. morning wood)?” 𝐟re𝐞w𝐞𝒃𝓃𝒐𝐯𝚎𝒍.c૦𝚖

Gu Mingxi was getting stressed about it, and shouted at Pang Qian, “I don’t know! You’re being so ridiculous! If you have the time to ask these kinds of questions, why don’t you do a few more math problems?!”

Pang Qian replied unhappily, “I was just asking. If you don’t know, then you don’t know. What’s there to shout about? You’re the one being ridiculous! Hmph!”

After she finished speaking, she started accelerated her peddling and charged ahead.

“Pang Qian–” Gu Mingxi called from behind, unable to chase after her. It already wasn’t an easy feat for him to ride a bike. He wasn’t going to impulsively play around with his life on the line.

Following his own pace, Gu Mingxi peddled slowly to school. After he arrived, he realized Pang Qian was waiting for him at the gate. He got off his bike, bent over against the metal stand on his bike and pushed it forward with his shoulders. Pang Qian watched him, pouting. When Gu Mingxi walked over to her, he lightly kicked her on the leg with his heel, “Let’s go, we’ll be late.”

Pang Qian didn’t move, and was unable to stop herself from laughing.

After the two of them parked their bikes, they walked up the building. She kept on asking, “Gu Mingxi, are you sure you don’t know what a wet dream is? I heard Teacher Jia say that boys will usually start having them when they’re 11 or 12. I just don’t know what it means.”

Teacher Jia was the male host of “Warm Harbor.” Nearly at the point of collapse, Gu Mingxi thought for a moment. He spoke very quietly into Pang Qian’s ear, “It’s a physiological issue for males. You don’t need to understand it. Pang Pang, you’re a girl. In the future, don’t go asking these questions to other boys. It will make people think you’re…very low class.”

“You’re the low class one!” Pang Qian jumped. “I really don’t understand! On the radio, people always ask, ‘Teacher Jia, I have wet dreams every night.’ Or else, it’s ‘Every day, I have morning wood.’ I don’t understand and it’s so annoying!”

She was in an uproar. Gu Mingxi looked around nervously. Then he glared at her, “Be quiet. Don’t you know how to be embarrassed!”

The innocent knows no fear. Pang Qian didn’t know what he was afraid of. She said righteously, “What’s there to be embarrassed about?! It’s not like I’ve never seen a birdie (slang for penis) before. Gu Mingxi, don’t forget, when we were younger, we bathed together every day. I’ve even played with your birdie before!”

Gu Mingxi: ⊙o⊙

Their noisy, lively days continued. Their evening study sessions also continued. And one day, during a unit test in math class, Pang Qian looked at her sheet of questions and suddenly realized that they weren’t that hard.

This time, she scored 87 points, her position jumping up to the middle ranks. She was elated. At lunch, she generously treated Gu Mingxi to a can of Jianlibao (soft drink).

As a result, she no longer refused to go to Gu Mingxi’s house to study. After all, under his supervision, her homework (scores?) had gradually increased. Everyone started learning English in junior high, everyone had the same starting line. As Pang Qian was about to fall behind, Gu Mingxi pulled her back up. Every day, he would make her recite things and practice dictation. He even told her about the grammar rules. After awhile, Pang Qian didn’t feel like her teacher was speaking in some other-worldly language during English class anymore. And occasionally, when she was called on to answer a question, she could actually do it just the same.

There was also another important reason. Pang Qian loved to go to Gu Mingxi’s house, and that’s because– Li Han would always prepare a place of fruit and snacks and a warm drink. To Pang Qian, that was the world’s most difficult thing to resist!

The weather started to gradually cool. Winter would soon be arriving.

After eating dinner that evening, Pang Qian was worried that her hair wouldn’t dry if she washed it too late. So she washed her hair and bathed first, before bringing her homework over to Gu Mingxi’s house.

When she went in his room, she felt that it was abnormally warm. Then she realized that Li Han had pushed a space heater into Gu Mingxi’s room, to give them some warmth.

“Wow, it’s so warm and comfortable.” Pang Qian sat down in the chair with a heartfelt sigh.

When Gu Mingxi turned around, this was the scene he was met with.

A girl who had just washed, long hair that was still wet and loose. It hadn’t been combed, so it was a bit messy. Her face was flushed from the heat, eyes shining brightly. She was smiling as she picked up a piece of mung bean cake and flipped open her notebook.

Gu Mingxi has always liked watching Pang Qian eat because she always had a face full of enjoyment, an almost intoxicated look. It would always give Gu Mingxi a feeling of happiness.

With a ladylike gesture, using only her thumb, forefinger and middle finger, Pang Qian picked up a piece of mung bean cake and brought it to her mouth before taking a bite. She closed her eyes and let out an “ooh” sound, shaking her head slightly from delight. When she took a second bite, some crumbs fell down. She moved her other hand to quickly catch it. The crumbs kept falling, so she quickly finished off the piece of cake in her hand. Then she tilted her head back and brushed the remaining crumbs from her hand into her mouth.

Gu Mingxi saw that her hand. And maybe because she had just washed up, but her entire person seemed especially pale. Those small hands, thin fingers, her nails short and round and a healthy pink color.

It looked really nice.

Pang Qian had finished eating cake and was about to start her homework, when she lifted her head and saw Gu Mingxi. Seeing his stiff expression, she said, “Hey, what are you daydreaming about?”

Gu Mingxi came back to his senses, his face turning completely red in an instant. Pang Qian blinked at him and asked, “Are you very hot?”

Gu Mingxi shook his head, then turned his body back to his desk. His legs were raised up on his desk, a ballpoint sandwiched between his toes. His back faced Pang Qian.

Pang Qian used her hand to fan herself and said, “Actually, a space heater makes it really hot. It I had known earlier, I wouldn’t have worn a jacket over.”

She slipped off her jacket very naturally. Inside, she had on her pajamas. It was boatnecked with a pink pig pattern. After she took off her jacket, she felt much more comfortably.

During this homework session, Gu Mingxi felt a bit absent. He wanted to finish quickly, but Pang Qian wanted to continue.

While he was explaining the math problems, her attention suddenly diverted from the board to his feet. She said, “Gu Mingxi, your toenails have gotten long.”

Gu Mingxi, “…”

Pang Qian, “Where are your nail clippers? I’ll help you trim them.”

Gu Mingxi replied stiffly, “No need, I can cut them myself.”

Pang Qian disapproved, “When you cut it yourself, it’s really slow. Aiya, I’ll help you cut them.”

She was pretty familiar with his room, so she stood up and walked over to the bookshelf, and took out his nail clippers from a small box. Sitting down next to Gu Mingxi, Pang Qian pulled his legs over. She bent over and started clipping his toe nails.

“Kacha, kacha” sounds floated in the air. Gu Mingxi felt his mind was a bit dizzy. He forced himself to look at his feet, but couldn’t stop himself from looking at Pang Qian’s hands. Her soft, white hands were lightly holding onto his feet then, helping him clip his toe nails.

It wasn’t the first time she’d helped him. Ever since Pang Qian learned how to clip toenails, she’d always look at Gu Mingxi’s feet. Whenever his toenails were just a little long, she would wave her nail clippers, proclaiming that she would help him cut them, as if it were some kind of interesting game.

This game had progressed three levels.

The first stage was that she wanted to help him, but he wasn’t willing.

The second stage was when he wanted her to help him, but she wasn’t willing.

They were in the third stage now. He wasn’t willing, and she wasn’t willing. So, actually, Pang Qian hadn’t helped Gu Mingxi cut his nails in a long time.

Gu Mingxi’s line of sight moved from Pang Qian’s hands to her body. He suddenly thought that, with Pang Qian bent over, her head lowered, and the collar of her pajamas hanging slightly, against the darkness of her hair that was draped over her shoulders, her skin looked even more snow-white. There was a boom that went off in Gu Mingxi’s head. Although he hadn’t really seen the the scene inside her clothes, but just imagining it was enough to make his whole body go stiff.

Afterwards, Pang Qian was shooed home by Gu Mingxi. She didn’t understand, and kept feeling that Gu Mingxi was very weird that entire day.

Gu Mingxi went to bed very early that evening. But he kept rolling back and forth, unable to sleep, and just laid there. It was the middle of the night when he finally drifted off to sleep, and he had a dream.

In his dream, he was still very little. He was standing inside of a large wooden bathtub and washing.

Washing and washing and washing. Then, in front of his eyes, a little chubby girl appeared. The girl sat down in the bathtub, naked. She tilted her head and looked up at him curiously.

Gu Mingxi suddenly felt a bit embarrassed. He wanted to reach out his hand to cover up his little birdie, but after moving around his shoulders, he realized he didn’t have any arms. Gu Mingxi felt very vexed. His little birdie wasn’t very far from the girl’s face, her eyes doubtful, as she stared at this little swinging thing. And then she reached out her hand and grabbed it–

Gu Mingxi suddenly woke up, and he realized he was still lying in bed. Only… He realized his underpants were wet.

He didn’t dare to move, confusion filling his mind. He realized that something had changed there, and it was hard, resting against the bed. Gu Mingxi felt extremely ashamed, because he realized that lying there in that posture was actually very comfortable.

He gingerly moved his body. The small friction brought a wonderful feeling, which made him even more scared. He laid there with his eyes open, his body in his covers, his heart booming like thunder. After an unknown amount of time, the throbbing in his heart finally vanished. His body was covered in sweat. He twisted his body and threw his covers off, slowly sitting up.

Using his foot, he turned on the light at the head of his bed. He bent over to inspect his underwear. There was a thick liquid there, and it had soaked through the crotch on his underpants.

Gu Mingxi pursed his lips and sat in a daze for awhile. Then he let out a huff, “Don’t ask for help,” before changing his underwear.

His shirt had also been soaked with sweat, so he changed his clothes as well. He took off his wet clothes and headed to his dresser to get some dry ones, when he suddenly saw himself in his dresser mirror.

His upper body was bare, and he was only wearing a pair of underpants. His skin was pale, his body thin and lean, with a pair of slender and well proportioned legs. At this time, Gu Mingxi was only 13 years old and 4 months, just the time when children’s bodies grew. Li Han had said before that all his pants would become too short after wearing them for just two months. And as they bought shoes, they had to buy him bigger ones as well.

Gu Mingxi knew that he was growing up. His body was going through a number of changes. There were many things that couldn’t be avoided. For example, what had just happened when he was sleeping.

However, compared to other boys, it was undeniable that Gu Mingxi would have more confusion, hesitation, and fear.

It was the deep of night, silence in the air. The young boy stood in front of his dresser mirror, and seeing his deformed body, he let out a sigh. He put on clean clothes, turned off the light, and went back to bed.