Never Marry a Man With Two Tintins

Volume One: Those in the Slums

Chapter Three

Liu Guang said those soft words, bashfully scratching the top of his head that was covered with his messy hair.

Although Cheng Nuo thought those words were were somewhat ridiculous, he was somewhat touched. Of course, he also understood that Liu Guang’s goodwill was based on him being female. Since he inexplicably came to this desolate and backward place, with no way of going back, he can only strive to survive here.

He beckoned to Liu Guang, motioning him to come closer. Liu Guang stared at a pair of green eyes like jade: “What?”

“I’ll check your head for lice.” Cheng Nuo grabbed Liu Guang’s small arms and pulled him in front of him, almost fainting at the stink coming from the boy’s body. Liu Guang’s bright red hair felt hard and prickly, probably because it hadn’t been washed in a long time. He stared at Liu Guang’s hairline, frowning. “How many days has it been since you’ve had a bath?”

Liu Guang has never been touched so intimately. There was some resistance in his heart. Then he heard that the other person was disgusted by his dirty body. He was suddenly quite exasperated: “This how males are! This is how menfolk behave!”

Cheng Nuo was almost unable to stop bursting into laughter. Being male doesn’t mean not caring about hygiene! Once again, he looked carefully at Liu Guang’s dirty house and found that there was a wooden bucket in the corner. He told Liu Guang: “Go and fill that bucket with water. We should clean this place up.”

He looked at Liu Guang who was still staring at him vigilantly and not moving. Cheng Nuo laughed: “Rest assured, I won’t run again.”

Although Cheng Nuo’s face had streaks of dirt on it, when he smiled his tiger teeth appeared. He looked really sunny and bright. Liu Guang looked at him in amazement for a moment then finally went out with the bucket.

(TN: 虎牙 - tiger teeth/eye teeth. The author likes to say Cheng Nuo has cute little incisors. There’s no deep meaning it, just cuteness.)

The trees in the yard had clotheslines strung on them. Cheng Nuo hated the smell of the moldy bedding so he didn’t hesitate to carry it out and spread it out in the sun. Obviously, Liu Guang may not have any extra bedding. Cheng Nuo could only pray that the sun will kill any possible fleas in the bedding.

Perhaps Liu Guang’s vigilance had not disappeared, because his return was swift. He was so small and his body was so thin that when he carried the bucket, it was easy for people to feel love and affection for him. Cheng Nuo couldn’t help but touch his head again. Liu Guang still looked uncomfortable at the touch but he didn’t try to escape.

Cheng Nuo found a piece of cloth that he could use as a rag. There wasn’t even a tub. He had to wash the rag in the bucket, rubb the table legs clean, then sort out the trash in a corner of the room. He hobbled around the house tidying up while Liu Guang sat cross-legged on the bed.

Cheng Nuo walked to Liu Guang with his arms full of dirty clothes and gave the clothes to him, saying: “Let’s go outside.”

Liu Liang wanted to establish his own authority, but looking at how Cheng Nuo smiled, in the end he still helped. Somehow, he thought that it was very interesting to see Cheng Nuo so busy.

After a half an hour, the shack was finally clean and tidy. Cheng Nuo nodded and said: “Now this looks like a place where people live.”

He remembered the silver-haired boy he had met before and asked Liu Guang: “I met a silver-haired child who looks clean, who is he?”

When Liu Guang heard that his hair almost exploded. He stared suspiciously at Cheng Nuo and said: “Bai Rui, that ****! Why do you know him?! I’m telling you, you can only be my future wife! You’re not allowed to get too close to other males!”

The corners of Cheng Nuo’s eyes twitched but he refrained from pulling the boy by his ears. He said, as calmly as he could: “I just met him once and thought that he isn’t like the other people here. And stop calling me your future wife!”

Liu Guang snorted, unconvinced. Not calling him that, well! He didn’t want anyone else to know that Cheng Nuo is a young female. After all, there are a lot of single, skilled thieves in this area. If Cheng Nuo’s identity was exposed, Liu Guang wouldn’t be able to fully protect the other person with his current ability. Once again, he said emphatically: “You mustn’t get too close to others. Don’t tell people that you’re female.”

“…” Cheng Nuo felt sure that he would never use this word to describe himself.

It was noon by the time the room was cleaned. Cheng Nuo’s stomach began to rumble again. There was a worn basket in the yard. Cheng Nuo put all the dirty clothes in it and asked Liu Guang: “Is there a river nearby? These clothes need to be washed.”

Liu Guang frowned and said: “There is a river three miles away, but it’s the chi locust’s breeding season. It is dangerous for a young girl like you.”

Cheng Nuo was curious: “What is that insect?”

Liu Guang was also not very good at describing things so he simply repeated the name “chi locust” and said that it was a type of insect that lived near water. However, it is fierce and strong. The mature locusts’ bite is can pierce through an adult person’s bones. Breeding locusts are even more fierce. If one is disturbed, even a person’s skeleton might not be left intact.

Cheng Nuo broke out in a cold sweat when he heard this. How weird is this world? What the hell! Originally, he wanted to take a bath there and maybe catch some fish.

Liu Guang watched his expression change and suddenly said: “But you don’t have to be afraid. Naturally, I will accompany you and protect you.”

In this area, except for Bai Rui, no one else, not even the adults, was more powerful than him. Therefore, he wasn’t afraid of the locusts.

Liu Guang said this in a casual tone of voice but in a way that showed he was very conceited. Cheng Nuo thought this was funny but he remained quiet. Was this little kid exaggerating the danger to scare him?

Liu Guang didn’t know what Cheng Nuo was thinking and threw a machete at the bottom of the bamboo basket.

Cheng Nuo carried bamboo basket and walked beside Liu Guang. Liu Guang looked at Cheng Nuo’s bruised legs and felt guilty so he took the bamboo basket and slung it over his back.

As they passed by a dilapidated shack, Liu Guang shouted an old man with grizzled hair wearing scruffy white clothes: “Hey, Mrs. Ge, please give me some of your medicine for injuries.”

Cheng Nuo thought that this was a bit strange. Why was he calling that old man so weirdly?

The old man looked over at Liu Guang and shouted: “Boys! You never learn! Just applying these medicine everyday without a care! You’re all going to ruin your bodies!”

In spite of saying that, he threw a bottle over the fence. Liu Guang shook the bottle and showed it to Cheng Nuo. “I’ll apply this on you later. He calls the shots in that household. This medicine works.”

Cheng Nuo curiously took the bottle and opened it. The ointment smelled like mint, it wasn’t a bad smell.

Along the way, Cheng Nuo listened and tried to make sense of this world. The more he heard, the worse he felt. To put it simply, this was a place where the strong ruled over the weak. Killing people and stealing their goods was commonplace. Liu Guang described it all in a very casual tone of voice.

In the past, Liu Guang hit him with a stick. Cheng Nuo didn’t dare to ask if this child had killed anyone and eaten human flesh. Just imagining that made him break out in goose bumps all over his body…

However, except for this, Liu Guang was often no different from normal children.

As they walked, Cheng Nuo felt that something was strange but he couldn’t tell what it was. How come he didn’t see any women around? Is this world particularly feudal and women were not allowed to appear in public? He was just wondering about this but didn’t ask for a clarification because they just arrived at the river and the crystal clear water attracted all of his attention.

Liu Guang’s nerves were obviously stretched tight. He stuck to Cheng Nuo’s side closely and his attitude made Cheng Nuo feel nervous, too.

The river was quiet and there was no one else around. Is what Liu Guang said before true?

There was no such thing as laundry detergent or soap here so Cheng Nuo simply scrubbed the clothes clean in the water. Fortunately, the clothes were all dusty and muddy but but he was able to wash them clean after a few minutes. The clean, wet clothes were all hanging in the branches of the trees near the river when Cheng Nuo motioned Liu Guang to take off his clothes.

Liu Guang’s eyeballs almost popped out. He stuttered like a little wife who was being molested: “You, you, you …”

“Hurry up,” Cheng Nuo teased him. “Didn’t you call me your future wife? Are you afraid of me? Just wash yourself. I don’t want to live with a mud monkey.”

Liu Guang’s face turned hot. He had second thoughts about it and took off his clothes, turning his back to Cheng Nuo. He threw off his clothes carelessly then jumped into the water, a little panicked. Remembering that he shouldn’t move too far away from Cheng Nuo, he carefully listened to sounds behind him while he absently scrubbed his black, grimy neck.

Cheng Nuo also relaxed. He simply took of his clothes and underwear to wash them because they had been dirtied by the garbage mound and were quite smelly. He waited until he had washed and strung up his clothes then looked at how the other person was doing.

That Liu Guang! That little rascal’s neck was still black!

Chen Nuo jumped into the river unselfconsciously.

Liu Guang heard the thumping sound behind him and turned around. He nearly jumped up in shock. After hurriedly turning away, he said with a red face and gritted teeth: “How can you … you’re too shameless!”

It was as though someone had lit a fire under his butt. He quickly hid himself as though there was a very fierce beast behind him.

(TN: 洪水猛兽 - severe floods and fierce beasts. Meaning great scourges or extremely dangerous or threatening things)

Cheng Nuo almost died laughing when he heard this. Is there something wrong with this little brat’s eyes? Can’t he see that their bodies are the same? However, Liu Guang’s cherry-red hair that was sprinkled with drops of water was shining in the sun like a dazzling, beautiful flame.

He smiled and shouted at Liu Guang: “Liu Guang, come over, I’ll scrub your back.”

Liu Guang’s face was now almost as red as his hair. He vaguely felt that he was being molested. The earliest time that people can marry is when they are fifteen. Although Cheng Nuo was going to be his wife in the future, males and females are always separate from the time they are children.

This female is too bold, right? The two of them haven’t even entered the bridal chamber yet …

(TN: The “entered the bridal chamber” just means they aren’t married yet.)

Translator’s Notes:

Thank you for reading. I am currently working alone, with no editor so if you find an error please let me know and I will fix it right away!