Passion Heaven

I used ten years’ time to forget a person, but at the end, she remained even more vivid in my mind.

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I remembered that year, Zhang Jing Yu called me frantically, telling me that Xia Mu died. I held onto the phone and stayed silent for a long time; sadness filling my heart, my nose starting to prickle, and tears are about to fall down. Suddenly, the scene where I first met Xia Mu appeared before my eyes. That child, he owned a pair of cold and slightly gloomy eyes and an exquisite, perfect face. That child, it was like he was not blessed from the heavens. His life was so short, so tragic, yet, it was so beautiful. It was like fireworks in the dark night sky, blooming beautifully. People don’t have enough time to react to this wonder when, within a flash, he was gone. He left, and he also took her with him. When I saw her kneeling in front of the tombstone in the cemetery, her slender fingers are stroking onto his picture gently, each and every inch, each and every strand. Her tears keep on falling down her cheek as she said,

“Xia Mu, in our next life, we have to be together.” I stood behind her in silence, clasping my hands together. I don’t know when, but the sky suddenly started to pour down a light rain shower. I opened an umbrella and shielded her from the rain. At the end, was that all I can do for her? She lifted her head up and looked at me, her exhausted face hurting my heart. I really wanted to hug her, like how I did before, hugging her tightly. I extended my arm, but I just rubbed onto the crown of her head gently.

“Yawang, be well. Be strong.” She nodded her head.

“Then….I’ll leave now.”

“Okay.” This time, I didn’t turn my head. I told myself; don’t look back, don’t stay, don’t make her uncomfortable, don’t hurt her even more. Maybe one day, she will forget the pain. Maybe one day, she will come back. Maybe one day…there won’t be that one day. I know, there will never that be day. So I told her that I won’t wait for her. As I told her that, something fell out from the corner of my eye. Why, why can’t she have her happiness? Why did Xia Mu die? Why? Xia Mu, you despicable child! You won! You won this lifetime and the next lifetime! You won over my Yawang! Why couldn’t you treat her well? You bad child! Why couldn’t you give her happiness? At the road below the mountains, I slowly crouched down to the ground, grabbing onto my hair in agony. Yawang…Yawang…I turned my head around, looking up to the kneeling shadow at the mountain top, my heart about to be broken with the pain.

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After a few years, I started to go down my own path; going to school, going to work, dealing with all sorts of pressure in a place far away from home. I told myself, even the most perfect love will fade in time, I will be able to forget her, I want to forget her. But it’s been ten years…her shadow, why does it appear so vividly in my dreams? Why do I always dream of her holding onto little Xia Mu’s hand and smiling at me as she walks towards me?

That day, I went to the almond blossom park that she designed. After I saw the plaque, I turned my head away and laughed. I walked to the central square and watched the white doves flying about, their angel-like white feathers falling down to the ground. I suddenly remembered her dream; she said she wanted to create a park that’s like heaven. She said, if I’m there, it’s considered heaven. I lowered my head and chuckled, why has it been so many years that I can still clearly remember her words and her smile? Above me was the clear June blue sky and the warm sun and I sat myself down on a park bench as I made a bet with myself to see how many years it will take for me to forget her. Maybe it will be tomorrow, maybe the day after tomorrow, maybe longer. Or maybe it’s the moment when I leave this world.