Stranger Danger

“And now to your question. Dana Day is something the Buddhist Hall of Joy created themselves. When a normal Buddhist gives away to others, they usually offer items and Buddhist teachings to the common people. As for the Buddhist Hall of Joy, they offer sex so that the masses may experience the essence of their Joyful Way of the Buddha themselves.”

Yi Pin took another pause before continuing, “That is why Dana Day is also known as the Day of Joy or Day of Bliss. Anyone be it men, women, old, young, rich, poor, good, evil, beautiful or ugly may copulate with the members of the Buddhist Hall of Joy and partake in humanity’s greatest bliss.”

“They offer their... services this to the women as well?” Ye Qing exclaimed in shock.

“Er, duh? The Buddhist Hall of Joy doesn’t only have female members, you know. There are men as well!”

Yi Pin shot Ye Qing a disdainful look. “Plus, the Buddhist Hall of Joy preaches a world of equality where both men and women may partake in the ultimate bliss without bias. Forget normal sex, they can accept sex between people of the same gender as well!”

“They allow that?!” Ye Qing was well and truly shocked. He had no idea such an open-minded institution existed in this world!

Yi Pin snickered and winked at Ye Qing. “Why not? Some people prefer it that way!”

“Well, consider me schooled.” Ye Qing licked his lips. He should’ve known that the world was big, and nothing was impossible in this world!

“This Dana Day sounds pretty interesting.” Ye Qing looked at Yi Pin and joked, “So, have you received their ah, ‘giving’ before?”

“Cough! Cough!” Yi Pin was in the middle of sipping his tea, and the question caught him so off guard that he couldn’t stop coughing for a time. When he finally recovered, he yelled, “What the hell are you talking about? I’m a monk! I would never do such a thing!”

“Besides, I have no intentions of dying young!”

Ye Qing looked at the old Taoist’s gray hair skeptically, but he decided that satisfying his curiosity was the higher priority right now. “What do you mean by that?”

Yi Pin glanced at the overly excited customers around them. “You didn’t actually think that the Buddhist Hall of Joy is doing this out of the kindness of their heart, did you?”

“They claim that their Joyful Way of the Buddha is the truth of ultimate bliss and the way to become a Buddha through desire, but pragmatically speaking, it is really a dual cultivation method where they harvest their victims’ energies to improve their own. Anyone who copulates with a member of the Buddhist Hall of Joy would have their origin yang, vigor, lifespan and talent stolen from them.”

“Worse still, a weak-willed person may lose sight of themselves and join the Buddhist Hall of Joy as a worshiper. Two fates lay before these people. If their talent is above a certain level, then they may become a proper disciple of the Joyful Way of the Buddha. If not, then they would become slaves and incubators that the Buddhist Hall of Joy may use as they please.”

“And no one tried to stop them?” Ye Qing asked.

“How, pray tell? This is Bei You, the home to countless independent factions and forces. The one power that could actually do something about this, the imperial court, sits too far away to exert their influence, and the sect itself is hardly a weak sect. Who could possibly unseat the Buddhist Hall of Joy?”

A disdainful snort escaped Yi Pin’s nose. “Besides, the consequences are not at all a secret, and the Buddhist Hall of Joy does not forcefully convert someone into their ranks. They offer, and the people take. It is all consensual. If someone loses themselves to the pleasure, then they only have their own weak will to blame, no?”

“I don’t get it. Why would anyone willingly subject themselves to such a fate?” Ye Qing asked.

“Your words betray your youth, brother. ‘Sex is an irresistible killer. The more it hurts you, the more you want it.’ ‘Better the fertilizer of a bed of flowers than the owner of a barren land[1].’ Such is the wisdom of the old sages. If even they are not immune to the allure of sex, then how can you expect the common people to do better? ‘Appetite and lust are only natural’, and some people want to be ‘eaten’, you know?”

Yi Pin chuckled before continuing, “Also, everyone in the Buddhist Hall of Joy is handsome or beautiful. All the colors of humanity are gathered in their halls, and it is true that the Joyful Way of the Buddha gives a person bliss unlike anything they have ever experienced. What is a few years of lifespan compared to that?”

Ye Qing wiggled his eyebrows. “You know far too much for someone who supposedly never used their services before.”

“W-What? Nonsense! I’m just er, telling you what one of my acquaintances told me! Don’t you know who I am? I’m as straight as they get!”

Yi Pin protested impotently before breaking into a lascivious grin. “You shouldn’t miss out on this opportunity, brother. Your body is strong, your vigor is unending, and more importantly, you’re still a virgin, aren’t you? Why not shed your status with one of the most blissful experiences you may have in your life?”

“Heh. Thanks, but no thanks. Let’s just say that it’s not my cup of tea.” Ye Qing shrugged.

While they were chatting, the entourage had finally made it to the tea stall, and the tangle of bodies behind the curtains and the moans grew clearer than ever. Everyone at the tea stall was staring at the curtains like they could burn a hole in it, gulping down saliva non-stop like they were in the middle of a desert, and wishing that they were the ones fucking inside the litter right now.

A female disciple of the Buddhist Hall of Joy looked at the customers and said, “The Bodhisattva guides all to the ultimate bliss. All are welcome to share in our joy. Today is our annually held Dana Day. If you are willing, our Bodhisattva welcomes you to partake in the ultimate bliss with her when she is ready.”

“The Bodhisattva guides all to the ultimate bliss...”

“The Bodhisattva guides all to the ultimate bliss...”

The disciples chanted their mantras, and the instruments tickled the people’s hearts. As the litter shook harder and harder, the pants and moans coming from the litter grew heavier as well.

Nine breaths later, the chants, the music, and the creakings of the litter came to a sudden stop. The sexual noises too reached their climax before lapsing into silence.

“Let’s go, brother.”

From the beginning until the end, Ye Qing’s eyes had remained as clear as a lake. It was almost as if he hadn’t just witnessed a sexual performance in public.

Yi Pin was having the time of his life though. He was sipping a cup of delicious tea and rinsing his eyes and ears with beauty. What’s not to like?

The old Taoist turned in Ye Qing’s direction in surprise. “The show’s not over yet.”

“So? There’s nothing to watch.” Ye Qing shook his head.

Yi Pin complained, “You have no appreciation for aesthetics. This only happens once a year, you know? It’s your loss if you miss it.”

Ye Qing joked, “You’re gonna catch a stye[2] at this rate.”

Yi Pin protested, “The hell are you talking about? Only a voyeur would catch a stye. Am I peeping? No, I’m watching this openly!”

“You’re... right, I guess.” Ye Qing rolled his eyes in exasperation. “If there was any doubt that you are a fake Taoist, it’s gone now.”

“You don’t get it. I’m observing the event in front of me with a critical, unbiased eye.” Yi Pin began bull-shitting matter-of-factly, “This is cultivation. Observing this event helps me temper my dao heart, understand?”

“Cultivation, my butt. Do you think you can trick me just because I’m less worldly than you?” Ye Qing rolled his eyes harder.

It was at this moment an old man sitting at a table a short distance away from them commented, “Your words betray your youth and ignorance, boy. A warrior must always cultivate the heart before the body. Otherwise, they can never be accomplished.”

“The temptation of sex is one of the hardest trials of the heart, but also the most beneficial. Only when you have read all the colors of humanity without being swayed by temptation can you truly say that you have obtained an unwavering dao heart.”

The old man looked like he was in his sixties, but his complexion looked pretty healthy. He was wearing a tattered sheepskin coat and a straw hat. He was currently smoking a pipe and staring at the litter with unblinking eyes.

Ye Qing let out a deep, exasperated sigh. “You know, I might have believed you if your eyes weren’t glued to the litter this whole time.”

Meanwhile, Yi Pin was beyond happy to find a soul mate. “Well said, brother! You understood what I was trying to say perfectly! I am honored to make your acquaintance!”

“You flatter me, Reverend. Your eyes may be tinged with color, but I can tell that your heart is devoid of lust. Anyone can tell at first glance that you are an enlightened one. I’m the one who should say that I am honored to be in your presence,” the old man returned with a beaming smile.

“Now that is flattery if I ever heard one! Undeserved flattery!” Yi Pin said that, but he could not contain the wide grin on his face at all. Without hesitation, he shuffled to the side and offered the old man a seat, “Sharing is caring, and it is better to cultivate with others than it is to cultivate alone. Please take a seat so we may trade insights and hone our cultivation further, brother!”

“Why not? It so happens I have a jar of wine with me. It will balance out the work we must do to improve our cultivation!”

The old man chuckled and appeared beside Yi Pin in a blur. He was also holding a wine jar in his hand even though he wasn’t a moment ago.

1. Pretty proud of this one. A translation of 牡丹花下死，做鬼也风流, which colloquially means ‘If I die having fucked the person of my dreams then it would be worth it.’ ☜

2. It’s a Chinese belief that if you peep on others, your eyes are gonna get swollen. ☜

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