The Guide to Conquering Earthlings

Even Cao An was shocked into silence at the other end of the phone.

Xie Cheng took a deep breath, "Cao An, I don't have any issues with your work, but her abilities are truly formidable. She spent the entire morning today showing me, and it's obvious that she's dead set on getting the extra bodyguard work. If I don't agree, she probably won't let it go easily."

Xie Cheng recalled the scene from earlier, that effortless pushup with one hand supporting 100 kg, and the door lock at his villa that she casually twisted and broke. It only reaffirmed one thing - this Lan Xi is dangerous.

He had never considered that being a bodyguard could involve such coercion and forceful demands.

Was it for more money? Or was it so she could have a legitimate reason to monitor Xie Cheng on Xie Jing's behalf even more?

Xie Cheng calmly thought it over. For now, it might be better to just go with the flow and see how things develop, so he could thoroughly understand her motivations and methods.

**

Amidst the shock, Xie Cheng's mind was racing with countless thoughts, but Lan Xi remained completely oblivious to the turmoil in his heart.

All she knew was that things had gone so smoothly -

The very next morning on the work day, Xie Cheng called her into his office.

"I can agree to your request," he glanced at Lan Xi, "but there will be a probation period. If you perform well, then you can officially take on the role afterwards."

Lan Xi was overjoyed internally.

She knew some Terrans were coy - even if they were impatient on the inside, they would act tough externally. When many Terrans were developing intimate relationships, they would mention a "probation period" to imply that the other person shouldn't let their guard down yet in the relationship, and needed to continue devoting themselves wholeheartedly.

But... once there was a "probation period", it was basically half push and half consent.

However, after the initial excitement, some disappointment and fatigue set in.

Was that it?

She had conquered Xie Cheng so easily?

So little challenge?

Lan Xi felt like nothing seemed real. She began to understand what terrestrial literature meant when they said things that were too easily obtained were hard to cherish...

Although Xie Cheng was still acting tough by talking about a "probation period", Lan Xi had completely lost her sense of urgency.

Of course, Xie Cheng was oblivious to Lan Xi's thoughts. He looked at Lan Xi, speaking evenly, "During the probation period, I'll pay you 80% of the full rate. After officially taking on the role, everything will be according to normal practices."

This brought Lan Xi's spirits up immediately.

So there was money to earn?

No wonder they said conquering Xie Cheng was the way to conquer Earth. It really was true! She had barely conquered him a little, and money started raining down from the skies! No wonder Terrans wanted to conquer each other too! There were so many benefits! No wonder all the guides online were about how to conquer Terran males!

"But you must also understand, the new identity comes with new responsibilities. It's not just 9 to 5 and you're off work. From now on you'll need to be on call and ready anytime I need you. Can you do that?" Xie Cheng lowered his gaze, "Especially on some nights, I'll also need you."

In theory, a bodyguard was on standby 24 hours a day. Occasionally there were evening banquets that Xie Cheng would bring bodyguards along to.

Of course, it was unlikely Xie Cheng would really be asking Lan Xi to come over at night, or even use her at all as long as Cao An was around. Giving her a bodyguard job now was more a matter of compromise, since Lan Xi was sent by Xie Jing, and Xie Cheng also wanted to observe what exactly she was up to.

At this moment, Xie Cheng deliberately described the bodyguard job as very arduous, simply hoping that Lan Xi would be directly deterred by the demanding work hours and decline the role.

But what Xie Cheng didn't know was that his words took on a whole different meaning to Lan Xi.

Xie Cheng wanted her at night too - that definitely meant he was thinking about her day and night!

After all, the guides said that once you conquered a man, he would be filled with thoughts of you, wishing he could spend every minute together!

So it was understandable that the conquered Xie Cheng wanted to see her all the time, summoning her over on random nights.

Conquering a man came with a price! Sacrificing some sleep was no big deal!

"Don't worry! Mr. Xie, I'll be ready anytime you call!"

**

However, after successfully conquering Xie Cheng and getting the new role, Lan Xi found that her opportunities to interact with Xie Cheng actually decreased.

Not only did he not summon her at night, there was no activity from him during the day either.

"You said your boyfriend is tired of you? He not only doesn't come to find you now, but is even perfunctory on the phone and reluctant to meet?"

In a corner of the large office area, Liang Di lowered her voice as she chatted with a friend: "Although I advised you to let nature take its course and break up in this situation, if you really want to win him back, let me give you a tip - late at night, send him some suggestive photos every now and then. If he still ignores you after this trick, then there's no hope."

With Lan Xi's comprehension ability, she couldn't understand everything 100%, but she grasped about 60-70% of it.

It seemed conquering a man truly was long-term work. Even after establishing the relationship, one still couldn't let their guard down, and had to stay vigilant against the conquest being overturned at any time!

Lan Xi waited left and right for Xie Cheng, but there was no movement. She thought about it - she couldn't just sit around waiting for death.

She looked at the newly purchased food by the door, took a deep breath, and picked up her phone.

**

Xie Cheng received the first WeChat picture from Lan Xi at 10pm.

The photo showed Lan Xi holding up a skewer of freshly fried meat on the bone, with bright and appetizing colors.

Ten minutes later, he received her second photo.

This time it was roasted lamb chops. In the picture, Lan Xi was eating with oil running down her mouth, eyes shining bright - even through the phone screen, Xie Cheng seemed to be able to feel the deliciousness infectiously.

Recently Xie Cheng had been working out, and Lan Xi's fitness had made him feel a deep sense of crisis. Thus, not only did he increase the intensity of his exercise, but he also controlled his diet, very disciplinedly undergoing muscle building training.

It had been some time since dinner ended, and because Xie Cheng had important documents to review tonight, he was sleeping later than usual. Hence, he was already rather famished to begin with.

But his enduring willpower was becoming increasingly difficult to maintain in the face of Lan Xi's photos.

Eating late at night was simply antisocial behavior.

This was undoubtedly a provocation.

Xie Cheng turned off his phone, lips pursed, remaining silent as he tried to calmly continue reviewing the documents.

Unfortunately, Lan Xi completely lacked any sense of propriety.

Four minutes later, she sent another new photo -

After finishing the skewered meat and lamb chops, she actually started gnawing on a T-bone steak!

Xie Cheng suppressed his frustration, ignoring her.

But this woman knew no bounds.

Sweet and sour pork ribs.

Fried chicken legs.

Pork chops.

Braised beef shanks.

...

As more and more photos came from her, Xie Cheng's hunger pangs grew stronger and stronger.

Finally, unable to endure any longer, Xie Cheng picked up his phone.

**

Lan Xi had shown Xie Cheng almost everything - chicken, pork, lamb and beef bones in over a dozen photos.

Sure enough, it wasn't long after sending these suggestive photos that Xie Cheng couldn't resist and called her -

"Lan Xi, stop sending these kinds of photos."

Lan Xi's heart thumped rapidly. She was somewhat excited. Based on the later overheard conversation between Liang Di and her friend, the next step after a Terran male was attracted by suggestive photos was to ask you to sleep with him, further reinforcing the process of his conquest.

So the suggestive photos had worked. Xie Cheng was going to invite her over to sleep with him!

Just as Lan Xi decided to proactively offer to bring her own bedding, she heard Xie Cheng's cold voice over the phone -

"Send me stuff like this again in the middle of the night, and you can be fired."

"..."

**

Lan Xi didn't understand what she had done wrong. In any case, the suggestive photos were useless.

Maybe they were outdated!

After all, it seemed to be the same with Liang Di's side -

"So after you sent the photos last night, he didn't reply at all. Then you couldn't resist and went to find him yourself, only to catch him intimately entangled with a married woman?"

On the other end of the phone came loud wailing: "Yes, Di Di, he betrayed me, hurt me. I asked him for an explanation, but he hit me instead. My face is still swollen. Not only did he deceive me and fool around with a married woman, tonight he's even going on a blind date with an innocent, naive rich girl who doesn't know the truth..."

Lan Xi didn't understand the context, she only heard Liang Di calmly and steadily advise the other party to report to the police, go to the hospital for an examination of her injuries. But as soon as she hung up the call, Liang Di's expression darkened.

"Too outrageous! She's been my best friend since we were kids! To think she was hurt so badly by a scumbag!"

Liang Di was indignant: "This can't be let go so easily! I'm going to go teach that scumbag a lesson! And I definitely can't just stand by and watch an innocent white rich girl get mistreated!"

She looked to Lan Xi, "Are you free after work, Lan Xi? If you're free, let's go together! There's power in numbers!"

Lan Xi remembered Mr. Wang's teachings - she had to flatter Ms. Liang, an important client.

Since it came from an important client, she naturally had to agree. Without thinking twice, Lan Xi nodded.

**

At 7:30pm, in a high-end restaurant.

Lan Xi was dragged along by Liang Di to "strategize."

"According to my girlfriend, that scumbag is going on a blind date at this restaurant tonight. He's trying his best to make a good first impression and latch onto a white rich girl!"

Lan Xi nodded solemnly, "What does he look like?"

"My girlfriend and I live far apart, she's on the east side of the city and I'm on the west. We don't see each other often, just keep in touch by phone. I've never even met her boyfriend of half a year. That scumbag has never taken a photo with my friend. My friend was silly enough to never secretly take a photo of him either. That scumbag's social media is kept mysteriously photo-free too."

Liang Di was indignant, "I heard he's a CEO's assistant, young and successful. Very tall and well-built, with muscles from boxing training. That's why he was able to abuse my girlfriend so badly."

"Anyway, he's a scumbag that looks like a model on the outside!"

"But! My girlfriend took a peek at the scumbag's text messages and found out he's coming to this restaurant. He booked private room #3! So even without seeing a photo of him before, we can catch him in room #3!"

Lan Xi followed Liang Di, circling around the front desk staff in the lobby and heading upstairs themselves to find room #3. As Liang Di said, if they had the staff guide them to room #3, the staff would knock on the door for them. That would reveal them too soon and put them in a passive position.

Anyway, room #3 shouldn't be hard to find just by looking at the numbers outside the rooms.

Now standing outside room #3, Lan Xi saw Liang Di take another deep breath.

She turned and repeatedly reminded Lan Xi, "You wait out here. I'll go in first and try to reason with him civilly, reveal that scumbag's true colors, and ruin his plans."

"But since he was willing to beat my girlfriend, it shows he's prone to violence and obviously trained in it. He'll probably get furious and violent." Liang Di lowered her voice, "If it's not an emergency, I'll send you a message. But if I yell 'Help!' later, that means I'm in serious danger. Then you take action as you see fit!"

Lan Xi nodded vigorously. Only then did Liang Di take another deep breath and push open the door into the room.

Soon though, Lan Xi received a message from Liang Di that things were fine -

"The scumbag isn't here yet. There's only the white rich girl in the room alone. You keep standing guard outside! I'll tell this girl the truth first!"

Lan Xi readily went along with it. She looked around and opened the window in the hallway.

The wind quickly blew in through the window.

Only then did Lan Xi stick her ear against the door of the room again.

She tried her best to discern Liang Di's voice inside -

"Hello, you're here for a blind date meeting each other for the first time, right? The one you're meeting is a CEO's assistant, great physique, very tall, right?"

Then she heard another unfamiliar female voice reply, "Yes, who are you?"

Room #3, blind date, CEO's assistant, tall build.

It was all correct!

Liang Di wasted no time directly revealing the scumbag's true colors to the girl in a clear and logical way.

The plan went very smoothly. Sounds of the girl sympathizing and thanking Liang Di could be heard from the room -

"Thank you for the warning, you prevented me from being fooled. I won't be meeting this person anymore. Being late for a first meeting already left a bad first impression. I didn't expect there to be so many problems too. I'm leaving immediately. Scumbags like him are a waste of my time just seeing once."

...

**

Inside the room, Liang Di didn't expect the other party to be so reasonable. She also didn't expect things to go so smoothly. She let out a breath of relief and comforted the white rich girl who had almost been tricked a few more times.

Soon, the girl thanked her repeatedly and indignantly left first. Liang Di was about to leave when a man pushed open the door and entered from outside.

Was it the scumbag?

Where was Lan Xi? Why didn't she give a heads up? Wasn't she supposed to stand guard outside?

But there was no time to think about all that. Liang Di looked coldly at the doorway, only to see it was a familiar face.

Wasn't this Xie Cheng's trusted aide, Cao An?

Liang Di was greatly shocked, "You're the scumbag?"

There was no mistake. A CEO's assistant! Wasn't Cao An Xie Cheng's assistant? Tall, well-built, it matched perfectly!

Cao An was dumbfounded for a moment before he reacted and realized what happened. He had just received a text from his blind date canceling. Frowning, he asked, "You're the one who ruined my blind date?"

He seemed confused, "Did I offend you somehow? Have I seen you at the company before?"

At this, Liang Di couldn't help but laugh coldly, "You cheated on your girlfriend, seduced married women, wrecked marriages, abused my friend, and now you're trying to latch onto a white rich girl. Yet you still have the nerve to ask if I have a grudge with you?"

But faced with these accusations, Cao An still looked shocked, "I don't know what you're talking about. I've never dated anyone in my life! Where did the girlfriend come from!"

He paused before suddenly realizing, "Did you want to go to room #3?"

"Isn't this room #3?"

"No, this is room #8. The gold plating on the 8 is just old and flaking off, so it looks like a 3. The restaurant hasn't fixed it yet."

???

Cao An said solemnly, "I was originally able to arrive on time, but I ran into an old man having a heart attack on the road. I had to do emergency procedures and wait for the ambulance to send him to the hospital before I felt assured to hurry over... Because it was so urgent I didn't message my blind date."

"..."

Cao An looked at Liang Di, "You came in yourself without asking the front desk staff to guide you, right?"

"..."

So...she had completely gotten things wrong? And ruined Cao An's proper blind date in room #8?

Liang Di completely collapsed at this point.

Bearing Cao An's expressionless gaze, she regretted not leaving planet Earth. She only miserably grabbed her hair and wailed, "What have I done? Help!"

**

Lan Xi was originally standing guard outside the room when she heard a commotion downstairs in the restaurant lobby.

"Oh my god! Someone's proposing! How romantic!"

"And they're giving out candy and red envelopes to passersby! I just got one with 200 yuan inside!"

200 yuan?!

So much!

There were so many money-making opportunities on Earth!

Lan Xi couldn't resist. Thinking she had already opened the window to let the wind in, there shouldn't be any issues. She rushed downstairs and also collected red envelopes and candy.

But when she returned to the hallway outside the room, just as she was happily eating the candy, she heard Liang Di's distressed voice from inside -

"Help!"

Help? Liang Di said to yell "Help!" only if she was in serious danger, if the man was trying to hit her!

This cannot stand! This was Xie Cheng's sister! A VIP client in the corporate world! How could she let her get hurt right under her nose? Lan Xi threw down the candy and switched into battle mode.

"Liang Di! I'm here to save you!"

She kicked open the door to the room and charged in like the wind.

Inside the room, a tall, burly man had entered at some point and had his back facing Lan Xi.

The Art of War on Earth said to attack when unprepared!

A clever princess must learn the knowledge of Earth people, then use it to defeat them!

Without waiting for the other party to react and turn around, taking advantage of his unpreparedness, under Liang Di's shocked gaze, Lan Xi took the initiative and tested her skills. With one punch, she broke the man's leg.

Author's note: Cao An - Boss Xie, you should just hand over your life. Otherwise she's going to take someone else's!

Xie Cheng - ......