The Guide to Conquering Earthlings

Lan Xi was puzzled. It was Xie Cheng who had mentioned that she could learn from the internet when encountering problems, but now he was the one sternly forbidding her from studying.

"What should I do if there's something I don't know?"

Xie Cheng glanced at the time. "I still have half an hour free. If you have any questions, you can ask me now."

Lan Xi became excited. She did have a bunch of questions she wanted to ask, and these questions were not covered in the guidebook at all. She had diligently collected and organized these questions herself.

"Why do some people have dirty thoughts in their minds? The human brain should be pink when alive and gray-white when dead, right?"

"What is the principle behind fireflies' glowing bottoms? Do they have miniature flashlights inserted in their bottoms? Doesn't it feel uncomfortable to have them inserted all the time? Can they get hemorrhoids?"

...

At first, Xie Cheng answered her questions simply and explained them. But as they went on, his expression became somewhat unpleasant. "Are these a hundred thousand 'whys'?"

"What are a hundred thousand 'whys'?"

Xie Cheng looked somewhat helpless, his face turning serious. "Your questions are too numerous and varied. Many of them are not useful for real life. We'll start with the basics, and from now on, I'll take the time to teach you some common knowledge every week. I'll choose to answer the questions that have value."

"But you have to promise me that you won't accept money from those old men anymore. Don't accept money from anyone randomly. You can make more friends, but before getting close to them, you must tell me."

Xie Cheng thought for a moment and added, "If you're unsure, try not to go out alone with unfamiliar people."

Lan Xi was actually reluctant, but she considered that it would take a hundred and fifty years to get five million cards, while she could get more money directly after marrying Xie Cheng. So, she decided to comply with Xie Cheng's wishes and nodded vigorously.

...

Xie Cheng's decision was also impulsive. But Lan Xi seemed to understand nothing at all. Her childhood living environment was obviously too harsh. Although she had already grown up, her mental state was completely like that of a child.

Before arranging for a professional and reliable behavioral interventionist to help her, Xie Cheng decided to temporarily take on the responsibility of guiding Lan Xi to better integrate into society. He started by addressing the everyday scenarios that Lan Xi might encounter, desperately trying to make her understand some high-frequency phrases and situations.

Xie Cheng taught her a lot about social etiquette and basic rules. Lan Xi seemed to understand and recognize that this was a rare opportunity. She listened attentively, taking notes seriously. This brought a slight sense of comfort to Xie Cheng, who had been lecturing until his mouth went dry.

She was capable of analyzing such complex meteorological data, indicating that she wasn't stupid, but she just hadn't been properly guided.

After half an hour of teaching, Xie Cheng stopped and asked, "Have you learned everything I just taught?"

"I've learned it!"

"Then let me give you a few questions to answer and see how well you've absorbed the information."

Lan Xi sat up straight, looking confident about the upcoming test. This gave Xie Cheng a sense of accomplishment to some extent — his efforts were paying off. With Xie Cheng's guidance, Lan Xi should be able to quickly return to normal social interactions.

"If your boss or colleague tells you to 'put yourself in someone else's shoes,' what should you do?"

This question is too easy!

Just now, Xie Cheng mentioned an exam, and Lan Xi got quite nervous!

But now, there's no need to worry!

Lan Xi confidently suggested, "Then let's switch seats!"

"..."

Perhaps it was Lan Xi's quick and accurate response that impressed Xie Cheng. He widened his eyes slightly, as if he couldn't believe it. "I've been talking about the implicit messages in the workplace for so long, so in your understanding, this is about empathy and putting yourself in someone else's shoes?"

After a moment of reflection, Lan Xi suddenly realized, "I apologize for not being precise in my previous answer. Besides switching seats, you also need to continue thinking after switching!"

"..."

As a princess, Lan Xi has always had strong learning abilities. She knows that this ability might be hard to believe for Xie Cheng, but unfortunately, it's true.

Sure enough, when Xie Cheng presented the next question, his tone carried a clear hint of frustration: "If you encounter unreasonable clients or strangers and get into a conflict with them, and they say something provocative like 'This is how I am, if you have the guts, just kill me,' what should you do?"

The tone clearly revealed Xie Cheng's envy towards Lan Xi's learning abilities.

But this question... Isn't it too simple?!

Lan Xi clenched her fist and declared, "I have the ability, so I choose to kill them."

"Then what does 'You wait, I'll give you a taste of pain' mean? What does the other person intend to do?"

Lan Xi smiled faintly. "It means the other person appreciates my artistic sense and wants to provide me with colors to paint."

No wonder they say jealousy can distort a person's appearance. Lan Xi felt that Xie Cheng's expression had twisted a bit.

"I've already been lenient with you on these questions."

"You learned it? I think you've become useless!"

Lan Xi was taken aback. "Lenient? Where was I lenient? Do you want me to go shut off the water tap?"

"..." Xie Cheng seemed to have lost his temper. He regained his composure and said, "Forget it. Your learning seems to be a massive and systematic project. It needs careful consideration. Before I get angry, I'll take you back to the employee dormitory."

Angry?!

"Are you giving up again?" Lan Xi genuinely felt reluctant this time. "Then you don't have to face death alone. I can accompany you."

Xie Cheng was already numb. He glanced at Lan Xi with an expressionless face and calmly said, "Thank you for your kindness, but it's unnecessary. I can handle it on my own. Instead of worrying about others, worry about yourself."

"That's exactly what I'm doing!" Lan Xi looked up at the night sky, which was already filled with darkness. She sincerely said, "Actually, accompanying you is just a side note. I'm mainly concerned about myself because there will be a severe thunderstorm soon."

"The precipitation will be terrifying. Ten minutes after the thunderstorm begins, the roads will flood, and the tunnel will be closed. It's very unsafe to drive." She turned to Xie Cheng and said thoughtfully, "It's dangerous to go out at this time. I can take shelter here and, incidentally, keep you company."

"There won't be a thunderstorm." Xie Cheng's voice was firm. "Whether it's the official weather forecast or the forecast from the Chengxin Meteorological System, there's absolutely no possibility of a thunderstorm tonight."

Xie Cheng looked at Lan Xi and said, "I believe in algorithms, not your nonsense. Next time, you should come up with a better excuse."

Unfortunately, soon enough, the algorithm that Xie Cheng firmly believed in slapped him in the face with a resounding blow.

Just as Xie Cheng finished speaking, the sky roared with thunder. Following a massive lightning strike, a thunderstorm arrived. Within a short five minutes, the delayed weather forecast finally calculated that nearly 40 millimeters of precipitation had already occurred.

It was indeed a massive thunderstorm unsuitable for going outside.

Lan Xi pointed at the pouring rain outside and said, "See."

Indeed, there was no way to go out.

Xie Cheng glanced at the torrential rain outside and wore an expression of resignation.

He sat back at the table, took a deep breath, and decided to patiently explain to Lan Xi during this time.

"'Putting oneself in another's shoes' doesn't actually require you to change places physically. It means you should empathize with the other person's perspective and consider things from their point of view. When someone says this, it means they feel that you cannot understand their situation."

"'If you have the ability, kill me' is just a metaphor. Uttering such words indicates that the person has made up their mind to act helpless and resort to evasiveness. In the face of such words, you shouldn't actually physically harm the other person, but you can negotiate with a more assertive attitude and measures, at least not showing any mercy to someone who can say such things, even if it means tearing off the mask."

Xie Cheng spoke seriously as if he had realized something, "Lying down and doing nothing doesn't mean literally lying on a bed or the ground. It means not wanting to bother with something anymore, adopting a laissez-faire attitude."

"'Give you a taste of your own medicine' means the other person is ready to teach you a lesson. When encountering such a person, it's best to avoid direct confrontation and seek help or call the authorities..."

"Why do fireflies glow? It's because..."

...

"As for 'I'm about to be furious,' it doesn't mean I'm really going to die. It means your behavior is infuriating me to the extreme. 'I can't take it anymore' in most cases doesn't mean one is going to die but rather that there's a situation one can't bear. So, I don't actually mean I can't take it anymore or that I'm going to die."

With each explanation, Lan Xi's expression grew increasingly surprised.

So, all her previous understandings were wrong?

The guidebook didn't write any of this!

"So, you're not 'unable' in everything? It's just about sleeping?"

Xie Cheng couldn't help raising his voice, "Of course, I'm not 'unable'! I'm perfectly fine!"

"...I see!"

Xie Cheng looked visibly troubled, "Also, when it comes to borrowing money and not repaying it, there's no need to search online for a solution. But for some common questions, it's still useful to look them up online."

Xie Cheng pondered for a moment and added, "However, the internet's only problem is the overwhelming amount of information, along with a lot of marketing and advertisements. Sometimes it's difficult to distinguish which information you truly need. But overall, it's not bad. If you can develop stronger search and precise targeting abilities, the internet can be very useful. In the future, you should learn how to narrow down your search online, step by step, eliminating irrelevant information and ultimately finding the answers to your questions. I'll teach you this when I have the time."

Xie Cheng explained patiently, his tone calm. However, from time to time, he would look up at the stormy weather outside the window and subtly clench his fists.

His expression remained composed and natural, but Lan Xi clearly felt that his bio-magnetic field had become disturbed, filled with a sense of restlessness.

"Did I make you unhappy or are the problems bothering you too much?"

"No," Xie Cheng immediately denied, giving a concise and straightforward answer.

Lan Xi continued to look at him, filled with guilt.

She had been calm and composed before asking the questions, so why did she become restless after asking them?

He was definitely saying one thing but meaning another.

It was evident that after Lan Xi conquered him, this emotion made Xie Cheng unwilling to vent his negative feelings on her, so he chose to endure silently.

Clearly, it was her own overwhelming and difficult issues that caused Xie Cheng to be troubled.

The guidebook had mentioned that if Earthlings suppress and restrain their negative emotions for a long time, it could eventually affect their physical health, leading to various diseases, including incurable cancers.

Unexpectedly, Xie Cheng... he truly loved her!

Lan Xi felt so moved that she was almost on the verge of tears.

She still didn't fully understand and feel the various emotions of Earthlings. She had been exploring and learning, but Xie Cheng patiently explained Earth knowledge to her and took care of her, avoiding pitfalls. Even though he was internally restless, he endured it and treated her kindly, leaving the suppressed frustration and suffocation to himself...

If this wasn't love!

Then where else in the entire universe could true affection be found?!

"Anyway, if you're not sure about the meaning of certain words or phrases, you can ask me or a trusted friend," Xie Cheng said, unaware of Lan Xi's thoughts. As if he had thought of something, he repeatedly cautioned, "But I need to remind you that you must maintain a certain level of caution when interacting with the opposite sex."

Lan Xi stared at him, deeply moved. "How do I maintain caution?"

"Start by not staring at others with that kind of look," Xie Cheng's voice sounded somewhat unnatural but serious. He warned again, "You're not allowed to look at me like that."

"Oh..."

Lan Xi averted her gaze and obediently looked at the ground beneath her feet. Only then did she hear Xie Cheng pause for a moment before continuing the unfinished topic.

"Simply put, remember this: if a man takes off his clothes and then asks you to undress, especially if he pulls you into a closed space with only the two of you and looks at you with a lecherous gaze, it's definitely not a good thing. Most likely, this person has ulterior motives and wants to take advantage of you. You must not undress and immediately distance yourself from this man. In this world, many people are familiar with faces but not hearts. In any case, once you encounter this kind of situation, it's extremely dangerous, and you must distance yourself from it and then call the police or find me."

Xie Cheng looked at Lan Xi. "Do you understand?"

Lan Xi nodded repeatedly. "I understand!"

Could Lan Xi not understand? Apart from Xie Cheng's earnest admonitions, she also felt his meticulous care for her out of love. Although his mood had become increasingly irritable and unpleasant, he never vented his anger on Lan Xi and remained gentle and calm.

However...

Although Xie Cheng has clarified that his health is not deteriorating to the point of no return, if things continue like this, there's no guarantee that he won't develop other emotional breakdowns or illnesses.

Returning kindness for kindness, Lan Xi cannot simply stand by and watch Xie Cheng head down a path of no return.

At this moment, Xie Cheng stood up and went to the kitchen to pour a cup of hot water. Taking this opportunity, Lan Xi quickly took out her phone.

As Xie Cheng had mentioned, for simple basic life questions, searching the internet would suffice, as long as she learned to narrow down the search range and locate precisely.

How to comfort a man in such a situation should be the simplest question for anyone on Earth.

Lan Xi input the keywords of her own question, and sure enough, a dazzling array of answers filled the entire screen of her phone.

As expected, just as Xie Cheng had said, the only flaw of the internet is that the information online is complex and chaotic. Sometimes, finding the right answer amidst a sea of advertisements, marketing, and off-topic responses is like finding a needle in a haystack.

However, Lan Xi, being a worldly princess, quickly grasped the essence among a heap of information on how to comfort a man.

"How to Comfort a Man in the Late Night."

Lan Xi looked at the night scenery outside the window. Wasn't this narrowing down the range and precisely locating? After all, comforting someone during the day and at night would surely be different! The ways to comfort a woman and a man must also be different!

And as Lan Xi clicked on these links, she discovered that the ways to comfort someone during the day and at night were indeed vastly different!

Daytime comforting mainly revolved around considerate words that matched his mood, shifting the topic to something light, gentle hugs... more or less the same.

But nighttime comforting...

Lan Xi looked at the content online and exclaimed, "So that's how it is!"

Luckily, she searched for it!

Comforting someone at night seemed to require a certain level of expertise! After all, there were so many steps involved! And there were also many different positions!

Please visit "Laughing Beauty Literature Official Website" for the original unaltered content. If you're already there, please disable the ad-blocking function and exit browser mode.