The Guide to Conquering Earthlings

Many textbooks point out that the first step to conquering a man is to conquer his stomach.

Lan Xi felt she had learned this.

She found a cookbook overnight, then bought expensive ingredients according to the instructions, adding some of her own creativity, and made a delicious delicacy which she put in a lunchbox. Early next morning, she delivered it to Xie Cheng who had already returned to work at the company.

"Chairman Xie, I'm very sorry about before, I hope you understand my intentions. This is Boston lobster I made, I hope you will accept it with a smile."

Lan Xi blinked vigorously at Xie Cheng, sending him secret glances, as the tutorial had instructed.

People on Earth say the eyes are the windows to the soul. Staring intensely at the other person, tempting and provoking them, a silent message is louder than words, and can often achieve unexpected results.

As expected, Xie Cheng was attracted by her appearance. He raised his head to look at Lan Xi, and instead of immediately lowering his head to look at documents again as usual, he frowned slightly and looked seriously at Lan Xi.

There was a chance!

Lan Xi intensified her gaze even more.

"Your eyes..."

Lan Xi was full of anticipation.

Xie Cheng pursed his lips, choosing his words carefully, "Do you feel your eyes keep twitching? Or is it involuntary? Could it be Bell's palsy? I can give you half a day off this afternoon to go to the hospital and get it looked at."

"..."

When Lan Xi left the office, she still didn't know where she had gone wrong. This wasn't how it was supposed to go...

But Xie Cheng was probably just slow to warm up.

Never mind, at least he ate the food she made, he would definitely be conquered by her.

**

Due to a minor concussion, Xie Cheng was delayed from work for some time. Returning to the company facing a backlog of work, he threw himself into it. By the time he finished, it was already past lunchtime.

Luckily, it seemed Lan Xi who had given him the concussion had a guilty conscience, and had spent a lot of money to buy him Boston lobster for lunch. Xie Cheng was too lazy to go out for food, so he picked up the lunchbox Lan Xi had brought.

But when he opened it, Xie Cheng was shocked by the scene before him.

Eight Boston lobsters were arranged in a circle, claws raised, and their lower bodies crammed into something that looked like an omelette or pie. Their upraised claws seemed to be holding some evil ritual, or conducting some intense protest. The claws were linked together, and characters were carved one by one on each lobster's back -

"Happiness as vast as the eastern seas, long life as high as the southern mountains."

"..."

Xie Cheng felt his mind was assaulted, because even now, he could still strongly feel the lobsters' unwillingness to die.

**

Lan Xi was very proud of herself, because she had specially found an online recipe with the poetic name "Gazing at the Stars", and followed it exactly. But just copying it would be too rigid, she had to make her dish full of unforgettable personal flair, that was the first step to conquering a man.

So Lan Xi added her own twists, she changed the ingredient to the more expensive Boston lobster, and looked up online the blessings Earth people liked most, carving them onto each lobster's back.

Xie Cheng would definitely like it!

But she couldn't let her guard down in conquering an Earth male, she had to use every means possible.

Lan Xi decided to move on to the next step - the advanced maneuvers.

The internet said, to make a man completely obsessed with you - make him feel hot and cold!

Lan Xi took out the air conditioner remote control she had sneakily taken from Xie Cheng's office, and giggled.

What advanced maneuvers, if you're quick enough, it's not that hard! f𝚛𝗲𝐞𝐰e𝗯n𝗼v𝗲𝚕.𝚌o𝐦

Thinking this, Lan Xi pressed the remote control.

Feel cold first!

Now feel hot!

Isn't that hot and cold? With the remote control in hand, the world is mine!

...

**

Once Xie Cheng started work he would be fully focused, often ignoring his surroundings. But even he felt something was off today.

Usually the whole office area had central air conditioning, although independent offices like Xie Cheng's had individual temperature controls, he didn't usually use it separately, keeping the same temperature as the main office area.

But even though it was the same as every other day, with the air conditioner in his office set at the most suitable temperature and humidity at optimal levels, Xie Cheng felt very uncomfortable right now.

One moment he felt so cold he shivered, and had to keep drinking hot water to stay warm.

The next moment he felt so hot he was sweating through his shirt, and had to take off his suit jacket because of the heat.

Yet everyone else in the outer office seemed fine.

Could a minor concussion affect your physique even if it didn't affect intelligence?

Was he really so weak?

Just then, Wan Yan came crying to Xie Cheng's office.

"Senior, that assistant Lan Xi is always targeting me."

Wan Yan was Xie Cheng's childhood friend. She used to call him big brother. Xie Cheng's parents had been very fond of her. Because of this relationship, she had also joined Cheng Xin through connections. Of course, Wan Yan had an excellent resume and strong professional skills, she was fully capable of the job. But since she was an acquaintance, Xie Cheng had put in a few words for her, telling Cao An to take extra care of her.

Yet after just a few days at work, Wan Yan came crying that...

"Senior, Lan Xi gives me all the dirty and tiring work, but takes all the good tasks for Liang Di. She ostracizes me in her words too... I don't know how I offended her that she wants to isolate me like this..."

...

After comforting Wan Yan briefly and sending her away, Xie Cheng fell into thought.

Any normal person would get along well with someone hired through connections. So why was Lan Xi doing the opposite? After all, anyone who asked around the company would easily learn about Wan Yan's relationship with him.

And since when did someone with autism know how to form cliques and factions?

Or was this Xie Jing's arrangement, targeting Xie Cheng by first going after those close to him, which was why Wan Yan with her connections was singled out first?

Lan Xi's behavior pattern once again made Xie Cheng feel irritated and puzzled. She never seemed to follow logical patterns, but Xie Cheng felt all her actions had deeper intent.

So just what schemes and plots was she up to?

Xie Cheng sniffed.

After half a day, he realized his nose was starting to get blocked, showing signs of a cold, though luckily it hadn't come on fully yet, because Xie Cheng still planned to visit a potential client that evening.

This client himself had good insights into data analysis, a successful self-made technical entrepreneur. Xie Cheng had been courting him for over half a year, but they always fell short of finalizing a deal.

The client had an arrogant personality, but respected fellow technical experts. As Xie Cheng flipped through the data analysis report Lan Xi had submitted, a plan formed in his mind.

Making full use of her while also conveniently observing her behavioral patterns and underlying logic.

He looked at the time and called Lan Xi on the office line.

**

"Come with me to visit a client."

Xie Cheng was concise and to the point, his tone normal. But Lan Xi felt she could already sense something unusual in his words.

The guide said, once a man feels hot and cold, he will often ignite possessiveness - so he will find all sorts of excuses to be alone with the other party.

And here, wasn't he initiating alone time?

She primly got in the car, and sure enough, it was quite a long drive, showing Xie Cheng's strong desire to be alone with her.

She shouldn't waste such a period of time.

Lan Xi recalled the essence of the guides she read on how to chat up Earth males - find something unique about the other party and praise them. Praise for men must not be boring and generic.

She sneakily glanced at Xie Cheng sitting beside her.

Even Lan Xi had to admit, Xie Cheng's looks were outstanding among Earth people. Though silent, his every move gave off an undeniable masculine charm.

Praise his handsomeness?

No, he must have heard that a lot, too common.

Praise his fit body?

Also too generic, no novelty.

...

How to uniquely praise Xie Cheng's superior appearance?

Lan Xi racked her brains, searching her pitiful Earth vocabulary, and finally when their eyes met, she had an epiphany -

Lan Xi's tone was enthusiastic and sincere: "Chairman Xie, you're so sexy!"

"... "

Xie Cheng was so stunned by her unique praise that he stared at Lan Xi as if he had misheard: "What did you say?"

Lan Xi cleared her throat to make her voice louder: "I said, your whole body exudes charm! It makes this shabby car radiant! Filled with your aura!"

"..."

Xie Cheng was silent for a full minute before he found his voice again: "This shabby car is 4 million..."

"Is it?" Lan Xi looked around, "I didn't expect that although very shabby, it's still quite expensive? You got ripped off, didn't you? It looks pretty ordinary."

"..."

Lan Xi was excited inside. Look, as long as she found the right breakthrough, they would have common topics to converse back and forth. This was a qualitative leap!

She followed up and returned to the main point: "Anyway, your unique temperament always makes me want to go on and on praising you endlessly, I..."

"Drink water."

Just as Lan Xi was about to shine, Xie Cheng interrupted her train of thought by handing her a bottle of mineral water.

The man she had just praised looked at her expressionlessly: "Talk less, drink more water."

Lan Xi took the mineral water. Her mind was still adrift.

So her praise was taking effect? So Xie Cheng was reciprocating and knew to care whether she was thirsty or not?

Lan Xi felt victorious in her first battle. She wanted to praise more, but unfortunately Xie Cheng was too considerate. For the rest of the ride, whenever Lan Xi was about to speak, Xie Cheng managed to accurately hand her mineral water, so that Lan Xi didn't find another chance.

**

"Chairman Xie, the road ahead is a mountain path, the car can't drive up. I'll park the car in the parking lot and wait for you."

Xie Cheng's client lived in a villa by a lake against the mountain in the suburbs. Xie Cheng nodded at Cao An, then got out of the car.

Lan Xi followed behind him. Just as Xie Cheng was about to leave, Lan Xi called out to him, "Chairman Xie, do you have an umbrella? It's going to rain soon, you should bring an umbrella!"

At that moment, the weather was sunny and cloudless, the sky was very blue.

Lan Xi was not deceiving Xie Cheng. In addition to being energetic and powerful after eating her fill, she also had the ability to predict short-term future weather because she was more sensitive to changes in weather than humans.

There was no rain when they got in the car, but...

Lan Xi asserted categorically: "There will be a heavy rainstorm here soon! Very big!"

Cao An pointed to the rear compartment of the commercial vehicle: "There are two umbrellas in the rear compartment, I'll get them for you."

Lan Xi gratefully accepted one of them, but Xie Cheng was unmoved -

"No need."

Xie Cheng was quite certain. Xin Cheng Analytics had developed a set of systems that was still being debugged internally. It could collate historical meteorological data and real-time meteorological data, make weather forecasts with very high accuracy.

As always, he believed in algorithms.

"The weather forecast says no rain, our software also shows none." Xie Cheng glanced at Lan Xi, "Do you have any data to support your speculation?"

"No, there isn't, but..."

Xie Cheng was very stubborn when it came to algorithms and his professional work. He mercilessly stopped Lan Xi: "No buts."

"But there really will be a very big rainstorm soon, very big!"

Xie Cheng glanced at Lan Xi: "Don't worry, I won't share."

"But it really will..."

Xie Cheng didn't want to waste words on this. He rubbed his eyebrows, somewhat headachely: "I just like walking in the rain, okay?"

Thankfully, Lan Xi finally kept quiet.

Xie Cheng's thinking was simple. He firmly believed it would not rain. Meteorological forecasts had big data as support and would be more scientific and intuitive than human social behavior patterns and logical algorithms.

Of course he wouldn't use an umbrella, because making assumptions about things that wouldn't happen was pointless and a waste of life.

Fortunately, this client visit went very smoothly. The client was in a good mood and even didn't engage in professional communication with Lan Xi about data analysis. He readily agreed to cooperate.

And the heavy rain Lan Xi claimed also didn't appear at all. By the time they bid the client farewell, it was still bright outside.

Perhaps this was a sign that everything would go more and more smoothly.

Xie Cheng was unusually in a good mood.

However, what he didn't expect was that halfway down the mountain from the villa, an unexpected rainstorm suddenly started.

This rain gave no warning or buffer at all. As soon as it appeared, it was a downpour.

"Sure enough, it rained."

Lan Xi looked at the sudden downpour calmly, took out the umbrella, lightly pressed it and the canopy automatically opened. She held it over her head, blocking the cold, heavy raindrops.

She stood under the umbrella and looked at Xie Cheng: "Chairman Xie, you see, it really rained, I wouldn't lie to you."

At this time, Xie Cheng's crisp black suit had already been swiftly drenched by the raindrops, and even his originally well-styled hairstyle was disheveled by the rain. His handsome, distinguished look was replaced by dishevelment.

Lan Xi walked up to Xie Cheng with the umbrella, but she didn't intend to share it with him.

The guidebook said that to conquer a man, you needed high emotional intelligence. Don't necessarily agree with a man's opinions and decisions, but learn to respect them.

Even if this man's decisions were different from ordinary people's, perhaps not even right, seemed a bit silly, respecting this man's decisions gave this man face.

Because men, till death were boys, with passion and impulsiveness. Even if they crashed into walls they would not look back. To conquer them, the simplest way was to support their decisions in silence, silently protect them, be the woman behind the passionate boy in the man's heart, safeguarding the passion in men's hearts. This way you could move these men's hearts.

The woman a man needed most was not necessarily smart, but must be gentle, understood worship, understood looking up to him. Even if she felt the man's decision was very foolish inside, she still had to give unconditional support. The moment a man met such a woman, he would swiftly fall.

Of course Lan Xi felt it was a bit silly to refuse an umbrella in such heavy rain, but...

She was a princess with high EQ.

At times like this, she would of course support Xie Cheng's decision in action.

"Let's go, Chairman Xie."

Lan Xi pointed at the rain that seemed to have formed a curtain. "Walk in the rain, after you, please!"

Perhaps her respectful attitude shocked Xie Cheng. He stared at Lan Xi and raised his voice slightly: "Such heavy rain, are you sure you don't need to ask me again if it's okay?"

Lan Xi readily asked again: "Then is it okay with you now?"

Xie Cheng's voice carried a hint of sarcasm, and his expression was very ugly, but fortunately his answer reassured Lan Xi —

He said: "Fine, I'm great, couldn't be better, how could I not be fine?"

Lan Xi let out a breath: "You're good and I'm good too. Since that's the case, I won't disturb your solo walk in the rain. I'll go first, bye!"

The rain was quite heavy. Even with an umbrella, getting wet from the wind-blown raindrops was easy after standing in the rain for a while. Lan Xi didn't want to stay and lingered. She waved, gripped her umbrella, and raced down the hill at a 100-meter sprint speed.

"..." Xie Cheng watched the pouring rain, felt his suit that had been drenched through, saw Lan Xi's back getting smaller and smaller, and only felt speechless.

He had slipped up, forgetting this woman simply didn't understand sarcasm!