Tomodachi no Imouto ga Ore ni Dake Uzai

It was morning, or to be precise, around 10 am. Since the night went on long after our sudden encounter with Mashiro, I’d woken up at this time, quite late. Thank god it’s summer break. If this was a normal school day, my hair would have turned grey out of the shock, and I would have died. You might think that I’m exaggerating, but that’s just how big of a deal it would be to me.

“Gyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!”

Yeah, that’s probably similar to the scream I’d let out in that case. We just narrowly avoided the occult horror ending yesterday, so if they found my changed, dead body, this inn would really be a place of tragedy.

Anyway, time to eat some late breakfast. Well, it might as well be lunch now, I guess? As I went on my way to the bath to wash my face, Iroha came out with a pale expression.

“S-Senpai, did you hear that just now?”

“What are you talking about, Iroha? It’s summer break. I didn’t just turn into a dead body and let out a scream.”

“Yea, I should be asking! What are you on about?! Come on, open up your eyes!”

Poke, poke, Iroha pushed her index finger into my cheek. Due to the coldness of her fingers, my brain woke up in a matter of a moment.

“…Ha?! That scream just now was…?”

“Ohhh, Senpai actually got back to his senses!”

“Huh? I’m always sane, please. I’m not losing my wits all the time like you.”

“Wow, that kinda hurt. You don’t remember what you just said?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. All I know is that you keep poking me to the cheek. You wanna go or something, huh?”

“Can you not change your words as much as you see fit!”

“You two sure are taking this easy~”

As Iroha and I were engaged in our verbal battle, Ozu got up from the massage chair he had been sitting in.

“That voice just now came from downstairs.”

“Maybe from the entrance of the inn. Let’s check it out.”

“Understood!”

“Alrighty~”

Iroha gave a salute, while Ozu gave a cool nod. Hopefully, nobody was just murdered in cold blood or anything—Or so I prayed to myself as we went down the stairs. As we arrived at the reception, we found a shaking proprietress, as well as…

Kageishi Sumire, her face cast downwards on the ground, lying in a wide puddle of red liquid.

“S-Sumire-chansensei is…”

“S-She’s dead…”

Having just arrived at the scene, Iroha and I could only gaze at this unbelievable sight. Though we couldn’t see her face the way it was facing down like that, the hairstyle and body figure clearly belonged to my homeroom teacher, Kageishi Sumire. The red liquid she was lying on looked like it was coming out from the center of her body, presumably her belly and chest. If this liquid was blood, then she most likely died from blood loss, seeing how much there was.

“Sumire-sensei…” Ozu muttered, absentminded, and walked towards her body.

Then…

“Why are you just dying like that? Hurry and get up.”

Like in those crime dramas where the bad guys would check the body of the victim to see if it’s dead, Ozu used his toes to dig under her body and turned it around. How cruel! You’re a demon! I never expected you to be like this, Ozu!

“Uuuuuuu…”

Having ended up lying upwards, Sumire’s shoulders started shaking as she started crying. She’s still breathing!

“You okay?! Iroha, call the ambulance!”

“Yes!”

I quickly dashed towards her, trying to help. In cases like this, it’s better if she doesn’t move, right? First I should stop the bleeding, shouldn’t I? There’s a lot of blood sticking to her belly. Alright, have to get some towels from the bath and…Hm?

As my thoughts were processing at rapid speed, I spotted something in the corner of my vision. At my feet. On the floor. Right where Sumire had collapsed just a second ago. A four-pack of tomato juice cartons squished together. Upon closer inspection of Sumire’s body, I didn’t find any open holes that could have been the source of the presumed blood leakage, making it obvious that she hadn’t actually been stabbed.

“You b—Don’t just do something misleading like that!!!”

“Funyaaaaaanoooo, not there, not the vital point of my desk work!!!”

Kick kick kick. As I hit her on the side of her waist with my shoe, Sumire fainted in agony as she made an ahegao face. That should be enough for this week’s ahegao ratio.

“What are you doing?! Cruel! You demon! I didn’t think that you’d stooped so low, to such a level!”

“You’re wrong. Iroha, look at her, it’s not blood. It’s tomato juice.”

“Huh? Tomato juice?”

Iroha looked down at the ground and spotted the flattened tomato juice carton, which looked like a frog overrun by a car.

“Why are you always misleading us like that?!!!”

“Kyahahahahahahanooooo I’m weak behind the eaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaars don’t tickle meeeeeee!!”

Tickle tickle tickle. Iroha tickled the area behind Sumire’s ears, as well as behind her knee, and Sumire let out yet another ahegao face as she writhed in agony. Though I really didn’t like the fact I was seeing yet another ahegao face, just this once, I’ll allow it. It’s her punishment for making us worry like that.

“Sniff…Sniff…Yowre wurong…This was supposed to be an apology for Iroha…”

“Apology?”

“I wanted to give you some of the tomato juice you love so much and hoped that you could forgive me. The stairstep was higher than I thought, and I slipped! Waaaaaaaa! Iroha-chan will hate me! I’ll get marriiiiiieeeed!”

“I really can’t tell what you’re trying to tell me… Also, are you saying ‘I can’t become a wife anymore’…?”

As Sumire started breaking out in tears again, Iroha looked over to me, seeking my help. Don’t drag me into this.

“Sniff, waaaah…You haven’t heard from Aki? That we’ll have to do the ‘Ceremony of Marriage’…”

“That’s a first for me. Senpai, why didn’t you say anything about something as interesting as that?!”

“You say that, but I don’t really know much about it myself. It’s not like it has any legal significance. It probably isn’t that big of a deal—”

Iroha just went to complain next to me. Since it’s about some tradition, it must be some Shinto ritual that’s been passed down in their family or whatever. Either way, all I have to do is to get this over with, so I didn’t think that there’d be any need to explain it to Iroha or Ozu, or so I thought, but Sumire’s eyes opened wide.

“Not that big of a deal, you say… Are you seeeeeeerioooooooouuuuuus?!”

“Ack, don’t cling on to me! Go wipe off that tomato juice first!”

“You don’t get it, Aki! That ’Ceremony of Marriage’… it’s…”

Unyielding to my attempts at pushing her away, Sumire brought her face closer, forcing the words out of her mouth. And, before I could ask for confirmation, she continued, spitting out absolute absurdities.

“With a 100% chance to become a couple, it’s history’s worst curse-bringing marriage hunting ceremony!!!”

…………

……

Excuse me?

*

“The ‘Ceremony of Marriage’ is a traditional ritual in this village. It’s the worst curse ever, bringing the possibility of a boy and girl ending up together to 100%!”

As we went to our Bellflower Room, Sumire emphatically explained the details. The reason we moved up here was because we’d eventually garner the attention of the other village inhabitants. After all, adults shouldn’t be dissing other people’s rites and beliefs. While listening to the story, rolling around on the futon, Iroha let out a giggle.

“Ah curse? That’s great~ Getting scared from that, I feel bad for the goddess!”

“It’s totally fine for couples that are seriously going out, but me and Aki are…Uuuuuuwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah I’m sorry Iroha-chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!! Mashiro-chaaaaaaaaaaan!!”

Having gotten emotional yet again, Sumire clung to Iroha’s yukata, crying. In response, Iroha patted her on the head. Who’s the teacher here?

“Ahahaha! Why are you apologizing to us~?”

“Because… Someone like me, who’s worth as much as a plastic plant, the type to ship others is actually standing in the way of your love… I’m the worst kind of garbage!! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!”

“Wait, don’t just scream out loud like that—”

“S-Sumire-sensei, you’re reading too much into it. M-Mashiro doesn’t actually feel that way towards Aki…”

Iroha tried to calm down Sumire’s screaming as Mashiro gazed over at me. For some reason, Sumire had been going on about Iroha and Mashiro having feelings for me. Really, what an irritating story… Hm? But she was right with Mashiro, so maybe Iroha as well… No, not happening. Iroha would never, nope, definitely not.

And I was just taking it for granted, but why exactly is Mashiro even here?

“Hey, Mashiro. Shouldn’t you be battling in a race of time against your manuscript right now?”

“Ah… Um, it was getting noisy, so Mashiro was wondering what had happened. Also,

she wanted to take a quick breather.”

“I feel like your editor will get angry again…”

“It’ll be fine. At a time like this, she should be playing in the woods with the little birds.”

“What kind of habit is that?”

Though that’s exactly what I expected from the super editor Kiraboshi Kanaria. Her daily routine is on a whole other level. I don’t know how old she is, but this kind of fairytale-like habit is taking it a bit too far, don’t you think? No, wait a second. Maybe it’s some super-secret technique to relieve stress?

Possibly. Given how successful she is, playing with the birds in the forest can’t be anything but that, right? Seeing that she takes part in various battles within society to do her work, there must be some deeper meaning to it.

She’s in a position where she manages to make authors keep their deadlines, bringing out the full extent of their talent. A great mentor. There might be many things to learn from her, depending on the circumstances. I might actually end up doing the same thing as her in the future. And while I was lost in thought, Mashiro spoke up with a cool expression, even though she was being shaken furiously in her massage chair.

“Sumire-sensei is overexaggerating. This ‘Ceremony of Marriage’ is just occult. If the participants hold no interest in it themselves, there’s no way it’d work out.”

I wholeheartedly agree. I don’t know why Sumire believes it to such an extent, but there’s no such thing as a 100% chance in this world. No matter the prestige of a specialist, the chances of them predicting the future of a certain field would only be around 70%. If you manage to up that to an 80% chance, you might as well be at the forefront of your field.

It will definitely be profitable! I will not let it end in failure! Those are just phrases commonly repeated by swindlers.

“—No, you might not be able to just ignore it as a superstitious belief.”

“Ozu…?”

Ozu suddenly spoke up and gave his disagreement at a weird timing. Hearing the bright engineer, who believes in occult occurrences even less than I do, say something like that, it really caught me off-guard. Maybe he found some data on something because he spoke up while looking at his smartphone.

“I hacked into the village’s database, and looked up their records of that traditional ritual.”

“So a remote village has such technology?”

“Just shut up and listen, okay?”

“…Alright.”

Since his smile was getting scary, I just stayed silent and nodded along. I feel like he’s gotten a lot scarier after we departed on this trip.

“So, about what I found. This ‘Ceremony of Marriage’ is one kind of wedding procession.”

“Wedding procession?”

“Exactly. Back then, when marrying into a secluded village in the mountains, or in a castle, the wedding would commonly go on into the night. Quite frequently, the people involved would establish a wedding processional. Countless adults would hold paper lanterns, walk down a dark road, something like a parade… See, like this strange ‘Sunshower’[1] thing.”

“Ahhh, yeah, I remember something like that.”

When working on ‘The Night The Black Goat Screamed’, there are a lot of times when I search up such mysteries and folklore. To be precise, it’s mostly just Makigai Namako-sensei doing the heavy lifting, but there are times when I have to think about certain aspects of the events in the game.

“This ‘Ceremony of Marriage’ is something close to that. A man with his body thoroughly cleaned, and a woman wearing a fox mask with a white kimono. They’re taken along on the parade by the villagers towards the small, sacred shrine deep in the mountains. Once they arrive, the villagers leave the mountain, and the pair spends the night there.”

“An entire night? Is there nothing else we should do?”

“I couldn’t find anything else about that. Just the two of you staying there for the night.”

“So why is that a problem? We can just sleep and wait for morning to come, right?”

“I think so, too. But there’s some data that kind of concerns me.” Ozu narrowed his eyes as he spoke, then showed us the screen of his smartphone.

Shown there was a pie chart. At first I thought it was a joke, since the pie chart was filled with only one color.

“The couples who have partaken in this ‘Ceremony of Marriage’ had a 100% success rate. Not a single exception. They all married after that and went on to make kids. Genuinely, flawless statistics. Looking at those numbers, I can’t just shrug it off as some occult thing.”

“…Seriously.” I was astonished.

To someone who values chances and possibilities the most, statistics is the only god. Naturally, there are also statistics magic. In this village with all its traditions, if this wedding between two people didn’t work even after this ritual, they might force our hands to get married. These statistics might not even be that reliable. But, whatever the reason.

“Whether it’s occult or artificial, there is some strange force at play ensuring that the two people get married.”

“That’s what it boils down to. We can’t blame Sumire-sensei for despairing as such.”

“Seems like you finally understand. I just don’t know what to do anymore… I can’t look Iroha-chan or Mashiro-chan in the eye anymore.”

“Sumire-chansensei…”

“………”

As Sumire gazed over at the two of them, they both gave worrisome expressions in return. I see, I understand the reason that Sumire has been panicking so much. Lying to her family about the fake engagement is one thing, but at this rate, we might actually get married. Sumire, who’s been getting the wrong idea that Iroha and Mashiro have feelings for me, is tormented with guilt. Well, it’s not a misunderstanding in Mashiro’s case, but let’s leave that aside for now.

Either way, we can’t have Sumire deal with this when she’s feeling such guilt. And on top of that, I really don’t want to get connected to Sumire on that level. If it gets me free illustrations, I don’t mind getting married on paper, but if there are weird forces at play, we might actually end up making a family of our own.

Tug.

So soft that nobody noticed, someone tugged on my sleeve.

“…Hm?”

“Mashiro, doesn’t want that… you going on that ritual.”

“…Y-Yeah…”

Mashiro spoke out her true feelings. Receiving such affection from her, I couldn’t find the words to say. Then, someone pinched me on the side of my stomach.

“What’s that lewd look on your face, Senpai~ You pervert~”

“Ha?! I’m not doing that!”

“Have you forgotten? Using your own youth to challenge—”

“I know that, okay?”

Iroha whispered in my ear, but I quickly shook her away. I know, I can’t allow myself to waver here. Don’t worry, Iroha. It’s all for the [5th Floor Alliance]. With the highest level of efficiency.

“I gave this a lot of thought when the talks about a fake engagement came up.”

The occult? Who cares about that. What’s important is that this isn’t a ‘Ceremony of Marriage’ with a 100% chance of success. It’s not really like we’re actually getting married. This is just—

It’s all about the future this single woman, Kageishi Sumire, will choose.

“Hey, Sumire-sensei. Can I ask you something?”

“What…?” Sumire returned in a teary voice.

Maintaining the same expression, I asked her.

“If you really feel bad for your pupils, then there should be something you can do. Why aren’t you doing that?”

“…! T-That’s…”

The color drained from her face. With a pale expression, she bit her lip. Iroha was taken aback.

“Something she can do?”

“It’s simple. The reason she ended up with the ritual is because of this fake engagement hoax. So, all she has to do is take responsibility and reveal everything. That would be the best case, right?”

“B-But, if she did, Sumire-chansensei would have to go on this marriage interview with some random person. And she’ll get scolded for lying.”

“She reaps what she sowed. Going crazy over Arashima-kun, even at her age. Her dreams can’t go on forever. Why don’t you just accept it now, as an adult.”

“……”

“Senpai, that way of saying it…”

While tightly shutting her lips, Sumire nodded along. Meanwhile, Iroha was attacking my choice of words. Bit I won’t take them back. I kept my blade at her chin, looking straight at her. Now, choose. Let me hear your true feelings. You must have realized it yourself, Sumire. Get married to me, or not. That isn’t really what you’re deciding on.

It’s just about you wanting to stay a teacher, or wanting to become an illustrator.

Will you maintain that farce, dwelling in your lust? Saddening Mashiro and Iroha? Even if you’re mistaken about Iroha. Will you prioritize Mashiro’s feelings (and Iroha’s as well), and chose the way of a proper teacher?

Sumire has to choose between those two. She’s ended up between those two choices. And, depending on her answer, I will have to prepare myself to cut Sumire, Murasaki Shikibu-sensei, from the [5th Floor Alliance].

“I…”

Her arms were shaking, and tears were running down her cheek. Normally, those tears would be fake, meant to evoke sympathy. But right now, those tears had a much more profound meaning.

“I don’t want that.”

The words started flowing out of her mouth.

“Marrying, if I’d have to try to appease someone else every day… Unable to continue drawing… I don’t want that…” 𝑓𝗿𝐞𝘦𝘄ｅ𝘣n𝘰𝘷eƖ.c𝘰𝗺

Slowly but steadily, her true feelings spilled out. Murasaki Shikibu-sensei’s true feelings. Together with her tears, they gushed out from deep within.

“I want to draw… I want to draw even moreeeee…”

Really, if you thought about it, she was pretty serious about this joke of a fake engagement. If she were to get married with the person her family wanted, they’d know about her every move. She wouldn’t be able to keep drawing in secret like she does now, whilst being a teacher. All this time, she’s been fighting the fear that her life as an illustrator will end.

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry, Iroha-chan, Mashiro-chan. For being such a selfish teacher. I really am a failure. But, I don’t want this… I don’t want to stop drawing…”

What was before us now was no cold and sadistic teacher, nor a failure of a woman. She was a young girl appealing to her own wishes, her selfish desires. That’s just what I expected. Those are your true feelings, right, Murasaki Shikibu-sensei?

Back then, when I scouted her for the [5th Floor Alliance], her fear was just as prevalent it is now. That if I reported her to the school, she wouldn’t be able to live the same life again. But I promised her. That I would one day pull her away from her family’s prying eyes, no matter how pushy I’d have to be.

“With those feelings you’ve showed us, I will steel my resolve, Murasaki Shikibu-sensei.”

“…Fueh”?

“I will fulfill the promise I made on that day. Though it’s a bit more fast-paced and chaotic than I’d anticipated, I will definitely free you from your family.” I put one hand on her shoulder.

And then, I put my hands on the floor, and prostrated.

“—I apologize for acting like I was testing you. From here on out, the mission that awaits us cannot allow for failure. That’s why I wanted to hear your true feelings before starting… But I apologize for making you cry like this.” f𝔯ℯe𝓌ℯ𝐛𝒏𝐨ѵel.c𝚘𝐦

“Aki…”

“Go ahead and punch me. It might not be much, but if it makes you feel better, that would be great.”

“Wha, what are you saying?!”

I prepared myself and gazed up at Sumire, her eyes filled with confusion. She kept her face down, until she softly muttered.

“As if I could do that. There’s no need for Aki to apologize, so how could I hit you?”

“…That so? Well, if I can get a way without a slap to my face, then I’m not going to complain—” My expression loosened after hearing her words.

I planned on being punished for my actions, and prepared myself. Though, to be honest, this feels like I’ve gotten further indebted to her, and—

“And chop!”

“Oooooooouch?!”

The punishment came from an unexpected direction. However, it wasn’t a slap in the face, nor a punch with a fist. Rather, it was a heavy strike right next to my neck, on the moxibustion point of my shoulder.

“Iroha, you bastard!”

“Ahahahaha! It worked really well, didn’t it?! Your body really was stiff, huh, Senpai?”

“Y-You…When did you learn about those points…”

“Because I keep watching Senpai do it after all~”

“Don’t just show off your weird learning abilityyyouchouchouch!!!”

Iroha ground her elbow even deeper into my shoulder’s acupuncture point, sending waves of pain through my body. Then she brought her face closer to my ears, and whispered in a voice so low that only I could hear.

“Now, I gave you your punishment in place of Sumire-chansensei. With this, you can talk about your plans.”

“You…”

What, you saw through that. Really, you sure know a lot about me for someone who acts so annoying all the time. But… thank you, Iroha.

“Hear me out. For this plan, everything depends on your support, Iroha.”

“Oh~~~~What was that? You need me?”

“Yeah, so please lend me your strength.”

“Can’t help it, I guess~? See, I’ll even give you the warmth of my body on top of that… Just for you!”

“…Though it annoys me that you always get on your high horse like this, I guess I don’t have any other choice.”

With Iroha on my back, I turned towards everyone, a stern expression on my face.

“I will persuade the current head of the Kageishi Family, Kageishi Kou, to give Murasaki Shikibu-sensei the freedom she deserves. To achieve that, I need everyone here to help me out.”

*

「So it’s finally time, huh?」

「Yeah, I fully prepared myself. With this incident, we’ll bring an end to this family situation plaguing Murasaki Shikibu-sensei.」

「But, will you be fine?」

「…I don’t know.」

「Well, I don’t want to make things worse, but you know… When you were getting close with Iroha, Tsukinomori-san’s eyes turned into those of a man-eating fiend.」

「…I-I didn’t need to hear that.」

_______________________________________________________________

[1] Kitsune no Yomeiri, the phenomenon called when you see paper lanterns float in the darkness during a wedding procession, also called sunshower