Tomodachi no Imouto ga Ore ni Dake Uzai

The day I found myself a goal for the rest of summer break. Those students that absolutely sucked at planning their proper break had to use the rest of their time for the homework they didn’t touch until now in a last struggle, whereas I, who had built up a schedule efficiently, was busy with my regular work. The same as always, normally, safely…

“Hmmmm…what should I do, I wonder~? Iroha-san is super duper busy after all~”

“You, you came here and still say that…?”

…Or so it should have been, but that annoying Kouhai of mine was bothering me inside my bedroom of the apartment Nr 502.

“As for Senpai, who has been without friends for the past 16 years, an absolute loner, you might not realize this, but an outgoing person like me, a JK in prime, has a summer break full of plans, you see~”

“You come here almost everyday, what are you talking about? And besides that was just the trip we went on.”

“So stingy! You have to learn when to hold back your retorts, okay!” Iroha Kohinata puffed out her cheeks in a sulking manner, and flapped her legs up and down in complaint.

The sight of her sitting on my bed with her bare feet…a healthy bust, healthy arms, healthy legs, as she was dressed in her light private wear. If someone from school were to see her in such a state, they would most certainly get the wrong idea, but Iroha isn’t my girlfriend or anything, and neither is she a little sister or childhood friend. She is but merely a friend’s little sister, living next-door. At the same time, she is just another Kouhai from school.

She has bright orange-yellow hair, big round eyes, and a well-built, stylish body with a well-endowed chest. With these looks that made every boy turn around, it makes sense that she’s a celebrity at school, and her bright and comfortable personality only added to that…or so I’ve heard. That being said, this face, this act, drops immediately as soon as she’s in front of me.

“Aaaaaaanyway. If you really need the grrreat me to change my fully-packed schedule—then show your sincerity! Your overwhelming sincerity!”

See how annoying she is? I feel like my veins in my head are about to pop out like in those comedy mangas every time I have to deal with her.

“Sincerity…what should I do?”

“Hmmm, let’s seeeee~ How about you scream ‘I want to be together with Iroha-chan!’ three times and finish it with a ‘Woof’ at the end, I wouldn’t mind thinking about it.”

“I want to be together with Iroha-chan. I want to be together with Iroha-chan. I want to be together with Iroha-chan. Woof.” (High-speed monotone speaking).

“Put a bit more heart into it, will you?!”

“Why? I just did as you told me to.”

I just repeated her words in the most monotone, robot-esque speech.

“For crying out loud…No need to be embarrassed, you can just become honest and shout it out loud! Everything that is inside that cute heart of yours!”

“I see, that makes sense.”

I remember having heard the argument that hiding your own honest feelings and holding back on things is taking the happiness away from you. If you wish to chase an efficient happiness, then surmise is not needed! You shall act only for yourself! I don’t know who said that, but I think those words are a pretty good fit for this situation.

“…Alright, then let me just tell Otoi-san about what’s inside my heart. ‘Iroha is nitpicking at the schedule again’…And se—”

“Ahhhhhhhhh I’m sorry I’m sorry I got too excited please don’t I beg you!”

I had taken out my smartphone, about to boot up LIME when Iroha stopped me, wailing. That’s my ultimate weapon Otoi-san for you, just bringing out her name is enough to tame Iroha.

“You can just tell me about your plans, it’s all good.”

“Hmpf. I wanted to make Senpai panic a bit, and see your cute reaction…It’s the heart of a maiden getting the better of me.”

“Don’t bring your rotten heart into work-related stuff…And, when do you have time?”

“Hmm…Well, to be honest, I’m basically free all the time, so whenever wherever is fine~”

“Weren’t you supposed to be a busy outgoing person, a JK in prime?”

“If you arrive at a level like me, you can openly deny your classmate’s invitations, you know. I had the hunch that things could maaaaybe end up busy, so I kept my schedule open.”

“How convenient…” I sighed in disbelief, but it wasn’t as if jealousy got the better of me.

I’m not as dense as some romcom protagonists to not realize what is going on here. Especially because I knew, I made up my mind for one of the goals this summer.

“Hey, Iroha, how about—”

“Oh, I got a LIME text.”

You try making some friends in your own school year? — I was about to ask that, when Iroha suddenly took out her smartphone. It’s a smartphone that can only have LIME installed, with no manga apps, music, or Ytube even. It’s the phone she received from her parents, not the one I gave her that’s for her own enjoyment. It was something old and outdated, but she used it with the fast finger movement of a JK.

“It’s rare that you’re staying in contact with someone…Ozu?”

“Ehh, not happening. Onii-chan never sends me any messages.”

“Then, Sumire-sensei?”

“She’s only talking to me when she has to deal with her schedule and the continued battlefield of manga and games,so I just block her most of the time.”

“…Mashiro?”

“I did talk a bit with Mashiro-senpai over LIME as of late, but…sadly, it’s not her either!”

“Hm…But then, who—”

“Of course, it’s…Hm? Ohhh? Fufu. Hehehe fufufu.”

“W-What is that face?”

She separated her gaze from the smartphone, now directly grinning at me…That face, she’s definitely going to tease me about something again.

“Senpai, are you jealous by any chance? Are you that curious about who I’m in contact with that you can’t even help it?”

“Huh?! As if. Why would I get jealous over…”

“Then, it shouldn’t matter who I’m talking to, right? Right? Since you’re curious about this other person, it means what I think it does, right? No need to be embarrassed, I totally get it!” Iroha pushed her face forwards, and poked at my cheek sixteen times together with her machine gun-talk.

S-So annoying…I can’t deal with this.

“I just thought it was a bit surprising. That you actually had friends outside the [5th Floor Alliance] or Mashiro.”

“This is so great, this is the best! …Ehh, of course I do? At least 100! I’m super popular after all! Smirk!”

“Don’t smirk at me as you say it out loud.”

Makes me wanna push you down right there. As of late, Iroha acting annoying has started to turn into a fragment of her cuteness altogether, but that doesn’t change the fact that annoying is still annoying.

“I know how popular you are, I just didn’t think you were close enough with anybody to actually talk via LIME.”

I thought that we’d spend a long time together, but apparently there’s still quite a few things that I don’t know about her. I wanted her to make friends that even accept this annoying attitude of hers, but maybe there was no need to do so in the first place. When did she even make friends? And why didn’t she tell me about that, that wench. I got worried for nothing. Then again, why would she tell her older brother’s friend.

“Hmm? Senpai, do you actually not know?”

“…About what?”

“Woah, you really have no idea…Phew!”

“W-What are you on about? Did I say something weird?”

“I thought you had a certain hypothesis that you tried to confirm, which is why I went up in my annoyingness meter, but since you really have no idea who just messaged me, I will tell this poor and clueless Senpai out of the kindness of my heart.”

Even now she ran her mouth with an annoying tone, so I guess that’s a talent in its own regard. At the same time as I was thinking that, Iroha showed me the screen of her smartphone. On there was…

“This is a group LIME chat. The one with all my classmates in it.”

“A group lime chat…with your classmates…?”

I felt like a Samurai during Japan’s Westernization in the Meiji Period, as I just blankly returned her words. I mean, I heard about this thing before, but…

“To think…that actually existed…”

“…Pffft. Ahahahahaha!”

“Wha?! What are you laughing about!”

“I mean, everybody would! I guess a professional loner like Senpai wouldn’t know about a class group chat like this! What a blunder of Iroha-chan! I accidentally showed you a glimpse of the world of adults! Sowwyyyy!!”

“Ugh…W-Well, whatever. You’re probably just feeling great about getting notifications from a group chat with many unspecific individuals. Have your consciousness and focus interrupted by the vibrating of your phone for all I care. There’s nothing great about that when you’re trying to work. Thinking about it efficiently, not being part of such a group chat is much…”

“Grin~”

“…! I’ll murder—No, throw you down!”

“Eh, what, nyaa?!”

Without any sort of restraint or wait for compliance, I lifted up the bed sheets with Iroha sitting on top, rolling it over as he let out an odd sound…Of course, that’s where I left it at.

“What are you doing?!”

“I just felt the sudden urge to change my sheets. It’s my room, so my freedom as to what I do, right.”

“I don’t think you should be saying that alone with a girl in your room, okay?”

“I might have been a bit too rampant…Also, enough about me already, just respond to that text you got.”

“Ahh, that? Well, it should be fine. It was just a boring invitation anyway.” Iroha spoke with no energy at all as she gazed at the phone screen.

“Invitation?”

“See there’s the summer festival at the end of the month, right? The one near the shrine.”

“Ahhhh…now that you mention it. Wasn’t there the fireworks at the river bank?”

“That as well. I got invited to that with a ‘Everyone who’s going to the festival, raise your hands!’ kinda invitation.”

“Sounds fun, why not join?”

A summer festival is quite possibly the biggest event of a summer break. A standard routine for students to enjoy their youth. Love blooms, and friendship is being poisoned, a precious time in everybody’s life…I think? Don’t have any experience, so hell do I know.

Just, for me, who has grown to wish that Iroha gets some friends of hers, I’d love it if she could join with a few classmates. That’s why I was thinking of giving her a passionate push on the back, but…

“Mmm…It’s not like I can’t stand my classmates or anything, but that day is a bit~”

“Do you have some other business that day?”

“I thought of making some that day. Recording, to be precise.”

“Huh? Why that day?”

“I mean, we could record the stuff in the afternoon, and then go over to the festival. See, with the two of us, and Otoi-san!”

“Ahhh…”

I didn’t think of that. Iroha said so, looking like a puppy with a wagging tail, leaving me no other choice but to agree. As for her, who doesn’t give a single damn about what I’m thinking, it should have been obvious that she’d want to go with me and Otoi-san. Well, getting Iroha some friends is just a long-time goal, and if she really wishes for us to visit the festival together, then I’ll just go along with it this time.

“…Alright. Then let’s do the recording that day, and go to the festival after with our usual mem—”

Ding…doooooong…The doorbell interrupted me.

There are times when Iroha acts normal, not annoying, but just in a reserved manner. But, was that just my imagination…or did I hear a certain level of pressure in her following words right then and there?

“Oh, how rare for you to get a visitor.” 𝑓𝐫𝑒e𝒘𝚎𝘣𝚗𝘰𝘷𝐞𝑙.co𝑚

“…I got a bad feeling about this.”

“Eh?”

“Iroha, I’m serious. Do not say anything, under any circumstances.”

“U-Um…okay.”

I sneaked through the living room, and took a glance at the intercom. Shown there was white hair, white skin, and a white face. Another neighbour of mine, Tsukinomori Mashiro.

‘U-UM…Aki, do you have some time?’

“A-Ah, it’s Mashiro. Something happened?”

‘Ah…Well, today is Sunday, right?’

“Hm? Yeah, it is…? Doesn’t really matter since it’s summer break though?”

‘It doesn’t matter, but it also does.’

“I don’t get it.”

Mashiro was fidgeting awkwardly, her face cast down for some reason. Knowing her, she was the type to immediately throw any sort of insult at my face, so why is she holding back now? Getting a closer look, she really had an awfully pale face…It felt like someone held a gun to her back as she was talking to me.

“Senpai…? Who is it…?” Iroha showed her face from the bedroom, asking me with a quiet voice.

She’s clearly holding back now that I asked her, so why can’t she just do that all the time.

“Ah, Mashiro actually—”

The second I went to tell her that Mashiro wasn’t looking quite well, it happened.

‘Are you talking with someone right now?’

“Gyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah?!”

A sudden dandy voice grasped my heart, as the face of a middle-aged man appeared on the monitor. His blood-shot eyes and demonic facial features as he gazed into the camera made it a bit hard to tell, but this middle-aged person could be none other than my uncle, and Mashiro’s father. At the same time, he is an important connection for the future of the [5th Floor Alliance], as he is the representative company president of Honey Plays Works, Tsukinomori Mashiro. But more importantly, can you stop acting like this is some horror game?

“W-What happened?! Why would you start screaming like that! Also, that voice was actually pretty cu—mguh?!”

“Now is not the time to tease me! Shut up!”

“Mmmmgh! Puha! What are you doing! Forcefully is just the worst. You have to fill out an agreement notice or you’ll get arrested, you know.”

“What shitty rule is that? Also what kind of braindead prefecture would introduce that?”

Wait, this ain’t the time for casual banter.

“Things turned bad. Really bad. For now, just escape from here!”

“Ehhh? But…”

“I’ll explain it later! Just get out of here!”

“Eh, wha, don’t push me?!”

I ignored her wailing, and pushed her outside on the balcony. I’d love to calmly explain the situation to her, but I was pretty much in a state of panic, so no can do. And could you blame me?

There’s the condition for the contract that I had with President Tsukinomori. That is, to act as Mashiro’s fake boyfriend, and protect her until she graduates. At the same time, I am not allowed to get myself an actual girlfriend, nor start dating Mashiro for real. I don’t know what happened during his own high school days for him to become so obsessed with young people not enjoying their youth, but all I can do is obey those rules.

That’s why, if President Tsukinomori was to see me together with Iroha, all hell would break loose. Hence, I had Iroha leave as quickly possible.

“I’ll definitely clear things up later, so for now you have to get back to your room, okay?”

“I don’t really get what’s going on, but…seeing you this desperate, I can tell that it’s something serious. I’ll hear you out later, okay?”

“Yeah, later!”

Iroha still seemed like she had a complaint or two up her sleeve, but she eventually gave in and pushed aside a cardboard box, followed by a plank, which revealed a hole in the wall connecting the two apartments. Of course, this hole should never exist there, but after it appeared because of a certain incident, it turned out to be quite useful even. Never expected to use it in such a situation though!

“A-Ahaha, sorry to make you wait!”

“That took quite some time. And, I feel like I heard a scream in there?”

After checking that Iroha left no traces whatsoever, I opened the door with sweat running down my cheeks.

“A-An insect scared me, so I had to get it out. Aha, ahahahaha.”

“I see. Be careful of your health, okay?”

“U-Um, so, what brings you here today?”

“It’s nothing major. I just—”

President Tsukinomori was grinning, but his eyes weren’t. They were filled with killing intent.

“—Came here to test the determination of you and Mashiro to act as a fake couple.”

*

「Oh yeah, you and Tsukinomori-san are supposed to be fake lovers, right. I totally forgot」

「Neither of us have been doing anything towards that either…And there’s Mashiro’s personality to consider」

「Now then, I wonder how things will turn out~」

「Are you enjoying this, you bastard?」