Tondemo Skill de Isekai Hourou Meshi

Eguchi Ren: This may offend some readers but there is something I wish to tell everyone. I used be able to update every week while taking time off now and then. I think this is true for other writers.

I will continue to try and update once a week if possible, but as mentioned, I would be busy with personal matters until the beginning of October so updates may be delayed or updates may not be possible at all.

I apologise for any inconvenience to our readers who have been looking forward to the weekly updates and would appreciate your understanding.

This had been a long post, but thank you for your patience and understanding.

Gumihou: This was posted on 19 August 2022 on Syosetsu

“A… augghh… I thought I was prepared, but what’s with this super quick attack?”

Yesterday, I put a lot of effort into making my ‘Easy Bacon-Style Porkbelly’ and, as expected, when it did not make an appearance during the following morning’s breakfast…

“Oi, what’s this? Where’s that thing you’ve been making all day?” Fer barked over his breakfast bowl of Miso Stir-fried Dungeon Pork with Eggplants, Peppers on rice.

Grandpa Gon lowered his head, sniffed a couple of times and said, “Hmm, it certainly smells different.”

“”Yeah! The thing yesterday smells like campfire cooking, but not campfire cooking. I don’t know what it is, but it smells damned good!”” said Dora-chan.

““Yummy~? Aruji made something yummy~?”” Sui said as she bounced up and down next to me.

Since none of them was around while I was making it, I thought I was off the hook, but who would have thought that I would be attacked the next day?

Here I thought I would get to enjoy some of my smoked food this afternoon over a cold beer before letting them have at it. Seriously, I want to at least enjoy my own cooking first before serving it to others.

“Hey, you guys, surely you can at least let me eat it first before serving you guys, huh? It’s not like I don’t feed you anything.”

“Oi, are you saying you’re not giving it to us?”

“Master?”

“”O-oi, oi~!””

“”Aruji~?””

I held their gaze for at least five seconds.

[1] “Hahhhh fine, but you’re not allowed to disturb me or demand that we go hunting if I don’t want to.”

[1] “Ugh…”

[1] “This…”

[1] “Don’t agree? Well, enjoy your breakfast as it is-”

[1] “WE AGREE!!”

[1] Heh.

[1] At least I got something out of it. After serving everyone two portions of the bacon, sliced and placed on top of more rice, I sighed at a small piece of the bacon left on the cutting board. As I had half expected, even after thinning out the meat and smoking it longer, the centre was still quite raw. There goes my plan to just slice the bacon into nice thick pieces and nibble them with my beer…

Wait, since the centre is raw, why not just treat it like real bacon and grill it over the pan a little? In fact, let’s go all the way and make myself a nice BLT sandwich! [2]

That’s right, my relaxing morning is not lost I can still recover it. Just look at the sky! Look at those fluffy clouds and the shining sun! It’s the perfect day to relax outdoors. Yes, after I have packed my BLT sandwiches, I should bring my special chair out and settle down in a nice shady spot for a restful nap.

It turned out that the day was cool enough that I didn’t even have to sit in the shade.

In the end, I still chose a nicely secluded spot. Here I took out a [2] special chair that I had bought from the Capital. The back and seat were made with a single piece of leather and very cool to the touch. [3] However, it was the moment when I first sat on it that I fell in love.

I must have it!

For a reasonable price, of course.

Luckily, the asking price for the chair was only 13 gold, which was not cheap, but not too expensive either. After agonising over it for exactly three seconds…

“Sold!”

Right now, I look forward to laying down on it in the sun and enjoying my Beer and BLT combo in peace.

Speaking of which, my sandwich was made with toasted country bread courtesy of Teresa), torn-up lettuce leaves, nice firm tomato slices courtesy of Alban and of course, my thickly sliced Easy Bacon-Style Pork Belly (properly fried to prevent salmonella or e coli or whatever the equivalent in this world). Oh, and to make the sandwich super luxurious, I spread one side of the bread with mayonnaise and the other side with grain mustard.

[4] My hands moved automatically and the next thing I knew, I had three tubs full of BLT sandwiches ready to be eaten…

Well, it’s not like any of it would go to waste. While I’m at it, let’s cut some bacon into neat cubes and grill them slowly on a pan to make some nice beer snacks!

“Delish!”

My first bite of the BLT sandwich was amazing. The tomatoes were sweet, the lettuce crisp, the grain mustard added just a touch of spice and texture, and the pork belly was salty, savoury and smokey all at the same time.

Umu, good job, me!

Even though the bread and vegetables were from other people, I did make the bacon myself, so I should have credit, right?

Anyway, the most important thing was that it was delicious.

After taking a second bite, I followed it up with a gulp of cold beer.

Gulp, gulp, gulp-

“Puhahh!”

Actually, scratch that, I had a whole mug of beer! Beer in my special beverage cooling mug!

“This is the best!”

[4] “Oi! What are you eating!”

[4] “Augggh!!!” I shrieked and nearly fell off my chair.

[4] “”Secret snacking! There is secret snacking!!”” Dora-chan screeched, through telepathy, thank goodness for small blessings…

[4] “”Aruji~ snack~?””

[4] “Master, is that low-temperature beer?”

[4] “Ugh… What are you guys doing here? I just fed you!”

[4] “Secret snackings are not allowed!”

[4] “Wha- who is secretly snacking?” I snapped. “I’m trying to relax here. Now go away!”

[4] “”Aruji~~ no eat~~””

[4] Oh no, is Sui actually… “No! I mean, ahem, I’m not secretly snacking. I’m out in the open on a nice day to enjoy my meal under the sun.”

[4] Someone muttered ‘how is that different from us eating outside’ but I ignored them.

[4] “Anyway, you’ve already eaten. I’m here to eat my own food…”

[4] “Nuu, not until you give us those!”

[4] The rest of the familiars nodded. I sighed and said, “Fine.”

[4] Ignoring the various ‘Yay’ noises and Fer’s ‘That’s more like it’, I took out one container of sandwiches and portioned out two sandwiches each for my familiars instead of the usual mountain of food.

[4] “Oi, why only two?”

[4] “Complain again, and that’s all you get,” I said firmly. Thankfully that shut Fer up quickly enough. Well, not completely since he was still muttering about ‘grass’ under his breath, but I ignored him with the ease of habit.

[5] The expected ‘yummy’ and ‘delicious’ came from everyone, as well as the ‘it would be better without veg’ remark from you-know-who.

“This is most excellent, umu, for some reason, I feel like something is missing…” Grandpa Gon looked meaningfully at me.

[6] “… Since we’re not in the middle of a hunt, it’s fine to have a little drink,” I said, emphasising the ‘not in a hunt’ bit of the statement. Maybe, I could convince Grandpa Gon to take my side in the future if I made it clear that he would be rewarded with alcohol. After all, hunting may bring in meat, but no amount of hunting would get you good alcohol.

[6] With this thought in mind, I took out my largest glass bowl and filled it to the brim with beer. Then, before Grandpa Gon could gulp the whole thing down I said, “Can you use Ice Magic?”

[6] “But of course, Master.”

[6] “Try cooling the liquid, but very slowly, and don’t break the glass or you’ll never get another sip,” I said, not really meaning it. I just want him to be extra careful with my bowl.

[6] “Umu, alright…”

[6] A layer of frost appeared on the surface of the bowl. The next thing I knew, the surface of the beer froze over and-

[6] “Stop! Stop! I think that’s enough. Uh, try drinking it.”

[6] Grandpa Gon made a face, but obligingly gulped down the cold beer and, “Puhah! Cold! Delish! The best!”

“Hoho, I knew you’ll understand!” I crowed happily.

[6] “Here I thought the burning sensation of the Dwarf’s favourite ‘whisky’ was amazing. Who would have thought that cold beer would be even more incredible?”

[7] “Oi, seconds,” Fer snapped from the side. “And no grass or leaves this time.”

[7] “Oh my, since I already made sandwiches, that’s too bad. I guess you don’t want any…”

[7] “O-oi! Who says I don’t want it!!?”

[7] “So you’re fine with the lettuce and tomatoes?”

[7] “Gununu, fine, yes, just give me.”

[7] Hehehe, I knew it was petty of me, but this was the only time I got to tease the Legendary Beast Fenrir, so I might as well make the most of it.

[7] In the end, I gave everyone a serving of B-LT sandwiches, since they all wanted to try it. All I had to do was pluck out the lettuce and tomatoes and set them aside on a plate. I’ll eat them later as a salad or something.

The verdict?

“Mumumu, now this is what I call delicious food,” said Fer delightedly.

The rest of the Quartet, Sui, Dora-chan and Grandpa Gon, looked uncertainly at the B-LT sandwiches. They still ate it all, but requested for ‘regular ones next, please’.

[7] “As expected,” I said as I handed out more BLTs, “Fer is the only one with the broken tongue.”

“Hey!”

“Master, may I have more of this alcohol? I wish to cool that too,”

“Ou, of course, of course,” I filled up my auto-cooling mug and took a gulp. “Ahhh, nothing beats a cold beer on days like this…”

I considered getting out the special bacon cubes that I had prepared for, well, okay, this could certainly be considered ‘secret snacking’. However, I can only be accused of keeping secret snacks if I do it, right?

“So, uh, cheers,” I said before gulping down the cold beer.

Ahhhh, who cares about keeping secret snacks. I have an excellent drinking buddy here. What’s better than sharing good drinks with good friends, huh?

“Want some special beer snacks, Grandpa Gon?”

“Ooh? I would appreciate it greatly.”

Ahhh, Grandpa Gon is always so polite, I thought as I rummaged through my [Item Box] and brought out a plate of ‘Simple Bacon-Style Pork Belly’ that had been cut into cubes and carefully fried-

“Oi! What’s that plate of meat only thing!?” Fer hollered.

“Master, this is-”

““Sui wants some too~””

“”Same here! Gimme!””

Of course, I knew that this would happen. Therefore, even as they jumped up and down excitedly from the side, I had already brought out my stove, ready to fry up more of these delicious little cubes of savoury, salty flavour bombs.

While the next batch of cubes was frying, I enjoyed the first batch of the Bacon-Style Pork Belly with my familiars accompanied by our drinks of choice. Grandpa Gon and I enjoyed our cold beer while Fer, Sui and Dora-chan had cider.

“This is the life,” I sighed as I settled back in my leather chair.

Hm?

A prickle at the nape of my neck made me look around and… I spotted a group of little men huddling behind the main building and peeking at us.

“… …” so much for this place being secluded. I guess the smell of grilling bacon had brought Dwarves into my yard.

“Is that alcohol?”

“Ugh… he’s actually daytime drinking, how envious…”

“I wonder what’s that food…”

Oi, are you guys trying to hint at something?

[Gumihou: This chapter was a little difficult. Eguchi-san must be in a rush here.]

[1] Mukouda gave in, of course, he did. However, have Mukouda wring some promises first.

[2] Before the BLT decision, Mukouda went on and on about this luxury chair… switched up the scenes a little.

[3] BTW, Mukouda mentioned ‘fell in love at first sight’ 3 times here

[4] Change the segue to something else that fits the transition between ‘ahh, I’m going to enjoy this alone~’ to ‘feed the familiars’

[5] Reduce the repetitive ‘yay-yum’ reaction, since we have a lot from [4]

[6] Give detail to the cooling beer scene,

[7] Adjust ‘no veg yum vs got veg yum’ scene, add some Mukouda sass