Too Lazy to be a Villainess

I can’t believe a year has passed already since I, Princess Lavinia Devereux—the youngest (and arguably most powerful) royal in the Elarion Empire—issued my first royal decree.

And now I am already five.

Nothing much happened until after my first royal decree. No wars. No banquets. Just me playing, sleeping, eating, and repeating.

But lately... I’ve felt different. Heavier, even. Could be the winter blankets. Or gravity. Maybe the world just got heavier, and it’s not me. Yes. That makes sense.

Anyway, it was one of those mornings. The sun shone bright, the birds were chirping like they were in some kind of singing competition, and the palace halls were too peaceful—like something suspicious was about to happen.

"Up we go, my princess~" Nanny cooed in her usual morning-has-arrived-and-you-have-no-choice tone, scooping me up like I weighed nothing. (Which I definitely do. Nothing. Not a single gram more than last year. Probably.)

She plopped me onto the plush stool in front of the mirror and began fluffing my bedhead with her usual terrifying efficiency. "We’ve got a whole new wardrobe to try today! The Imperial tailors outdid themselves!"

Still blinking sleep out of my eyes, I rubbed at my eyes and looked toward the mountain of frills and fabric on the nearby rack. Marshi was still wobbling face-down on the bed. He lifted his head, then collapsed again. Same, Marshi. Same.

"Why do I need new clothes again?" I grumbled, squinting. "My last dress still fits... kind of... mostly..."

"It barely reached your knees, my princess," Nanny chuckled, already yanking off my nightgown with professional speed. "You’ve grown so much in the last few months. Look at these long legs! And your cheeks! So round and precious!"

I blinked. "Wait. Am I taller now?"

"Much taller," she confirmed proudly, holding up a dress—a soft sky-blue frock with silver embroidery on the sleeves and hem. It sparkled like starlight and screamed main character energy.

I grinned, puffing out my chest. "Then that means I’m stronger too!"

"Well, you certainly look sturdier," Marella chimed in innocently—or so it seemed—while holding another armful of gowns. "Especially your tummy. It’s like a royal cushion now."

...

My eyes widened in horror.

"...Excuse me?"

"Oh, I only meant it affectionately~" she sing-songed with a devilish grin. "So soft and squishy! Like bread dough!" frёeωebɳovel.com

I gasped. Genuinely gasped. I grabbed the sides of the blue frock and looked down at my stomach like it had committed treason. "Nanny. Marella’s being mean."

Nanny, the traitor, was trying to suppress a laugh. "It’s natural for growing children, my princess."

Not satisfied, I turned dramatically to the only person who would tell me the truth: Ravick. Loyal knight. My silent shadow.

"Ravick."

He stiffened.

"Ravick," I repeated, pointing at my midsection with the seriousness of a royal investigation. "Do I look fat to you?"

He blinked.

"Well... uh... you see, my princess..." he stammered, scratching the back of his neck like a man trapped in a collapsing mine. "It’s... um... good for children to be... you know... a little chubby. Healthy! Very healthy!"

I gasped so loudly the windows nearly cracked. "WHAT?!"

Marella nearly dropped the dresses from laughing. Nanny tried (and failed) to look scandalized.

And then...

"I AM GOING ON A DIET!" I declared, hands on my hips like a revolutionary leader. "No more sweets! No more tarts! No more fluffy rolls with honey butter!"

"Wait, wait, let’s not get carried away—" Ravick said quickly, visibly sweating.

"I’ll eat carrots! And celery!" I marched in a dramatic circle, my dress flouncing like a battle flag. "From now on, I will eat less. No sugar!"

"Oh, princess," Marella chuckled, shaking her head. "You said that last time and then cried over a strawberry pie."

"That was an emotional day!" I shot back.

Nanny, now brushing my short golden hair into soft waves, sighed fondly. "Our little princess is growing up so quickly. Even her tantrums have more volume now."

"I’M NOT THROWING A TANTRUM. I WILL DIET. FOR. REAL."

"Of course, Your Highness," Nanny said gently, combing through a stubborn curl. "You can do whatever you want."

I nodded firmly. That’s right. No more snacks. No more desserts. I was a new woman now.

Then—like betrayal itself in human form—Nanny casually added, "Oh, by the way, I heard Chef Elowan baked fresh apple pie this morning."

I froze.

She continued, smooth as silk, "But since our princess wants to go on a diet, I suppose we should tell the chef to stop—"

"N—NO!" I yelled before I could stop myself. I mean—"I... I will go on a diet after eating apple pie."

The room erupted in laughter.

Even Ravick, the silent knight, bit his lip to keep from grinning.

I crossed my arms, flustered but firm. "How could I miss my apple pie? It’s tradition. It would be rude. To the chef. And the apples."

"Yes, yes, my princess," Nanny chuckled.

And so, I began my diet.

Right after the pie.

Maybe.

Probably.

...Eventually.

***

That apple pie?

Divine.

I rubbed my tummy with great satisfaction, feeling the warm, buttery sweetness still lingering on my tongue. "That," I announced to no one in particular, "was the best decision of my life."

"I thought you were going on a diet," Ravick muttered behind me.

"I am," I said proudly. "Starting tomorrow. Probably."

With a happy little hum, I skipped—okay, waddled slightly—from the dining hall down the marble corridor, my new sky-blue dress fluttering around my knees. I had very important royal duties. Like... visiting Papa!

"Where are you going now, Your Highness?" Marella called from somewhere behind me.

"To see Papa, of course! I need to show him my new dress and tell him I have grown taller."

As I turned the corner, the knights standing outside Papa’s chamber spotted me and immediately straightened, their armor clinking in unison. They bowed low. "Good morning, Princess Lavinia."

I beamed. "Is Papa inside?"

"Yes, Princess," one of them said, smiling kindly. "He’s speaking with—"

Too late. I had already shoved open the grand door with all the strength of a sugared-up toddler on a mission.

What I walked into... was drama.

Papa was sitting in his throne and looked pissed. Across from him was Grandpa Thalein—looking just as stubborn, arms also crossed, but with extra grandpa energy.

"You’re her grandfather," Papa was saying, "but that doesn’t mean you can do whatever you want!"

Oooh... are they arguing?

Grandpa Thalein’s jaw tightened. "It’s only for a few days, Cassius. I want to introduce my granddaughter to my people—my family. They’ve been waiting ever since they heard about her!"

Huh? Family? What does he mean?

I froze. Then I did what any normal, curious, very sneaky princess would do—I tiptoed behind a huge pillar and peeked around the side.

Ravick whispered sharply, "Princess, what—"

"Shhh, Ravick. I want to surprise them," I lied smoothly. Truth: I just really wanted to eavesdrop.

Then Theon stepped forward, all diplomatic and nervous-looking. "Your Majesty," he said cautiously, "how about we send extra knights with the princess? That way—"

"No." Papa’s voice sliced through the air like a sword. "I don’t want to take any risk. Nivale is far. How can I send my five-year-old daughter alone to some distant kingdom?"

Oh... does Grandpa want to take me to his kingdom?

"We’ll use a magic portal."

...

...

My tiny brain short-circuited.

MAGIC.

PORTAL.

I exploded from behind the pillar like a pie-powered cannonball and yelled, "MAGIC PORTAL?!"

All three of them turned to me in horror.

"Papa! Are we going to Nivale Kingdom?! Are we using MAGIC?! Am I getting teleported?!" I was excited.

Papa groaned and covered his face with both hands. "Lavinia."

Grandpa Thalein, on the other hand, looked delighted. "There she is. Come here, my precious."

I ran forward and clutched Grandpa’s cloak like a koala on espresso. "Grandpa, are we going to Nivale? Are we going to teleport? Like, shwooom—into sparkly lights?!"

Papa growled from his throne, eyes glowing with danger. "You’re not going anywhere."

"But Grandpa said magic portal!" I waved my arms for dramatic effect.

"Which is not happening," Papa snapped, practically spitting fire.

Grandpa just gave him a smug look. "It is happening. I already spoke to the Archmage. Preparations have begun."

Papa turned slowly, like a villain in a bedtime story. "What did you just say?"

Grandpa ignored the volcano building in the room and scooped me up into his arms. "Do you want to come with me to Nivale, little cub?"

"YES! I WANNA GO!" I screamed in excitement.

Obviously I wanted to go. I’ve never seen the world outside the Imperial Palace. The only places I know are the garden, the hallway, and the kitchen. But now—an adventure?? A MAGIC PORTAL?!?

I mean—I’ve only ever seen portals in Avengers. And now I’m gonna go through one for real?! WITH MY OWN BODY?!

This is the peak of toddler evolution.

Grandpa looked at Papa with the satisfied expression of a man who just won a very spicy political argument. "See? My granddaughter wants to visit Nivale."

I nodded in excitement again.

Papa, meanwhile, was still in the middle of a slow-burn meltdown. His eye twitched."She. Is. Not. Going. Anywhere. Not today, not tomorrow, not through a magic portal, not on a unicorn—nowhere."

I narrowed my eyes, very serious. "Papa, what if I teleport just a little bit? Like... halfway?"

"No."

"What if I stay for only five minutes?"

"No."

"What if I take Ravick and Marella and my other knight groups, and I’ll be back by dinner?"

"Still no!"

Hmm...

I crossed my arms, tiny gears turning furiously in my royal brain.

Looks like I need to come up with some methods to convince Papa. Very sneaky, very brilliant methods.