You Boys Play Games Very Well

Chapter 5

Weibo and the forums once again became lively, but this time it was replaced with “We boys play games so fiercely!”

Ling Meng was brainwashed by it all day long and eventually turned to reading the huge number of comments all with the same sentence in an infinite loop. At the end of the season, Ling Meng regretted the he didn’t earn the star diamond medal. He put all the blame on Mang God’s account.

At the beginning of the new season, Ling Meng worked hard and was determined to get revenge on Mang God.

He have never before watched a live broadcast so he had to register a Fighting Cat account and then he spent a long time in Mang God’s broadcast room. When Mang God opened the live broadcast, he arrived faster than the housekeepers (moderators). When Mang God wasn’t live streaming, he studied the other party’s match videos over and over. He vowed to find out the other’s skills and tricks, as they say know the enemy and know yourself and you can fight a hundred battles with no danger of defeat.

He watched during the day and at night and after class. His roommate even teased him about whether he had fallen in love with Mang God and he had no presence of mind to refute it. There was only one person’s voice occupying his thoughts.

Therefore, such a scene was often seen on the campus of Yanshan University: a boy staring at his mobile phone while walking, which made people wonder if he was using an antenna or radar instead to navigate the roads.

Today, on the way to the dining hall with his antenna activated, Ling Meng bumped solidly into a man. Because he kept his head down, his head hit the other’s chest.

“I’m sorry,” Ling Meng said, rubbing his reddened forehead.

The man took a casual glance at his phone: “It’s okay.”

Ling Meng heard these two words and his nerves flared across his whole body. He had immersed himself in Mang God’s commentary for many days and was so familiar with this voice that he could recognize it even if the tone changed.

“MengMeng, what’s wrong with you?” his roommate saw Ling Meng was frozen in place so he turned back and called out.

Ling Meng roused as if waking from a dream and quickly turned back. The man was long gone already.

“Hey!” his roommate came back and patted him on the shoulder. “What are you looking for? Let’s go to dinner.”

Ling Meng anxiously grabbed his roommate’s arm: “The man just now was Mang God!”

“What the hell?” his roommate looked at him in disbelief. “How can Mang God be at our school? I’ve been saying that you’ve watched too much of Mang God recently.”

His words reflected reality. Ling Meng also wasn’t too certain: “Has Mang God ever shown his face on the live stream?”

“No,” his roommate answered with certainty.

Ling Meng turned to think, what about the face? He hadn’t clearly seen that person who had appeared before him.

Chapter 6

Mang God is at Yanshan.

This thought had sprouted seeds of suspicion and, from time to time, it sprouted back up to make Ling Meng perplexed. He began to look for evidence of his suspicions.

Unfortunately, Mang God seldom talked about real life in the live streams. If the other party wouldn’t offer the information, Ling Meng would have to dig it out. Once or twice, he really did get some useful information out from his schemes.

For example, when Mang God won several games in a row and was in a good mood, Ling Meng deliberately fired a test comment:

— In the evening, I ate steamed buns in the canteen. They actually had wuren orange filling. They were so unsavory.”

Mang God saw this and laughed and said: “Are all the steamed buns in university canteens so tasteless? I’ve also eaten dried pagoda flower stuffing ones.”

This was an important clue. After all, the road at the entrance of the second canteen was lined with two rows of pagoda trees and Ling Meng had once seen with his own eyes the canteen staff dragging their boxes out to pick flowers during the blossoming season. The launch of the “Pagoda Floral Feast” had been a collective complaint topic on the campus BBS intranet for a long time.

Now Ling Meng had 90% assurance of his understanding here. Then, one day, there was a fire truck siren almost simultaneously from the Mang God’s live room and the outdoors. Ling Meng then was 100% determined that Mang God was a student of Yanshan University and was in the same dormitory area as himself.

At the same time, there were some subtle changes in the Galaxy celebrity list. The star diamond level players who had been poisoned by Lemon Dad found that they were less and less likely to see Lemon Daddy, while the top 500 saw more and more of him. Once those people won however, they did not hesitate to make a mockery of him.

[Empire] Lemon: Get ready to accept your Daddy’s love!

[Federation]GuestB:???

[System] After a fierce battle, the Empire achieved the final victory!

[Empire] Lemon: A father’s love is like a mountain! Are your shoulders are heavy?

[Federation] GuestB: What the fuck? Lemon Dad, are you hanging open?

[Empire] Lemon: You think Daddy needs to hang open to fight? You little dear.

Unexpectedly, Ling Meng, taking advantage of what he learned from Mang God’s rich combat experience, made a historic breakthrough and scored in the top 300 in the first half of the season. This achievement silenced many of the people who had laughed at him for so long and Lemon Daddy was no longer a man wandering between the star diamond and cosmic god ranks.

There are a lot of comments fondly remembering him on the forum, and wonderful titles of posts abounded:

— On the third day of Lemon Dad’s godhood, think of him.

— The star diamond without Lemon Daddy is no longer the star diamond I am familiar with.

— I don’t have a Daddy anymore, what’s the use of star diamond?

— The top 500 players finally have the privilege of having a look at their Daddy’s elegant demeanor, the hospice care of the god-level Lemon Dad, increasing the kill rate!

— [Serious discussion] Has anyone noticed that Lemon Dad’s recent technique is becoming more and more like Mang God’s?

The serious discussion post was soon buried. Instead, screenshots of the god-rank Lemon Dad’s hospice care stacked higher and higher, which made the water friends realize that Lemon Daddy was no longer the same. Some people even seriously discussed whether Lemon could have had a sex change to cause these changes.

Ling Meng angrily shut down those last posts labeled “serious discussion” and immediately reported the reason as “fundamental impropriety”.

Chapter 7

In any case, Ling Meng was now god-ranked, lurking in Mang God’s broadcast room every day. Of course he knew that his opponent’s ranking was already higher this season, which meant that their chances of matching in the queue were very low. Ling Meng also painstakingly aimed at ambushing Mang God during his live stream hours, and so, as they say, hard work pays off. When the familiar avatar appeared on the screen, Ling Meng knew that the opportunity to grasp the real body of Mang God had come.

[Empire] Mangosteen: Hey.

Mang God even took the initiative to say hello to him and, while already knowing the answer, Ling Meng asked:

[Federation] Lemon: Are you live?

[Empire] Mangosteen: Take a guess?

[Federation] Lemon: Aren’t you afraid that I will go to your live broadcast to stream snipe?

[Empire] Mangosteen: I’ll favorably receive you.

[Federation] Lemon: Don’t be complacent, Daddy is not who the man he used to be.

[Empire] Mangosteen: Is that so? I look forward to it.

[Federation] Lemon: Let’s make a bet?

[Empire] Mangosteen: Okay, since you’re bringing it up.

[Federation] Lemon: I heard that you’re a college student. Does your university have a school supermarket?

Ling Meng wasn’t just speaking without thinking – there was a school supermarket downstairs in their dormitory area.

[Empire] Mangosteen: Of course there is.

[Federation] Lemon: If you lose, go to the school supermarket and buy a packet of sanitary napkins, then post the photo on Weibo – do you dare?

Mang God’s live stream had reached a new record number of viewers. Many people were still coming in as no one wanted to miss this season’s drama.

[Empire] Mangosteen: But I’m not interested in you buying sanitary napkins. If you lose, how about buying condoms?

Ling Meng was stunned speechless. The school supermarket actually sells condoms?

[Federation] Lemon: That sounds like I’m getting the worst of it.

[Empire] Mangosteen: If I lose, I’ll broadcast it live.

In the broadcast room, the momentum of the barrage took a sudden turn for the worse:

— Humbly praying for Lemon Daddy to beat Mang God!

— Lemon Daddy, Uncle Lemon, Ancestor Lemon Daddy, the responsibility for the first in-real-life broadcast of Mang God has been handed over to you!!!

— If Meng God streams IRL, I will hold a lottery for 50 goodie bags on my Weibo!

— Tonight, we are all Lemon people!

Ling Meng saw this comment and, brimming with heroic spirit, hit the return key:

[Federation] Lemon: Deal!

Ling Meng pledged that he voluntarily would close the Fighting Cat app on his mobile phone. He wanted to win against Mang God once and for all, but he scorned the idea of stream sniping.

As soon as the “charge” horn sounded, Ling Meng abandoned his old style of advancing rapidly and instead developed his economy patiently. He sent troops to investigate slowly and inquisitively. Ling Meng upgraded the anti-reconnaissance equipment first and the scouts who came to test him out were strongly smashed to the ground via attrition.

— Attrition, attrition, this is the devil’s pace~

In the barrage, this chorus carried on and Mang God forced a bitter smile.

“So you’re looking forward to my loss?”

— It’s not that my support is shaky, it’s that the prize is really too attractive.

— If you won and would still reveal your face, I believe that everyone would support you to win.

Mang God chatted while arranging the troops, his voice sounded relaxed and comfortable. It was in sharp contrast with Ling Meng’s sharp vigilance.

Ling Meng had studied far too many of Mang God’s videos. He could say he knew this person like the palm of his hand. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, Mang God was no exception. He wanted to use this advantage to take the other side by surprise.

He feinted a sneak attack on the resources, while secretly interfering with the other side’s radar. Taking advantage of the now-intermittent blank screen of the radar, he sent a fleet of flying ships to attack the other side’s nuclear station.

In the blink of an eye, the development of Mang God was slowed down a lot. Ling Meng backed off from charging forward for the win and instead took more time to collect resources and expand his fleet.

Mang God, now in the disadvantageous position, became grave and earnest. He was also aware that Lemon wasn’t god-ranked by accident this season. He just didn’t expect the other side to improve so much. Compared to the two previous encounters, he had basically become a different person.

The commentary on the live stream was much less than usual, even the barrage was quieter as well. Everyone was watching the game attentively and they completely forgot that their original purpose was just to see how the two people would go to the school supermarket to shop.

After probing the other side, Ling Meng launched a huge raid with Federation ships. Mang God’s troops weren’t his equal – they had to evacuate as they fought and couldn’t even dismantle the frontline fortifications, and so they were turned into Ling Meng’s spies.

“His progress has been huge,” Mang God praised him from the bottom of his heart.

— Mang God personally praised Lemon Dad’s JB for its great size!

— On that day, people finally remembered the fear of being dominated by Lemon Dad!

— My Lemon Dad community, I’m nervous, are you nervous?

Mang God was too busy to pay attention to the filthy chat in the broadcast room and he upgraded the nuclear explosion technology tree to full. “But I don’t want to stream IRL?”

— Unexpectedly, Mang God is playing so dirty, God halo no more? 𝗳𝙧𝐞𝚎w𝗲𝚋n𝚘𝙫𝑒𝘭.𝑐om

— A hero is willing to gamble and face the consequences!

A red warning appeared on Mang God’s screen, a sign that the main space station has been attacked. This time, the opponent not only held the frontline, but also sent out two flanking squads. It could be said that he was bound for victory.

At the current pace, the Imperial Base would be completely destroyed in another 30 seconds. There was probably no hope of winning and the opposite side has abandoned defense entirely. This would be the first victory for Ling Meng in their three matches and this match even involved a bet of honor. Ling Meng was so excited that the palm of the hand holding the mouse was sweaty.

“What the fuck? Fuck, fuck! You’re going to win, MengMeng, you’re so handsome!” his roommate encouraged like a cheerleader.

— Lemon Dad, jiayou, 666!!

— Daddy! Don’t let us down, Daddy!

Even Mang God’s chat was one-sided.

Mang God’s screen was almost completely black, no radar, no scouts, and the Federation base was like an incomprehensible, unreachable black hole to him.

“What shall I do?” Mang God’s mouse dragged aimlessly on the black screen. “Gambling on it…right here.”

— I’m going to eat S live!

“I leave it up to fate.” Mang God pressed the left mouse button.

As he was watching the health of the main Imperial Base run out, Ling Meng’s screen suddenly shook and the image of the in-progress attack turned black and white. The failure notification popped up in the center of the screen.

Struck dumb, Ling Meng stared at the monitor, wondering what had happened.

“That, MengMeng, your homebase, it seems to have been detonated by a nuclear bomb,” his roommates weakly explained.

Ling Meng quickly turned his head: “How did he aim at it?”

He had already crushed his opponent’s radar. Without radar, his base was dark to Mang God. Who would fire a nuclear bomb into pitch black darkness with no way to bias the direction?

His roommate tilted his head: “I think, this… probably by guessing?”

“Haha, lucky,” Mang God flicked the mouse, leaning against the back of the chair, and joyfully stretched his wrist.

It had been a bitter battle.

—???????

— That’s fucking possible?

— Are you kidding me?

— The hand of God!!!

— Brother who was going to eat S live just now, are you still there?

Mang God relaxed from the tension and spent some time watching the barrage flow like a waterfall. Everyone was lamenting his astonishing luck, but in fact he would have died ten seconds later. He had made some bold speculations and rigorous calculations. Although he was gambling in the moment he dropped the nuclear bomb, he didn’t fire it into the middle of nowhere as some people thought. He still had at least 30% confidence.

[Empire] Mangosteen: Good game, you played very well.

Ling Meng hammered his final words out hatefully.

[Federation] Lemon: The bet’s penalty! Just wait! 𝐟𝙧ee𝔀e𝐛𝓃𝐨𝚟𝑒𝗹.c𝗼𝚖

Chapter 8

A young man in a hoodie appeared in the school supermarket. He lowered his head and most of his face was hidden under the brim of his hat, so that only a pair of eyes was exposed.

The cashier stared the suspicious-looking man from the moment he entered the door, for fear that he would do something against the school rules. Seeing that this person was looking around from side to side and wasn’t picking up any goods for a long time, the clerk felt their suspicion was more and more accurate.

“Cough, you have that, don’t you?”

Seeing this man had come to the checkout counter, the clerk’s heart was tight. Could it be that he was not stealing, but was robbing?

“What is that?” he asked cautiously and without much kindness.

The hooded man looked nervously around: “It’s Durex, JissBon, or something.”

Clerk: “…Classmate, this is the school supermarket, what do you want?”

Ling Meng bowed his head, scowling; he now knew that he had been tricked by Mang God.

He stepped out of the supermarket, pulled out his phone, and navigated in Weibo’s private messages to Mang God.

Lemon: You played me, school supermarkets don’t carry condoms!

Mangosteen: Did I say to go to the school supermarket to buy them?

Ling Meng: …

He carefully thought about the dialogue between the two of them. It seemed that Mang God really didn’t mention the phrase.

Made him stupid!

“MengMeng, MengMeng!” someone called him very loudly from the upper level of the opposite dormitory. Ling Meng looked up. Who else would it be but his silly roommate?

“MengMeng!” The whole dormitory area could hear his loud roommate. “Have you bought them yet? Are they ribbed or lubricated?”

Ling Meng: …

Made him really stupid!

When the people in the building heard the noise, they curiously came to the window and looked down. Picturing Mang God behind one of the windows, Ling Lemon raised his hands in anger and gave his roommate a pair of middle fingers.

Anyway, with his face now gone, Ling Meng rushed to the adult store outside the university to buy a box of condoms. With his home page in the background on his monitor, he took a photo of the Durex box in his hand and posted it on Weibo.

@Lemon: The penalty of the bet @Mangosteen [share the picture]

Mang God quickly forwarded it.

@Mangosteen: Hand Play Year //Lemon: The penalty of the bet @Mangosteen [share the picture]

The following comments are surprisingly unified, with a theme skewed towards Mang God’s forwarding message.

— It’s a pity not to see Mang God’s face, but it’s worth it to see Lemon Dad’s hand.

— Please take the box away from the lens please, no one wants to see it.

— Asking Lemon Dad’s opponent to open a real life broadcast.

— It’s a pity that such a beautiful hand has to fight in the Galaxy, it should be saved for jerking off.

The topic had long been so twisted that no one cared about what thing Ling Meng had gambled the face of his college career on. His Weibo fans rose a lot in the night. Single dog Ling Meng threw the Durex into the deepest part of his drawer, that money could basically be seen as funds to buy powder.

—

Footnotes:

1. hanging open (开挂): to open plug-in, specifically to cheat in a game; can be used to express awe at another’s achievements (a compliment)

2. the real body of god (真身): the fundamental form of a god beneath the human appearance

3. JB: acronym for ji ba (雞巴), aka penis

4. jiayou (加油): “adding fuel”, slang for cheering someone on, like the Korean “fighting!”

5. eat S: please substitute whatever gross thing you can imagine starting with S

6. JissBon: a Chinese condom brand named after James Bond, please say it out loud to figure out why

7.face: his pride/reputation

8. Hand Play Year (手玩年): gaming saying for “these two hands, I could play for a year to express my affection”, used when someone sees beautiful hands

9. 灰机: ash machine/airplane/soaring high, slang for jerking off really well

—

Our ML is so snarky and clever ?