You've Got Mail: A Cautionary Tale

Chapter 2 – Penpals Through the Pigeon Express

Wu Xingzi came home distracted. After dinner, he carefully placed the jade hairpin in a wooden box with a lock, and pushed it under his bed. 𝙛𝐫e𝚎wℯ𝗯𝒏𝗼ѵ𝙚l.𝒄o𝚖

Then, he sat on his bed and fell into a daze.

He was definitely interested. No matter what kind of secret association the?Peng?Society for Gentlemen was, it would be a true paradise if it was really a place where he could get to know other men who were just as interested in finding partners for life.

Wu Xingzi had been lonely for many years; he did not even have a dog to keep him company. At the end of his work days, he would come home to long, arduous nights without even a single living soul to talk to… He sighed. Bending over, he retrieved a small pot from under his bed. Inside the container was his entire “bucket stash” of ten taels. He had never intended to touch the sum at all; he still wanted to save up for a sturdy coffin made of the best yellow wood, maybe even elm, wherein he could lie comfortably and rot away.

Fifty coins… Wu Xingzi was extremely torn: such a price was the total sum of his expenditures for ten days! He could even go to the market every few days to have a bowl of beancurd jelly, and look at those bright teeth and wide smile of the beancurd lad… Too bad that the lad had already found someone else before he could even show his interest. His shoulders sagging, Wu Xingzi shrank like a shrivelled eggplant.

Time passed as he remained thus stuck in deliberation. By the time he made up his mind, five days had already passed.

Thinking about it, for a person who was going to die at forty, what need was there for him to worry about these few coins? He might even find a partner, and the hope of spending the future together would save him from the urgent need to die.

The more he thought about it, the more he found it agreeable. Wu Xingzi gritted his teeth. After counting fifty coins and placing them into his pouch, he ran off to the beancurd lad for more details.

The lad was about to head home, having packed up and closed his shop for the day. Turning around, he was shocked by the sight of Wu Xingzi, who was panting hard with a reddened face after running all the way over here.

“Brother Xingzi.”

“You, you… Can you tell me more about that?Peng?Society please?” Wu Xingzi spoke in a low voice, looking around them nervously. His palms were sweaty, and he seemed terrified of being discovered that he was up to no good.

After a moment of surprise, the lad smiled. “Of course. This isn’t a good place for discussing it though. Brother Xingzi, why don’t you come home with me?”

Go home with him? A furious red burst over Wu Xingzi’s face. This was not just some common invitation from a friendly neighbour; this was an invitation from a person he liked!

“C-can I?”

“My only concern is that Brother Xingzi might not want to go.” Feeling bashful, the lad rubbed the back of his head. Charmed by the sight, Wu Xingzi became light-headed with joy as his heart fluttered conspicuously.

“I do! Of course I do! You’re too polite,” Wu Xingzi responded at once, and happily followed the beancurd lad. Along the way, he even took the initiative to purchase a jug of wine and two dishes, hoping to prolong their chat.

The beancurd lad’s home was not too far away from the market, it was in Thornbush Alley on the west side of the city. There was a row of houses along the street; half of these were empty, and as the sky darkened, the unlit houses looked somewhat unnerving. 𝗳𝐫𝘦e𝘸𝗲𝚋𝓃𝚘v𝘦𝘭.𝑐𝒐m

“We’re here, Brother Xingzi.” The lad stood outside a house whose warm lights were glowing through the windows. “My man’s temper is a little odd. Don’t mind him. He just… gets jealous easily.” This sudden display of affection pulled Wu Xingzi’s head back from the clouds.

“No, I’m the one disturbing you both.” His expression dimmed. How could he forget that the lad was already taken?

“Don’t say that.” The lad patted him on his shoulder before turning to push the door open, yelling, “I’m back, and I’ve also brought Brother Xingzi along.”

“Brother Xingzi?” The voice that drifted out was deep, and sounded a little unhappy. However, the man did not say much else. With a few muffled steps, he walked to the door and took a look. “Adviser Wu.”

Wu Xingzi’s jaw dropped.

This man! He was very familiar with this man! Was this not Constable Zhang? They had been colleagues for twenty years and counting!

“You met each other through?The Pengornisseur?” Even a match like this could be made through?ThePengornisseur? Wu Xingzi’s spirits lifted slightly. It seemed like there were more homosexuals around him than he realised!

“That’s right.” Smiling, the lad reached out and held Constable Zhang by the hand while pushing Wu Xingzi indoors. “Brother Xingzi, treat yourself as though you’re at home. Quick, come in.” Wu Xingzi nodded profusely and entered the house under the constable’s somewhat awkward glare.

After being called to the table, Wu Xingzi took a seat. There were already two dishes and a soup waiting on the table. Smelling the aroma of the meat and vegetables, Wu Xingzi swallowed and hurriedly laid out the two dishes he bought as well.

Perhaps because the unexpected revelation of secrets between co-workers was too unpleasant a surprise, the mood remained somewhat dismal throughout the meal. All three kept their heads down and ate furiously. After they had eaten their fill, the lad sent Constable Zhang to wash the dishes. Only then did Wu Xingzi heave a sigh of relief.

“This?Peng?Society is really impressive…” Wu Xingzi exclaimed.

“Yes, Brother Xingzi will definitely be able to find a good man from?The Pengornisseur?too.” The lad nodded his head in encouragement. “Feel free to ask anything you would like to know.”

Wu Xingzi gulped, and started asking the lad for further details about the?Peng?Society.

In short, according to the lad, the?Peng?Society for Gentlemen could be found all over the country. Its sub-branches could be found even in the most remote corners of the backcountry and the borderlands. The closest branch to Qingcheng County was in Goose City.

Of course, since it was a secret association, there would be no prominent sign boards declaring its location. The branch in Goose City was concealed in the back of an antique store.

The?lad gave Wu Xingzi a precise description of how to find the antique store, what code words to say to the manager, what he needed to bring along with him, and reassured him again about the secrecy of?The Pengornisseur?despite its rich content. Finally, he concluded with a pat on the older man’s shoulder, “Brother Xingzi, for people like us, it’s not easy to find good men to spend our lives with. As long as it’s something on your mind, why don’t you give it a shot? Life is short anyway, and you only live once.”

“That’s true…” Wu Xingzi nodded along, noting everything down, and he departed with awakened anticipation in his heart.

The next day, Wu Xingzi woke up early and hired Old Liu’s cart to head out to Goose City.

Goose City was originally not called Goose City, but Xuanyi Town. It used to be as poor as Qingcheng County, but its conditions were even more grim and desolate; after all, Qingcheng County was still a?countyat the very least.

At some point in time, a goose farmer by the surname Huang became the richest person in the district by rearing and selling poultry. No one knew how he managed to grow his business to such a scale. With his money, he rebuilt his hometown into a much more respectable place, transforming it into the most prosperous and liveliest city in 500?li.*

As a result, people around the area started calling the town Goose City instead of Xuanyi Town, and they soon forgot the original name of the place.

This was not Wu Xingzi’s first trip to Goose City. Qingcheng County was too small and poor; if one wanted to stock up on goods and necessities for any major festival, one had no choice but to buy them in Goose City. However, every time he was here, Wu Xingzi would feel very awkward. It seemed to him as if people were always looking at him, mocking him in silence for being a country bumpkin.

Although he knew that he was being ridiculous, Wu Xingzi still could not help it.

Following the beancurd lad’s directions, he hastily made his way down the busiest street in Goose City. Not long after, he found the antique shop that was acting as a front for the local branch of the?Peng?Society for Gentlemen.

The store was?huge.?It looked grand and magnificent with its elegantly ornate architecture. Wu Xingzi had never set foot in this part of the city before. The beautiful stone-paved roads in the area felt comfortable under his feet. The streets were lined with resplendent stores as far as his eyes could reach, and even the breeze was scented with fragrances that he could not name. Wu Xingzi almost lost his footing.

After pacing in front of the antique shop for several rounds, Wu Xingzi finally gathered up his courage and went in.

But upon entering, he immediately regretted his decision.

He froze. Everywhere around him stood priceless items that he could not recognise. If he were to rub off just a little bit of paint on any of them, he might have to use a grass mat as his coffin instead.

“Mister, may I know if you are looking for anything in particular?” The store attendant was very welcoming, as if he did not notice how Wu Xingzi’s clean clothes were so old that they had begun fraying from being washed too many times.

“I, I… I’m looking for a jade pagoda from the Han dynasty,” Wu Xingzi choked a little before replying; he nearly forgot the code phrase the beancurd lad had taught him.

“What type of Han jade pagoda would you like, mister?” A faint light flashed in the eyes of the attendant, but his face still carried a warm smile.

“O-one that Dong Xian used to play with.”*

“Dong Xian?” The attendant smiled again. “Sir, I’m afraid that I’m not too familiar with such an item. Would you like to speak to our manager yourself, at the back of our store?”

“Sure, sure…” Wu Xingzi mopped the sweat off his brow.

Without engaging in any further chatter, the attendant began leading Wu Xingzi to the back of the shop.

“Dong Xian?” As he was about to leave the front hall, a pleasant voice slid into Wu Xingzi’s ears.

Without thinking, he turned his head back to take a look, and saw a person dressed in black.

The man was very tall, at least a head taller than everyone else around him. His bearing was as sharp and cold as ice, but he had a fine face that dazzled with all the lovely splendour of Spring, together with an amorous glint in his eyes. That pair of eyes, as dreamy as full blooms in the mists of March, stared right into Wu Xingzi’s furtive gaze.

His cheeks burning, Wu Xingzi turned his head back in a hurry, hiding away from the face that made his heart throb.

“So good looking…” He could not help but murmur under his breath. The attendant glanced at him and smiled cryptically.

After bringing Wu Xingzi to the garden behind the shop, the attendant respectfully bade Wu Xingzi to wait for a moment in the pavilion. He also served him a cup of fragrant tea, as well as some exquisite-looking snacks.

Following a momentary pause, Wu Xingzi cautiously lifted the cup to take a sip of the tea. Then, he picked up a snack and began nibbling on it. It was sweet, but not cloyingly so, and the burst of fragrance in his mouth made him feel as if he were eating a flower. He had never tasted anything so delicious in his life before.

The wait was quite long. Wu Xingzi finished two cups of tea and all the snacks before someone finally took the seat across from him.

“Did you like it?” The newcomer asked with a smile, his voice as beautiful as an oriole’s song.

“Ah… It-it’s delicious…” Wu Xingzi’s relaxed body became tense immediately, and he sat up straight on the stone seat.

Blinking, that person burst into laughter. His beauty left Wu Xingzi breathless and dazed. Staring at the person’s smile, entranced, Wu Xingzi was entirely unaware that he had already flushed red like a lobster.

“My name is Rancui,” the beauty said as he lifted his cup for a sip. “May I have yours?”

“I, I…” Wu Xingzi’s throat felt as though it was burning. He could barely speak, and ended up coughing instead. Rancui laughed again, refilling his teacup for him.

“Please, soothe your throat. There’s no rush to speak.”

“Thank you…” Wu Xingzi picked up the cup and gulped the tea down. Only then did he seem to feel a little better. Lowering his head a little, he thanked the other man in embarrassment.

“You’re too polite.” Rancui did not look like he minded Wu Xingzi’s gaffe at all. “Did you come for the?PengSociety?”

“Ah… Yes, yes. I, I brought the money, and also a picture. I know all the rules!”

“Is that so?” Rancui nodded.

“Since you have already done your research, Rancui will be direct with you.?The Pengornisseur?is published on the 10th of every month, and each edition costs 50 coins. If you would like to stop your subscription toThe Pengornisseur, you will need to return all previous copies of?The Pengornisseur?that you have received.”

“Understood, understood.” Wu Xingzi bobbed his head eagerly, removing his money pouch ?from his waist in a hurry and placing it on the table. “There are 50 coins in here, Master Rancui. Please accept them.”

Rancui reached out with a slender hand. He picked up the pouch, opened it, and took a look. Then, breaking into a smile, he said, “I’ve received your payment. Please also give me your self-portrait, your name, and your hobbies. Your copy of?The Pengornisseur?will be ready for collection on the 10th.”

“Sure, sure.” Wu Xingzi quickly passed the drawing and the information over. Finally, a weight was lifted off his chest, and a true sense of relief overcame him.

“Master Wu?” Rancui glanced at Wu Xingzi’s name. He complimented him, “What a good name, Master Wu. You’ll definitely meet someone compatible in?The Pengornisseur.”

“Thank you for your kind words.” Wu Xingzi’s lips lifted into a silly grin. For the very first time in his life, he was filled with anticipation for the future.

Next, Rancui explained the process of becoming pen-pals through the pigeon express.

To protect the members, the locations for the pigeon delivery were the various branches of the Society. Members could choose to use their own pigeons, or the pigeons kept by the?Peng?Society, to deliver their letters.

“When using our pigeons for the first time, you will only be charged 3 coins for the first five letters. After that, each delivery would cost 1 coin each,” Rancui added. Wu Xingzi noted everything down with great diligence; he would definitely have to make good use of that first-timer concession rate!

Although it would cost a fee to use the Society’s pigeons, the birds were fast and highly reliable, allowing users to receive replies within a span of two days. Besides, the service would also protect the user’s privacy by preventing him from being tracked down.

“Anything can happen in this world, you know. Who hasn’t ever tried their luck in love?” Rancui covered his mouth and chuckled.

Wu Xingzi nodded his head in agreement, making up his mind to spend a little money on the pigeon service from the?Peng?Society. Although it rankled him a little, it was still better to be safe than sorry. If anything untoward were to happen, he would be in real trouble.

Having explained all the rules in detail, Rancui went on to mention some happy couples who had met through the Society, before finally bidding farewell to a deliriously happy Wu Xingzi.

At the thought that he would be able to receive?The Pengornisseur?on the 10th, Wu Xingzi beamed like a blossoming flower all the way home.

Notes:

里 (li) is also known as the Chinese mile. In ancient times, the actual length of this unit varied between different periods. Now, it has a standardised length of 0.5km.

董贤 (Dong Xian) was a powerful politician in the Han dynasty, and the alleged lover of Emperor Ai. The ancient idiomatic term for homosexuality, “cut-sleeves / broken sleeves”, was derived from an episode between Dong Xian and Emperor Ai.