Because I Cannot Hurt You

Xiaosi stared at her in a daze.

"You are my husband. After waiting for over eight months, you are finally back. You have no idea how torturous those months were. But what are you doing? Ever since you are awake, you are avoiding me. It's as if you have married your work now. At home, you don't pay attention to me. You cancel dates, and when I want to be intimate with you, you ignore me once again. How long do you think I should suffer all this?"

He stiffened.

Caihong sighed. "I didn't want to come to this. But you leave me no choice. I came here to enjoy myself. But then that man kinda flirted with me."

His expression blackened.

"I talked to him and found him interesting. We were just chatting together, and then he offered to dance with me. What's wrong with that?" She raised her brow.

Xiaosi stammered but couldn't counter anything in the end.

"He…he wants m-more than just dancing from y-you…" he loosened his tie.

"And? Why does it bother you?"

"Of course it does! You are my wife-"

"But you are not acting as a husband. If that's the case, then don't expect me to behave as a wife either."

He took a breath and exhaled uncomfortably. A fear suddenly creeped in his heart.

She smiled. "Now if you will excuse me. You terrified that innocent man a lot. I will need to talk to him."

She took a step forward when he blocked her way. "Don't go."

Caihong studied the tense movement of his irises and the trembling of his lips. She could sense that he was thinking hard to stop her from leaving. But after the argument she laid, there was nothing he could really speak in his defense.

She waited and waited but when Xiaosi remained silent for a long time, she faced him, exasperated. "Xiaosi. You do realize that I could marry someone in the future once you leave me, right?"

As if he was hit by a meteor, Xiaosi's mind crashed. His eyes slowly widened in horror as he met his wife's gaze, but he tried to maintain his calm as much as possible.

"H-Huh?"

"Don't stammer. You have been putting distance between us for this whole time, and you think I didn't notice it? Until the end I didn't found that you gor your memories back because why would you lie to me? But when Grandpa told it's definitely the case, I couldn't help but believe him."

How did he know? Xiaosi took a sharp breath.

He awkwardly smiled. "I-It's nothing like that, Caihong. I…"

"Then tell me a very good reason of your behavior," she narrowed her eyes.

He stiffened and gulped.

"See? You don't. You are doing all this so that you would leave us one day. Okay, imagine that day comes. What do you think? Will I never remarry? Or I should ask that it wouldn't matter to you anymore, right?"

He trembled.

"I mean, you would leave us. If I found another man who I fell in love with, then it should be okay to spend my life with him, right? After all, you won't be a part of my life then. But now I wonder. You want to leave me. But you also don't want another men to approach me. What exactly do you want, Xiaosi?"

He opened his mouth but nothing came out. Imagining Caihong with another man filled his heart with anguish and immeasurable sadness.

"Then you won't be Chyou's father anymore. Naturally, you must have considered all this."

He bit his lip hard.

'Dada'

His angel daughter's sweet voice calling another man Dada brought tears to his eyes. f𝑟𝑒ewe𝚋𝚗૦𝐯e𝘭.c𝗼𝓂

Her mouth twitched. "Why are you crying now!? Why do feel hurt by my words so much? It was your decision, which you took without even thinking about me or Chyou at all!"

"I did…I did think of you and Chyou!" His voice filled with despair made the air still. "A man like me shouldn't be having any happiness. I…don't deserve you or-"

"Why?" She sharply asked. "Who made you the judge of what you should deserve or not?"

Xiaosi grabbed her arms. "You don't understand! You think I should forget that night as if it never happened and just continue living with you and Chyou? I made you suffer the worst possible pain. You should be hating me! Then why…then why did you spend that night with me?"

It was the night just before his accident happened.

"In the end, I was just like my father. A disgusting creep who ruined a woman's dignity. After the night seven years back, I never vowed to touch you again. D-Do you realize how it feels to think that I ended up just like him? I…I had sworn to myself to protect the woman I would fall in love with. But look what I did? I couldn't even protect you from some goons!"

He laughed as tears streamed down. "I took your responsibility because I-I didn't know what else to do. I wanted to protect you from the world. Then Chyou entered our lives. Naturally, you hated her. I…just wanted her to get love from at least one parent. I don't blame you. I never did. But I couldn't leave her alone. But now things are different. N-Nobody will question Chyou's existence. Nobody will look down upon you with disdain. That night is far from everyone's minds now to raise any suspicions. Now you love Chyou too," his lips after a long time, had a wide smile. "She has her mother now." f𝓇𝘦𝒆𝘄𝑒𝗯𝑛𝗼ѵ𝙚l.𝒄𝘰𝓶

"So I am not needed anymore, Caihong. You don't need a man like me in your life who forced himself on you. I am not needed. I was never needed. Neither by my mother nor by the woman I so wholeheartedly love. Caihong, I hate myself. Ever since that night, I have only hated myself. That's why…That's why even if you find a better man in the future, I won't stop you."

Even if it hurts like hell, I will always want your happiness, Caihong.

Always.