I Don't Like The World, I Only Like You

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Amongst my group of friends, my dorm leader is the one who leads the happiest and most smooth-sailing life – ever since she was young, her parents loved her greatly and doted on her. Additionally, she was extremely rich, and was akin to a real life Disney Princess.

Our dorm leader was extremely kind-hearted. During our time at University, there was a stray dog which frequently wandered around our school compound, and would definitely appear near the canteen whenever it was time for lunch. The dog had a keen eye for people, and had an automatic RMB detection radar within its body – it never ever bothered with other people, and only followed our dorm leader around. Our dorm leader named it “Boyfriend”, and bought food for it every single day.

There was a heavy downpour one night. As our dorm leader was worried about Boyfriend, she braved the rain and went out to look for it before managing to locate it in a drain. As the dorm rules prohibited the rearing of dogs, she shipped it back to her home in Harbin. Our dorm leader’s dad – a middle-aged entrepreneur with a family fortune worth millions – only had a single hobby: rearing dogs. He had a Welsh Corgi which he loved like a daughter. According to various sources, the Welsh Corgi had descended from the same ancestors as the beloved dog of the English Queen, and was of royal blood. When Boyfriend arrived, he managed to rob the Welsh Corgi of its innocence within three days. The middle-aged entrepreneur was so angry he nearly fainted, and scolded Boyfriend, “You! Bastard! Dog!”

Our dorm leader wasn’t upset in the slightest, and even congratulated her dad, “You’re going to become a grandfather soon!” The rest of us burst out in laughter. Before we reincarnated into our present lives, the rest of us probably selected the “Hard” Mode whilst our beloved dorm leader had probably selected the “Causes Dad to Suffer Hardship” Mode.

When we first entered University, all of us were still unfamiliar with each other. Only our dorm leader was especially famous. This was because on the third day of school, she got into a physical fight with the student sleeping in the lower bunk. To phrase it in more accurate terms, our dorm leader basically beat her dorm mate up for unknown reasons. After the fight, she insisted on moving out of her dorm and into an apartment outside – however, she was unable to do so as our school rule required all freshmen to stay in dorms. Coincidentally, as our dorm had an extra space left, our Form Teacher directed her to move in with us.

At that time, my impression of her wasn’t the best, and I felt that she was simply a rich and wilful person living off her parent’s wealth. Thus, I only managed to grow closer to her during the holidays when both of us were the only ones left in the dorm. One day, after deciding that she was simply too bored, our dorm leader shut her computer and turned to me, “Joey, let’s go hang out at Jin Man Di.” I was tremendously surprised. At that time, I was gunning for a Forest Girl style – and those who adopted a Forest Girl style would never shop at Jin Man Di. However, more importantly, why would someone who lived off her parents’ wealth shop at Jin Man Di?! If I recall correctly, it was a sweltering hot afternoon. Both of us were stuck in the congested fashion market, talking and shopping whilst trying the occasional piece that caught our eye, and subsequently laughing at each other’s poor fashion taste.

I learnt that she was a very kind person; she possessed an extremely pure and simple kindness, one that could only be acquired from having grown up in a carefully protected environment. She told me about an incident that happened when she was in High School. Then, there was a male student in her class whose results were extremely good. However, due to the poverty of his family, he was unable to hand in the school fees on time and was forced to quit schooling. When she learnt about it, she was extremely surprised – after all, their school fees only amounted to 800RMB per term, and a pair of shoes that she chose at random would definitely amount to more than 800RMB. As such, she immediately informed the teacher that she would sponsor the male student’s school fees in the future. 𝘧𝚛𝗲𝘦𝚠𝙚𝙗𝙣o𝙫𝗲𝚕.𝐜o𝓂

Subsequently, because of this incident, her High School arranged a commendation ceremony for her. During the ceremony, the Principal invited both the male student and her on stage, and allowed her to hand the male student the “kind donation” in front of the entire school. She felt extremely proud as she thought she had done a good deed. However, that male student hated her from that point onwards, and told other students that when she handed the money to him, he felt as though he had been publicly slapped. At that time, our dorm leader was still a carefree and thoughtless little princess, and was unable to understand his humiliation and rage.

When she and Young Master first got together, all of us were rather pessimistic about their future as a couple, as we always felt that Young Master was a wolf who would break our dorm leader’s heart after taking advantage of her. Subsequently, when the two of them had a huge quarrel and broke up, our dorm leader left for Harbin in anger. Young Master went all the way to Harbin in order to coax our dorm leader out of her anger, and admitted his fault in front of our dorm leader’s dad. When we heard about what Young Master had done, our jaws dropped to the floor in shock. After all, this was Young Master! Since when did Young Master take the initiative to coax other people?! It was only then that we realized that the two of them were truly serious about each other.

Once we got used to seeing the two of them together, we started to feel that the two of them were truly compatible – after all, no one could be more suited for each other in terms of family status and wealth. At that time, we even fantasized about their offspring. Their son would definitely be like the male leads who appear in Mary Sue dramas: his dad was a wealthy mogul, whereas his mum was a renowned socialite. Their family fortunes, when added together, would allow them to travel around the world five times.

However, just as we were waiting to attend the most extravagant wedding of the century, our dorm leader’s family was struck by disaster. We remain unclear about the extent of the problem, but after the entire ordeal, she simply summed it up lightly by saying, “Our assets and properties were confiscated.” We later learnt that her dad had escaped to Thailand in an attempt to avoid his creditors whilst her mum had been diagnosed with breast cancer. When school reopened that term, she didn’t return. She only called us when she became desperate, sobbing whilst requesting to borrow money from us. Coincidentally, I was helping others with some translation work at that point in time, and had managed to earn my very first paycheck. When I received the money, I didn’t touch a single cent and transferred the entire sum to our dorm leader. Somehow, our entire dorm managed to raise 50,000RMB – all of us were only students at that point in time, and 50,000RMB wasn’t a small sum for us. In order to raise that amount, we even contributed the money we would have used to purchase sanitary napkins.

When our dorm leader received the money, she only said a single sentence, “I’ll write out a I.O.U, and return the money as soon as possible.”

Enraged, I told her not to be disgusting.

“I will definitely return this sum of money.” Our dorm leader continued, “After my dad got into trouble, I saw relatives and friends turn on each other over money issues. No matter how close we are, the nature of the relationship changes once money is involved.” Although what she said was true, my heart nevertheless ached for her when I heard what she said.

Not long after, it was Young Master’s birthday. The dorm leader attended the party with another male in tow, and introduced him as the marriage partner whom her family had arranged for her. All of us were stunned whilst Young Master flew into a rage and nearly thrashed the entire KTV. When I subsequently asked our dorm leader the reason for her actions, she kept mum, and only spoke up after I continuously pushed her for an answer, “We’re no longer suited for each other.”

One of the incidents that left a deep impression on me was when she called me during the Winter break in Year 4. She told me that she was unable to return home for Chinese New Year – her mum had disallowed her from returning as she was afraid that the debtors would come looking for her. That day, our dorm leader cried over the phone for a very long time. I tried to encourage her, and told her to be strong as her mother could only rely on her now. She replied that the only asset she had left was her bloody strength.

Nobody is born knowing how to be strong. The skill of strength is one that can only be gradually learnt and refined after experiencing never-ending pain and hardship.

After graduating from University, Young Master quietly left for America. As I occasionally talk to him on MSN, I was unable to repress my urges and confessed that our dorm leader wasn’t actually attached to the male she had brought to his party. He replied, saying that he knew that.

Astounded, I asked, “Do you love her still?”

The margin in the bottom left corner continuously indicated that “Young Master is typing…”. He wrote something, then deleted it, and rewrote his message. After a long period of time, he finally replied with a single sentence. “In your opinion, what is love?” He didn’t wait for my reply before continuing, “I believe that when one loves another, it’s like loving a dove. When the dove wishes to fly away, one may feel sad and hurt – but even then, one would still hope that the dove would reach great heights in its flight.”

Stunned, I replied, “That’s a great point of view that’s totally not your usual style of handling matters.” He immediately replied with a row of emoticons that were grinning widely. I didn’t smile, and I knew that at the opposite end of the other monitor, he didn’t either. Some people are just like that – usually, they would clown around and joke along with the rest of us, and never behaved seriously; not even for a single moment. However, in the rare moments when they quieten down, you would discover that they possess a clear understanding of what’s happening, but they simply bury it in their hearts and choose to remain silent.

When Young Master left, he passed me a bank card which he hoped that I’d pass to our dorm leader. The password was her birthday, and there should be quite a hefty sum of money in it. However, our dorm leader never touched the card – not even when she was going through her hardest times. After graduating, our dorm leader returned to Harbin to clean up her dad’s mess. In order to clear her debts, she was forced to drink everyday with different uncles. As a result, she suffered from acute cholecystitis and was even admitted into the hospital.

Initially, our dorm leader exchanged calls with me every single day after graduating, and we would scold the oddballs and batty crackpots we met over the telephone conversation. Before we hung up, we would even happily remind each other to continue living our lives with a smile. However, as time passed, we gradually reduced the amount of contact we had and busied ourselves with our own activities. Recently, she began to post exerpts of Bhuddist scripture on her profile. In response, I left her a comment, “Have you taken refuge in the Bhudda?” She replied me with three words – “Peace of mind.”

Previously, when she came to Beijing for a business trip, the two of us met in a bar at Houhai. After chatting for some time, the singer in the bar began to sing Jonathan Lee’s ‘The Price of Love’.

Do you remember the dreams of our youth?

They’re like flowers that never wilt

They accompanied me through the wind and the rain

Through the everchanging affairs of the world

And through the viccisitudes of change

At that moment, I was overcome with emotion. I told her that Young Master had returned, but she didn’t say a single word in reply. I’m not sure whether she was too drunk to process what I said, or whether she simply pretended not to hear.

Our youth is akin to a hurricane; it swept us off our feet before it left in its full glory and grandeur. Meanwhile, we’re left behind, trying to find our way in the debris, and hoping to carve out a road that specifically belongs to us. In all honesty, I miss the dorm leader of the past – the dorm leader who didn’t need Bhuddist scriptures to obtain peace of mind, the dorm leader who was innocent and ignorant about the ways of the world, the dorm leader who was optimistic, enthusiastic, and didn’t have the word “fear” in her dictionary, and the dorm leader who was able to cry and laugh without restraint.

When we were still schooling, there was once she lost a bet she made with me. As punishment, I told her to confess to the person she liked. She said she didn’t have anybody in mind, so I told her that she could simply confess to any random person she could find. To my surprise, she really went ahead and found a random person. At that time, there was a boy who was walking past in a carefree manner whilst swining his waterbottle around. Our dorm leader patted his shoulder and said, “Hey, wait up.”

The boy turned back and asked, “What do you want?”

Our dorm leader said, “I like you.”

Stunned, that boy responded, “But I don’t like you. Who the hell are you anyway?”

She replied in an extremely cool fashion, “I’m just notifying you, I never asked you for your opinion.”

That’s how she and Young Master met.