I Don't Like The World, I Only Like You

002

When we were in High School, there was an extremely pretty female student in my school whom we referred to as Female Goddess. The first time I met Female Goddess, I felt as though I was Duan Yu when he first met Wang Yu Yan– I was possessed by an extremely strong urge to kneel and proclaim the arrival of the Female Goddess.

Female Goddess transferred to our High School in Year 2. When she first arrived, we were undergoing military training – thus, the appearance of the general student populace was extremely shabby. In contrast, when Female Goddess was introduced on stage, her glowing skin and hot body made the disastrously ugly military uniform appear extremely tempting.

I pointed to her and whispered to the student beside me, “Doesn’t she look like a special female agent sent by the army to tempt the enemy?”

There are various types of beauty. For instance, there’s the Crystal Liu type of beauty, and there’s the Fan Bing Bing’s type of beauty. Despite being only 16 years of age, Female Goddess already possessed the aura of the latter. The common point shared by these beautiful women are as follows: the very moment they make an appearance, alarm bells would go off in the brains of the remaining female population, who would then become extremely cautious and prevent any form of contact between their boyfriends and the beauties.

In actuality, Female Goddess was extremely talented in the field of romantic relationships. Before military training ended, she had already succeeded in snatching the boyfriend of our Literature Representative. That boy looked exactly like Wang Leehom, and whenever he sang Forever Love, he could pass off as the real Wang Leehom. When our Literature Representative was dumped, she cried and wailed as if someone close to her had died. However, she soon stopped crying – mainly because the fake Wang Leehom was dumped by Female Goddess after a mere two weeks.

There’s a Chinese saying which provides that pretty women are often cold and unfriendly to their male admirers; this saying is a perfect description for Female Goddess, as though it was custom-made for her. Female Goddess was an extremely prominent person in our school, with innumerable male students falling for her charms. With respect to Female Goddess’s popularity, I simply felt that certain people were simply born with the charm of famous scenic spots, naturally stirring in people an irresistible urge to leave their mark in order to showcase that they too, have visited the scenic spot as well. Ah, I wonder what God one must believe in in order to obtain such a good life.

Dissatisfied, I asked my brother, “Do you males only focus on the external appearance of females?”

He replied, “Obviously! Attempting to judge a person by his personality is too abstract; conversely, judging a person by her face is much simpler and much easier.”

Dammit.

There were various rumours concerning Female Goddess. However, there were two extremely famous ones. The first one was that her family owned two mines, and that her weekly allowance was a thousand dollars a week. The second one was that the reason why she had transferred schools was because she was in an illicit relationship with her teacher in the previous school, and had even underwent an abortion.

It is often said that when two females grow to hate another female at the same time, the two females would quickly become friends with each other. According to my fuzzy memory, the female students in my school often gossiped about negative rumours concerning Female Goddess. The moment Female Goddess was mentioned, everyone would pitch in and contribute to the common topic. As a result, Female Goddess became the single, solitary force that helped unite the female students in my class.

Conversely, Female Goddess never had any friends. However, Female Goddess wasn’t bothered in the slightest, and simply disregarded the opinions of others. I always thought that Female Goddess would manage to continue maintaining her cool aura till the end of time, and even when she ages into a ninety year old lady sitting on a wheelchair, she would still be an arrogant and cold old lady who refused to interact with others. However, the reality was – during Year 3 of High School, when our final year examinations were nearing, Female Goddess made a sudden decision to quit school.

Before Female Goddess decided to quit school, talk about Female Goddess coming from a poor background started to circulate in my school. It turned out that Female Goddess’s father wasn’t rich – instead, her father was the owner of a chicken noodle stall at XX Road, and Female Goddess would always help out at the stall during weekends. The students even flocked to the school forum in order to upload photos of Female Goddess working at the stall as proof. Although the photos were rather unclear (as they were secretly taken), one would still be able to identify Female Goddess in them. In the photos, Female Goddess had tied her hair up in a rather simple manner, and was squatting my the roadside washing the dishes. But even then, Female Goddess was still extremely beautiful, and even resembled Cecilia Cheung in Lost in Time. However, the fact that Female Goddess sold chicken noodles was far too shocking, and from that point onwards, the School Belle became a joke, and the phrase “chicken noodles” became a perennial laughing point.

One morning, upon reaching school, I noticed the presence of a crowd surrounding the entrance of my classroom. It turned out that someone had taped a photo of Female Goddess on the blackboard, and even provided the following caption – ‘Come and eat my chickens’. Female Goddess entered the classroom expressionlessly, put down her school bag, and started revising her work calmly, as though nothing was out of the ordinary.

Another incident happened just as our final year examinations neared. There was a male student in my class who had pursued Female Goddess in the past, but to no avail. One day, the male student suddenly declared that he wanted to treat the entire class to a meal. To our surprise, a middle aged uncle actually arrived on a motorized trishaw at dinner time, delivering forty bowls of chicken noodles to my class. Although I tend to be rather dense under normal circumstances, I was strangely perceptive that day and immediately deduced that the middle aged uncle was Female Goddess’s father.

The thwarted male student ordered the middle aged uncle to deliver the noodles personally onto our desks. Upon hearing this, a group of male students erupted into laughter and stared to holler at the middle aged uncle, “Your soup’s spoilt! We don’t want it anymore, so bring it back.”

The middle aged uncle was an extremely honest man, and attempted to launch into a series of explanations, “The soup was personally cooked by me less than an hour ago. There’s no way that the soup would be spoilt!”

The remaining students in class began to pitch in and started yelling, “The soup’s definitely spoilt! Our entire class can serve as witnesses!”

The middle aged uncle’s face reddened in anger, and continued his attempts to reason with the thwarted male student. However, the thwarted male student turned a deaf ear to the middle aged uncle, and said, “You have two options in front of you. You can either finish all forty bowls of chicken noodles on the spot, or you can bring the forty bowls of chicken noodles back. If you refuse to choose either option, I would raise this matter to the relevant authorities.”

The viciousness of the group of students successfully forced the middle aged uncle to silently limp over to each of our desks in an attempt to recollect the forty bowls of chicken noodles. Unable to tolerate such bullying, I started to help the middle aged uncle to collect a few bowls. The middle aged uncle politely refused my help, and told me not to dirty my hands. Meanwhile, the thwarted male student told me off for being a busybody.

Just then, Female Goddess had just returned to the classroom after having purchased her dinner outside. She immediately asked her father to stop what he was doing, and placed a bowl of chicken noodles in front of the thwarted male student. “Eat it.” When the male student refused to eat it, Female Goddess flew into a rage and grabbed him by the collar, “I’m asking you to eat the bloody bowl of noodles!”

“Do you think you can order me around just because your dad is here? Please – he’s just a useless disabled old man selling chicken noodles!”

Female Goddess’s father hurriedly tugged at Female Goddess’s clothes in an attempt to prevent the matter from escalating further. Just then, our form teacher returned. After doing a quick assessment of the scene present before him, he started scolding the thwarted male student and Female Goddess, “Final examinations are nearing, so don’t try to create any trouble.”

Female Goddess then did something unexpected – she poured the bowl of chicken noodles onto the thwarted male student’s face and smashed the bowl onto the floor. “Fine. Worst comes to worst, I won’t sit for the exam.”

That’s how Female Goddess left.

For many years, I heard absolutely no news related to Female Goddess, and nearly forgot that such a person once existed. However, I managed to meet Female Goddess last year at an acquaintance’s party. It was then that I learnt that Female Goddess had changed her name, and was working as a host on an Internet program. Female Goddess insisted on treating me to a meal in order to thank me for having helped her father in the past. I was extremely uncomfortable during the entire meal, and my face was beet red the entire time. I felt that with respect to that incident, the entire class of forty students, including me, were all accomplices.

Female Goddess told me that she subsequently sat for the exam as a private candidate. When graduation neared, she participated in a beauty contest and was crowned the winner – thus receiving the opportunity to come to Beijing. When she raised the incident that had occurred in High School, she told me that the male student had subsequently contacted her on Renren Network (akin to the Chinese Facebook) and apologized to her. Additionally, he had further attempted to justify his actions by claiming that he had only exposed her as he simply couldn’t bear to see everyone being kept in the dark by her lies.

“But I never ever said that my dad was a millionaire, neither did I undergo any abortion procedure. During the entire time when I was in High School, I only entered into a relationship once, which lasted for a mere two weeks. When my ex-boyfriend was pursuing me, he never ever told me that he was attached.”

Subsequently, I received a request from a friend who was looking for programme hosts responsible for conducting various interviews. When I approached Female Goddess with the request, she agreed to help without a moment’s hesitation. I accompanied her to record the programme. It was a beauty show, with a total of six hosts helming the programme. The six hosts looked as though they were crafted from the same model – all of them had long legs and tiny waists, and were all fashionably dressed. Female Goddess was allocated a spot at the extreme end, and was only given the opportunity to speak up four times during the entire show.

Female Goddess told me that when she first came to Beijing, she was so poor that she was unable to afford taxis. As a result, whenever recording ended in the wee hours of the morning, she had no choice but to head to McDonalds and wait till the first train started running in order to go home. Subsequently, Female Goddess received a rare opportunity to undergo a screen test for an upcoming television drama. After the test, Female Goddess received various assurances from the staff, who told her that the role would definitely be awarded to her.

That night, she received a sudden call from the producer of the drama. “My meeting just ended. I’m at XX Road now. Your house is pretty nearby, isn’t it? I’ll come by to say hello.”

Female Goddess didn’t allow the producer to come by; as a result, the staff of the television drama never contacted Female Goddess again. When Female Goddess related this story to me, we were having lunch at the lobby of her company. As we were paying the bill, the Boss kindly dispensed with the change. Thus, I joked with Female Goddess that only people with good looks received any advantages.

However, Female Goddess replied, “It’s no use. All the advantages that the good looking people receive are small, minor advantages. Conversely, all the disadvantages that the good looking people suffer are huge disadvantages.”

This year, Female Goddess acted in a web drama. In order to showcase my support, I watched a few episodes. Despite the great amount of effort Female Goddess put in her acting, it was clear that she wasn’t professionally trained. That, coupled with her unpopular character, resulted in Female Goddess receiving a huge amount of backlash – 80% of the comments were made in order to criticize her. The commenters claimed that she had the face of a third party, that she was uncultured, and that she had no acting skills to speak of. Female Goddess didn’t offer any explanation or clarification, and simply buried her head in her work. She continued to act and host, and even worked as a model on several occasions. As a result, Female Goddess only slept three hours a day.

After Chinese New Year, I visited Female Goddess at her workplace where she was acting in a Period drama. We sat on a rock in the mountains, eating our buns as the wind raged around us. She told me that she had applied to further her studies by doing a postgraduate degree in Beijing Film Academy. I asked Female Goddess the reason for her sudden decision to further her studies. A self-mocking smile formed on her face, “In the past, they built their happiness on my suffering. Isn’t it time for them to repay their debts?”

When people insulted Female Goddess by calling her uncultured, she chose not to stand up for herself. Instead, she chose to silently remember the insults that were flung at her. Some people have a habit of claiming that they put in 70% effort when in actuality, they hadn’t put in a single ounce of effort; conversely, there were others who would modestly claim that they only put in 30% effort despite having put in 70% effort, and would eventually put in their full 100% effort. Female Goddess belonged to the latter category.

When the staff called Female Goddess over for her screen test, I told Female Goddess to go, and that it was time for me to leave. Female Goddess nodded her head before taking off her coat. It was -2 degrees Celsius that day.

After taking a few steps, Female Goddess turned back and told me in all seriousness, “Do you know? Those who often mock others for being a flower vase[1] – their only strength is that they themselves are incapable of being a flower vase.” Stunned, I was unable to formulate a response in time before Female Goddess headed towards the cameras.

Subsequently, I discovered an extremely interesting detail – whenever Female Goddess bid others goodbye and left, she never ever turned back. She simply trooped ahead and waved her hands high in the air without turning back. Female Goddess is always moving forward, and she never ever looks back.

003

When I was in University, the student who slept in the bunk below mine was a lady called Little C. Little C was an adorable and innocent girl; regardless of what one said, she would always respond by staring at the speaker with her big round eyes, listening to the speaker’s every word with great seriousness. After one had completed one’s speech, she would immediately exclaim: “Is this really true? What happens next? Ah, you’re such a great person!”

Little C hails from Chong Qing, and has terribly fair and soft skin. When our dorm leader bought a camera, she frequently trained her photography skills by taking photos of us. As Little C was blindingly white, the moment the camera captures her she’d come out in the photo overexposed, causing us enormous grief.

During the summer holiday, she decided to amass some life experiences by working as a telephone operator in the Industrial and Commercial Bank of China. One customer was especially bad-tempered, and exploded with rage, “What are your brains filled with? Shit?” She thought over it before replying in a serious tone, “Our brains aren’t filled with shit, they’re filled with ideas on how to provide better services to our customers.” Subsequently……. the customer lodged a complaint against her.

During another summer break, Little C went to a nunnery in order to attend a mediation programme. When she entered the nunnery, she was required to hand over her mobile phone and identification card. Additionally, she was not allowed to talk for three entire days. The mediation programme consisted of sitting with folded palms and contemplating in an attempt to attain enlightenment. When she returned, I asked her whether she had gained any useful insights. She nodded her head.

“I learnt how to focus.” Little C recalled her experience, “Whenever I was contemplating, I discarded all the troubling thoughts that frequently plague the man on the street. Instead, there was only a single thought in my mind, if I were to be accurate, it was actually two thoughts – What time are we having lunch? What time are we having dinner?” According to her, the vegetarian dishes in the nunnery was extremely delicious, and was provided free-of-charge.

Little C suffers from near-sightedness with a degree of 700; however, she never ever wears her spectacles due to her vanity. As a result, she is unable to differentiate male from female beyond 50m, and unable to differentiate man from animal beyond 100m. When I asked her what she intended to do if she was unable to discern something clearly, she replied that she would simply squint at the object – Ah, no wonder I always felt that the way she looked at people was akin to a pervert ogling at others with their squinted eyes.

As our University was located in a relatively secluded area, we always experienced difficulties trying to flag a cab. Thus, there would be the occasional unlicensed ‘black taxi’[2] that hovered around our school in an attempt to attract customers. One day, the two of us decided to head out to shop. I asked her to stay at the original spot whilst I went to the roadside in an attempt to flag a cab. After several futile attempts, I suddenly heard Little C shouting out, “Little Joe come quick! I managed to flag a cab!”

When I turned around to look at Little C, she was pulling open the door of a BMW X5 and squinting her eyes whilst hollering at the driver, “Taxi Uncle, could you send us somewhere?” 𝐟𝐫𝗲𝙚ｗ𝚎𝐛𝙣𝐨𝙫𝘦𝗹.c૦m

I pulled her out of the car immediately, and pointed to the hood of the car, “Look carefully, this person’s driving a BMW!”

She let out a yelp of surprise, and walked neared to the hood whilst squinting her eyes. “Oh my! It’s really a BMW! Why does it look like a ‘black taxi’?”

I couldn’t bear to observe the reaction of the owner of the BMW X5 – his face had probably turned green in anger.

Little C belonged to the category of girls who looked average on first glance, but gradually became easier on the eyes on detailed examination. Additionally, she frequently inspired in others a desire to protect her. Our dorm leader liked to pinch her cheeks and lament, “Why do you not have a boyfriend when you’re blessed with such good looks?” In actuality, Little C’s lack of a boyfriend can be credited entirely to her mum.

Mama C was a teacher who taught politics. Her indomitable spirit, coupled with her strong belief that High School students should not enter into relationships, resulted in Mama C undertaking all sorts of methods to ensure that Little C had absolutely no prospects in the romance field. Under Mama C’s iron first regime, Little C always felt that simultaneously juggling her studies and a relationship was an impossible task. As a result, Little C had never entered into a relationship despite her numerous suitors.

However, as one cannot be said to have truly experienced University without having entered into a relationship, we frequently forced her to attend all sorts of social gatherings. Thus, Little C’s status during her university years was – (a) In the midst of a social gathering that she was forced to attend; or (b) On her way to a social gathering that she was forced to attend.

Subsequently, on one fine day, she told us that she finally got herself a boyfriend. We responded extremely calmly, and questioned her, “Which is he majoring in? What’s his name?”

Little C was extremely shy and replied, “XXX.”

“What in the world!!!”

XXX was famous in our University for being the Campus King from the Foreign Languages Department. According to various reports, he was near perfection – not only was he handsome, he excelled in his studies, had a great personality, and was single to boot. At that time, I felt akin to an infertile wife who suddenly received news that she was pregnant with boy-girl twins, or akin to a unlucky gambler who had lost his entire fortune only to suddenly receive a royal flush. Basically, I simply couldn’t believe my ears.

The manner in which Little C and the Campus King first met was so dramatic that it could be an idol drama with an 8PM daily showing. Little C had enrolled in Japanese class that term. As exams began to draw near, Little C felt that there was a distinct possibility that she was going to flunk the course. Thankfully, our dorm leader had a sworn brother who specialized in Japanese. Thus, our dorm leader asked her sworn brother to help tutor Little C in Japanese.

As Little C had no qualms about disregarding her image in front of our dorm leader’s sworn brother, she put on a pair of flip-flops and a huge baggy T-shirt before heading to the Foreign Languages Department with a gleeful heart. She even bought a huge watermelon whilst she was on her way. Before she left the dorm, I asked, “Do you remember the appearance of our dorm leader’s sworn brother?” She claimed that she remembered as she had previously eaten a meal with him, and that he was a rather handsome, tall and skinny boy.

Despite waiting at the Library Building for a lengthy amount of time, nobody turned up to meet her. Thus, she decided to sit on the staircase and began consuming her watermelon whilst waiting. When she was halfway through her watermelon, she discovered that there was another person standing at the side of the stairway. She squinted her eyes and took a good hard look – yup, tall and skinny, and rather handsome. As such, she immediately ran over to that person, and stuffed the watermelon into that person’s hands, “Let’s go, there’s no time to waste.”

Out of her five elements, Little C lacks a keen awareness of her surroundings. As such, she failed to notice the astonished expression on that person’s face, and instead dragged him directly into the self-study room. Subsequently, I asked her, “You mean you never ever found out that you were mistaken about that person’s identity?”

She replied, “I didn’t find out… Ah, I even thought that our dorm leader’s sworn brother was extremely good looking, as his eyebrows looked as though they had been filled in with an eyebrow pencil…”

That male student, having eaten half of Little C’s watermelon, decided to sit himself down and repay her by giving her a lesson for two hours. When the study session ended, Little C asked, “Are we going to continue tomorrow?”

Looking at Little C squinting her eyes and staring at him directly in an apparently perverted manner, the male student hesitated before nodding his head slowly, “Con..…continue……”

I had just received an invitation to their wedding this year. At the wedding, the Campus King’s dorm mate exposed the Campus King’s past – that day, after returning to his dorm, the very first thing the Campus King did was to fish out a book titled Japanese Language: New Edition which he had previously used in his first year. When his dorm mate asked him why he needed the book, the Campus King sighed before replying in an exasperated tone, “Preparing for lessons.”

[1] Flower vase refers to pretty and good looking individuals who cannot act but are easy on the eyes.

[2] A black taxi is a privately owned car used to provide taxi services at premium rates.