I Don't Like The World, I Only Like You

001

What are your names?

F: F.

J: Joey.

Do you have any nicknames?

F: None.

J: Five Answers, Joey the Retard, Joey the Obstinate, Joey the Beautiful…… There are too many to list! Of course, there are those who refer to me as Aunty Joey, but I often choose to intentionally ignore those who address me in this manner.

How do you usually address the other party?

F: By her name.

J: Mr. F, Comrade F, Grand Master F, and whenever I need him to do me certain favours I’d address him as Hubby.

Nickname which you wish the other party would address you by?

F: Hubby.

J: Addressing me by my name is great. Please don’t address me as Baby, Honey or Dearest – hearing those nicknames from his mouth is an extremely scary thing and gives me goosebumps.

Mobile Phone ringtone?

F: The standard one.

J: Hey Jude.

Favourite genre of music?

F: Rock.

J: Jazz.

Favourite band?

F: The Beatles.

J: The Beatles.

First impression of the other party?

F: Who is she?

J: This boy is so arrogant.

Please use an animal to describe the other party.

J: Big Grey Wolf.

F: Paramecium

J: What is that?

F: A unicellular organism with no brains.

J: The question is related to animals.

F: Fine, a Husky then.

J: Why?!

F: Guess.

J: ……

Any particular gift you wish the other party would give during Valentine’s Day?

F: I’m fine with anything. If there’s something I need, I’d simply buy it myself.

J: Please take a look at my TaoBao Shopping Cart.

Where was your first date?

F: After we ascertained our relationship, we went to eat Chong Qing hotpot on our first date. Originally, I wanted to bring her to a Western restaurant but she insisted on eating hotpot.

J: From this incident, it is pertinently evident that I don’t treat you as an outsider……

[T/N: Hotpot tends to be a rather messy affair, as both parties tend to become rather sweaty and warm by the end of the meal. Thus, people tend to avoid going for hot pots on dates in order to maintain a certain ‘image’ they desire to portray.]

The most memorable date?

F: The period when I returned to Changsha to look for her. Actually, it wasn’t really a date as we hadn’t ascertained our relationship then. During that period of time, I was in an extremely poor state. The grandmother who raised me since I was young had passed away, and I returned in order to attend her funeral. At that time, I truly felt that I was nearing my breaking point. However, during that period of time, everything was extremely smooth sailing for her. I was extremely happy for her, and I never once thought that she’d throw away all those things in order to come live with me in Beijing.

J: I’d describe something that happened recently. Last month, we went on a trip to ski. However, we only learnt that the ski resort stopped functioning upon our arrival. On the way home, we were extremely hungry, and decided to stop over at a small hotel in the wilderness. To our surprise, the food was simply fantastic! Furthermore, the scenery on the way home was extremely beautiful. Looking at the grand mountains and amazing landscapes really helped to broaden one’s mind. That was truly a very happy day, an unexpected form of happiness.

What did you feel about your first kiss?

J: He had already kissed me before I had any time to react.

F: Ah, I’ve waited so long for this day.

What did you feel about your first H?

J: -Coughs-

F: My dream is finally fulfilled after having dreamt about it for oh so long.

J: Excuse me, are you reciting song lyrics?!

The virtues possessed by the other party?

J: There’s so many! He’s confident, persevering, and he has a great sense of responsibility. I truly look up to him as a role model.

F: She’s kind, strong, smart, and interesting.

J: Do I really have so many virtues?

F: You do.

J: I’m not strong in the slightest! I always cry whenever I trip and fall by the roadside.

F: That’s because you’re stupid.

J: Didn’t you just say that I’m smart?!

F: You’re just occasionally smart. Generally, you tend to be rather stupid on most occasions.

J: ……

The biggest flaw possessed by the other party?

F: Doesn’t make any plans before acting on her ideas.

J: Huge male ego.

The biggest change the other party inspired in you?

F: I turned into a gentler person.

J: I transformed into a workaholic like him. Ah, I miss the old me who was extremely carefree and lazy.

How great is your love for the other party?

F: This question is so stupid.

J: Editor, he’s scolding you!

Is there anything the other party can say/do which would prevent you from rejecting any of his/her requests?

J: It would go like this…

Him: “According to my analysis, this situation can be resolved in five different ways. The first way is blahblah…….. The second would be blahblah…… The third way would comprise of two further possibilities and permutations……”

Me: “Enough, enough! I’ll just do as you say!”

F: As long as the request is a reasonable one, I would not reject it. Whether the request would be considered a reasonable one would depend on my mood at that point in time.

J: See? He is the exact personification of what it means to be cunning and sly.

What would happen if the other party is late for the date by an hour?

J: Being late for an hour is totally normal for him. I’m already used to waiting for him.

F: I usually have some last minute work that I have to finish up.

J: So what if I’m the one who’s late for an hour?

F: I’ll return home first, bye.

J: …….

What if you discover that the other party is having an extramarital affair?

F: I’d accompany her on a trip overseas, and calmly discuss the issue with her during the trip. I’d consider whether we ought to continue our relationship after returning.

J: I agree with the manner in which he proposed to handle it, but this question is so hurtful to the husband-wife relationship!

Are there any particular songs you cry to when you’re sad?

J: Whenever I’m sad, I’d cry to any song that I’m listening to.

F: None.

J: You clearly have some! You mentioned it previously!

F: What songs?

J: Jonathan Lee’s I Really Do Love You.

F: I merely said that I felt sentimental after listening to that song.

J: That’s roughly the same, isn’t it?

What’s the most touching thing the other party said to you?

F: “Everything we do would be meaningful as long as I’m with you.”

J: When did I say this?

F: The previous time you went out with Hao Wu Yi, you had too much to drink. When you returned home, you hugged me and said it to me.

J: Ah, it appears to be a line from some novel. I must have been extremely drunk indeed.

F: ……

Joey seems to enjoy drinking a lot. Mr. F, shouldn’t you impose some limits on her?

F: Having a drink when you’re out with your friends is pretty normal. I’m okay with her drinking habits as long as she doesn’t indulge in excessive drinking.

J: Come over here and let me give you a kiss!

What is the greatest conflict between the two of you?

F: It’s already been resolved.

J: The greatest conflict we have is this. Whenever he runs into some sort of trouble, he would only reveal the matter to me after it has already been resolved. He wouldn’t even bother discussing the various options with me! Please allow me to feel that I’m participating in your life!

Plans for the next ten years?

F: Leaving Beijing after our child is born.

J: We want to move to a city that’s more suitable to live in. As to the specific location, we haven’t really decided.

Do you want your child to be a boy or a girl?

F: I’m fine with either.

J: I want a boy.

F: Why?

J: Because his mother is a tomboy, and wouldn’t know how to raise a girl properly.

F: ……

If your ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend returns and request for a reconciliation, what would you do?

J: I would touch his forehead to check whether he’s running a fever.

F: I don’t have an ex-girlfriend.

J: Didn’t you have a soul mate back in Primary School whom you held hands with when returning home after school ended?

F: Who told you that?

J: My mother-in-law! Apparently, that person even wrote love letters to you, and the greeting cards that she sent to you had hearts strewn all over it. Further, she would even write both of your names in the hearts that she drew.

F: Why did my mum tell you all these things?

J: She doesn’t keep anything hidden from me!

Would you continue being friends with your ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend?

J: I would. I’m extremely open and upfront about my friendship with Young Master. I would always inform Mr. F whenever I’m heading out to meet him or whenever he’s present at a gathering I’m about to attend. Although Mr. F often complains about it, he actually possesses a huge amount of confidence in me.

F: Who said that I possessed a huge amount of confidence in you?

J: You must have confidence in yourself – after all, how could Young Master compare to you?

What if your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend requests to borrow money from you?

J: Young Master shouldn’t become so destitute as to be forced to borrow money from me……

F: If it’s an extremely urgent matter, leave the matter to me and I’ll handle it.

The book that exerted a great amount of influence on you?

F: Many books.

J: Can I refer to a manga? Slam Dunk.

Who’s your Male God/Female Goddess?

F: Sophie Marceau.

J: What? I wash your clothes and cook your meals for you every single day but I can’t even compare to a French girl whom you have never met?!

F: Isn’t the question asking about my Female Goddess?

J: Female Goddess refers to the woman whom you love the most!

F: Alright then, it’s you and my mum. What about you? Who is your Male God? ƒ𝚛𝐞𝚎𝑤𝘦𝚋𝓷o𝚟e𝘭.c𝐨𝙢

J: There’s simply too many! Jay Chou, Daniel Wu, Chang Chen, Takuya Kimura, Won Bin, Bae Yong Joon before he turned 35 years old, James McAvoy, Keanu Reeves, Richard Gere, Hugh Grant, Mitsui Hisashi, Conan Edogawa, Edward Newgate, Sanji, Luffy……

F: ……

Any peculiar or unique habits?

J: Whenever I’m mulling over something, I have a habit of biting my nails. Thus, my nails are always kept extremely short.

F: None.

J: But you clearly love to eat chocolate! Ah, I’m always rendered speechless whenever I think about a full grown man like you having a peculiar fondness for chocolates.

Favourite animal?

F: Dog.

J: Elephant.

F: Why elephants?

J: Because they look extremely friendly and kind.

What book are you reading recently?

F: Ordinary World by Lu Yao.

J: Walden by Henry David Thoreau. It’s an amazing cure for insomnia. Every single time I read two pages of the book, I fall into a deep sleep.

What song have you been playing on repeat recently?

F: Time in a Bottle by Jim Croce.

J: Cross My Heart by Twin Forks.

Favourite movie?

F: An Iranian movie titled Children of Heaven. It’s an extremely simple and genuine piece of work.

J: Life is Beautiful.

The moment when the other party caused your heart to race?

J: When we were studying, people often praised his good looks. However, I never felt that he was particularly good looking until I saw my brother and him participate in a competition together one day. At that time, he was wearing a suit. When I first saw him, I was mildly surprised – his aura underwent a sudden change the moment he put on the suit, and it was the first time I thought “Kao, this boy is truly good looking.”

F: I forgot.

J: Couldn’t you come up with something just to make me happy?

F: Right now then.

J: Even if you’re making something up, couldn’t you do it with more sincerity?

Is there any activity you wish to do but have yet to complete?

F: Skydiving. I have a fear of heights.

J: I want to get a tattoo, but a certain person disallows it (side eye).

Birthday wish this year?

F: I didn’t wish for anything.

J: I can’t say.

Do you feel that you love the other party more, or does the other party love you more?

J: That’s hard to say. After all, there’s no standard by which we can measure and compare how much we love each other.

F: I love her slightly more than she loves me.

If your bodies have been swapped, and both of you are required to act as the other party for a week, who would be the first to get busted?

J: It ought to be me.

F: Her.

If the other party’s soul had entered into Guan Chao’s body, and only a French kiss would help to resolve the matter, would you be willing to do so?

J: I’d just bear with my disgust and kiss him.

F: Who thought of this question?

Putting aside reality constraints, what is the occupation you wish to pursue the most?

J: Pirate!

F: Navy.

J: Why?

F: So I can pursue you.

J: That’s such a cold joke.

What do you think the ideal relationship would be like?

J: Even when I’m overwhelmed and engulfed by work, I always feel safe and reassured the moment I think about him.

F: Our relationship now is ideal.

What’s your biggest wish at present?

J: I wish to hurry and finish writing this book.

F: Take leave from my work and go on a holiday with her.

J: Shall we go to Turkey?

F: Okay.

J: Although you always promise to go on holidays with me, you always end up abandoning the plan.

Do you feel that it’s a pity to love only a single person in your entire life?

J: No, I don’t. Life is short, so why bother expending huge amounts of effort to love numerous people? Having one is enough.

F: In actuality, the risk entailed in entering into relationships with numerous people before settling down with someone who is most suitable for you is exactly the same as the risk entailed in spending a huge amount of time to learn how to accommodate and adapt to another person. Additionally, there is a greater sense of accomplishment in completing the latter.

J: But now that I think about it, whoever said that I only loved a single person in my entire life? I’m in love with many people, and I’m still hoping that I would someday manage to be Chang Chen’s sugar momma.

F: Did you forget to take your medicine today?

Is Joey your real name?

J: No.

Why did you call yourself Joey?

J: I chose the name offhandedly when I was trying to come up with a name during Weibo registration. In the past, my favourite character from Friends was Joey. Thus, I randomly decided to use the name ‘Joey’. Ah, if I had known that I’d be publishing a book under this name, I’d have selected a better name!

Does Mr. F’s surname contain the alphabet “F”?

J: Will I be attacked and beaten up if I say that it was a random decision to use the alphabet “F”?

F: My English name is Frank.