I Should Have Just Died

Tears welled up to the point of bursting out in sorrow. Alyssa covered her face with her palms.

But this is a confession; her face is burning red, crying and turning red. Even if you can’t be pretty, at least you can’t be ugly, Alyssa.

“What’s this……”

Alyssa mumbled in chagrin. Many times she had imagined the moment she confessed to Seidrick. What clothes to wear and what face to show. She was contemplating what to say and had secretly practiced it. She certainly had a lot of good things to say. She must have had a sophisticated way of confessing.

But Alyssa failed to achieve any of her plans. Her heartache was pouring out like a tidal wave.

Of course, Alyssa’s worries were all to no avail.

Alyssa would have looked prettier to Seidrick no matter what she looked like, and it would be sweeter than any confession she made.

Seidrick hugged Alyssa.

“I love you, Alyssa.”

He finally caught her.

Seidrick thought she was a step farther away, and now she was by his side.

“I really love you…… ”

Alyssa nodded her head broadly. Seidrick hugged Alyssa, mangled in tears. It was finally the day the two of their hearts finally met.

***

“Hmmmmm.”

Dania and the handmaids stared at Alyssa with their eyes squinted. Alyssa humming is weird. The work to be done is piled up like a mountain; how could she be smiling with such a happy face?

Besides, it was pouring rain outside.

Everyone is droopy and just limping like laundry, but Alyssa alone is full of vitality.

“What do you think is going on?”

“That’s right. Clearly…… ”

“Hmmm…….”

The handmaids and Dania tilted their heads. Because of the torrential rain, the other aides could not even go to work. Because there was a risk of the carriage wheel coming off or slipping, they had to take a day off today.

Thanks to that, even though they were suffering from a heavy workload…….

“Hmm…… It’s a really nice day today. Right?”

What nice day? What is with that smile that shines like the sunlight? It seems that a new sun has risen in the dark room. Dania rubbed her eyes.

It has been two weeks since this anomaly has persisted. For two weeks, Alyssa had looked strangely happy, and occasionally shook her head and burst into laughter.

“Yes……. It’s a really nice day.”

The lightning strikes behind Dania as she answers. Not even seeing the gleaming Dania, Alyssa is still humming and continuing her work. It seemed that no one would know if anyone died here. Dania beckoned to go outside.

Dania and the handmaids rushed out of the office.

It was meant to have a comfortable conversation between them.

Obviously, until the other day, Alyssa often looked tired from the forced throne. Time and time again she would realize that it was not a throne that mattered to her, but the present country. Alyssa wouldn’t have dared to assume this one-of-a-kind position if it wasn’t for the people who needed her.

But these days, it’s different.

Alyssa was enjoying it as if she didn’t care.

“From what I’ve heard from aide Pauline, the situation over there isn’t that different.”

At Dania’s words, the faces of the maids also loosened like a spring day.

“Since the two of them get along well, their relationship must be so comfortable.”

“Won’t there be good news soon?”

The handmaids’ expectations overflowed.

“When a royal child is born, this royal castle will also be noisy.”

“That’s also a good thing. In fact, how noisy it was in and out of Avery these days. People need to have something like this to feel good.”

Contrary to the handmaids’ expectations, Dania still couldn’t hide her complicated feelings. Alyssa promised five years. However, once she has a child, she will not be able to see to her work……. Moreover, it is not possible to work immediately after having a child.

‘Is it possible?’

It was true that she was a little worried. Dania wants Alyssa to make her own choices and live the life she wants. Until now, Alyssa was unhappy enough and came to live a life of coercion.

Alyssa had a dream life of her own, and she’s passing by now for it. To bear a sacrifice for the sake of others. She will get used to it if she procrastinates. She’ll be immersed in it naturally once she gets the hang of it, even if Alyssa says it wasn’t the life she wanted.

Of course, it’ll be up to Alyssa and Seidrick to decide….

‘I want you to live the life you want, Alyssa’

Dania held longing inside of her.

For her true friend.