Ihoujin, Dungeon ni Moguru

It was a weird time of day, just before noon but still too early to prepare lunch.

When I returned home from the basement……

I was astounded by what I found in the kotatsu.

One of them was my god, a gray cat with long hair(but she doesn't shed because she’s a god) and golden eyes. Her belly was exposed and her upper body was sticking out of the kotatsu. ƒ𝔯𝗲𝗲𝙬𝒆𝚋𝐧oѵℯl.𝒄𝑜m

The other was a lioness.

It was also half out of the kotatsu and relaxing like a cat.

I had wondered if there were lions in the alternate world, but what is one doing in this city, no no no, in my home?

「Souya, you're back at last. What were you and the dwarf talking about for so long?」

Said my god.

「From time immemorial, the only things adventurers talk about with dwarves have always been weapons and armor」

Said the lioness that I didn’t know.

Huh, I recognize that voice though. Could it be……

「Gladvain-sama?」

「That’s right. Oh, I forgot, you've never seen me in this form before」

The lioness that was Gladvain-sama got out of the kotatsu and stretched.

「I'm more comfortable in human form, you see? Though I do like to change into this form every now and then」

There was a flash of light and Gladvain-sama returned to her usual form.

With her long, wavy blonde hair and healthy, tanned skin, she was the perfect image of an Amazon. Her face looked dignified and fearless and a strong will shone in her eyes.

Her abs showed through the high-leg dress she had on. The muscles in her arms and legs were supple yet thick and strong. It was a little chilly today, so she had a cloak thrown over her shoulders. Her large sword hung from her hip.

Even though she's a woman, what an imposing physique she has. As expected of a god of war and martial arts.

「It's unusual to see you here in my home. Is there something you wanted?」

Rana is training at the dormitory again today, so I would have been happy to go over there if she had called me.

「Mmm, today, umm………」

「?」

Gladvain-sama clammed up.

There was another burst of light and Misuranika-sama also took human form.

She was a beautiful woman in a black dress with a large opening in the back. Her long black hair shone as if wet, and she had a cute and cheeky face. Her figure was thin and slender, and for some reason, she was barefoot.

Compared to the god of war, she's a more diminutive god. She looks like a Japanese-style vampire.

「She wants to eat ramen apparently」

「Eh, ramen?」

If that's the case, you didn’t have to come all the way to my home and could have eaten it at any other store……

「Mmm, it's a little embarrassing, but there's a ramen store near our dormitory that has gained quite a reputation. I was curious about it, so I took my kin there, but that ended up scaring the storekeeper. That made him mess up the seasoning of the ramen, it seemed, and he brought out his whole family to prostrate in apology. The ramen that I ate under such circumstances………I couldn't even tell what it tasted like」

I feel for you.

The people of the ramen store.

「It's no wonder, isn't it? A group of fierce-looking guys with a god of war at their head showed up at their store. Of course their cooking skills would waver. Can't you stand in the shoes of ordinary people a little?」

「Ur, urgh」

Gladvain-sama groaned.

Misuranika-sama came up to me and whispered into my ear.

（Souya, treat her to some ramen. But make me that one, you know, that one）

（Oh, okay）

A cute but evil look came over her face.

「Gladvain-sama, I'll make you some ramen, but do you have any requests?」

「I want the ramen that the flame religion serves. A god like me can't possibly line up at a human's soup kitchen after all」

「Understood. If that's what you want, I still have the broth, so it'll be done in no time」

The two gods went back into the kotatsu while I went into the kitchen.

I reheated the leftover ramen broth, filled a pot with water, then put it on the fire.

I thought about what to use as ingredients, then figured that since it was for Gladvain-sama, I couldn’t go wrong with a luxurious helping of the chashu.

I took some mixed miso from a jar and put it into a porcelain bowl. Then I drizzled a little spiced oil and vinegar into it as well.

For Misuranika-sama, I added miso, soy sauce, and a garlic-based sauce into a smaller porcelain bowl. I added some slices of chashu, fried onions, and powdered dried fish.

Next, I cut leeks into thin slices, rubbed them with salt, then put them aside.

I threw plenty of fresh noodles into the pot of water, which had come to a boil.

I flipped over an hourglass to measure the time.

After pouring the re-heated broth into the porcelain bowl, I taste-tasted it as I adjusted its taste by adding seasonings. I took out the jar of spicy miso, then waited for the noodles to be done.

Oh, I almost forgot.

「Misuranika-sama~, which alcohol should I serve?」

「A moderately expensive one」

「Understood」

I opened the cabinet and picked out a bottle of alcohol.

I can’t tell the difference between alcohol and don’t have much knowledge of them, so all the alcohol in our home have their prices labeled on them.

The ones that Misuranika-sama calls moderately expensive cost about five silver coins.

Wait, the contents of the bottles whose prices are in the gold coins range have dwindled considerably. Who's been drinking them?

Taking two glasses and a bottle of alcohol worth six silver coins, I placed them on the kotatsu’s table.

「Souya, I'd rather not drink. I'm sorry」

「Then I'll drink the guest's share as well」

Surprisingly, Gladvain-sama doesn't seem to drink alcohol. She seems like she'd be a strong drinker though.

That being the case, I brought her something else and poured it into her glass.

「Gladvain-sama, it's sweet, but do give it a try」

「What’s this?」

「It's a drink from the foreign lands. It contains no alcohol」

What I gave her was diluted Dr. Pepper.

「I don't like that one」

「You don't like it because it's carbonated, right? You prefer wine to ale after all」

「I just really dislike that bubbly stuff」

Her opinion may be childish, but she's a god who drinks like a fish.

「Ooh, I don't mind it」

Gladvain-sama downed it in one gulp then poured more for herself.

The sound of the pot boiling brought me back to the kitchen.

The hourglass had just run out. I scooped up the noodles with a colander, drained the water, then put Gladvain-sama's portion into the broth and loosened the noodles using chopsticks so that they wouldn't stick together. On top of the noodles, I placed slices of chashu until they completely covered the noodles, then placed a dollop of spicy miso in the center.

For Misuranika-sama's noodles, I soaked them in water before draining them and putting them into a separate porcelain bowl.

I washed the sliced leeks with water and placed them on top. I put boiled eggs on a separate plate as a side dish.

「Alright」

They were completed.

「Thank you for waiting~」

「You're slow, Souya」

「No, that's fast, isn't it?」

My god rushed me while the god of war came to my defense.

I placed the ramen on top of the kotatsu.

「First, Gladvain-sama's ramen. It's chashu ramen. There are noodles and broth under that meat. Please eat it while dissolving as much of the spicy miso as suits your taste」

「Ummm, Souya」

Huh? Gladvain-sama looks troubled for some reason.

That's not the reaction I was expecting.

「It's not good to only have meat, you know? You need a good balance of vegetables, grains, meat, and broth」

「………………Got it」

She’s right.

The thought that serving meat to a god of war would surely be well-received was a shallow one.

「It can't be helped~ I'll eat some of your meat for you then」

The god of misdeeds stole three slices of chashu and submerged them into her own broth.

「I have mixed feelings about that, but hmm? Hey, Misuranika, what's that ramen you have there?」

「Fufufu, what's this, you ask? It's a new type of ramen that no one in this city has eaten before」

Said my god with a smug look on her face.

「A new type of ramen, huh? Wait, ramen is plenty new in itself, isn't it?」

「Kukuku, there's much more to it. This "Tsukemen[1]" is an evolved version of ramen. In other words, what I'm eating is the future of yours」

That's not true though.

I made tsukemen for Misuranika-sama simply because she's bad with hot food.

「Watch and learn. First, you pick up the noodles like this」

Misuranika-sama used the chopsticks with an unaccustomed hand. After picking up some noodles, she dunked them into the broth, brought her mouth close to the bowl, then started eating it little by little.

It's so adorable.

My god's way of eating ramen is super cute. My god is super cute.

「By the way, Souya, why is Misuranika using sticks to eat?」

「They're called chopsticks. They're used in my country as a substitute for spoons and forks」

「Souya, I'll eat using them too. Lend me a pair」

「Oh, okay. One moment please」

Leaving the spork on the table, I left then quickly returned with a pair of chopsticks.

「Here you go, Okaa-sama」

「Hmm. But first, Souya, show me how you use them」

「Huh? Okay」

I held my chopsticks the standard way and took a slice of Misuranika-sama's chashu. When I stuffed it into my mouth, it melted and the sweet and spicy flavor almost made me swoon.

「Souya! How dare you?!」

「I got a little hungry too」

「Next time you steal meat from me, I'll play a terrible prank on you when you're asleep!」

Actually, please do.

「Hmm, let’s see……」

Gladvain-sama took the chopsticks from me and somehow managed to eat her ramen without too much trouble.

「Oh, this meat. It's similar to the braised dungeon pork squares you made in the past. If it's meat like this, then I don't mind having lots of it」

Next, she slurped up the noodles smoothly.

「Eh, Okaa-sama, where did you learn how to use chopsticks?」

「I just learned it from watching you. This is good for training the fingers. I shall start using them in my dormitory」

Chopsticks ended up making their debut in the alternate world.

「And what do you think of the taste of the ramen?」

「Mmm, it's delicious. There has never been a time when you've served food that tastes bad. That's basically all Rana and Ea talk about all the time」

Are the sisters seen as ravenous characters by other people, I wonder?

「Souya, you properly half-boiled the eggs, I trust?」

Misuranika-sama stabbed a boiled egg with her chopsticks.

「It's half-boiled, of course」

「Hmm, then it's fine」

Misuranika-sama took a bite out of the half-boiled egg and sucked out the yolk.

My god loves half-boiled eggs. Her tastes are completely that of a child’s.

「Lanseal likes hers to be hard. Even when she eats it as a snack, she always makes it hard. Hard is not good. I can't stress enough how delicious and succulent runny yolk is」

My God is charming in so many ways. I want to hug her from behind and rub my cheek against hers. But I won't because I'd look like a criminal. I'll just have to bear it.

「Ahh, so this is the egg of the bipedal bird that Ea talked about」

「Oh, do you think of it as a bizarre food as well, Okaa-sama?」

「No, not at all. When I lived on the left continent, we ate anything that was safe to cook, except humans. Not eating bipedal birds is a custom that originated from the center continent. There was no such custom on the right continent in the past」

「Hmm~」

I hadn't known that. So, everyone treats chickens as a bizarre food because of an imported custom?

Okaa-sama picked up a half-boiled egg with her chopsticks and ate it whole.

「Oh, this is delicious. This egg's yolk is thicker and more flavorful than that of the large egg. If I were to give them to my kin, they would surely fight over them」

「Then I'll make a lot and bring them with me next time I go over」

Now that I have soy sauce, I can easily make lots of it.

Okaa-sama was eating her ramen steadily. I was relieved to see that she wasn't just being polite, but really enjoyed it.

Misuranika-sama continued to eat her ramen, albeit with some difficulty. It couldn't be helped as she wasn't very good with chopsticks. I wiped her mouth for her from time to time.

Somehow, I feel like I'm developing maternal instincts.

「Speaking of birds……」

After taking a big bite of a slice of chashu, Okaa-sama said a few words to me.

「The custom of not eating bipedal birds was spread by sister gods from the center continent. Umm, they’re called………you know, you're contracted with one of them」

Misuranika-sama threw a line to Okaa-sama, who was having trouble remembering.

「The ones who were in debt?」

「Yes, the indebted sisters!」

Okaa-sama pointed her chopsticks, as if to say, "That's it!"

「Those miser gods. Rather than gods of business, they seem more like gods of moneylenders and debt collectors」

「Are you perhaps talking about the sister gods of Minerva?」

「Oh, was that what their name was?」

Okaa-sama nodded as if their names didn't matter to her.

Including the night owl, Gravius-sama, the sister gods of Minerva are all bipedal birds. Or rather, I've got a very fundamental question. Why do gods take the form of animals?

Just when I was about to ask……

「Hmm?」

Bang, bang, bang.

I heard someone knocking furiously on the door of my home. Well, rather than knocking, it sounded more like the person was kicking it.

Leaving the two gods to their ramen, I went to greet the visitor.

「I’m coming~」

When I opened the iron door with a clang, I found a dancing girl outside.

She had dark skin and beautiful long black hair. She had a sharp nose and eyes as black as obsidian. Her body was as thin and toned as an elf's, and she had on a sensual dancing girl’s outfit.

It was an exotic outfit that looked Middle Eastern. Her undergarments were adorned with glittering jewels, and her sheer silk skirt showed off her slender legs.

It was still cold outside, so she looked somewhat out of place.

「I'm sorry, but you've probably gotten the wrong place」

I closed the door.

Someone in the neighborhood must have called her over for a birthday party and she probably came here by mistake.

「Hang on! Open the door! Open the door this instant!」

The dancing girl kicked the door violently.

She's kinda scary. Who the heck is she?

「Hmm? Who was it?」

「No idea. There was a strange person outside」

I had gotten Okaa-sama worried.

「Ahhh. Souya, open the door for her」

「Eh, is she someone you know?」

Is she an acquaintance of Misuranika-sama’s? My god, you have friends?

「She’s someone you know」

「Huh?」

I don't know anyone like that though. Well, I guess I'll open it.

When I opened the door again………

「Urghh!」

………the dancing girl punched me in my gut.

「Owww~」

It seems that she's not used to hitting people. She seems to have twisted her wrist and ended up hurting herself instead.

「Um, who might you be?」

「Huhh?! I'm gonna send you flying!」

You're saying that after you've already punched me?

「Um, I have a god over as a guest right now, so if you're going to kick up a ruckus, please do it outside――――」

「Listen here! I'm also a god! What's more, I'm yours! You're my kin, so how can you not know what your god looks like?! How blasphemous!」

「Eh? Who are you?」

I have absolutely no clue who she is.

I don't remember contracting with a dancing girl god.

「Gravius! I'm Gravius, the night owl!」

「Err………………Huh?」

Even after being told that, I still can't believe it.

I can't make a connection between that owl and the dancing girl before me.

「Hey, you! What are you doing cozying up to some other god?! Why didn't you invite me too?! It's strange, isn't it?! What's more, the one you're cozying up to is a barbaric god from the sticks?!」

The dancing girl(Gravius) pointed at Okaa-sama.

After sparing her a glance, Okaa-sama ignored her and went back to eating her ramen.

「I heard you! You were bad-mouthing me! What's more, in front of my kin!」

「Now, Souya, did I do anything like that?」

The term "indebted sisters" immediately came to mind, but………

「No, nothing comes to mind. Perhaps it’s just your imagination, dancing girl-san?」

「Don't call me a dancing girlll! Who's more important to you, that barbaric god you aren't even contracted with or me?!」

What's with this "Which is more important, your family or me?" kind of line………

You're troubling me greatly.

「Y, you’re both important to me. Besides, Okaa-sama is a god who has contracted with my wife」

「Well, the one most important to him is probably me though」

Misuranika-sama interjected.

It feels like you're just adding fuel to the fire, so please shut up.

「Grrrrr」

Even though she's a god with the form of an owl, she’s snarling like a dog.

She looks to be in a very bad mood. Now, how should I handle this?

「Oh, would you like some ramen as well, Gravius-sama?」

I'll try to increase affection and faith levels by offering her food.

「Ramennn? Do you think I'll eat that meager dish that barbaric gods and fringe gods eat?」

「It's delicious, you know? Though I guess an indebted god can't tell the difference between what tastes good and what tastes bad」

「You called me indebted again!」

Please don't start a religious war here.

「Hey, Souya. If you're going to offer me food, it better be something better than what those guys are eating! Something much more expensive and amazing! Something really expensive!」

「Ex, expensive, you say? It's written on the recipe that the price of ramen should be less than 9 copper coins per serving. Even if you ask for something more expensive, the most expensive one is the chashu ramen that Okaa-sama is eating」

Pork is cheap in Lemuria, so the cost of ingredients for a hearty bowl of chashu ramen won't even reach four copper coins. If it were to be sold, it would probably cost about six to eight copper coins, I'd imagine.

「Fugyaaa!」

In anger, she intimidated me like an owl.

She jumped onto my back and started strangling me from behind.

「Faith! You lack faith! I'll cancel the contract! Are you okay with that?!」

「That would trouble me」

She had absolutely no strength whatsoever, so I had to sway along voluntarily when she shook me.

But having the contract canceled would be troubling. She's helped me in many ways, and most importantly, there's a possibility that the Zavua merchant company might cut ties with me.

I wonder what I should do.

But she’s got even less boobs than my sister……… All I can feel on my back are the lumps and bumps of the jewels. Thanks to that, I can think things over calmly.

「Oh! Gravius-sama, I forgot that I have some ramen that's really expensive. I'm sorry」

「You took too long to remember! You fool! You dummy!」

「………Gravius-sama, your personality………it’s completely different from usual, isn't it?」

「This is her real self. Her usual demeanor is just an act. Acting all high and mighty, isn't that silly?」

Okaa-sama rolled her eyes.

「Then I'll go get the ramen. Please let go」

「No! If I let go of you, she's gonna bad-mouth me behind my back again!」

Gravius-sama grabbed me tightly in a piggy-back position.

With her arms around my neck and her feet around my waist, I had no choice but to go downstairs to get the cup noodles as is.

Makina and Zoruzoglu-san had already left via another exit.

I'm really glad they didn't see this.

I went back to the kitchen, boiled some water, poured the hot water into the cup noodles, then put it on top of the kotatsu.

That was only then that Gravius-sama finally separated herself from me.

「This furniture is also rather shabby. Hey, barbaric god from the sticks! Move your fat legs!」

She tried to get into the kotatsu then complained to Okaa-sama.

「………………」

Without a word, Okaa-sama kicked Gravius-sama.

「Wha, oww, owww! Souya, she kicked me!」

「Come come, Gravius-sama, this is a sleeping apparatus where everyone huddles together」

「Boooo」

Even though she's an owl, she’s sounding like a piglet.

Reluctantly, she put her feet into the kotatsu a little.

I don't know how she had been able to maintain her facade the entire time. Her personality is even worse than Maria's.

Is that exotic look just for show?

「Hmm, Souya」

The cup noodles caught Misuranika-sama's eye, but she was too absorbed in the tsukemen to pay it too much mind.

「What's that? Isn't that the same as the noodles you brought from the foreign lands?」

「This one is made using materials from this side. Well, due to a variety of reasons………one is worth a single gold coin, I figure.」

That’s only if I'm forced to put a price on it though.

「Fufufu, so a small portion like this costs a single gold coin. Now this is what I call an offering to the gods. I'm not going to eat meager dishes like you guys―――――」

「Misuranika, let me dip some of my noodles in that broth」

「Ehh. Fine, but give me another piece of chashu in return」

「It can't be helped」

「………………Listen to meee」

Gravius-sama is looking a little bit cute.(I feel a little sorry for Gravius-sama).[2]

With an air of "I don't care anymore!", she opened the lid of the cup noodles and plunged the spork in………

「Uwa, hot!!」

Surprised by how hot it was, she grabbed the nearest cup and gulped it down.

You're bad with hot food too, huh?

「Hey, Souya! What the heck?! If it's hot, tell me that it's hot!」

「Can't you tell by the way it looks?」

There's a lot of steam rising from it though.

「I knew, alright?! I was just surprised! Fuuu, fuuu」

She blew on the noodles with all her might to cool them down.

With a bit of trepidation, she took a bite. After that, she took a sip of the broth as well.

「Mm-hmm. Not bad. Well, it's somewhat delicious. Somewhat, got it? Don't get carried away」

「Yes. Thank you」

Gravius-sama ate her cup noodles with more difficulty than Misuranika-sama.

Okaa-sama was staring intently at her eat. I quietly whispered to her.

（Okaa-sama, I'll give some to you to bring back as souvenirs later）

（Mm, thanks）

Gravius-sama tugged on my ear.

「Whaaa~, you’re hiding things from me againnn~」

For some reason, she was slurring her words.

「Is it because she drank my alcohol in one gulp?」

「That alcohol isn't that strong, is it?」

「I lost more kin againnn~」

She burst into tears.

Did something happen, I wonder?

Gravius-sama completely disregarded the cup noodles and drank Misuranika-sama's alcohol straight from the bottle.

「Really, the center continent is no good nowadays. They don't follow any logic at allll~. It's impossible to do business with themmm~」

Did something happen to her kin on the center continent?

「Hmm, mmm. Souya, it was very delicious」

Mom had finished every last drop of the broth and had emptied her porcelain bowl. To finish her meal off, she plopped a boiled egg into her mouth.

「Next, Ea mentioned―――――」

She started to speak, but there was a knock on the iron door again.

「Hnn, go ahead and deal with that first」

「Then please excuse me」

I put Okaa-sama on hold for the moment and walked over to the door again.

There was another soft, reserved knock. 𝘧r𝑒𝘦𝒘𝘦𝙗ｎovel.𝐜o𝒎

「Yes, who is it?」

[1] Tsukemen is a Japanese ramen dish where the noodles and the broth are served separately(The ingredients are served on top of the noodles or on a separate plate, instead of being placed in the broth). The soup serves as a dipping sauce and is typically much stronger and intense in flavor compared to standard ramen broth. Soba and udon are also types of noodles used in this dish. (Pic courtesy of wikipedia.com and taken by Douglas Perkins)

[2] It’s the second time this has happened, where the words for “feel sorry for” were “misspelled” into “cute”. Hence, I’m convinced it’s a deliberate double meaning by the author. I could be wrong though.

Sorry for splitting the chapter, but its length was getting ridiculous…already it’s about as long as the previous chapter(which was already much longer than usual) and I’m only about halfway through it… Despite everything, I severely underestimated how long it would be…

But I’d bet you didn’t expect Gravius-sama to be like that! What a surprise, huh? Interesting how Souya just slipped into calling Gladvain-sama Okaa-sama, huh? After all the father-figures showing up in the previous arc, is it the mother-figures’ turn? Also, it seems that all gods have human and animal forms, huh? Doesn’t that make you curious? And well, you’ll have to wait till next time to see who’s at the door…so stay tuned!