Incurable Pain

Incurable Pain | Chapter 21.1

Naturally, Bai Xunyin should be able to recognize her own ‘boyfriend’s’ voice.

In the cold winter of late December, just before New Year’s Eve, the cold wind was damp and chilly. Even wearing a thick cotton coat couldn’t keep it out, especially in the drafty corridor where the cold breeze brushed through, sending a shiver down to the bones.

Bai Xunyin’s frozen brain was jolted back to awareness by the cold wind, suddenly realizing where she was and what she was hearing.

In an instant, her hand swiftly turned and covered Ah Mo’s mouth.

Ah Mo was already furious, her eyes that normally refrained from making big expressions to avoid wrinkles were now almost bulging out, filled not with the usual brightness of a lively young girl but with a mixture of shock and anger.

After all, she had also heard what Yu Luoyin was saying, those nonsensical words.

Ah Mo, please.

Bai Xunyin looked at her, silently begging her not to make a sound, pleading with her.

She didn’t want to be discovered by speaking at this moment, and didn’t want to appear so embarrassed.

In the girl’s crystal-like eyes, there was a sense of imminent brokenness, even the icy-cold fingers covering Amo’s face were trembling slightly.

Countless thoughts flashed through Bai Xunyin’s mind.

“What is Yu Luoyin saying? Why can’t I understand it?”

“Is he joking? That bet… is he talking about me? Did he treat his feelings for me as a bet?”

“What does this period of time mean, then?”

…

All the inexplicable closeness suddenly had an explanation, all due to a spur-of-the-moment plan.

So all the sweetness and tenderness of the past few months were mistaken, were fake, were just a one-woman show of hers…

Yu Luoyin’s attitude had always been clear from beginning to end. So, how did he truly think og her with what kind of eyes and mindset?

Did he find her ridiculous, utterly ignorant?

Did he feel proud that I took the initiative to kiss him because of their bet?

Or would he, after sending her home, turn around and put on a facade unknown to others, saying, “Isn’t that mute girl so silly? She’s foolishly deceived by me, spinning in my palm.”

Heh, she truly was foolish.

Only now did Bai Xunyin realize that she had never really understood Yu Luoyin.

The proud son of heaven, the school heartthrob, the top student, gentle and carefree, with an appearance that seemed indifferent to everything…

What kind of heart did he have beneath that beautiful exterior?

Has she ever truly understood him?

She really had oversimplified her thoughts about this boy.

Suddenly, Bai Xunyin felt extreme panic.

She didn’t know how she and Ah Mo had silently left the rundown building near the playground, feeling as if her soul had been drained, leaving only a hazy shell behind.

It’s nothing, it’s nothing.

She had just heard the truth, that’s all. She had just awakened from her teenage dreamlike utopia, that’s all.

It’s nothing…

Bai Xunyin repeated this to herself in her mind, feeling that she was behaving quite normally—until she saw Ah Mo crying.

Tears overflowed from those large eyes that she couldn’t hold back. Ah Mo held her and her voice trembled, “Yinyin, you’re scaring me. Can you communicate with me in writing?”

Bai Xunyin was slightly taken aback.

Scaring her?

How was she scaring anyone?

Ah Mo is being too dramatic again.

She was overthinking things. She wasn’t scary at all. Bai Xunyin smiled slightly, not realizing that her smile was even more unsightly than crying.

[Ah Mo.]

Bai Xunyin took out her phone and messaged her.

[Don’t talk about this matter to anyone.]

[I want to handle it on my own.]

High school seniors had a week off, a time for rest and celebration.

She wanted to use this week to calm her emotions and cooperate with Yu Luoyin’s act.

Now she knew why Yu Luoyin had approached her, what he thought of her.

So now, it was her turn to see how Yu Luoyin would ‘perform.’

Perhaps, after saying those things, Yu Luoyin might not want to continue the act.

So… when would he come to break up with her?

Bai Xunyin’s mind was almost in a state of emptiness as she unconsciously walked back home, with her thoughts revolving around this question.

She wore a deep gray wool coat, and her slender white fingers, exposed to the cold, turned red. When she arrived home and knocked on the door, Ji Huiying, who opened the door for her, blinked in surprise.

“Yinyin, what’s wrong?”

She hurriedly ushered her in and looked at Bai Xunyin, softly asking, “Are you so lost because of your exam results?”

…

Bai Xunyin couldn’t help but want to laugh a little. She had actually thought she was doing fine, but it turned out that even Ji Huiying could see that something was off.

No, my exam results are pretty good.

Mom, I’m upset about something else.

She couldn’t say the words she wanted to say. It’s as if her throat would never let out the words she wanted to say, the complaints, the happiness, the joy, the sadness… she could only suppress it all.

Bai Xunyin held back the sourness in her eyes and, after a moment, still didn’t express anything—she just took out her exam report and handed it to Ji Huiying.

Then, under Ji Huiying’s somewhat puzzled gaze, Bai Xunyin turned around and went back to her room.

Back in the confined space of her room, her face, frozen like ice, finally showed a faint crack.

She couldn’t take it anymore, she really couldn’t.

Bai Xunyin’s slender fingers, frozen to a shade of deep red, slowly covered her face. Leaning against the door behind her, she gradually crouched down, just like a baby seeking the protection of its mother, curling up into a small ball.

She buried her face in her knees, her shoulders trembling slightly.

Like a wounded and thin little creature, even her whimpering was soundless.

Until her phone, which fell to the ground, vibrated with a “buzz”.

A small, pale face lifted from between her knees. Bai Xunyin’s turquoise eyes looked at the screen through a misty haze, gradually becoming clear—

[Did you make it home? I couldn’t find you at school.]

The small room was filled with an almost palpable silence. After a while, a faintly mocking smile appeared on Bai Xunyin’s face, lit by the faint light.

The faint tears on her peach blossom eyes hadn’t faded yet, giving her an almost eerie and mysterious appearance.

[Yeah.]

She typed with stiff fingers, responding like a detached soul.

[I made it home first.]

Yu Luoyin’s messages came quickly, sounding somewhat like complaints.

[Why did you walk so fast? Can we still meet before the New Year?]

Bai Xunyin replied word by word.

[Maybe we can’t, my mom is taking me to my aunt’s.]

In reality, due to her father’s illness and their family’s debt that had been snowballing… which relative would be willing to see them? But she couldn’t meet Yu Luoyin, she was afraid that she wouldn’t be able to hold herself together in front of him.

[When?]

Yu Luoyin’s messages came one after another.

[Will it take a few days? Won’t you come back for New Year’s Eve?]

[I’ll come to your place, I haven’t given you a New Year’s gift yet.]

[Don’t come over.]

Bai Xunyin quickly stopped him.

It seemed like he felt hit with the rebuke, as there were no messages for a while.

She stared at the WeChat conversation box between the two of them with a touch of sarcasm. Now she realized—this was the real Yu Luoyin.

Every time they chatted before, if Yu Luoyin didn’t reply for a while, Bai Xunyin always thought she might have said something wrong, causing an awkward silence, and then she would send a message again.

She had never thought that Yu Luoyin might be playing hard to get.

Only she, like a fool, kept taking the bait.

However, this time, she still took the initiative to send a message in the ‘awkward silence’—

[No need.]

Bai Xunyin smiled faintly.

[You’ve already given it to me.]

The ‘gift’ Yu Luoyin had given her was unforgettable.

It was a lesson, a wake-up call, something that money couldn’t buy.

Uncontrollably, memories from these past few months flooded Bai Xunyin’s mind, even the fragmented moments from when she first met Yu Luoyin.

The slender back of the boy who helped her move a desk in the rain.

The carefree smile he had as he handed her five hundred yuan at the amusement park.

Both of them pretentiously ‘studying’ in the library.

And the ‘ambiguous’ evidence left all around the school…

…

Now it all seems like a joke.

But she still felt damned moved.

Bai Xunyin suddenly remembered the day a month ago, on Christmas.

Because of her being mute and due to the instigation of Sheng Churan, her social standing at Third Middle High was not good. She had Ah Mo by her side in her freshman year, but in her sophomore year, she didn’t have a single friend left.

They say that pretty girls are treated better in a crowd, but if a girl is both pretty and has physical disabilities—she becomes a target for bullying, especially when someone is guiding it.

Compassion was a luxury, and there’s not enough to go around for everyone.

Bai Xunyin remembered that during her sophomore year, when there was no holiday break on Christmas, everyone in her class was cheerfully exchanging Christmas fruits, and she was the only ‘outsider.’

She knew no one would give her an apple, and at the same time, no one needed her, so Bai Xunyin didn’t prepare anything at all. She just sat alone in a corner, immersed in her exam papers, ignoring the world outside.

But the principle of “if you don’t provoke me, I won’t provoke you” didn’t apply. While the class was unexpectedly “relaxed” that day since there were no teachers around, Sheng Churan walked up to Bai Xunyin with a smirk, a cunning glint in her big eyes.

“Bai Xunyin, you’re really antisocial, not giving out apples to classmates on Christmas.”

Sheng Churan smiled, revealing two dimples. Her eyes were provocatively fixed on Bai Xunyin, and then, amidst Bai Xunyin’s emotionless gaze, she slapped the core of the apple she had just finished eating onto Bai Xunyin’s desk—

“Here you go, a gift for you.”

Sheng Churan said with a “generous” tone, “Considering how pitiful you are, a mute.”

…