Incurable Pain

Incurable Pain | Chapter 33

The evening self-study session at Third Middle High ends at half past nine.

Yu Luoyin and the private detective he called went to meet at a high-consumption coffee shop named “Valueless” not far from the school. They came straight after school.

The young man’s porcelain-white face seemed devoid of color. Whether from the cold wind or some other reason it wasn’t known, but his face was as pale as a sheet of paper.

Between his ink-black eyebrows, there was a deep sense of hostility, startling even the adults in suits sitting across from him.

“Mr. Yu, what’s the matter?” the man hesitantly asked.

“Feeling unwell?”

“It’s nothing,” Yu Luoyin waved his hand, his tone heavy.

“Let’s get down to business.”

Three days ago, he had contacted a private detective named Ren Yu through his own channels, asking him to investigate something—specifically, to look into the “past” of Bai Xunyin.

Yu Luoyin knew his actions were somewhat despicable, but the noble path of righteousness couldn’t salvage the girl. He had no choice but to resort to underhanded methods.

“Mr. Yu, here are the details of the girl you asked me to investigate.”

Ren Yu pushed a thin folder in front of Yu Luoyin, his expression grave.

Yu Luoyin lowered his head to look at the folder, knowing that this was the past of Bai Xunyin that he couldn’t touch.

Then he rubbed his frozen hands together and opened the folder, undoing the string wrapped around the paper bag.

Several sheets of paper spilled out of the folder, filled with Bai Xunyin’s life story.

Yu Luoyin looked down at them, more serious than when he was taking an exam. The simple black ink on white paper seemed incomprehensible to him, and his expression grew even more serious and solemn.

His fingers involuntarily exerted force on the paper, as if trying to tear the thin sheets apart.

Especially when he read the line “Bai Xunyin’s father, Bai Hongsheng, died after jumping off a building due to debt,” his pupils contracted rapidly—

“Mr. Yu, your classmate Bai Xunyin’s father, Bai Hongsheng, was a businessman, involved in logistics.”

“Their family was relatively well-off in the early years, but during the financial crisis, when the stock market crashed, small and medium-sized enterprises became cannon fodders… the Bai family became one of them.”

“Bankrupt, owing a considerable amount of debt, they mortgaged their house to the bank but it wasn’t enough. Eventually, they had to borrow from loan sharks to repay the debt.” Ren Yu sighed.

“It is said that when Bai Hongsheng was chased by debt collectors to the rooftop and jumped, his daughter, Bai Xunyin, was watching beside him.”

Yu Luoyin abruptly raised his head, his eyes fixed on him.

“What did you say?”

“That year was after Bai Xunyin graduated from junior high school and took the high school entrance examination. She and Bai Hongsheng were driven to the rooftop by debt collectors. Later, the ambulance came…” Ren Yu paused cautiously.

“Only one person was injured, but both were taken to the hospital. It was because of this incident that Bai Xunyin couldn’t speak.”

In medical terms, this is called post-traumatic stress disorder, also known as PTSD.

For a young girl like Bai Xunyin to experience and endure such a blow, it was indeed too cruel.

The more Yu Luoyin listened, the darker his expression became, making Ren Yu’s voice unconsciously smaller—until it faded away completely.

His voice hoarse, Yu Luoyin spoke heavily, “Go on.”

“Mr. Yu, take a look at this page.”

Ren Yu was somewhat afraid, but since he was ordered, he could only continue with a stiff face. With a slight gulp, he turned a page of the document in front of Yu Luoyin and continued to speak—

“I checked Bai Hongsheng’s debt situation at that time. Although not paying it off promptly could have led to the debt snowballing, it wouldn’t have reached the point where he had to jump off a building to escape. So, I investigated the reason behind Bai Hongsheng’s suicide…”

Ren Yu obviously was a very reliable and diligent person in his work, not only investigating but also following up on tangential clues. But at this point, he seemed somewhat troubled.

“Later on, I found out that those loan shark companies thought Bai Hongsheng couldn’t repay those debts, so they, they…”

Ren Yu hesitated for a long time, finally mustered the courage under Yu Luoyin’s intense gaze and said in one breath, “So they wanted to take Bai Xunyin away as collateral for the debt. Bai Hongsheng might have jumped off the building because of this reason.”

Debt was like a vendetta—once a person dies, all debts are extinguished. If Bai Hongsheng became ‘incapable of action’ or ‘deceased’, then the debt naturally disappears. This was a legal provision.

With his death, no one would covet or dare to threaten his loved ones anymore.

Bai Hongsheng wanted to give Bai Xunyin and Ji Huiying a safe and burden-free life with his own blood.

This might sound cowardly, but it was the most a father could do in the name of his children. However, Bai Xunyin couldn’t accept the fact that her father died for her and jumped off the building in front of her.

Extreme trauma spreads from the mind to the body, almost without exception.

Yu Luoyin listened quietly, his whole being frozenlike an ice sculpture.

Under the intensely suppressed atmosphere, Ren Yu couldn’t help but break out in a cold sweat.

“Where is it?”

After a while, he spoke again, his voice hoarse and hesitant.

“Where was the rooftop where he jumped?”

“Here.”

Ren Yu breathed a sigh of relief and pointed to a drawing on the paper.

“It’s the rooftop of the previous building of Hengneng Electronics, on the eighth floor in the middle, to the east of Jiguang District. After Hengneng Electronics moved last year, this building became vacant.”

So, Bai Hongsheng jumped from the rooftop of the eighth floor. It was almost a miracle that he managed to survive as a vegetable.

Yu Luoyin stared at the middle floor of the black and white picture printed out, his eyes becoming deeper, with a hint of pity in the depths.

This feeling of pity made his mentality involuntarily shift from ‘grieving resentment’ to ‘wanting to slap himself’.

He remembered just before coming here today, when he stood in front of Bai Xunyin and said he wanted to pursue her again. But the girl didn’t appreciate it. She just stood there for two seconds, then turned away with a cold smile, leaving only three words on the paper: ‘Not possible’.

Even though he knew he was wrong, his inherent pride made Yu Luoyin feel somewhat angry at this ruthless rejection.

But now, seeing Ren Yu and looking at Bai Xunyin’s almost blood-stained past, Yu Luoyin felt his scalp tingling.

On one hand, he felt sorry for Bai Xunyin, and on the other hand, he regretted his previous actions.

No wonder Bai Xunyin felt so resolute about breaking up after learning the truth, as if nothing could bring her back.

In his eyes, it was just a ‘joking bet’, but in Bai Xunyin’s eyes, it was the trust and sincerity she had painstakingly built towards the outside world.

How much of a jerk was he, after all?

Yu Luoyin’s face turned pale, his black eyes hollowly staring at the documents on the table. For a moment, he felt a thin layer of cold sweat on his palms, making them clammy.

After a while, he slowly focused. Yu Luoyin saw a name on the document and couldn’t help but furrow his brows lightly—Mu Anping.

Ren Yu’s investigation even included Mu Anping, which was quite meticulous. But this precisely indicated that he was a ‘named and identified’ character in Bai Xunyin’s past.

“This Mu Anping, his father and Bai Hongsheng were college classmates and business partners. The relationship between the two families has always been good,” Ren Yu explained as Yu Luoyin flipped through the page about Mu Anping.

“The two families used to live in the same neighborhood, and Mu Anping and Bai Xunyin grew up together, attending the same primary and middle schools…”

As Ren Yu spoke, he paused and glanced at Yu Luoyin’s expression.

Unconsciously, he swallowed some saliva before continuing, “Later, when the Bai family went bankrupt, they gradually drifted apart.”

What happened next was self-evident.

It’s not the era where one difficulty brings eight supports anymore, but ‘when calamity strikes, each flies on their own’—many spouses are like this, not to mention friends?

At that time, the Bai family owed a lot of money, and the debt was like a bottomless pit before Bai Hongsheng became a vegetable.

Who would dare to lend a helping hand?

Not throwing stones when someone is down is already considered good enough, and you still expect others to lend a helping hand in times of need?

The family of Mu Anping acted decisively, fearing they might be implicated and chased by debt collectors, especially since they had cooperated with Bai Hongsheng before. They practically moved overnight.

As for Mu Anping, her so-called childhood sweetheart, he was just a fifteen-year-old boy before the crisis hit. Of course, he would choose to follow his parents’ decision.

The friendship between him and Bai Xunyin was just child’s play, but because of ‘liking her’, he would feel guilty and downcast when he saw her, unable to lift his head.

After hearing this, Yu Luoyin knew there was indeed nothing between Bai Xunyin and Mu Anping. A boy like him, Bai Xunyin would never like.

But even though he knew this, he couldn’t feel happy.

Because for the Bai Xunyin of the past, she was like a weathered traveler in the desert, surely very eager for someone to lend her a hand, even just to give her a sip of water.

But Mu Anping, as someone who grew up with her and should have had an unquestionable trust and friendship, left without hesitation because he was afraid of being affected…

Bai Xunyin must have been very sad at the time.

No wonder she feels so insecure, she trusted nobody, especially boys.

Perhaps his own actions were ‘adding fuel to the fire’, Yu Luoyin couldn’t help but sneer self-deprecatingly, his knuckles clenched white with a fierce grip.

“That’s probably all.”

After Ren Yu finished speaking, he finally breathed a sigh of relief.

Due to professional habits, he even made a final summary statement, “After Bai Hongsheng’s accident, he was rescued but became a vegetable. There’s a possibility of waking up if he’s not brain-dead.”

“Because of this, although most of the Bai family’s debts have been cleared, the mother and daughter still live quite frugally, renting a small house, with most of the money going to the hospital.”

In any case, Bai Hongsheng was a cherished hope for Bai Xunyin and her mother. No matter how difficult the living conditions were for the living, the pillar in their hearts was always given by the ‘deceased’.

They still wanted to do everything they could to save the ‘pillar’ of their family.

After Ren Yu left, Yu Luoyin sat alone in the coffee shop for a long time, with the words he had just heard and the documents in front of him echoing in his mind, making him feel dizzy, as if he was about to explode.

He rubbed his temples with his slender fingers, unable to help the irritability bursting out with a curse.

Why… is it so difficult?

Before this, he had never imagined that the seemingly gentle and strong girl would carry such heavy burdens. He even foolishly thought that the reason Bai Xunyin seemed aloof and closed off was because of being mocked and bullied due to being mute, ‘only this’.

What a laughable assumption.

But these truths were like cold slaps on his face, and for a moment, Yu Luoyin felt like he couldn’t breathe.

During his eighteen years of living, and only now did he begin to feel the taste of ‘guilt’.

He thought it was unimportant and was indifferent, He thought it didn’t matter, but when those things were placed on others, each one was a blood-drenched wound.

Bai Xunyin had encountered trash like Mu Anping, who had abandoned her further than anyone after their supposed childhood sweetheart relationship went wrong. Now she met a trash like himself, sweet-talking to deceive her feelings.

She’s really unlucky.

Yu Luoyin grabbed the glass on the table, and in one go, downed half a glass of ice water.

Why do people say that the world likes tobacco and alcohol?

When feeling troubled, they want all memories to temporarily fade away from their minds. These two things work best.

If the illness becomes terminal, there would be a craving for cigarettes and alcohol.

And those who can truly awaken from the blow are the ones with the ‘nobility and resilience’ like snow and cold plum blossoms.

Bai Xunyin was such a person. The next day, when he saw the slender figure of the girl at school, Yu Luoyin couldn’t help but compare her to this.

He closed his eyes, blocking his own greedy gaze.

Today was Sunday, with only half a day of classes at school and the rest of the afternoon free.

Yu Luoyin had enough of various interest classes and tutoring sessions when he was young. Since he was fifteen, he had automatically cut off all ‘classes’, and holidays were purely for resting.

After leaving school, he shooed away Li Yuan and others who said they wanted to get together, and took a taxi to Baoquan Road alone—where there was a psychological counseling center.

Yu Luoyin pushed the door open skillfully and walked in, whispering to the bewildered receptionist at the front desk, “Is Sister Lu here?”

Lu Ying, the owner of this psychological counseling studio.

“Ah, are you looking for our Dr. Lu?”

The receptionist glanced up and down at Yu Luoyin’s school uniform, hesitantly asking, “Classmate, do you have an appointment?”

“No.” Yu Luoyin paused.

“Could you please tell her I’m surnamed Yu.”

The receptionist hesitantly dialed the internal line.

Three minutes later, Yu Luoyin walked into the office amidst her astonished gaze.

The middle-aged woman in a white coat sitting behind the desk looked up. With her red lips and white teeth, she had a charming appearance.

The eyes behind her glasses looked somewhat stunned as she watched Yu Luoyin approach and sit down in front of her.

“Luo Yin, why did you come today?”

Lu Ying stood up and took out a paper cup, handing him a glass of water. There was a hint of a smile on her face, and she said somewhat nostalgically, “It’s been almost a year since you last came.”

Yu Luoyin smiled, looking like a simple and innocent good child.

“It’s my fault. I should have come to see you.”

“Silly boy, what are you saying? It’s good that you didn’t come.”

Lu Ying sat back down, locking eyes with Yu Luoyin—those eyes exuded a peaceful atmosphere, giving people a sense of reassurance.

She gently said, “Not coming here means you’re fine.”

Yu Luoyin smiled without speaking, his black eyes flickering with an obscure light.

“So why did you come this time? Did you encounter something again?” Lu Ying asked.

“Sister Lu, this time it’s not for myself. I… want to consult about a question.”

Yu Luoyin pondered how to phrase it, took a sip of water, and then slowly began, “I have a friend who became mute after witnessing some unbearable scenes with her own eyes.”

Lu Ying was momentarily stunned.

“Post-traumatic stress disorder?”

“Yeah, that’s what you call it in medicine.”

Yu Luoyin nodded, straightforwardly asking, “How should it be treated?”

“This is not easy to say.”

Lu Ying pushed her glasses up and explained to him methodically, “PTSD is very common now. Most patients experience self-isolation in their hearts after experiencing some very bad or unwilling-to-face situations.”

“Some people become mute, some may have unconscious convulsions, psychological barriers, obsessive anxiety, various phobias… many different reactions.”

“Like the muteness you mentioned, it’s actually one of the more severe types because it directly affects the functioning of the body’s organs.” Lu Ying analyzed each point meticulously.

“I suspect she probably witnessed someone or something very close or important to her being injured, and in extreme fear, she wanted to scream but was unable to due to the stimulation.”

Under Lu Ying’s gentle narration, Yu Luoyin’s thoughts seemed to be brought back to the afternoon that belonged to Bai Xunyin’s “nightmare”—

That girl’s figure should have been even more delicate and fragile than it was now, like a small white flower that could easily arouse the covetousness of jackals.

In the end, her father used his own flesh and blood to protect her, leaving blood stains all over Bai Xunyin’s skirt, which she couldn’t forget even if she wanted to.

“I don’t understand the patient’s symptoms, but it’s not easy to heal such extreme trauma disorders.”

Lu Ying intertwined her fingers, furrowing her brow as she analyzed—

“It mainly depends on what the patient needs, or rather, what they desire.”

“Some people need meticulous care and may take a long time to be healed, but one day they might suddenly start speaking.”

“Some may need a certain level of stimulation, and most people’s reactions are different.”

“Different needs, different opportunities, different recovery times, and some may never recover in their lifetime.”

…

Meticulous care?

Yu Luoyin latched onto this sentence of Lu Ying’s, and his lowered long eyelashes trembled slightly.

After a while, he spoke softly, “Thank you, Sister Lu.”

After leaving the psychological counseling room, Yu Luoyin directly took a taxi to Bai Xunyin’s house.

Anyway, he really wanted a chance to compensate her.

On the way, Yu Luoyin sent a message to Bai Xunyin.

[Are you home?]

But his phone kept vibrating with messages from friends about going out, and Bai Xunyin still hadn’t replied.

Yu Luoyin furrowed his brow with impatience, waiting until he got out of the car at the entrance of Ajun Alley, his whole body feeling the biting cold wind, before the inexplicable agitation in his chest subsided slightly.

He pursed his lips, lowered his head, and continued to send a message to Bai Xunyin.

[I’m downstairs at your place. Can we meet?]

After sending it, Yu Luoyin put his phone away and didn’t plan to send a second message.

From now on, he wouldn’t pressure Bai Xunyin.

If she didn’t come down… he would wait.

Sleepyblue’s Corner:

More often than not we fail to realize the consequences of our actions and its effect on others. In this case, Yu Luoyin realized the graveness of what he thought was initially inconsequential. The only redeeming thing in this case was how Yu Luoyin finally acknowledged the hurt that he caused and is actively trying to change for the better.

Special thanks to Venice for donating a week’s worth of coffee for this humble translator☕♨️. This chapter is for you💓

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Please also check my other works!

What to Do When I Become a Koi and Fall into the Male God’s Bathtub

Sea Monster Alliance

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