Incurable Pain

Incurable Pain | Chapter 34

Bai Xunyin received a message from Yu Luoyin on her way home.

The school ended early today, so in the afternoon, she and Ah Mo went to a college cram school to attend a math class. After class, Ah Mo said she wanted to go to her house for a meal, and Bai Xunyin smiled and agreed.

However, a message from Yu Luoyin shattered all her good mood.

Seeing his message saying “I’m downstairs at your place,” Bai Xunyin furrowed her brows lightly, and her steps subconsciously paused.

“Hmm?”

Ah Mo, who was beside her with a lollipop in her mouth, stopped with confusion and asked vaguely, “Why are we stopping?”

After a moment of silence, Bai Xunyin typed to Ah Mo.

[Let’s take a detour and enter from the back door of the neighborhood.]

No matter what the reason Yu Luoyin had for coming to find her or what he wanted to do, she didn’t want to see him.

Every time she saw him, Bai Xunyin felt as if the ice around her heart, which she thought was firm, had been cracked open a little, not painful but always there.

Actually, she was far from being indifferent as she appeared on the surface, so it was better not to see him at all.

Meeting at school was inevitable, but privately… Bai Xunyin really didn’t want any intersection with Yu Luoyin.

Ah Mo had no objections and obediently followed Bai Xunyin to take the back door home.

It was also a weekend, and Ji Huiying was also on holiday. Seeing Ah Mo made her quite happy, and when she heard that both of them did well on the mock exam this time, she was even happier.

She busied herself with making dumplings for them – Ah Mo’s favorite was pork and cabbage filling dumplings.

Bai Xunyin’s preference for dumplings was average, but because Bai Hongsheng liked them, Ji Huiying always made them, so she was quite good at kneading dough and rolling out dumpling wrappers.

During the lively process of making dumplings, quite abruptly, she thought of the message Yu Luoyin had just sent.

Because of the steaming heat in the kitchen during winter, a thin layer of frost had condensed on the window, making it difficult to see the outside scenery clearly, except for the bottom layer, which “escaped unscathed” and was clean and clear.

Unfortunately, Bai Xunyin’s eyes happened to catch a familiar figure downstairs through this narrow layer.

They lived on the seventh floor, theoretically, it wasn’t possible to catch someone’s shadow so accurately – but who made the afternoons in Aijun Road so deserted, and the downstairs corridor so narrow?

It was all too clear, even the school uniform on Yu Luoyin’s body was visible.

The message was sent forty-five minutes ago, which meant he had been standing downstairs at their place for at least forty-five minutes.

Bai Xunyin pursed her lips, withdrew her gaze, and continued to roll out dumpling wrappers without distraction. She thought to herself that on such a cold day, Yu Luoyin was probably acting foolishly.

However, during the subsequent process of wrapping and cooking dumplings, she couldn’t help but be a little absent-minded.

While eating, Ah Mo was lively on the side, praising Ji Huiying’s cooking skills as unparalleled, but Bai Xunyin looked at the half-eaten dumpling on her plate, chewing without tasting its flavor.

It’s as if everything she swallowed was blocked in her throat.

After a while, she stood up again and walked to the window. Yu Luoyin was still standing downstairs, and another half-hour had passed.

He seemed to be a bit unable to bear it now compared to his earlier imposing and unmoving stance. He was leaning against a tree, hands tucked inside his sleeves.

Bai Xunyin suddenly realized once again that Yu Luoyin was truly detestable.

She just wanted to stay away from him, not to witness his purely self-destructive behavior.

What’s the difference with self-harm?

Isn’t it intentionally causing her discomfort?

It would have been better not to look at that message in the first place.

With a faint gaze, Bai Xunyin pulled the curtains shut and directly added Yu Luoyin’s phone number to the blacklist.

She went back to her room after dinner, without taking another glance at the window. She had no idea that Yu Luoyin had waited for a full three hours that day.

It wasn’t until the sky completely darkened, and the stars twinkled brightly, that he confirmed Bai Xunyin truly wouldn’t come down.

Yu Luoyin let out a gentle sigh, somewhat embarrassed, and rubbed his frozen hands.

This girl was quite heartless.

But now he could understand all of Bai Xunyin’s “heartlessness” – because when he uttered those words about the bet, he was even more ruthless than her, taking it as an act of redemption.

The next day, Yu Luoyin shamelessly went to pester her again.

During lunch in the cafeteria, Bai Xunyin had just found a place to sit down with her tray, when someone sat down next to her.

She turned her head in surprise, only to see a young man with a porcelain-white face and clear smiling eyes.

Ignoring the sparse crowd in the cafeteria, Yu Luoyin shamelessly said, “Classmate, there are no seats left. Do you mind sharing a table?”

…

“Then I’ll take that as a no,” Yu Luoyin raised an eyebrow, leaning his head on his hand as he looked at her with a smile.

Bai Xunyin furrowed her eyebrows slightly, her first reaction was to stand up and find another seat.

“Don’t bother,” before Bai Xunyin could even move, Yu Luoyin seemed to understand what she was thinking, and calmly said, “Even if you find another seat, I’ll just follow you.”

With that, he took out a bottle of glass-bottled milk from the oversized pocket of his uniform and pushed it towards Bai Xunyin’s tray with a straw inside.

His intention was obvious.

Bai Xunyin couldn’t help but feel a little nostalgic for Ah Mo- unfortunately, today she was busy hanging out with Sheng Wen and didn’t come to the cafeteria with her.

She looked at Yu Luoyin somewhat helplessly, her eyes seeming to ask, “What do you want?”

“I really don’t want anything,” Yu Luoyin muttered softly, his long and innocent black eyes blinking, “I just want to have lunch with you.”

Bai Xunyin frowned and decisively stood up, turning to leave the cafeteria.

The worst-case scenario was just missing this lunch, nothing more.

But eating with someone she didn’t want to see could cause her indigestion.

Yu Luoyin’s gaze shifted from the girl’s slender back to her untouched meal, sighing softly.

In an instant, he felt a sense of helplessness he had never experienced in his eighteen years of life – he really didn’t know how to pursue Bai Xunyin anymore.

Apart from being annoyingly persistent, Yu Luoyin had no other way.

But he still wanted to do this. Lan Di’s words from yesterday had been circulating in his mind all night. Yu Luoyin really wanted to show Bai Xunyin his “attentiveness.”

Bai Xunyin abandoned the cafeteria lunch, returned to the classroom, and sent a message to Ah Mo to bring some food back for her.

When Ah Mo returned, she nibbled on jerky bread with plain water. To save time, she ate somewhat uncouthly, with a bit of “wolfing down” manner.

Ah Mo sat on a nearby chair, her hands propping up her chin. Her big eyes blinking in confusion, “Darling, didn’t you have lunch? Didn’t you go to the cafeteria at noon?”

Bai Xunyin waved her hand, clearly indicating she didn’t want her to bring up the matter again.

She quickly finished eating a piece of bread, feeling a bit choked in her stomach.

It definitely couldn’t compare to a proper meal, but at least it filled her up.

However, “snacks” could never be considered a proper lunch. If she didn’t eat well at noon, she would feel physically exhausted from the intense mental strain of studying all afternoon. During the break between afternoon classes and evening self-study, Bai Xunyin felt her eyes watering.

She just hoped Yu Luoyin wouldn’t continue to mess with her appetite tomorrow.

But Yu Luoyin seemed to be possessed, as he once again started to bother her – and with even more fervor than when he first met Bai Xunyin.

It seemed like he was determined to put his words into action, really “chasing her again.”

Bai Xunyin desperately tried to avoid him, even stopping Ah Mo from finding Sheng Wen, and dragging her to the cafeteria for lunch every day.

But even this couldn’t stop Yu Luoyin. His thick skin was almost as thick as the city walls. Every day at noon, he would eat his meal amidst Ah Mo’s sarcastic comments, seemingly unfazed and enjoying himself.

And not only did he shamelessly eat with her in the cafeteria, he also brought her food before evening self-studies, followed her home after school riding his bike…

He was driving her insane with his persistence.

No matter how harshly she scolded him on paper, Yu Luoyin remained unfazed. He wouldn’t speak, just silently followed her around, sometimes seeming like a silent guardian shadow.

Even when Bai Xunyin was harsh, Yu Luoyin just smiled. His previous sweet talk and coaxing seemed to have vanished, making him seem…

Like he had turned into a mute person, just like her.

The “mute” Yu Luoyin’s constant harassment and silent presence made Bai Xunyin feel like she was punching cotton when trying to communicate with him, almost making her scratch herself out of frustration.

“What’s up with Yu Luoyin lately?”

A week later, even Ah Mo couldn’t stand the oppressive feeling of Yu Luoyin’s “silent guardianship” anymore.

The sudden change made Bai Xunyin feel a tingling sensation on her scalp, and she couldn’t help but ask quietly, “Is he chasing you? He can’t even let out a fart all day now, just following you around like a weirdo.”

Weird and creepy… Who wouldn’t think so?

Unconsciously, Bai Xunyin’s carbon pen made a long black mark on the paper, and she sighed softly.

Yu Luoyin was completely abnormal now, constantly hovering on the boundary of bothering her, making Bai Xunyin’s nerves involuntarily tense.

It was really exhausting.

She would rather Yu Luoyin be as reckless and shameless as before than have this unsettling smoothness.

People were afraid of the word “habit.”

Bai Xunyin was afraid that if Yu Luoyin continued his relentless pursuit, she would get used to his shameless following – in the cafeteria, the classrooms, and the dark roads when riding home after school…

She was really afraid of “falling” again.

But Bai Xunyin always remembered the story Yu Luoyin once told her about the big yellow dog, and she reminded herself to review it constantly – only dogs remember eating but not being beaten. She couldn’t afford to be an ignorant dog again.

During the afternoon self-study class, Yu Luoyin was called to the office by Yu Shen.

The boy leaned against the wall and watched the head teacher take a sip of tea before swallowing it, then lightly tapped on the stack of documents on the table.

“The volunteer survey that was conducted in the class a while ago, you chose Lan University.”

“Yeah.”

Yu Luoyin sighed with relief when he heard it was about college preferences.

He shrugged and said nonchalantly, “Lan University ranks in the top ten nationwide and is local. What’s the problem?”

“There isn’t really a problem, it’s just…”

Yu Shen seemed to intentionally tease him, dragging out his words before finally laughing, “It’s just that Lan University has a scholarship quota at our school this year.”

Yu Luoyin was taken aback.

“What do you think?” Yu Shen looked at him, his gaze meaningful.

“Are you interested?”

Being offered a scholarship was certainly a good thing, but just one scholarship quota…

Yu Luoyin remained silent for a moment before asking, “Teacher, may I ask if this scholarship quota would consider… my relationship with my mother?”

“Silly boy, you don’t have confidence in yourself?” Yu Shen couldn’t help but laughingly cry, tossing a piece of paper on the table in front of him.

“In the recent mock exams, you ranked second in the whole school. The top-ranked student’s first choice is also Lan University. Who else would we give this quota to if not you?”

Yu Luoyin picked up the paper thrown at him and glanced at it, his gaze unintentionally falling on the name “Bai Xunyin” ranked fifth.

He didn’t know which university this stubborn girl wanted to apply to.

In an instant, Yu Luoyin felt a desire to inquire.

Regardless, a scholarship quota for Lan University couldn’t guarantee that both he and Bai Xunyin would attend the same university.

On the contrary, if he accepted it, it would certainly alert her. It might even prompt Bai Xunyin to deliberately avoid applying to the same university as him.

Yu Shen continued to chatter on the side, “Fill out the form first, and then…”

“Teacher,” Yu Luoyin interrupted him, a gentle smile on his handsome face as he politely declined, “I don’t want this scholarship.”

Yu Shen was stunned, his voice almost cracking. “Why?”

Yu Luoyin thought for a moment.

“I can get into Lan University on my own.”

“No, with the scholarship quota…” Yu Shen felt like he couldn’t understand the young people’s thoughts nowadays at all.

He chuckled incredulously, “Once you fill out the form, it’s like you’re already a student at Lan University. Why do you want to take the exam yourself?”

“I just want to,” Yu Luoyin said casually.

“…Don’t joke with me,” Yu Shen became serious, his face stern.

“This is a serious matter. Are you joking right now?”

“Teacher, how is this a joke?” Yu Luoyin smiled indifferently.

“I just don’t want to be offered the scholarship. Give it to someone else.”

Yu Shen was so angry that steam almost came out of his seven orifices. He couldn’t understand what Yu Luoyin was up to.

He said impatiently, “The third student wants to go out of the province and didn’t consider Lan University. If there’s another scholarship quota, they will naturally consider it—It’s not you, Yu Luoyin. Why do you care about others?”

Yu Luoyin rolled his eyes. “Then the fourth?”

“The fourth had the same decision as the third!”

After setting up the situation, Yu Luoyin finally managed to ask what he wanted to ask. “Then the fifth?”

“The fifth? Bai Xunyin?” Yu Shen frowned and glanced at the big list, annoyed. “She’s a disabled student and isn’t within the scope of the scholarship.”

Yu Luoyin’s heart sank, feeling a surge of uncontrollable anger.

“Teacher, does our school discriminate?”

He wanted to slam the table.

“What discrimination? Every school has its own rules. Why do you care?” Yu Shen slammed the table.

“What you should be concerned about now is your own scholarship!”

“No, teacher, I really need to discuss this with you.”

Yu Luoyin crossed his arms, feeling emboldened by his usual audacity in front of his teacher. He criticized without restraint, “Do mute people have no room for advancement? Why can’t they be offered a scholarship? This is true discrimination by the school, and I must protest.”

“…What use is your protest? I didn’t make these rules!”

Yu Shen was bewildered, listening to Yu Luoyin’s words dumbfoundedly. After a moment’s pause, he said, “Besides, even if there weren’t this rule, Bai Xunyin has no intention of going to Lan University. Her preferred choice is Northern University of Technology!”

…

North? The distant North?

Yu Luoyin was stunned.

He went roundabout and used all sorts of tactics to pry Bai Xunyin’s aspirations out of Yu Shen’s mouth, but when he finally heard it, his heart felt empty.

Because Yu Luoyin had never expected that Bai Xunyin would want to go to such a faraway place, the North.

Leaving the head teacher’s office almost in a daze, Yu Luoyin ultimately didn’t accept that scholarship quota.

When he returned to the classroom, the bell for the end of class rang. Yu Luoyin looked at Bai Xunyin, who was sitting calmly in her seat amidst the bustling students—her back straight, slender neck slightly bowed, quietly and earnestly reading, like a gentle and graceful painting.

However, it made him feel an urge to ‘disturb’ her.

Yu Luoyin’s jawline tensed slightly, resisting the urge, but eventually couldn’t help but walk over briskly and grab her wrist as she held a pen.

Bai Xunyin looked up at him somewhat surprised.

“Come out with me for a moment,” Yu Luoyin gently and firmly pulled her up, his voice light but urgent.

“I need to ask you something.”

Yu Luoyin pulled her out of the classroom, amidst the hustle and bustle, to a small corner where no one would sensitively notice the two of them as long as Ah Mo wasn’t there.

Walking straight to the safety passage they had visited countless times but hadn’t been to for a long time, Yu Luoyin finally let her go.

Bai Xunyin subconsciously stepped back, her thin back tightly pressed against the large iron door of the safety passage.

“Don’t be afraid, I…”

Yu Luoyin looked at her face full of defenses and felt a prick in his heart, painful and embarrassed. He forced a self-deprecating smile.

“I won’t touch you, I just want to ask you a few questions.”

Bai Xunyin looked at him quietly.

Under her calm and clear gaze, Yu Luoyin asked firmly, “Do you want to go to Northern University of Technology?”

Bai Xunyin didn’t expect Yu Luoyin to drag her here just to ask this question, and for a moment, she was stunned.

But when she thought about it, she couldn’t help but smile.

Yu Luoyin watched her smile, feeling inexplicably heavy-hearted.

“What’s so funny?”

[Yes.]

Bai Xunyin continued to smile as she typed her response.

[I have that intention.]

“Why?”

Yu Luoyin’s voice was hoarse, hesitating and feeling bitter as he asked, “The North… is so far. Isn’t Lan University good enough?”

[No.]

Bai Xunyin shook her head, each word she typed with her slender fingertips cutting deep.

[Because you said before that you wanted to go to Lan University.]

During the sweetest time they spent together, they had discussed which university they wanted to attend in the future.

At that time, Yu Luoyin had said he wanted to stay at Lin Lan because Lan University was very good, but she remained silent—because Bai Xunyin had always wanted to go to the North to see for herself.

Her thoughts had never changed, but at that time… she had been shaken by Yu Luoyin’s words of “Let’s go to the same university.”

At that time, Bai Xunyin thought that attending the same university as Yu Luoyin and spending time together day and night was more touching than any other “aspiration”, but now it was different.

She wanted to go to the North, to the university she wanted to attend.

At the same time, she also knew that Yu Luoyin wouldn’t go to the North. He had always been a person with his own convictions.

[Yu Luoyin, we will inevitably part ways sooner or later, and we probably won’t see each other after the college entrance examination.]

Bai Xunyin withdrew her gaze and continued typing for him, each word objective and calm—

[I won’t accept you, so you don’t need to cling to me anymore.]

[Whether it’s those things you said before or silently following me now, I don’t want any of it.]

[I just want to prepare for the college entrance examination well and spend the remaining less than one hundred days at school peacefully.]

[If you still feel guilty because of those two words in the bet, then please stay away from me as compensation.]

Bai Xunyin said so much to Yu Luoyin for the first time, almost leaving no room for interruption, but her purpose was to completely drive him out of her world.

Yu Luoyin closed his eyes, unable to say a word. He could only watch the slender figure of the girl open the heavy door of the safety passage with a ‘bang’, blocking all his sight.

It turns out that sometimes, all your efforts seem particularly futile.

—That’s when you realize what it means to suffer the consequences of your own actions when the person you care about doesn’t care about you.

Sleepyblue’s Corner:

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