The Decade of Deep Love

Translator: Ruriko

After that day, the lifestyle of Zhishu He and Wenxu Jiang changed a lot. Wenxu Jiang knew well he had gone too far and felt guilty, so he was attentive to Zhishu He as compensations. Zhishu He, however, showed an indifference which had never existed before. He was even more reluctant to speak after his tongue was hurt, or to be embraced or kissed by Jiang. Finally, He even moved to the guest room.

“What do you want on earth?” Seeing that Zhishu He was packing up as if he planned to settle in the guest room from now on, Wenxu Jiang could not help getting angry.

Zhishu He still remained silence and kept on packing.

“You haven’t spoken to me for days! I called Jingwen and he said you should be fine now. If you had anything in mind, just tell me directly. Don’t torture me endlessly!” The more Wenxu Jiang said, the more he felt wronged, and at last he pulled off his apron and threw the spatula. “Why is there so much trouble between two big men? You are so affectedly unreasonable! When do you plan to stop giving me the cold shoulder?! How come the elder you get, the more you act like a woman?”

Zhishu He stood there stunned for a moment. It took him a long while to recover from the shock and sadness. He did not quite believe what he had just heard. 𝘧𝗿ee𝚠𝙚𝙗𝑛o𝚟𝐞l.𝐜૦𝗺

It was not just women that were in the weak position, became more and more forbearing and silent, and got more and more vulnerable.

“Wenxu Jiang, do you think I can’t live without you?” Zhishu He had not spoken for a long time, so his voice was hoarse, unexpectedly, as if every word choked with blood.

Wenxu Jiang stopped accusing and wiped his hands clean to fill the bowl with rice. His tone, accordingly, turned into a gentle ingratiation, “Nope. My Zhishu will always live to the ripe old age whatever happens.” He just intended to force Zhishu He to say a few words to him. Anything was ok, even name-calling would make him feel safe as if it could prove that he still owned the love of this person.

Zhishu He’s eyes turned red in anger. For the first time in his life, he became violent and out of control. “Fuck you! Wenxu Jiang! Do you think I’m flirting with you? Do you think I am earning your attention for suffering from neglect and injustice? Do you really think I can’t live without you? It’s just fourteen years, isn’t it?! Just fourteen years…”

Wenxu Jiang was shocked by the sudden explosion of Zhishu’s rage. He had not had time to think more, but instinctively felt that what happened now was rare and inexplicable.

Zhishu He had been depressed for too long, and once his emotion was released, he could not control himself. He smashed two vases with dry branches of plum blossom in the living room. The ground was strewn with the broken porcelain mixed with remains of flowers. Nothing in hand, Zhishu He rushed into the kitchen. Wenxu Jiang did not have any reaction until Zhishu He smashed the bowl in Jiang’s hand.

“Zhishu He! All right. Stop it now. Stop it okay? Come on. Stop it...” Wenxu Jiang held Zhishu He firmly in his arms, and at that moment he was really afraid that Zhishu He would rushed back into the kitchen to fetch a kitchen knife.

Zhishu He could not manage to free himself from Jiang by violent struggles, so he angrily bit Wenxu Jiang’s arm. Wenxu Jiang felt so painful that he let Zhishu He go on conditioned reflex.

Zhishu He turned around, gave him a loud slap on the cheek and cried, “Get out!”

Wenxu Jiang subconsciously wanted to slap and kick back, but immediately, he realized that he should not do that. He dared not and was unwilling to hit Zhishu He again.

This tall man lowered his head with pressed lips, went into the bedroom like a stray dog with its tail between legs, to find a nook to avoid the fight.

However, Zhishu He did not want to endure anything anymore. He smashed another bowl as if being afraid of losing momentum, pointed to the door, and said, “Get out of here!”

Then Wenxu Jiang was driven away.

Zhishu He sat down prostrate on the ground, where inadvertently, several bloody gashes were made in his hand by broken pieces of porcelain.

He was in a trance. Was it a success? It became true that the thing he once imagined countless times as a joke– he threw dishes at the man and drove him out of the house ferociously.

Zhishu He chuckled, stood up, and had to clean up the mess by himself.

In fact, the debris in the room was almost like himself. The bluff was only the crisp sound when the porcelain fell on the ground. Then it did not make any sense. Clean it up and there would be a new vase in the same place on the table tomorrow.

Zhishu He picked up the pieces with his hands, careless of the gashes. In fact, when people were numb, nothing could hurt him. He fell into a trance again and wondered, depending on Wenxu Jiang’s temperament, how long he would stay away from home this time. It was possible for Jiang to leave Zhishu He alone and let him run his own course.

Wenxu Jiang was so aggressive that if one of his lovers dared do what Zhishu He did to him, he would think of some nasty ways to punish that one. But it was Zhishu He, Jiang really had to think over it. In fact, in earlier time, it was easy to deal with– just cajoled him onto the bed to have a punitive sex, and then coaxed that he just had to join in the fun on occasion with people outside, and he would spend more time with Zhishu He, the most lovely one in his own heart. But this time Wenxu Jiang was really ashamed to do that.

Or maybe these days Jiang was really scared by Zhishu He.

Zhishu He was at home alone tonight. He found that it was actually better and more convenient to stay alone.

Wenxu Jiang, however, was not so comfortable as He. He got himself drunk in the bar. The barman had not known him for long, so unexpectedly, he called Zui Shen.

So early in the morning, when Wenxu Jiang woke up from the headache and dizziness for being drunk, he found Zui Shen lying prone naked in his arms. It seemed that it was reasonable to Zui Shen.

Wenxu Jiang pushed away the one in his arms in boredom. He had never slept with anyone else for a whole night except Zhishu He. Almost instantly, Zui Shen woke up.

Wenxu Jiang was efficiency-oriented, so he broke up with Zui Shen by the way.

“It’s better for you to go to the branch office to be a manager. Don’t be around me. Take the house and the car. Go to Assistant Song to write a check when you’re free. He knows it well and you won’t suffer losses.” The tone was so calm as if nothing important had happened, without any needless emotion.

Zui Shen raised himself up on one elbow, the red marks on his body after one night’s passion seemed to be the proof of last night’s tenderness and love. He was almost on the verge of tears, “What’s wrong with me? Tell me and I can change for you!”

Wenxu Jiang got dressed with a cold face. He slept with his lover just after he got kicked out of his house, so he was agitated, even with a subtle self-loathing sense.

“Tell me! What did I do dissatisfies you? Wasn’t I obedient enough? I never complain even though I haven’t seen you for ten days or half a month. You don’t like animals, so I abandoned the dog that I had raised for ten years. I am not for money to be together with you. I...”

“Enough,” Wenxu Jiang frowned, and he had no patience with his lover, “I will leave if there’s nothing else.”

“There should be a reason that you don’t want me anymore, right?” Zui Shen gritted his teeth, with his face pale.

Wenxu Jiang buckled his watch, ready to go, and stopped when he heard Zui Shen’s words, sneering, “A reason for breaking up with a lover? Do you really think we’re in love?”

The pretty boy in the bed suddenly burst into tears, and shouted in a choked voice, “You deceive me! There must be a reason! You held me in your arms last night and called Zhishu He all night!”