The Guide to Conquering Earthlings

After getting off work, Lan Xi was very busy. She first went to pick up the rush ordered banner, then frantically edited the text messages. After hanging up the banner and sending the messages, she sneaked into the Jinxiu Building.

All the two-person dining tables in the Jinxiu Building were semi-private rooms in nature. One side faced the office building across the street, with a panoramic view of the bustling commercial street scene, which was quite a sight at night when the lights were on and the cars and people were busy. The other side facing the aisle was blocked by beautiful beaded curtains, although you could vaguely see that there were people inside, but you couldn't hear what they were saying.

She had originally decided to wait until Xie Cheng was dining, and then subtly imply to him. But she was at a loss for a moment to figure out which private room he was in.

But no difficulty could defeat the brave princess Lan Xi. Lan Xi naturally had a way. She called Xie Cheng's phone and tracked it by the ringtone. She finally located the person. At this moment, the waiter walked to the private room and lifted the beaded curtain. Lan Xi saw a familiar yet unexpected face.

Sitting opposite Xie Cheng was her most hated cousin, Dong Ying!

If the instinctive stress response when encountering danger or enemies is the instinct of all creatures, then when Lan Xi saw Dong Ying, her first reaction was that her whole body tensed up. This was almost an unconscious feedback.

Her cousin Dong Ying had been against Lan Xi since childhood. Although she was no match for Lan Xi in terms of strength, she was good at dirty tricks! Dong Ying's ability was psychological suggestion. Lan Xi didn't know how many times she had fallen into her traps and made a fool of herself.

Most of the grievances between Dong Ying and Lan Xi came from the fact that Dong Ying wanted to snatch everything from Lan Xi - the tasks Lan Xi had claimed, the nutritional supplements Lan Xi was eating, Lan Xi’s friends, the clothes Lan Xi wore...

Now Lan Xi had just won the first battle on Earth and conquered the important man Xie Cheng. The complete conquest of the Earth was just around the corner. At this critical moment, Dong Ying actually appeared on Earth. Wasn't she trying to...

She must want to snatch away the earthlings Lan Xi had conquered, just like before! Then snatch away the major task of conquering the earth from Lan Xi!

Lan Xi would never allow this to happen!

She glared at Dong Ying in the private room, feeling uncomfortable with the way Dong Ying looked at Xie Cheng.

Lan Xi originally didn't know what the ogling eyes Xie Cheng was talking about looked like, but at this moment, she felt that she had finally learned it intuitively.

It was exactly like Dong Ying!

That was an ogling look!

Obviously not with good intentions!

The poor defenseless earthling man was no match for this old treacherous woman!

Xie Cheng could no longer stay with her!

It was unsafe for Xie Cheng!

Lan Xi thought for a moment, had a flash of inspiration, glanced at Xie Cheng's vague figure behind the beaded curtain, took a deep breath and immediately took action.

Xie Cheng! Hold on!

I'll come to save you right away!

As soon as Lan Xi came out of the Jinxiu Building, she turned the corner to the intersection where there was a large human resources market, with countless people who came to this city to find work flowing through it at all times.

Lan Xi pursed her lips and looked around for a full circle before finally finding the window she was looking for. The person in charge of that window was an old auntie, with a fat cat crouching in the crook of her arm, and five or six more cats lingering behind her seat.

Lan Xi cleared her throat and said while keeping a wary eye on the cats, "I want to hire ten people. And all the cats you have here.”

...

While Dong Ying asked Xie Cheng a few more questions about his family, property, bank deposits, girlfriend, health conditions, and other background checks, she was quite satisfied with the answers.

Just as she was about to give him a new subliminal message, the waiter lifted the beaded curtain -

"Miss Dong, a gift has been delivered to the front desk for you, please go over to sign for it."

Dong Ying was a little surprised. "A gift?"

"Yes, it was said to be prepared by Xie Cheng Technology for you..."

Xie Cheng Technology? Isn't that Xie Cheng's company name? She came to meet with Xie Cheng today to discuss cooperation between their companies, so this was a thoughtful greeting gift prepared by Xie Cheng in advance?

Dong Ying was quite flattered. She glanced at Xie Cheng, "So you prepared a gift for me."

Xie Cheng already looked rather desperate after being forced to answer many truths. He pursed his lips. "No."

Look, still being stubborn.

Dong Ying noticed that Xie Cheng would always quickly deny it, but after a while, he would have to tell the truth under her subliminal message to tell the truth.

Besides, no one else knew about Dong Ying’s schedule at Jinxiu Building tonight except Xie Cheng. Who else could it be from?

Although the man in front of her said he wasn’t the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, aesthetics were quite personal after all. He also admitted that her overall score was still better, and the woman he considered more beautiful wasn’t smart.

Looking at it from another perspective, wasn't that a compliment to her intelligence?

After all, alluring looks can easily fade over time, while modern earthlings have begun to yearn for sapiosexuality - an interesting soul and advanced IQ are the core competitive strengths that can keep a man fascinated in the long run.

So since he had prepared gifts in advance, he must have valued her. His stubborn denial now also showed that he had an irresistible attraction to her that he couldn’t control.

Sometimes, stubborn men should also be given some leeway to save face.

Dong Ying felt she had already seen through the man in front of her. This time, before Xie Cheng could correct himself under her subliminal message and tell the truth, she took the lead and got up, "No need to say more, I understand."

She blinked, "Since there's a gift, I'll go sign for it first."

But before leaving, Dong Ying still decided to give herself some "dessert". She glanced at Xie Cheng again, checked the time, and laughed softly behind her hand, "You will wait here quietly, and will be inseparable and indulge uncontrollably with the first woman you see other than the waiter five minutes from now."

That woman is me.

Dong Ying didn't finish the last sentence. This feeling of being left wanting more made her heart race even faster.

It would take exactly five minutes to go back and forth between the private room and lobby to collect the gift. Jinxiu Building had a great environment that wouldn’t allow outsiders other than staff to enter private rooms.

Although she had been using her subliminal ability for many years, Dong Ying still occasionally hoped for a little surprise.

Humming a song, she went to the front desk, only to find a row of six or seven men and women waiting for her. Without exception, they were all holding a gift box, quite large, and waving little Dong Ying flags printed with hearts, obviously meant for her.

Xie Cheng looked cold, but unexpectedly quite romantic.

It’s just that these gift-bearers were a bit strange. Although enthusiastic, none of them spoke, only waving vigorously at Dong Ying and the little flags when they saw her.

But such a formation had undoubtedly made Dong Ying the center of attention of the crowd.

She walked up with some modesty and took the first gift box, then discovered something wrong - there was movement inside the gift box!

So what was it?

Dong Ying reflexively opened the gift box, and was almost unable to breathe from fright.

A cat!

It was a cat!

The arch-nemesis cat of the Mu Yi Star People!

The box was actually filled with a little cat!

And the rest of the gift-bearers didn't seem to mind making matters worse by successively delivering their gift boxes, which contained cats without exception, judging from the meowing sounds.

Since arriving on Earth, Dong Ying had been very careful to avoid cats. She didn't know what terrible things would happen if the Mu Yi Star People met cats. Anyway, according to historical records, cats were very scary. It was said that encountering cats could even make the Mu Yi Star People lose their mobility!

The unknown danger brought doubled fear. In an instant, Dong Ying's hands and feet turned ice cold, frozen in place. It took her a while before she finally remembered her ability.

"Now, take these cats with you and leave!"

Only Dong Ying, who was originally listening to her own words and should have gotten the psychological hint to hug the cat and leave, didn't move at all at this moment. She just continued to smile enthusiastically and push the gift box in front of Dong Ying...

Dong Ying was both panicked and angry, almost raging like thunder.

Could it be that the cat was so terrifying that it could make the Mu Yi Star People's special abilities ineffective before it?

Soon, Dong Ying confirmed this.

Because now surrounded by cats, she even had hallucinations, and saw Lan Xi, the arch-nemesis she hated most in her life, appear before her eyes...

Cats were indeed very terrifying.

Lan Xi hid sneakily behind a pillar and observed the movements in the lobby.

Sure enough, after her cousin Dong Ying was surrounded by cats, she lost her fighting power.

Fortunately, she had prepared in advance and went to the Human Resources Market Residual Alliance's window to hire several deaf and mute people.

Dong Ying's ability was indeed very strong, but the psychological hints given by language still had to work for people who could hear her speak. It was invalid for the deaf and dumb.

Now that Dong Ying was taken care of, she could go to rescue Xie Cheng!

Lan Xi finished it off in no time and rushed straight to the private room, lifting the beaded curtain.

To her relief, Xie Cheng was still sitting in his original place, waiting quite quietly. The swaying candlelight on the private room's dining table shed light on a corner, casting ripples of firelight onto Xie Cheng's superb side profile. The illusory light and shadow changes gave this handsome Earth male a sense of mystery that was both distant and close.

It looked like he hadn't been poisoned by Dong Ying.

To still be waiting quietly in his original place without being lost due to Dong Ying should have been a relaxing thing for Lan Xi. However, Lan Xi felt a strange emotion rising in her heart.

She was a little angry.

According to Earth people's theory, in male and female relationships, after one party was conquered by the other party, wasn't this an exclusive relationship? So, wasn't Xie Cheng guilty of a heinous crime?!

For this, Lan Xi felt quite heartbroken. She racked her brains to recall the critical vocabulary commonly used by Earth people at this time, and passionately rebuked: “Don’t you know that chastity is the best dowry for a man; loyalty is the most beautiful scenery for a man; masculinity is a required course for every man!”

"?"

"You were just so close to danger just now! Fortunately I rushed over!"

According to the Earth People Conquest Guide, when holding someone accountable, you must spew out a string of accusations in one breath, attacking intensively, so that the other party has no time to sort out their thoughts and fight back. Use the abundant emotions and excellent momentum to win at the starting line.

This was how Lan Xi saw it, and how she practiced it. She put her hands on her hips, taking on the stance of standing on the moral high ground—

"So what exactly were you thinking Xie Cheng, were you really waiting quietly in place for Dong Ying?!"

This was meant to be a concluding question. Lan Xi did not expect Xie Cheng to give any constructive answer.

However, to her surprise, Xie Cheng answered her question—

"I wasn't thinking anything."

Although he had just been reprimanded by Lan Xi, his appearance was still as aloof and indifferent as ever.

But soon, his face showed an odd embarrassed expression again, as if struggling with some willpower, gritting his teeth and pressing his lips tightly, as if desperately not wanting to speak. Yet soon he looked like he had to open his mouth no matter what...

In the end, the will to speak apparently defeated the silence—

"What I just said was a lie. I was thinking, thinking a lot, wondering why your brain circuits are so weird, curious as to how you managed to live to this age, wondering what other 'surprises' are waiting for me; wondering where you are and what you're doing now; whether you're with other men, whether you've been fooled again, whether you're in danger..."

Lan Xi had never seen Xie Cheng so willing to share before. He spoke as if he had said a lifetime's worth of words.

"And I’ll definitely take you to get your brain checked in a few days."

Lan Xi almost reflexively retorted: “I'm not getting my brain checked! My brain is perfectly fine!”

She looked at Xie Cheng warily: “Why is your mind full of thoughts about me? Aren't you here to talk business? Shouldn't you be focused on work and thinking about business?”

"If you don't keep shaking in front of me, I certainly won't think of you." Xie Cheng's voice was a little unnatural, but his attitude was still justified resistance, "I've been very generous in not pursuing you for affecting my work already."

However, there were some cracks in his calm voice. Obviously he was not as calm as he appeared. Lan Xi saw him glare at her and warn, "From now on, don't ask random nonsense questions."

Lan Xi was very quick to learn: "Then what are random nonsense questions? Can you give an example?"

"...“ Xie Cheng looked at Lan Xi as if facing a formidable enemy, "The questions you ask are all random nonsense questions. Just don't ask questions."

Unfortunately, as soon as he finished speaking, that uncontrollable feeling came over him again.

By the time Xie Cheng reacted..., he was already giving Lan Xi examples of what random nonsense questions were—

"..."

"Do you want to read the twenty-seventh chapter of the Earth People Conquest Guide written by Ye Feiran? Please remember the domain name of this site [()]"

Xie Cheng was stingy with words. Lan Xi felt something was off with him today: "Are you drunk?"

Facing Lan Xi's question, Xie Cheng almost immediately gave a negative answer: "No, didn't drink a drop."

Lan Xi frowned and leaned in to smell Xie Cheng. Indeed there was no smell.

But when she stood up to leave, she found Xie Cheng's originally calm face slightly flushed.

"You really didn't drink? Then why is your face so red?"

Xie Cheng averted his gaze and gave a concise answer: "Hot."

Just as Lan Xi was about to retort that it wasn't hot, she heard Xie Cheng continue in a desperate tone—

"What I just said was a lie. Because you got too close to me, I got a little nervous and blushed."

"..."

"So did you see any special banners?"

"No!"

Unfortunately, Xie Cheng was just like a car with automatic error correction installed. After replying "No" in a convincing tone, he immediately self-corrected—

"I saw it."

"You must have seen the text message too?!"

"No..." Xie Cheng seemed to be making a final struggle, but after a moment, he had no choice but to use a hopeless expression to correct his own lie again, "I saw that too! Such a boring text message! Deeply impressed! Can you stop asking?!"

How could she stop asking, this was the purpose of Lan Xi's trip.

She cleared her throat: "So you understand what it means, right?"

This time, Xie Cheng seemed to have resigned himself. He no longer denied it, only rubbed his aching brows: "I understand! I know! I'll take you to the amusement park next weekend when I'm free! Don't ask weird questions again!"

Lan Xi was finally satisfied with the satisfactory answer.

Look, the guide didn't deceive me. Such hints and beating around the bush were indeed very effective!

"So what kind of preparation is needed to go to the amusement park? Do I need to buy anything? Is there any equipment I need to bring? I heard there are a lot of guides... I just haven't been there for so long that I kind of forgot!"

...

While Xie Cheng kept answering Lan Xi's questions very obediently, he was extremely angry inside. He suspected that Dong Ying had drugged him, wondering if it was some kind of truth serum, because he found that he had become unable to lie. Even when lying, it was as if someone had forcibly installed an automatic error correction function. He had just finished lying when he eagerly couldn't wait to expose himself.

His abnormality like this, even a dull person would notice something wrong.

Sure enough, after a few more times like this, astonishment appeared on Lan Xi's face soon.

"Xie Cheng, I feel like there's something wrong with you. Right now, no matter what I ask you, can you not control yourself and you have to blurt out what you really think?"

Xie Cheng simply couldn't lie at all, he could only nod and admit the current state he was in with an ugly expression: "That's right, I can't control it. I may have been drugged."

Lan Xi stared at Xie Cheng with her bright black eyes, as if trying to find traces of lies on his face.

At this point...

Xie Cheng frowned and thought for a while: "Indeed, but I didn't expect her to play dirty and drug me to make me tell the truth."

In order to prevent Lan Xi from asking more weird questions, Xie Cheng glanced at Lan Xi, then urged: "Hurry up and take me out of here, take me to the hospital right away. If I was drugged, I might need to get my stomach pumped."

Fortunately, although Lan Xi's mind was not great, she was still a decent person at critical moments with some sense of responsibility. After hearing Xie Cheng's words, she also seemed to have an epiphany and patted her head: "Yes, you're right, we have to leave quickly!"

As soon as she finished speaking, she pulled Xie Cheng and walked quickly out of Jinxiu Building.

Apparently, she believed it.

Xie Cheng breathed a sigh of relief: "The nearest hospital is the Second Affiliated Hospital, but the medical skills of the doctors at the Second Affiliated Hospital are much worse than the First Affiliated Hospital, so call a taxi to take me to the First Affiliated Hospital."

After leaving the bizarre Jinxiu Building, due to psychological effects, Xie Cheng felt his tight nerves relax. Moreover, Dong Ying was no longer by his side now, instead it was Lan Xi, which made him feel slightly more secure.

Indeed, unlike Dong Ying, Lan Xi was not a smart person, but sometimes, silly people can also be more reliable than smart people. After all, people with poor minds usually don't have so many twists and turns, and don't know how to secretly set traps for others. In a way, that can also be considered a type of kindness. At that moment, Xie Cheng decided to believe that there is still true affection in this world.

In such an absurd situation of being drugged to only tell the truth, ordinary people would probably need a long and dry explanation from Xie Cheng before they would half-believe it. However, Lan Xi only pondered slightly before fully believing Xie Cheng’s explanation and trusting him.

A slow mind apparently also has its advantages.

Moreover, after understanding Xie Cheng's current strange condition, Lan Xi did not ask any more embarrassing questions that would be difficult to answer.

Just this point made Xie Cheng feel that, based on a comprehensive score, he should give Lan Xi some extra points. She wasn't that bad after all. Indeed not very smart, but beautiful and kind.

He followed Lan Xi out of Jinxiu Building. She brought him to a secluded place. Just as he wanted to compliment Lan Xi for being reliable in an emergency, he saw her excitedly grab his arm.

Under the dim street lamp, Lan Xi's eyes seemed to glow. She stared at Xie Cheng's eyes with a bright, eager, concerned gaze, making him feel somewhat at a loss for a moment.

Lan Xi relied too much on him, and he understood her too well.

In this kind of environment, this kind of atmosphere, with her staring at him so enthusiastically...

It was obvious what she wanted to do.

She must be trying to take advantage of the situation to ask him how he truly felt about her.

Xie Cheng became nervous, and his heartbeat inevitably quickened.

How did he feel about Lan Xi? Xie Cheng had never thought about it before. Facing the upcoming question for the first time, he became somewhat panicked and confused, and even wanted to run away a little.

Unfortunately, Lan Xi did not give Xie Cheng a chance to escape. Her hand was still clutching his sleeve, and her eyes were still fixed intently on Xie Cheng, full of eager anticipation: "Since you have to tell the truth now no matter what I ask, then I'll just ask, okay?"

Wasn't this a bit too direct... Actually it's not very nice...

Xie Cheng also had no idea at all what kind of answer he would give...

He really wanted to stop Lan Xi from asking the question, but Lan Xi gave Xie Cheng no chance to dissuade her at all.

Without any mental preparation, Xie Cheng heard Lan Xi ask anxiously—

"So tell me now, what are the passwords to your bank card and Alipay?"

"..."

Xie Cheng was literally gnashing his teeth: "That's what you wanted to know?"

Lan Xi thought about it, then carefully supplemented: "Oh, also, do you have any other secrets that can't be made public, I mean the kind that are like weaknesses I can use to blackmail you for money if I know them? Tell me those too if you have any!”

"..."

What was that about true feelings existing in this world?

Xie Cheng felt that he shouldn't have randomly believed in such nonsense.

Where in this world is there true affection?

In modern society, not to mention smart people, even fools have learned to take advantage of the situation!