The Guide to Conquering Earthlings

Lan Xi was extremely excited, feeling that today was her lucky day. For the first time in her annoying cousin Dong Ying's life, she brought her good fortune - she actually gave Xie Cheng a subconscious suggestion to tell the truth.

After observing and analyzing this fact, Lan Xi quickly accepted the situation and felt even more delighted in her heart.

The effectiveness of Dong Ying's subconscious suggestion varied depending on the individual, so Lan Xi was uncertain when Xie Cheng would return to normal. But before that...

Of course, she had to make some money first!

She asked Xie Cheng for information like his bank card password, and unsurprisingly, despite his reluctant and almost desperate expression, as if he wanted to cover his mouth with his hands, the password kept flowing out of his mouth like an uncontrollable spring.

There were too many types of bank cards on Earth, and Lan Xi was afraid of making mistakes. So she took out a small notebook and carefully wrote them down one by one.

However, following the principle of kindness, Lan Xi reassured Xie Cheng, "Don't worry, I only have a second-class card with limited transfer limits. I won't use too much of your money..."

...

Xie Cheng looked at Lan Xi, who was diligently memorizing, and couldn't help but feel furious.

Who was this person?

He coldly sneered as he watched Lan Xi happily jotting down the password, and then took the opportunity to change the password on his phone when she wasn't paying attention.

What's the point of tricking himself with the password? Passwords can be changed.

Even those scammers who pull off pyramid schemes know to deceive people's hearts first before deceiving their money. Compared to that, Lan Xi's direct and shameless way of scamming money, what talk is there about sustainable development?

Short-sighted, why didn't she understand the potential long-term market?

Xie Cheng retched with anger, "Since you're so busy memorizing passwords, I won't disturb you. I'll go to the hospital myself."

This person, Lan Xi, was really crossing the river and demolishing the bridge. She didn't even lift her head and casually waved at Xie Cheng, "Sure, goodbye! Take care on your way! But actually, I don't think you need to go to the hospital!"

"..."

Xie Cheng felt ashamed that he would consider this kind of person trustworthy.

He turned around in anger and decided to go to the garage to get his car.

Fortunately, Lan Xi seemed to have a moment of conscience and called out to him before he left.

"Xie Cheng, wait!"

Huh, it seems she knows about "after-sales service."

She knew she should feel remorse, knew she should send him to the hospital, knew she should care about his well-being. Maybe she wasn't beyond redemption. If she showed good behavior afterward, Xie Cheng could consider forgiving her for her previous robbery. After all, losing oneself in the face of money is a normal thing. As long as Lan Xi still had humanity left in her, he would be willing to be magnanimous.

However, Lan Xi's voice quickly shattered Xie Cheng's illusion.

He could hear her confidently saying, "Can you give me a ride to a place on your way? Liang Di said she's attending a gathering nearby, and it hasn't ended yet. She invited me to join!"

"..."

Lan Xi's voice was filled with excitement. "I don't have to pay, Liang Di said she's treating! And we can eat to our heart's content!"

"..." Xie Cheng felt that there was no need to save Lan Xi anymore. Perhaps the brilliance of human nature simply didn't exist in her.

"No."

Xie Cheng coldly rejected Lan Xi's plea.

"..."

"..."

"...?!"

"Take a taxi yourself."

Lan Xi didn't insist and responded with an "Oh." She turned around and headed towards the taxi stand. Xie Cheng rubbed his temples and walked in the opposite direction towards the parking lot.

However, for some unknown reason, as he walked, his feet suddenly seemed to act independently, no longer obeying his brain's commands. It was as if they were drawn away from his body, turning around on their own and walking towards Lan Xi's direction.

Lan Xi turned back curiously and asked, "Is there something else?"

"No." Xie Cheng felt something was incredibly wrong. Besides being compelled to tell the truth, his feet seemed to have a problem.

With a stern face, he walked away from Lan Xi again, but within a short while, his feet forced him to turn around and return to her side.

He tried this back and forth several times, and the result was always the same.

He seemed to be under a spell, unable to leave Lan Xi. Wherever she went, he automatically followed, unable to stay more than a meter away from her.

The situation exceeded Xie Cheng's understanding of science, yet this inexplicable phenomenon was happening for real.

If he hadn't been drinking at all, Xie Cheng would have thought he was hallucinating.

Lan Xi, unaware of the situation, continued on her way to the taxi stand, while Xie Cheng had no choice but to follow closely behind her.

...

Lan Xi found Earth men to be really strange. She had just given the command to go to one end to get a taxi, yet he followed along as she walked.

"Go in that direction," Xie Cheng's voice still sounded calm, but for some reason, he kept trying to take deep breaths as if trying to calm his emotions. Then he looked at Lan Xi. "You go towards the parking lot."

"But I want to take a taxi!"

"Walk towards the parking lot with me," Xie Cheng rubbed his temples, showing a very frustrated expression. It seemed like he had to compromise, but his tone remained firm. "Give me the address, and I'll take you to Liang Di's place."

If there was a carpool, that would be great. Lan Xi didn't think much and immediately changed direction, going to the parking lot with Xie Cheng.

...

Xie Cheng's mood was in turmoil, and he didn't know what to do for a moment. He contacted his personal doctor, and after listening to his description, the doctor repeatedly confirmed if he had been drinking.

Feeling somewhat angry, Xie Cheng hung up the phone and calmed down a bit.

Indeed, even if he sought medical help, it seemed unlikely that any doctor could treat this condition. No one would even believe him. It was no longer a simple case of being drugged.

He needed a thorough and comprehensive examination.

But how could he escape now?

Perhaps if he waited a while, he would return to normal?

Or maybe he could find an opportunity, and suddenly this strange effect would be lifted?

In short, when faced with the inability to stay one meter away from Lan Xi's side, Xie Cheng decided to take her along and fulfill his daily act of kindness by sending her to Liang Di's place.

Unfortunately, Xie Cheng's hope was soon dashed. The situation of not being able to leave Lan Xi's side did not improve just because he happened to accompany her on a trip to Liang Di's for dinner.

However, this time, Lan Xi expressed her confusion, saying, "Didn't you want to go to the hospital because you were worried? Then go ahead. The dining place is on the second floor, and I can go up by myself. There's no need for you to escort me to the door."

He replied, "Do you think...?"

This time, Xie Cheng stated the truth, but little did he know that Lan Xi would interpret his words differently—Xie Cheng was being too clingy!

Lan Xi understood this well. As stated in the book "The Earthling's Guide to Conquest," once a man has been conquered, he can't help but stick to his partner's side for twenty-four hours. Naturally, during the honeymoon period, this constant togetherness is a pleasant experience. However, in the long run, some men haven't learned to be independent and find their own path, which can affect both individuals' careers.

Lan Xi's mission is to conquer Earth, and as a career-oriented woman, she needs some personal space. Therefore, Xie Cheng should have some independence.

So she patted Xie Cheng's shoulder with emphasis and said, "Xie Cheng, a man should learn to be independent and have his own career. Only when you live a fulfilling life and attract others can you gain their admiration. You can't accompany me in everything, right? You're not a primary school student who needs a buddy to go to the bathroom. If you want to go to the hospital, go by yourself! Why do you need me to accompany you?"

"..."

Perhaps feeling a bit embarrassed by Lan Xi's straightforward advice, Xie Cheng wore a grimacing expression of patience and said, "I don't want to follow you!"

But soon enough, Xie Cheng's expression turned desperate, and he added, "But if you don't accompany me to the hospital, then I can only follow you."

As expected, as soon as Lan Xi moved, Xie Cheng eagerly followed suit.

He's stubborn! Isn't he sticking to me no matter what we do?

After all, she is a princess, and her strong personality charm leads to Xie Cheng's constant pursuit, which is quite reasonable.

After some thought, Lan Xi decided to make an exception this time and said, "Forget it, you can follow me this time, but it won't happen again."

Xie Cheng seemed like he wanted to say something but ultimately held back. He remained silent and quietly followed along.

Lan Xi quickly found the private room where Liang Di was.

"Lan Xi! Over here!"

Liang Di greeted Lan Xi warmly, but her lively expression became somewhat restrained when she saw the stern-faced Xie Cheng behind Lan Xi. She asked, "Ah, Xie Cheng, why are you here too?"

After asking, she desperately signaled to Lan Xi with her eyes, seeking an answer.

Liang Di originally attended the social gathering out of frustration. This gathering had an admission fee, and she paid it so she could bring two female friends along. However, she didn't have high expectations for the gathering and only came to relax. But upon arrival, she realized it was an upscale event. The men attending the gathering all appeared successful and glamorous. She heard that the organizer of this matchmaking event also had requirements for the men's net worth. Several men were dressed in brand-name clothing and looked polished, exuding an air of elitism.

Of course, now that Xie Cheng was here, those men who originally seemed outstanding were no longer worth noticing.

Her boss stood tall with distinctive features. His suit didn't bear any obvious labels, but the quality and cut indicated it was a high-end custom-made garment. It was understated yet carried a peculiar sense of grace and luxury. Coupled with Xie Cheng's aloof demeanor, he gave off an air of nobility that seemed unapproachable.

Liang Di couldn't deny that she was Xie Cheng's fangirl and admired him greatly. Xie Cheng was young and handsome, so it was normal for him to use his personal time after work to attend a social gathering. However... he was her boss... Even if it was a gathering of a social nature and everyone present was young, if Xie Cheng showed up, the atmosphere would feel a bit strange.

Moreover, although Xie Cheng wasn't much older than them, Liang Di had attended industry summits with him before and knew that he disliked these kinds of social activities. Most of the time, he wore a cold expression throughout the events.

It would have been fine if he simply stayed silent and played the role of a listener, but the problem was that Xie Cheng had a strong presence. Even without saying a word, just standing on the side and listening, he couldn't be ignored.

Lan Xi, however, remained unfazed and said nonchalantly, "He also wanted to come!"

"...?" Liang Di couldn't help but feel puzzled.

"By the way, are you usually busy with work? If not, we can hang out more in the evenings. There are some good movies releasing recently, and I can treat you...," Lan Xi suggested.

...

Xie Cheng felt like a love security guard because he couldn't leave Lan Xi's side by more than a meter. He had to listen to these scenes of people trying to impress her up close.

However, he found their attempts cheesy, and they found him annoying.

"Sir, are you this young lady's companion? Would you mind if I chat with her?" asked a fresh-looking young man.

Xie Cheng took a sip of tea and appeared calm. "No, I'm not," he smiled at the person, "I don't mind."

The person smiled back,

... But before they could exchange pleasantries, Xie Cheng continued with a look of despair on his face,

"..."

"Do you want to read Chapter 28 of 'The Earthling's Guide to Conquest' written by Ye Feiran? Please remember the domain name of this site [(()"

The person became puzzled. "Why?"

That feeling of not being able to control the urge to speak the truth came over him again.

...

Xie Cheng stared at the person, his expression devoid of emotion. "Because I'm already in a bad mood."

The person paused, their gaze shifting between Xie Cheng and Lan Xi. After a moment, they finally seemed to grasp the clues and found their answer.

"Are you two lovers arguing? How ridiculous! If lovers fight, then don't come to this gathering!"

Xie Cheng gritted his teeth and endured the reproachful gaze of the other person as he watched them turn and leave.

But as one person left, another one came.

The newcomer was a muscular man who casually patted Xie Cheng's shoulder and said, "Bro, is that your sister? I noticed you've been staring at her. Are you worried that she might meet some unreliable guy?"

The stranger looked at Xie Cheng and confidently stated, "But bro, you have a good eye. That weakling earlier was definitely not suitable. With his physique, how could he protect your sister if she encounters danger outside? I saw you just drove him away, which shows that you have a unique perspective. But I'm different. With me around, you can rest assured. Do you think I'm a good match for your sister?"

Xie Cheng really wished that no one would come and strike up a conversation with him, asking him strange questions. He wanted to keep to himself and maintain peace, but clearly, nobody respected his inner thoughts.

He wanted to hold back, but his mouth seemed to have a will of its own and uttered a cold reply:

"Not suitable."

"Why not? Look at us, we have the perfect 'cute and tough' physique mismatch! If your sister is by my side, she'll be absolutely safe! How about you help me be the 'dominant' one?"

This time, Xie Cheng no longer attempted to lie. He gave up struggling and let the truth reign supreme:

"She doesn't need the 'cute and tough' physique; she needs the 'cute and smart' one."

"..."

"Anyway, it's not going to work. It's not suitable. I don't agree, and not only will I not help you, but I also plan to sabotage it..."

Although the muscular man came to the gathering to socialize, his interest in Lan Xi was merely an attempt at striking up a conversation. So, he quickly chose to retreat. In the end, he left with the remark, "Crazy guy, what bad luck," and didn't bother to entangle himself further, turning his head to find other women to talk to.

...

No problem, as long as he didn't feel awkward, it would be others who did.

Xie Cheng tried to console himself, but as two men left, more men followed.

This time, it was a seemingly enthusiastic and persistent man. After chatting with Lan Xi for a while, he looked over at Xie Cheng and said, "Sir, do you have anything you want to say to Lan Xi?" He raised an eyebrow at Xie Cheng, like a feisty terrier, and deliberately, naturally revealed the Rolex watch on his wrist. "We still have plenty of time. If you're also interested in joining our conversation, you can come along."

Xie Cheng replied coldly, "I have no interest in joining you guys."

"But I've noticed that wherever Lan Xi goes, you immediately follow. So, I thought you might be interested in our conversation topics."

"I'm not. You guys carry on." This love security guard didn't want to get involved.

Xie Cheng said it like that,

And he acted accordingly.

When Lan Xi saw him glance at her coldly, take a sip of tea, stand up, and walk away, just as she had walked about a meter away, he automatically turned around and walked back towards her.

In the gaze of Xie Cheng and Lan Xi, Xie Cheng put on a straight face, attempting to salvage his dignity. "Oh, it's the Feng Shui of this spot that's good."

After saying that, he immediately picked up his teacup and took a sip. But even after finishing the cup of tea, he couldn't help but continue, "Actually, it's not just the Feng Shui of this spot that's good, but being in this position allows me to hear what you guys are talking about."

"..."

Xie Cheng really wanted to cover his mouth, but doing so would make him look even stranger. So he decided to tough it out and endure the bewildered gazes around him.

When a person does something embarrassing, the situation only becomes irreversibly awkward if they show that they're aware of the embarrassment. It's better to forcefully appear natural, preserve one's dignity, and rely on the bystander effect to follow suit and make the situation more bearable.

Sure enough, thanks to Xie Cheng's nonchalant attitude, the man, after a moment of surprise, burst into laughter. "You're quite humorous."

As the man spoke, he casually lifted the hem of his suit, revealing a Hermès belt with a prominent logo. "Of course, we're all friends here. Welcome to join our conversation. I'm just not sure which topics you can engage in and which ones you can't."

After speaking with a sarcastic tone, he turned to Lan Xi, wearing a courteous smile. "Lan Xi, you mentioned earlier that you haven't been abroad, right? Well, during my university years, I lived in three different countries, from England to France to Switzerland. So, I'm familiar with the customs and traditions of that area. Especially Swiss watches, I've done quite a bit of research. Take a look at my watch..."

Upon reaching this point, he obviously didn't miss the chance to belittle Xie Cheng, glancing at him and saying in a condescending tone, "Sorry, I guess this isn't a topic you can discuss, considering there aren't many people with the experience of living in three countries like me. I was so engrossed in talking to Lan Xi that I didn't consider you."

Heh, Xie Cheng felt like he was giving this guy face. Lan Xi might be naive, but he wasn't.

"Well, I can't contribute to the conversation," Xie Cheng replied with a fake smile. "Living in three different countries during university, oh, so you were expelled from the first two schools and kept transferring, right? I don't have that kind of experience."

"..."

The man was hit where it hurt, grinding his teeth, but he had a thick skin and quickly changed the topic, turning to Lan Xi and redirecting the conversation towards his watch. "Let me tell you about watches. This one I have here is the classic Rolex Submariner, it's actually just over a hundred thousand, quite cheap. I could easily wear a million-dollar watch, but today I'm wearing this one mainly for a sense of nostalgia."

At this point, he provocatively looked at Xie Cheng again. "After all, this was the first watch I bought during my student days. I still want to maintain a sense of simplicity. You probably wouldn't understand, right? Not everyone has the financial means to buy a watch like mine."

Xie Cheng usually didn't get involved in these things unless he couldn't help it.

His voice was chilly, "Indeed, I don't understand. The genuine Rolex Submariner has platinum filling in the engravings on the ceramic bezel. Why doesn't your watch have it? Did your sense of nostalgia remove this craftsmanship?"

"..."

Not long after, the man who was previously strutting around arrogantly slinked away dejectedly.

...

**

Lan Xi was very angry. "Xie Cheng, all those people came to me and said they wanted to be friends, but you scared them away!"

Xie Cheng glanced coldly at Lan Xi and replied, "They didn't want to be friends with you."

"Then tell me, what did they want to do? They were being friendly."

Xie Cheng's anger flared up. "There's no such thing as unfounded friendliness. Sometimes friendliness is a fa?ade, and they want something from you based on what they see in you."

"You're so good-looking, can't you be a bit more cautious? Do you really think the world is only filled with goodness and beauty? You naively think of making friends with them, but all they have on their minds are carnal desires."

Xie Cheng's mood turned sour. "Be more aware, most men are like that."

Lan Xi looked astonished and then retorted, "But you're not like that, Xie Cheng. You can't just lump everyone together. Do you really think that way?"

Why did she have to ask such a question?

If there was a poison that could render him speechless before him, Xie Cheng felt he would unquestionably drink it without hesitation.

However, reality was cruel. Xie Cheng couldn't just walk away from Lan Xi to avoid this question, nor could he tell a lie.

His voice came out resolutely, "I'm also a normal man, so of course, I have those thoughts."

Lan Xi's eyes widened.

Sleeping? Didn't Xie Cheng dislike sleeping?!

"Sometimes I do think that way."

Xie Cheng despondently closed his eyes. His face seemed to emit a wave of heat in response to the uncontrollable truth, and he desperately tried to patch things up with a flurry of words.

"But it's not always like that. It only happens occasionally, and it's because you're always around me, doing things and saying things that can be misunderstood."

"But I can control myself as long as you don't do it frequently."

Lan Xi thought she understood, but then she felt confused. She was about to continue questioning when she heard a "meow" coming from a bag on the table behind her.

Could it be... a cat?

Lan Xi stiffly turned her head and, unsurprisingly, saw a cat poking its head out of a large bag left on the table by an unknown lady. The cat's round eyes were fixed on Lan Xi like it was targeting her.

How could a cat be brought to a social gathering?!

Lan Xi barely had time to think. Her instinctive fear of natural enemies made her plunge into Xie Cheng's embrace. In this life-or-death moment, she didn't care about anything else. She just desperately tried to bury herself in Xie Cheng's suit, attempting to cover her entire body with it.

To her surprise, Xie Cheng, for some reason, also froze.

And as Lan Xi leaned against his chest, she listened to his heartbeat, which went from steady to rapid and uncontrolled.

This is bad, this is bad.

If a human's heartbeat is too fast, they will die!

So why did Xie Cheng suddenly react this way?

Lan Xi pondered and could only come up with one possibility.

Lan Xi calculated and calculated, but she never expected that Xie Cheng was also afraid of cats!

Well, last time in the parking lot...

Xie Cheng didn't confront the cat head-on.

This time, the cat had already jumped out of the bag and was slowly approaching Lan Xi and the others.

"Oh dear, Xiao Yuan, how did you slip out of the bag?"

Fortunately, just as the situation was critical, the cat's owner came and took the cat away.

With the crisis averted, Lan Xi breathed a sigh of relief. However, when he turned to look at Xie Cheng, it was evident that he hadn't recovered from his fear of the cat. Xie Cheng looked at Lan Xi with a shocked expression.

Lan Xi leaned towards Xie Cheng's left chest and listened again.

Oh no!

Xie Cheng's heartbeat not only didn't return to normal, but it started racing again!

"Lan! Xi!"

He stared at Lan Xi, and his words came out slowly, one by one.

It's even difficult for him to speak now!

Lan Xi felt extremely nervous. "Xie Cheng, are you having trouble breathing?"

In response, Xie Cheng's voice came out in rough gasps. "What were you doing? Taking advantage of someone's vulnerability? I just told you something, didn't you hear me? Control your behavior! I'm a normal man too. What you just did to me was an ambush. If I didn't know you and know that you didn't have any ulterior motives, what you did earlier would be considered sexual harassment, do you know that? It's not just a matter of breathing difficulty anymore, it's suffocating me!"

Suffocating? That's not good!

I need to rescue him quickly!

Without thinking too much, Lan Xi immediately tried to push Xie Cheng down to the ground.

But even though Xie Cheng was on the verge of suffocation, he somehow mustered up a lot of strength and resisted. "What are you doing?!"

Lan Xi explained firmly, "Your current situation is very dangerous!"

"Being with you is dangerous for me, of course!"

Oh no, Xie Cheng is starting to talk nonsense! This doesn't make any sense!

There's no time to waste. It's a critical moment!

In the end, Lan Xi used all his strength to stop Xie Cheng's hand. He didn't care about lying on the ground; he adapted to the situation and seized every second to save precious rescue time. He started performing CPR on Xie Cheng.

But it's unclear if the method was wrong or not, because Xie Cheng's breathing sounded even more rapid. His heartbeat also became more irregular.

Alarm bells rang in Lan Xi's mind. With this heart rate, it seems like Xie Cheng is really in a critical condition!