The Guide to Conquering Earthlings

Xie Cheng brought home a car full of various types of children's firecrackers, feeling rather complicated.

Cao An's words had moved him quite a bit, and he soon felt irritable.

Lan Xi, who had no social skills, was still able to considerately and clumsily try to make up for the psychological trauma he had suffered from losing his parents. This showed that when you truly love someone, you can instinctively know how to treat them well without needing to be taught.

It seemed that her feelings for him were sincere without any ulterior motives, simple and straightforward.

It was just that, having grown up in a harsh environment since childhood and being unlike normal people without any proper guidance, she not only had no concept of socializing but also lacked common sense. That was why she had come up with that funeral parlor-style proposal.

But her desire to be with him was probably ardent and unreserved.

People often can't help but do many silly things after falling in love.

Thinking of this, Xie Cheng felt more sympathetic towards Lan Xi. He wondered if she was tossing and turning in bed at night, tormented on the inside and unable to vent after being rejected so decisively by him.

Had he been too cold in his rejection?

Even though he rejected her, couldn't he have done it in a more tactful way?

Xie Cheng stared at the pile of children's toys, feeling a little insomnia.

But while he just had insomnia, it was probably much better than Lan Xi's heartbreak. After all, many people have fallen into depression after heartbreak. Lan Xi already had flaws in how she handled her emotions and social interactions. Now that she was heartbroken, would she really not be able to recover from the blow?

"Meow..."

Looking at the stray cat he had taken in previously, Xie Cheng decided to find an opportunity in a few days to give the cat to Lan Xi. It was said that pets can heal all unhappiness. Having this cat for company would surely make Lan Xi's heartbreak less difficult to bear.

**

On the other hand, Xie Yunfei also suffered from insomnia.

He was in a state of complete excitement. The kind of thrilling feeling of hunting prey had washed over him again, making him feel exceptionally spirited.

This Lan Xi had provoked in him a sense of conquest.

According to Xie Yunfei's plan, he had naturally and seamlessly used the excuse of rewarding Cheng An's employees to frequently appear at Cheng An. He had also become familiar with the front desk and some administrative staff from delivering afternoon tea and coffee every day. This was the meticulous strategy he had devised—to get close without making a sound.

Beautiful women, especially gorgeous ones, never lacked pursuers. If he overtly and unabashedly pursued her directly, Lan Xi would most likely be unimpressed and he would lose the initiative and his air of mystery.

After mingling in society for so many years, Xie Yunfei was well-versed in these games—the more aloof and detached he appeared, and the more he naturalized every “coincidental” encounter without deliberate intentions, the more likely she would unknowingly fall into his trap, clinging onto him desperately with her heart, and then he could move in for the kill.

Therefore, he had found a high-sounding excuse to indiscriminately provide all of Cheng An's employees with some small benefits. This allowed him to naturally and seamlessly appear before Lan Xi, drawing her attention and goodwill, without singling her out.

A good hunter often appears in the guise of prey. This was the creed Xie Yunfei believed in. 𝚏r𝐞𝗲𝚠eb𝚗o𝐯el.com

After delivering afternoon tea like this for several days in a row, it was time to reel her in, according to his experience.

That afternoon, Xie Yunfei went to Cheng An as usual: “I had just ordered an cheesecake online while on the way here. Cheng An and Cheng Xin are sibling companies, so I’m here to deliver a portion to Cheng Xin as well, not just Cheng An’s employees.”

"Boss Yunfei, you're too good to us!"

"Feeding us like this, we'll all get fat!"

...

Xie Yunfei chatted with several administrative staff he was familiar with as usual and glanced over to see Lan Xi also getting up from her desk to go to the front desk for cake with her colleagues.

This was the moment he had been waiting for.

Xie Yunfei cleared his throat, feigning a casual manner: "Oh right, this afternoon I was originally going to the symphony with a friend, but my friend had something come up last minute and stood me up. Now I have an extra ticket. Why don't I give it to one of you as a bonus as well—to go with me to listen to the symphony together?"

Although Xie Yunfei had a playboy reputation, he was rather good-looking. Adding to that, his frequent thoughtful deliveries to Cheng An these past few days made him seem very thoughtful and easy to get along with. Topped off with his status as Xie Jing's precious son, he had gained quite some popularity among Cheng An's female employees over the past few days.

Sure enough, several of the administrative staff he was familiar with immediately responded enthusiastically: "That sounds good! Boss Yunfei!"

Xie Yunfei smiled faintly, "If I had known you guys would be so interested, I would've gotten more tickets. But they're all sold out now and my friend just happened to free up one ticket."

"To be fair, why don't we do it this way—I'll pick a lucky number. Whoever was the nth person to take cake corresponding to that number will answer a simple riddle for a common idiom. If you answer correctly, then you'll be the lucky member of the audience. If you're willing, you can come with me to listen to the symphony concert. Consider it an alternative form of employee benefits."

What Xie Yunfei said sounded very fair and reasonable. Seeing that no one objected, he then said a number based on his observations just now: "My lucky number is five. Who was the fifth person to take cake?"

Sure enough, after some quick counting, everyone pointed to Lan Xi: "Lan Xi, you were the fifth!"

This move went off seamlessly and naturally. Xie Yunfei feigned a look of surprise on his face and then walked over to Lan Xi: "Since we seem to have an affinity, I won't make things difficult for you."

After he finished speaking, he casually but provocatively looked deeply at Lan Xi. Then he took out a piece of paper and wrote "orchid quality [ ] heart" on it: "Fill in the missing character and I'll bring you along to listen to the symphony concert tonight too. Consider it an unconventional form of employee benefits."

Predictably, some busybodies started teasing.

Xie Yunfei was very close to Lan Xi right then, close enough to see every detail on her face. This woman really was gorgeous—skin as delicate as rose petals, every inch seemed to be an exquisitely sculpted work of art with smooth, refined features that came together into an appearance that was beautiful yet emanated elegance and class...

Xie Yunfei couldn't help but feel somewhat spellbound. His relationships with girlfriends tended to expire after three months at most, but at that moment, he felt that after getting Lan Xi, playing with her for awhile wouldn't be so bad either. She was just too good-looking, completely exceeding the norms for beauty. She stood in a class of her own.

This four-character idiom was also something Xie Yunfei had prepared in advance—everyone knew orchid quality, gentle spirit. And the missing “lan” character that Lan Xi had to fill in resonated with Lan Xi's name by coincidence. After Lan Xi filled it in, she would inevitably feel a sense of her heartstrings being plucked unknowingly...as if she was being singled out on purpose, yet it also seemed unintentional on his part. The main appeal was this feeling of nervous speculation.

Xie Yunfei looked at Lan Xi, and Lan Xi looked back at him too.

Xie Yunfei expected Lan Xi's heartbeat to quicken from nervous excitement, and Lan Xi's heart did indeed beat faster, but not from thrill—it was from anxiety...

Orchid quality what heart?

Lan Xi didn't know!

Although the time she had spent on Earth researching the Guide and watching TV shows was not short, most colloquial language didn't use idioms. As a result, Lan Xi had not consciously studied and accumulated idiom vocabulary.

What was orchid quality something heart again? She felt like she had heard it somewhere before. It seemed a bit familiar but she just couldn’t remember what character it was no matter how hard she wracked her brains.

Was this Xie Yunfei deliberately making things difficult for her?

Moreover, after coming to Earth, Lan Xi had only learned how to type. After all, there was still speech recognition to fall back on even at her worst, and for writing, she only needed to learn how to sign her own name. There was no need to learn how to write other characters at all. But now, Xie Yunfei had given her a piece of paper and asked her to fill in...

But from the looks in people's eyes, this idiom probably wasn't considered difficult for the people of Earth...

So if Lan Xi couldn't fill it out, it would seem very abnormal...and by extension, her identity might also be exposed...

As depicted in Earth's movies, aliens would ultimately always get captured and dissected...

Just thinking about this made Lan Xi shudder all over. She even forgot what facial expression she should have in this kind of situation.

She had to think of another way.

Lan Xi started searching the Guide's catalog of standard Earthling excuses. When faced with an unwanted invitation, just saying you're feeling unwell will do. And the most perfect and difficult to disprove reason for feeling unwell was an allergy...

...

Xie Yunfei originally had victory in his grasp, however, beyond his expectations, Lan Xi, facing his overture of such a fortuitous opportunity, instead had no expression the entire time, coldly making Xie Yunfei doubt life itself.

She just sat there coldly looking at the slip of paper she had written on the table, then finally, swept Xie Yunfei a glance and left after tossing out a sentence.

She said:

"I'm allergic to symphonic music, let someone else have this opportunity."

Until Lan Xi had walked far away, he stared at her retreating figure, still completely in shock.

Not giving face like that?

No, the cakes and desserts he had given her, she had come to eat every time, so...

So she had seen through his tricks, and thus countered to turn defeat into victory!

This Lan Xi is quite the expert!

It seems being subtle would be seen as lacking in sincerity by the other side. Xie Yunfei thought it over and decided to go all out with his ultimate move, invest heavily, directly and simply express his intentions, then swiftly decide the outcome.

**

After Lan Xi left she felt very frustrated.

Actually last night she had been pissed off by that jerk Xie Cheng and hadn't slept the entire night, only with great difficulty finally building up her psychological composure.

A princess could not be disturbed by emotions. She needed to swiftly move to the next step. The early period had been too much time wasted on that garbage Xie Cheng. She must speed up the pace of conquering Xie Yunfei and conquering the universe.

Luckily she had read the "Earthling Conquest Guide" section on how to get Earth men under control, so for Lan Xi it wouldn't be a total waste of time.

Just that today folding unexpectedly, they all said for conquering Earth men you have to show your excellent side, today should have been a good chance to show she was cultured, unfortunately...

But no problem, since she had made up her mind, Lan Xi felt she could still create new opportunities. Besides being cultured wasn't her strong suit anyway. Using Earthling terminology, her brain power was quite simple, only her four limbs were exceptionally developed. So it would be best to find a chance to show Xie Yunfei her powerful strength! She couldn't believe any man could still not be conquered under such power!

In the afternoon, Xie Yunfei unexpectedly came to Cheng'an again. This time, he walked straight to Lan Xi and said bluntly: "Come outside with me for a minute."

Was this about work?

Lan Xi unsuspectingly followed Xie Yunfei out of the office area. He wore a freshly pressed suit, and also looked rather steady, smiling as he directly brought Lan Xi into a small compartment in a coffee shop.

"I think the most sincere feelings are those without decoration." After Lan Xi had sat down and they ordered drinks, Xie Yunfei cleared his throat and said, "So I've decided to directly clarify my position."

After speaking, Xie Yunfei took out a small box and slid it in front of Lan Xi: "This is a gift for our first meeting," he said. Then he revealed an appropriately bashful smile to Lan Xi: "Sorry, I should have been more direct yesterday. I happened to pass by a jewelry store today, and saw this pair of diamond earrings that I felt matched you perfectly. Before I realized it I had bought them."

"So although it's a bit presumptuous, I still asked you out to give them to you."

Xie Yunfei was well practiced with this tactic. He opened the jewelry box, revealing the diamond earrings inside: "I know diamonds can sound a bit like an IQ tax, but diamonds are the hardest mineral in nature. They have the simplest composition but can exist permanently over long times. You make me think of diamonds."

Xie Yunfei looked deeply at Lan Xi: "Although your appearance is very beautiful, I can still see your strong soul. You're not the same as other pretty girls. You have your own ideas, principles. In your eyes I see a radiance and firmness even stronger than diamonds..."

A woman as beautiful as Lan Xi had surely heard herself praised for her looks countless times, so complimenting the obvious would have no impact. What was key was to compliment from an unexpected angle, praise a beauty for having an inner strength and resoluteness, as that could swiftly unlock her heart, making her look at you in a new light as a confidant.

Sure enough, after Xie Yunfei finished speaking, Lan Xi revealed a finally understood excitement:

"You can see my power is even harder than diamonds?"

Although the initial battle that morning had failed, after adjusting strategy the afternoon effort succeeded easily right?

Xie Yunfei met Lan Xi's gaze and gently nodded: "Yes, I can completely sense your power. Actually what attracts me isn't your appearance, but this power of yours."

A beautiful woman was like this. Not actually very clever, but easy to fool. As long as some unexpected sweet words and compliments were given, they would be disoriented.

Although Lan Xi was a beauty, in brains she seemed no different from other women Xie Yunfei had associated with in the past. Even though she had astonishingly claimed to be allergic to symphonic music that morning, directly refusing to give him face, in the afternoon wasn't she still easily captured under the naked diamond attack and sugar-coated artillery fire?

See, just these few casual contrary-to-heart compliments were enough to get her excited.

Heaven gave some women beauty, but no corresponding wisdom.

...

As Xie Yunfei expected, Lan Xi was indeed extremely excited.

She felt she had finally found the right person! Finally there was someone who could appreciate her power surpassing diamonds!

That idiot Xie Cheng didn't see her great power as a treasure. Of course someone with insight would understand and admire it!

For conquering Xie Yunfei this time Lan Xi felt assured of success.

She looked at the other side and said enthusiastically: "Would you like me to show you my power surpassing the hardness of diamonds?"

Xie Yunfei was startled, but soon laughed: "I would be happy to watch your demonstrations for the rest of my life..."

"No no, there's no need for that long." Lan Xi hurriedly waved her hands. "I can show you right now!"

After speaking she took the diamond earrings from the box and placed them in front of Xie Yunfei: "Watch!"

Lan Xi raised her fist towards the diamonds.

"Bang!"

Together with a short sharp sound, Xie Yunfei felt the table in front of him seemed to shake. The entire little compartment was like experiencing a minor earthquake.

When he steadied himself and looked at the table again, his pupils shook -

The diamond earrings that just now rested on the table had vanished without a trace, replaced by...a pile of powder.

So just now she had...

"See it? My power really is harder than diamonds. With one fist the diamonds turned right into diamond powder." Lan Xi gave an embarrassed smile. "Mainly the diamond earrings you gave were a bit small. I actually don't feel I fully displayed my power. If next time you can bring bigger carat diamonds, I can still smash them with one fist. I'll properly show you my true skill level."

"......"

The gorgeous appearance of the Lan Xi across from him was still untouched. Her gaze was candid and pure, seemingly easy to deceive. Her tone was also very calm. But her words left Xie Yunfei unable to calm down for a long time.

Was this even human?

This simply wasn't a human level of power!