Tomodachi no Imouto ga Ore ni Dake Uzai

Starting on the morning of the following day, I became Mashiro’s love servant. Like I had a collar around my neck, I waited beside the school gate every morning for Mashiro to arrive. Every day, I skillfully reached out to take the bookbag she was carrying when she finally arrived. I freed Mashiro’s lovable hand from this burden she was carrying. I simply wanted her to enjoy her commute to school.

“…………”

Mashiro for her part was probably overflowing with emotion because of my actions, since she always remained silent until we entered the classroom.

Once it was time for lunch, I went to the school store to buy a supply of three rice balls. I prepared one by pouring tea over it, and served it to her together with the tea. After thoroughly investigating her, I found out that this was one of her favourites.

“…………”

When the chime rang to notify us that classes had ended, I went over to kneel before Mashiro’s seat and presented my back to her. Like that, her personal human-powered taxi service was complete.

“…………”

Apparently, my dedication as a love servant moved even this poisonous snow queen so much that she remained silent, her thin arms softly shaking.

“…H-Hey…! Come… Here…!”

“Yes, my queen.”

Mashiro grabbed me by the nape of my neck and dragged me into the hallway. She led me into an empty storage room, pushed me against the wall, and—

“—You’re annoying. Is this some kind of harassment?”

She was furious.

Her tone of voice was rather calm and composed, but I could feel the coldness and rage in the depths of her voice.

“It figures~”

“Why are you saying that like it’s none of your business? Aki, you’re actually being pretty annoying today.”

“I mean, I also think that I might be going too far.”

“Huh? How about you die, then?”

“That’s a bit sharp don’t you think? Mashiro-san, I would like it if you would listen to my words from time to time.”

Actually, there was a reason for my thorough hospitality. Changing into a prisoner of love, and turning things around — that was the plan, 100% conceived by Kohinata Iroha, in order to win against Tsukinomori Mashiro.

If you think about it rationally, calling it ‘annoying’ might be an understatement. But if I were to only do half-heartedly, I wouldn’t be able to judge if there was any effect or not. So I had no other choice but to conduct this operation in the most efficient way possible: Giving it all my strength.

…Or that’s what I thought, but even I realized midway through that this wasn’t going to work. If a boy you didn’t feel anything for did something like this, you’d probably call it ‘stalking.’ And what does ‘love servant’ even mean, anyway?

Well, my only saving grace is that the guys from my class will completely disregard any weird actions of mine, and probably just call it ‘lovey-dovey flirting.’

Are they under mass hypnosis or something? It feels like I’m in a world where rational thinking doesn’t exist.

—And Mashiro, who now understood the circumstances, seemed like she softened her gaze a bit as she looked up at me, her eyes filled with a sliver of mercy. She spoke tenderly.

“…Are you an idiot?”

“This time, I have nothing to say in return…”

Damn it, I shouldn’t have asked Iroha for help. This makes me remember the shit-eating grin on her face.

“Listen, Senpai. To make up with a girl, the most effective trick is to be kind to her!”

“…Is that really all?”

“Of course that’s only the first step. You should know that girls are rather simple-minded! Just by being kind, you’ll remain in their heads all night, making them unable to sleep~…Not that I would know how that feels, though!”

“So you don’t…?”

“After all, I’m still the first love version~ But something like this should work!”

“That seems pretty lax…”

“Now now now. Just think of it as being deceived, and do as I tell you~!”

—Yep, I had been deceived.

Garments, words, and even actions; I did everything exactly as Iroha told me, and this was the result. Just what I would expect from her. She really is a genius at being a complete bother. I know that I’m also at fault here for being deceived so easily, but she’s really quite skillful.

“Sit. Seiza.”

“…Yes.”

I was forced to sit down on the cold floor, which was at a similar temperature as the relationship between Mashiro and I. I was glared at from above with an equally cold gaze. Though some people in our class would call this a ‘reward,’ for someone like me who has absolutely normal tastes and preferences, it was pure agony.

“Why would you suddenly do something like that? Are you just trying to annoy Mashiro? Do you hate her that much?

“No, you’re wrong. It’s just… how do I say it…” f𝔯ℯe𝓌ℯ𝐛𝒏𝐨ѵel.c𝚘𝐦

“What?”

While I was having trouble finding the right words, Mashiro’s mood soured even more.

—Now what do I do? How do I explain this?

I don’t want to blame Iroha. I mean, I knew that her idea probably wouldn’t work, but I still did as I was told, so it’s my responsibility. I was the one who made her uncomfortable, so I’m the only one to blame here. And mentioning Iroha’s name here is something I wanted to avoid as well.

—So how should I explain this…

While I was pondering what to do—

“Woaaaah, I spotted a lovey-dovey couple after school~ Are you gonna kiss? You’re gonna kiss, right?”

Speak of the devil. The door opened, and an annoying voice filled the room and my head. When I lifted my head to check, I was greeted by a girl looking down at me, with big breasts like jelly and bright golden-yellow hair.

“…Iroha, you! Did you come here to be a nuisance again?”

“As the super idol Iroha-sama, I thought that I had to see the results for myself, ehehehe~”

“Please take a good look, you idiot.”

“Ahahahahaha! Senpai’s sitting on the ground in seiza! Isn’t this the perfect punishment for defeating meeee? Hehehe~”

You damned brat. Don’t laugh like it’s none of your business. You’d better remember this. Because you’ll soon be begging for forgiveness with your face ruined by your pitiful tears.

“…What’s up… with this girl…?”

Mashiro dubiously narrowed her eyes.

“Hellooooo~ I’m the person who thought of this plan to use against Mashiro-paisen~”

(TLC: paisen is the rude version of senpai, mostly used when there’s no respect involved.)

“Hey, what are you doing?!” I tried to stop her.

“Now, now, isn’t it fine? It’s the truth after all~”

You’re not wrong about that, but still.

Though I didn’t plan on making Iroha shoulder the burden, she revealed it herself, so I can’t help it I guess.

“Annoying. Leaving Mashiro alone, what did you… wait, huh? This girl…”

For a second, Mashiro only stared at Iroha’s face. And—

“Hmph, is that so. Is that so. Mashiro completely understands it now,” She said flatly, with no emotion in her voice at all.

I suddenly realized that her bad mood had reached the breaking point, but before I could say anything—

Tap Tap Tap

Her indoor shoes tapped against the ground as Mashiro walked towards the door.

“Mashiro is going home.”

“H-Hey wait a second? What’s wrong all of a sudden—”

“A cute kouhai you’re close with. That’s what this girl is, right?”

“No, we’re not close at all, and she’s not cute, either. She just likes to tease me and is annoying all the time.”

“Alright, you flirty couple.”

“Ehhh?!”

“Since the two of you are so close, you came to laugh at Mashiro, right? Go die together, Romeo and Juliet.”

Spitting out these words, Mashiro walked away. As I watched her back grow distant, I felt that rather than a thick wall of ice, there was now a sheer cliff of a glacier between us.

“…………”

“Oopsy daisy… I made her hate you even more,” Iroha stated unapologetically as she walked next to me.

“Whose fault do you think this is?”

“Hm, I’d say that it’s at least 80% Senpai’s.”

“Don’t piss me off with precise math here.”

But I had to agree with her.

The one who Mashiro hates is me, the one who asked for Iroha’s help was also me, and the one who followed the plan was also me. The only thing you could blame her for was the plan that she had come up with.

“So what are you going to do now?”

“The same thing as before… but that’s no longer an option, I guess.”

I had no idea how to get out of this tricky situation, so I could only let out a sigh of defeat.

“Anyways, the next time we’ll meet is tomorrow. I’ll just have to think of something I can do before then, I guess.”

*

“Alllllllllllllllriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight, a newwwwwww large-sizeeeeeed TV!!!! You all had better be motivated!”

“Sir, yes sir!!!”

The flat that I’m currently living in is set up for living alone efficiently. During my time in middle school, my parents had to go overseas, so I found a flat where I wouldn’t trouble my parents too much with the rent. And in order to deter intruders, I chose the most secure floor: The 5th, or uppermost, floor. My room number is 502. The only reason I didn’t choose room 501 was because it was adjacent to a nearby building, which would be a potential security flaw that intruders could exploit. But in all the three years I had been living here, I had never seen anybody coming in from next door, so I guess that was a bit too paranoid of me.

Anyway, because I chose this room, I became acquainted with the Kohinata household from next door; room 503. I even met Murasaki Shikibu-sensei, also known as Sumire-sensei, from room 504. Ironically, we had ended forming the basis for the ‘5th Floor Alliance’ together. However, we had completely forgotten about one possibility.

“Neeeeeeeeeeeeeext iiiiiis a bookshelf! You aren’t that clever at all!!!”

“Sir, yes sir!”

About the fact that someday, somebody might move into that empty room. Was that even possible?

When I arrived at the flat after coming home from school, I was surprised to find a truck from a moving company there, and when I went up the elevator, I met up with the girl who had been sitting next to me in school just a few minutes ago.

“………”

“………”

Both of us kept quiet. After all, neither of us knew how we should start the conversation. And the first words that unwillingly came out of my mouth were what I felt from the bottom of my heart.

“…Hey, there’s no way this is real.”

“Wow, what a coincidence~! Hello there once again~!”

Iroha, who had been trotting after me on the way home from school, poked her head out from behind my shoulder and gave a cheerful greeting. Completely ignoring all the tension and what had just happened a few minutes earlier. This girl really is something else.

Still, this should be impossible. The corner room, number 501. The one watching the movers working to bring furniture and whatnot into the room was none other than Tsukinomori Mashiro!

With the largest frown ever on her face.

“Eh, what, you’re a stalker?”

“No, I live here.”

“As if Mashiro would believe that flimsy excuse.”

“By the way, I also live here!”

“Huh?”

Suddenly, Iroha stepped in front of me, put her hands on her head to simulate rabbit ears, flapped with them, and said those words to Mashiro, to which her face clearly twitched.

“Mashiro has been wondering for a while, but what are you to Aki?”

“His biological younger sister!”

“Eh, Aki, you had a little sister?”

“Since I’m his friend’s little sister, I am also his little sister, or in short his biological little sister, so I thought that I would introduce myself as such!”

“Are you an idiot?”

“Uwaaa, so sharp! Mashiro-paisen, comparing it to Senpai, your verbal attack power is quite excellent! What did you have to eat for such poisonous things to be able to come out of your mouth? I’m totally guessing Kaentake, though you would probably die after eating those!”

(TLC: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Podostroma_cornu-damae)

“…W-What is this…? This girl… is so annoying…”

Despite the cold response, my friend’s little sister, Iroha, continued to tap on Mashiro’s shoulder, acting friendly. Watching from the sidelines, I once more had to realize how amazing she is. Are you the personification of a party-goer or something? How can you be so rude to a person you’ve barely met?

“Hey, Iroha, will you stop it already? And also, why are you acting just like you would with me? You act totally normal at school, right?”

“I’m the type of person to choose the time and place, you know. I just wanted Mashiro-san to understand what kind of position I have here~! This is the perfect way to trouble Senpai!!!”

—Can you be any more insane than this?

Seeing her only give a thumbs-up and grin in response, I turned towards Mashiro and lowered my head.

“I’m sorry for my annoying Kouhai.”

“…Don’t worry. It’s her fault that she’s so annoying, after all.”

She hurriedly averted her face while she answered, so she probably wanted to say that it was still troublesome. And, while looking at me out of the corner of her eye, she continued.

“You’re her friend’s little sister, so you’re unrelated, right? You’re living together with someone like that. Are you a couple?”

“Eh…? Ahhh, I see, that’s where you’re hung up.”

Since I wasn’t used to explaining the circumstances to anyone beside the people living here, I had completely forgotten. I guess anyone would react the same way, considering how we had just explained it.

“No, it’s not like that. I live in room 502—”

“And I live in 503~!”

“……Eh?”

“By the way, Ozu — that classmate I often talk with — also lives here. He’s the older brother of this thing.”

“Ahahahahaha! Calling me ‘this thing’ is pretty cruel, you know~! There’s no need to be embarrassed; just call me ‘Iroha’ like usual~”

“Eh… Ehhhh…?”

In the middle of Iroha’s useless response, question marks were appearing on top of Mashiro’s head. With faltering steps, she walked past us and checked the signs in front of the rooms.

“Ooboshi… Kohinata… I-It’s true…”

“By the way, the person living in room 504 is actually Sumire-sensei.”

“W-Why is everyone gathered here…?”

“It’s a total coincidence, as absurd as it may sound.”

“Ehhh…”

She’s making an expression of complete distrust. But it’s not like I don’t understand where she’s coming from. I probably would’ve had the same expression if I was told that everyone I knew from school would be living in the same place.

“Huh?”

Her face returned to a more serious expression, and she started muttering something to herself in a quiet voice.

“So maybe… ‘5th Floor Alliance’… no, wait…”

“What are you whispering to yourself about?”

“………”

Without answering my question, Mashiro continued to think about something while making a face like a researcher. Though I didn’t know what exactly that expression she was wearing meant, her cheeks were slightly flushed for some reason. Finally, she turned around and pointed her finger at me, and then at Iroha.

“Aki is… annoying. Kohinata… san is also annoying. Everyone in this environment is annoying.”

Like she wanted to deny us any chance to respond, she turned her back to us.

“Don’t get too familiar with Mashiro. Even if we are neighbours.”

“Hey, how about we try to be a bit more friendly with each other? That way, everything that comes after this will be easier for us… Guho?!”

“Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeext is the refrigeratoooooooooooooor! You all, you better work hard!!!”

“Sir, yes sir!”

As Mashiro was about to walk back into her new domain, I went to chase after her, only to bump into a wall of muscle. As I was swallowed up in the oncoming sea, Mashiro’s back disappeared further and further into the distance.

“Shit, she has the nerve to use the movers to her advantage.”

“Those excellently motivated Shironeko boys are getting me excited~! According to Iroha-san’s research, around 90% of the Shironeko boys are muscle fetishists, and they’re searching for fresh meat with the thin bodies of the neighbourhood~”

“I didn’t need that kind of knowledge…”

“I’m sure that if Senpai were to strip, you might even become their target~!”

“Can you stop talking like you know how I look when I’m naked?”

“It’s because I do know. How often have you come back from the bath with just your underwear? Though you immediately closed the door, that one millisecond was enough for me to engrave the sight into my brain. I’m a genius at grasping Sensei’s weaknesses, after all!”

“Show me your brain immediately. It seems like I have to cut the power supply.”

“Isn’t your idea too much like ryona?!”

(TLC: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ryona)

“Whose fault do you think it is that I’ve awakened to that?” I asked. “And also, stop invading my room when I’m in the bath. Are you a stray cat or something?”

What if she hears me humming in the bath?

“Isn’t it fine? Your body isn’t something that you should be embarrassed about. You even have abs.”

“Only a bit. But weight training a bit every day is pretty normal. It’s nothing compared to what pro wrestlers or the people from the rugby club do.”

“I think Senpai’s definition of ‘normal’ is completely wrong.”

Muscle training is a part of my daily routine. The time you waste while being hurt or sick is no laughing matter. To make sure that I use my resources most efficiently, I made up a rather healthy exercise regime for myself. This was after long and meticulous research on the subject through both the internet and several books. Ever since then, I’ve been doing muscle training every day. It’s not like I’m using those protein drinks or hitting the gym, but with a small amount daily training, I’ve arrived at this physical condition. It’s probably only a bit more muscular than a normal person’s.

“Well, that’s not really important right now. The most crucial problem right now is—”

“That Mashiro-san ran away?” Iroha asked.

“No, that much is fine. About that, it was checkmate the moment she came to this fifth floor.” I showed Iroha a confident grin.

Seeing that, Iroha’s eyes went round.

“Ohh, Senpai’s in serious mode. It’s been a while.”

“I’m just as serious as when I purged Murasaki Shikibu-sensei a while ago. She had a shameful ahegao while crawling on the floor…”

“D-Devil…”

“Say what you want. I won’t let Mashiro get away.”

I made a fist with my hand while letting out a laugh.

When we were sitting next to each other in the classroom, there were limits. Even if I was told to look after her by our homeroom teacher, even if I was told to become her fake boyfriend by President Tsukinomori, I didn’t have any measures to deal with Mashiro’s real loneliness. However, now she’s in my domain. She can go and curse her misfortune for closing the distance between us this much.

“I’ll show you some real meddlesomeness.”

“Laaaaaaaaaaaaast!!! The bed doesn’t fit into the elevator!! We’re going in through the windoooooows!!!”

“Sir, yes sir!!!”

While the moving workers were screaming at the top of their lungs, I had a calm, hidden smile on my face.

Since she had just stepped out of her castle, only to become all alone, she needed narrow-minded yet joyful people around her. Those people would be necessary to cure that poisonous tongue of hers. I don’t care if she thinks that it’s a bother, and I’m not going to consider her feelings one bit.

If she really wished to be all alone—

Then she wouldn’t have decided to go to school again after being bullied. Not to mention that she even moved away from her own safe place. She’s trying to restart her life in her own way. She’s trying to have a fun and enjoyable school life. Otherwise her actions wouldn’t make any sense.

That’s why there’s only one thing for me to do.

In the most efficient way possible, while aiming for the best possible outcome, calculate my way forward with everything at my disposal.

*

「…And just like that, my fake girlfriend moved in next door.」

「After one day, she’s already moved into Aki’s harem castle… Well, whatever interesting and bothersome battle ensues, I’ll certainly have fun watching it!」