Tondemo Skill de Isekai Hourou Meshi

Chapter 589 –Can’t Cook

Author: Eguchi Ren

Eguchi Ren: Apologise for making everyone worry. I received my third vaccine shot and became ill. I was fine for the first and second shots, but this time every joint in my body felt painful and I was tired all the time.

At first, I thought it was just a cold, but after looking up the side effects, I realised it was the vaccine. Please be careful out there everyone. (2nd May 2022)

Gumihou: It’s more than a year late, but I’m glad that you’re alright, Eguchi-san

Some time passed and I somehow ended up staying the night at the High Elf village.

As for the Great Green Dragon Hunting Expedition, that was postponed to some other day. In the end, I rented one of the slightly larger empty houses within the elf village and stayed there.

After setting out the futons, we all spread out on the floor of the empty house and laid down together. However, I was unable to fall asleep due to what happened earlier.

“Hey, Fer, Grandpa Gon, stop making people join our workforce without permission. Especially my permission!”

“Why? Didn’t we do good getting those High Elves to work for us? Now we have a proper team to dismantle our prey.”

“That’s right, since they are such long-lived creatures, we can make use of them for a long time, Master.”

“Wait, wait, wait, hold it. What are you talking about Grandpa Gon? Make use of them?!” I was [1] scandalised by his words.

“That’s right, with those elves around, we can all hunt without restraint!”

[1] “W-what are you saying, Fer!!” I jumped out of my futon to hurl myself at Fer’s belly, trying to shake an answer out of him. “What do you mean hunt without restraint? Don’t tell me you’ve been restraining yourself all this time!!?”

“Of course, if possible, I would prefer to hunt more…”

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut uuuppp!!!”

“M-master, please calm down.”

“”Oi, what did you two do?”” Dora-chan demanded.

“”Aruji~ Is Uncle Fer making Aruji sad~~? ””

[2] “Uwaaahhh, Suuiiiii, I’m so sad!!!”

“”Uuuuu, Sui will protect Aruji~!””

“”Oi, you two…””

“Hey, stop overreacting!”

[2] “Uwaahh! I’m being bullied by Fer!”

“Master, please be calm…”

[2] “Grandpa Gon is bullying me too!!!”

[2] I wailed and sobbed pathetically for the rest of the night until…

“We promise not to scout people without your permission,” said Fer begrudgingly.

“That’s right, we promise. Master, please don’t cry any more,” begged Grandpa Gon.

Sniff.

“You promise?”

“We promise.”

“Okay,” I said as I sat up with another sniff. I had Sui in my arms as I glared at them, “You won’t scout people without my permission anymore?”

“No, we won’t, Master.”

“Umu,”

[3] I was unhappy with Fer’s short onomatopoeia answer, but there was nothing I could do about it. Suddenly angry, I said, “What do you expect me to do with all the parts that aren’t meat? We don’t actually need those. Also, what do you think we would do to the economy by doing the dismantling ourselves? Have you ever thought of that, huh? What if guilds start losing money and cities refuse to let us in? We will have no money and I can’t buy things from the [Net Super] any more…”

[3] On and on I talked, doing my best to drive these important matters into their puny brains. “…now that you are part of the civil society, you cannot act as you like. It would only lead to war and anarchy, which means poverty and no money, and therefore no more purchasing from [Net Super]…”

“If that’s the case, isn’t it fine to just sell the not-meat items to the guilds?” said Grandpa Gon.

“That’s right, it’s annoying when we can’t immediately eat what we caught just because it’s difficult to dismantle,” grumbled Fer.

I frowned, not liking to admit this perfectly sensible solution. “Fine, we can sell whatever we can’t eat to the guilds. However, how do you expect me to pay the High Elves?”

“Mu?”

“Pardon, Master?”

[2] “You promise to ‘take them in’,” I said making quotation marks in the air. “By luring them with my cooking. Now that you have gotten them, you should be the ones to decide the living conditions, the payment system. Don’t forget, we haven’t built the extra houses yet, so we don’t have enough servants’ quarters. Also, have you worked out a payment scheme? Are we paying them in coins? How many coins? Are we working on a contract system or a salaried system? Well? As someone who hired them, you should be the ones to decide on this!”

As expected, Fer and Grandpa Gon visibly flinched from this barrage of words. I refuse to be the one to think about all of these little details. You two must share in my pain! [4]

“Aughhh, thinking about living spaces made me remember Bruno-san! What would he say if I asked him to make more houses? He would be so angry! Should I just ask him to make a whole apartment? What should I do? You two, stop pretending to sleep, think with me!!”

I’d kick them, but that would just hurt my foot.

Just then, there was a light knock at the door.

“… …”

“… …”

“…who is it?”

“Excuse me, could we have a moment?”

“Fine, yes, come in,” I said a little shortly.

The door opened and three male High Elves, Jorgen, Verde and Radomir entered.

“We have come to request a favour…”

I was really done with these fellows. “This is kind of a bad time…”

“Ah, well, we’re here because we overheard you discussing some matters with your familiars…”

“… I see.”

“Ahem, that is to say, we are to say that we do not need to be paid in coins for the dismantling work.”

“That’s right, that’s right, more than coins, we wish to partake in the monster meat we dismantled. That is to say, we wish to be paid in food.”

“Food?” I said sceptically.

“Indeed, it would be great if we could have food like today’s every once in a while.”

“… wait, for real? Is that alright? What will your, ah, partners say?” I was still suspicious.

For a moment, all three High Elves looked uncomfortable.

Jorgen spoke up first, “Actually, we can find work to do on our own once we’re in the city, so there’s no need for Mukouda to be burdened by this.”

“That’s right,” said Verde. “I can easily find work as a professional dismantler. Jorgen is not only a good archer, he can also make high-quality bows and arrows. As for Radomir, his woodworking skill is excellent and he could make all types of furniture.”

“Okay…” I nodded slowly, “about the food as payment-”

“There’s also no need to provide us with a place to stay. We can live in the trees or set up a tent anywhere. It’s all fine.”

Okay, I was starting to feel bad for these High Elves. Live in a tree? Set up a tent anywhere? Want to be paid in food? Are they… poor?

“No matter what, since my familiars invited you, it is my responsibility to provide accommodation. You may stay at my house temporarily until something more permanent is built. As for the food as payment…”

“It’s totally fine, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s totally fine.”

“We’re fine living in the wild under the wind and rain so long as we get to eat your food.”

“… …” I felt like I had this conversation before.

“Well, if you’re kind enough to host us, the least we should do is pay you rent. Please let us stay with you and eat your food.”

“… I don’t need the rent,” I said. “Surely my cooking alone isn’t enough as payment?”

“No! I mean, of course, it is more than enough!”

“That’s right!”

“We want to experience delicious food!”

“… …” Should I just get Grandpa Gon to take us off of this island right away?

The High Elves must have sensed my uneasiness because after sharing a glance with each other, they sighed and said.

“Well, it’s not like I wish to say this but…”

“… we have an issue when it comes to, cooking.”

“As High Elves, we have pretty diverse skill sets and could eventually become an expert in anything…”

“Except cooking.”

“None of us are good at it.”

“We could make… edible food.”

“What about your wives?” I asked curiously.

There was a complicated expression on their faces and suddenly all three exploded and said, “None of them are allowed to cook!!”

“… what is this weird flaw…” I muttered. Is that why they are all so skinny? They could only make bad or barely edible food? Wait, what if they all become fatties under my care?

[5]

Ohohoho.

Ahahaha.

Ahem.

I could barely keep the corners of my mouth down as I mentally pictured six fatties rolling around my garden, stuffing themselves with barbecue…

“Therefore, we must pay rent!”

“No, no, I couldn’t possibly.”

“No, we must! We have to pay for the meat too!”

“Wait, what about your payment as dismantlers…”

What followed was a sudden and unexpected bargaining session. It was late, I was upset and it was three vs one. In the end, I had to concede a lot of things. After a thorough discussion, we managed to work out the price for monster meat, my cooking and the rent. Wow, I am really bad at bargaining, huh?

Suddenly tired, I said, “Well, I guess since that’s all settled. I’ll see you all tomorrow, huh?”

“Well…” the High Elves shuffled in place, looking a little awkward.

“… what is it?” I said warily.

“Mukouda, do you have any alcohol?”

“… hahh?”

[Gumihou: Okay, I did not expect that last bit]

[1] Expand the dialogue

[2] Eii, since Mukouda’s spine tend to collapse suddenly, let’s have it completely break down under all that stress. Also, let’s involve the little familiars instead of having them ‘sleeping soundly’ and out of the way.

[3] Punish them with [Rant]. It was super effective.

The information was from a super short introspection on Mukouda’s side. However, it’s more hilarious as a [Rant] attack.

[4] Delete parts where the familiars all went to sleep while Mukouda was busy thinking. Because that’s just too sad.

[5] Give Mukouda another reason why he gave in to having the High Elves

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