You Boys Play Games Very Well

Chapter 34

Today, the forum was particularly lively; several posts had been repeatedly bumped up and didn’t sink for a long time.

[Video][Lemon commentary] Mangosteen VS Guava match video

[Discussion] Mysterious Small Account Guava true identity guess

[Gossip] Casual player encounters Mang God, after the defeat he said a phrase to me…

In Lemon Dad’s broadcast room, Ling Meng paid the terrible price for the sin of his hands yesterday. The habit developed through thousands of games wasn’t easy to just change.

The consequence was that at this moment, he was bruised and battered by the 100,000 water friends trying to explain (read: invent) the context of the screenshot on the forum.

“Last night, I just wanted to feel refreshed by using Mang God’s account. He lent me the account number. It’s as simple as that. It’s not as complicated as you all think.

“I just wanted to experience it. He’s now ranked 25, I’m 205th, I want to test out if the difference of one zero could make the whole person sharp.

“It’s not as impure as you all are thinking, Daddy is a clear stream anchor… Shut down the broadcasts together? Coincidence, also it wasn’t together, obviously mine went down first.”

The water friends kept clinging stubbornly to this issue, so Ling Meng could only try to find a way to switch topics.

“Let’s not get all twisted up in this, okay? Let’s play a game, I’ll carry a water friend for points tonight.”

— Indulge in gossip, not in the mood for points.

— We’d be happy to watch ranked Stardust Battles (mobile game) to stir things up.

“That’s no game. Let’s do something else. Bear League (LOL)? Watch Guard (Overwatch)? King Pesticide (King of Glory)? What do you want to see?”

— So Legend of the Galaxy compared to these is the difference between games and non-games?

— I don’t want to see any of that, just want to see how Mang Dad is made.

“Or I could sing a song, how about turning over?”

— You sing first, we’ll listen and see.

Ling Meng reluctantly cleared his throat and sang: “…”

— Shut up, won’t turn over.

— On a dark and windy night, the mysterious harmony of clear stream anchor and porn anchor, was it the corruption of the clear stream anchor or the scheme of the porn anchor…

Please read at tailor31415.wordpress.com. Otherwise, you’re reading stolen material.

Chapter 35

By comparison, the atmosphere of Mang God’s broadcast room was peaceful. After all, true game fans were a relatively large part of his powder base. These people didn’t care about the broadcast host gossip; they only cared about how the game was played.

Shan Zhu was reviewing yesterday’s match as promised. Since he didn’t see Ling Meng’s stream live, he specially found a video of the commentary. The appearance of Ling Meng’s passionate clenched fists had been recorded by numerous people, each video once again bringing back the previous day’s hot-blooded mood to viewers.

“Lemon’s analysis here is pretty accurate. When I saw my opponent’s delay in making troops, I knew that he was waiting for advanced units. At this time, I couldn’t give him time to develop. The sooner the attack, the better.

“Lemon is correct here. The alien faction needs to be suppressed in the early stage. The ultimate weapon of the aliens takes the longest time to manufacture, but once the ant queen is out of the nest, it’s difficult for opponents to fight back.

“It’s no surprise that Guava blew up my ant nest. I originally intended to do the same, but instead I had planned to blow it up when my opponent’s ant queen was about to leave the nest. Since he acted so early, I couldn’t delay anymore. Any further delay would lead to defeat.

“Lemon deserves to be considered a Galaxy veteran player. His understanding of the game is very thorough. It’s not easy to do this as a first time commentator. The tactical analysis in some places hits the nail right on the head.

“Bias is normal, who isn’t biased? Professional anchors just make sure that bias isn’t visible.”

He was earnestly reviewing the match, but the on-the-scene water friends didn’t think so.

— I might be watching a fake review.

— This isn’t a match review, this is obviously commentary review.

— I, Mang God, view Lemon Daddy as good at everything.

— Who could have imagined that WULI Mang God is a powerful Ning blower!

— Last night, Lemon Dad commentated and blew Mang. Tonight, Mang God’s broadcast is blowing Ning. Blowing each other is proper!

Ling Meng’s commentary is very dense, so it was necessary to pause the video from time to time to be able to speak over it.

At the climax of the decisive battle, Ling Meng infected the viewers with his own excitement through the screen and the grinning Shan Zhu didn’t hit pause. Watching Ling Meng with a smile, he was almost inspired to loudly shout and cheer for himself.

Towards the end of the match, someone gave the considerate reminder: highlights ahead, please don’t blink.

Then he saw Ling Meng throw his headset in excitement and, with a loud “mwah”, kiss the monitor. Although the camera’s field of view was limited, it was enough for his brain to fill in the gaps.

— Is there not a sensation of being kissed?

— If this were the live broadcast, surely you’d kiss him back?

— How did Lemon Dad’s precious air-kiss feel?

Everyone in the barrage kicked up a fuss, resembling Ling Meng forgetting himself in his excitement, more likely than not they had been hopeful on the scene the night before to ask this kind of thing.

“Should I regret not being on the scene?”

— Have you ever thought about playing games with Lemon Daddy or commentating with him?

“If there’s an opportunity.”

— Yesterday, didn’t you get close together?

“He borrowed my account number to play,” Shan Zhu explained, going along with the story the two of them had come up with the night before. “Hospice care is his habit, it can’t be changed, it’s alright.” Shan Zhu had a good reputation so everyone generally accepted what he said. However, for Ling Meng over there, it was hard to say, Shan Zhu could imagine how he’d be tied up in knots by his powder over this issue.

“It’s still early, let’s go make our rounds for housekeeping.” He skillfully entered Ling Meng’s room number.

Surprisingly, Ling Meng wasn’t playing games or talking to the water friends. He was actually singing.

Very earnestly, moving along to the accompaniment and following to the lyrics, singing with an even rhythm, the roommate who hadn’t been seen for a long time was doing a robot dance behind him.

Ling Meng sang with no skill at all. The only thing he could do was sing every note in tune and keep pace with the rhythm to the best of his ability. Besides how he was taking it seriously, he was clearly too tense and nervous, thus it was obvious that singing was not his strong point.

After Shan Zhu listened silently for a while, he actually thought it was a little pleasant to hear.

“…Singing an endlessly long song about winter; dove, I’m the warmth on your way.” Ling Meng sang the last sentence steadily, then heaved a long sigh of relief.

“That’s it, now can you let me off?”

With this short sentence, tonight’s history of Ling Meng’s great suffering was revealed, showing how cruelly and inhumanely his water friends had extorted the confession from him. His Lemon Daddy was really just a lip service daddy and his sons were rebelling against him every day.

Many gifts were spammed and the barrage was actively rolling. They weren’t going to let the Lemon Daddy off.

— Dismiss us with just one song? It’s not that simple.

— If you don’t sing, all the long, dark night, you’ll have to continue to talk about the topic of harmony.

“The agreement was just one song. This is called, you reach out for a yard after taking an inch, you know it?”

[Room] Mangosteen sent a cat climbing frame to the anchor.

Housekeeper Mangosteen: You all bully my baby when I’m not around.

Housekeeper Mangosteen: PS singing was pleasant to hear.

Ling Meng is speechless: “If you’re not here, they bully me less. It wasn’t easy for me to switch the subject and you once again foolishly lead the rhythm.”

— I didn’t switch topics, thanks. Everyone’s waiting.

— Mang God once again has come to find this gathering place for Lemon Dad; it can’t be he’s going to fight with 100,000 water friends this time?

— Mang God: I want to fight 100,000!

“Furthermore, why did you also brush a gift? Didn’t you say you wouldn’t give them to your friends again?”

— Didn’t your friendship end before it started?

— Mang Ning’s friendship, playing the guitar at approximately 90 degrees.

Housekeeper Mangosteen: I especially like your water friend here, with the mind full of wisdom.

— Next sentence: Unlike you, your mind is full of water.

— Don’t say it! Lemon Dad, don’t you want to save your face, ah?

“Nonsense! Your mind is full of water, or sewage! Just thinking about stirring things up all day, is the Legend of the Galaxy not interesting or calculus too boring?”

— Compared to calculus, I choose stirring things up.

— There’s a gap of 10,000 galaxies between stirring things up and calculus.

A drowning man would clutch at a straw. Ling Meng appealed to Shan Zhu: “Since you’re here, help me clean things up. Last night I just used your account number to play, we both are innocent.”

Housekeeper Mangosteen: He really did use my account to play, but it’s hard to say if you are clean.

— Best clarification of the year.

— Lemon Dad activated a special move [Sacrificing Life For Honor]: Digs himself a big pit and gets in; lasts for 60 seconds.

— I’ll add another second.

Ling Meng was so angry that he puffed his cheeks up. Everyone laughed and happily brushed up the text version of the expression pack: “AngryPufferfish.gif”, “PornAnchor, Faking gay to sell rot.gif”, “Lemon Dad wants to throw his headset.gif”, “A Clear Stream flows eastward, only porn keeps its name. gif”

…

Shan Zhu’s phone rang.

Housing Mangosteen: I’m going to pick up a call.

In the absence of Mang God, the scene became more chaotic. Ling Meng set his mind on crowd control, but powerless to reverse the rotation of the sky, and had to silently sing: “The cold wind drifts across my face, my son’s rebellion breaks my heart. Your words pierced my heart like shards of ice, Daddy is really hurting…”

The barrage was full of uproar and Ling Meng was desperate because he couldn’t find a single person on his side.

“Is there anyone who will comfort me?”

[Platform Announcement] User Guava presented the cat courtyard to the anchor Lemon and gave this message of encouragement: Yes.

Ling Meng:?????

Chapter 36

“Guava?” Ling Meng doubted his own eyes. “Didn’t you say that you don’t watch live streams?” The barrage rolled so quickly that it was difficult to find a person’s message.

The second housekeeper raised their hand in silence.

Housekeeper LittleFlyingTeddy: Lemon Dad, what are the rules of our broadcast room? Some anchors send cat climbing trees to the housekeepers.

“In that case, deliver the cat courtyard?”

Housekeeper LittleFlyingTeddy: To the anchor WeChat.

“…”

Housekeeper Mangosteen: What to WeChat? I didn’t give it.

When Shan Zhu came back from the call, the platform announcement was still floating above the live broadcast room, and then he saw the second housekeeper saying they wanted to send the anchor a message.

[Platform Announcement] User Guava presented the cat courtyard to the anchor Lemon and gave this message of encouragement: No.

[Platform Announcement] User Guava presented the cat courtyard to the anchor Lemon and gave this message of encouragement: This is the first time I saw it; it’s a little funny.

Seeing this be broadcasted, somehow everyone’s minds were filled with the image of a stoic, unsmiling face that said coldly: It’s a bit funny.

Ling Meng was frightened: “Don’t use the platform announcements as a chat box!”

— Meow meow meow? Cat courtyard triple hit?

— I only saw this kind of grand occasion when a hostess broadcasted her birthday.

— Is the mysterious small account a hidden local tyrant? My guava is amazing.

— I’ll bet one lemon that Guava isn’t laughing!

— Guava: If I’m no match for your aliens, then I’ll snatch your man.

— As long as the courtyard is well brushed, there is no corner that can’t be dug.

On Ling Meng’s list of poop-scooping officials, Guava slaughtered his way to the top, pushing Mangosteen, who had long dominated the lead, to the bottom.

Shan Zhu didn’t show any weakness, immediately replying with three of his own. The chief poop-scooping official of my family’s baby can only be this potent, imposing leader.

[Platform Announcement] User Mangosteen presented the cat courtyard to the anchor Lemon and gave this message of encouragement: This

[Platform Announcement] User Mangosteen presented the cat courtyard to the anchor Lemon and gave this message of encouragement: spot

[Platform Announcement] User Mangosteen presented the cat courtyard to the anchor Lemon and gave this message of encouragement: is mine.

The rubberneckers were excited like they were at a spring festival.

— I, Mang God, have earned millions and I don’t even blink when I brush ten cat courtyards.

— I’m a professional Gua-baby, purchasing the Fighting Cat prize is no object.

— Mang Blow VS Gua Blow, who can blow more about who took the lead in taking Lemon Dad!

“Don’t waste your wealth, okay?” Ling Meng looked at both of them and felt his heart ache. “If you guys do this again, I’ll stop streaming.”

There was no movement from Guava and Shan Zhu didn’t brush anymore.

Housekeeper Mangosteen: Clever baby, you’re the boss.

“That’s right, don’t always let the evil money corrupt our revolutionary comradery.”

Housekeeper Mangosteen: Then I’ll brush another one.

Ling Meng:!!!

— 6666 vows to corrupt friendship to the end.

— I originally thought this was a sweet text story, little did I know it’s a sugar daddy story.

— Fluffy stories have too many breakups, sugar daddies foster true love.

— More valuable than an elegant heart is a rich and overbearing appearance.

“Well, thanks to Guava for the cat courtyard.” Ling Meng ruffled his hair and added, “You’re very skilled at the game. Last time I underestimated you too much, I hope I have the chance to play a serious game again.”

Guava’s user rating rose from level 0 to SVIP in an instant, so his messages were held in the middle and could never be drowned in the barrage again.

Guava.SVIP: Okay.

“Do you need to be a housekeeper?”

Guava.SVIP: No.

Still so silent and cold, Ling Meng now more than ever wanted to know who his large account was.

Shan Zhu certainly wouldn’t let Guava keep going unchecked.

Housekeeper Mangosteen: Anchor, can I order a song from the cat courtyard?

Ling Meng despairingly admitted defeat: “Okokok, sing sing sing, what do you want to hear? I don’t know many songs.”

Housekeeper Mangosteen: In that case, whatever you can sing.

Ling Meng rummaged through the Chinese music library for a long time, chasing down a song he was good at.

“Then let’s sing a song from a singer I like,” his helpless voice accompanied the prelude. “Magnificent Daddy is a game anchor, you forced me to be an entertainment anchor, and nobody can beat that.”

— What? You’re actually a game anchor?

— What? This entertainment anchor used to play games!

— A game anchor who can’t sing isn’t a good entertainment anchor.

Shan Zhu smiled and turned up his headphone volume, listening to the slightly restrained voice of Ling Meng, sounding like a pupil who just learned to sing, chewing over every word in the lyrics.

“Waiting for you to look up, above the moon, the vast horizon, waiting for the white moonlight…”

Chapter 37

That night, Ling Meng sent another red envelope of 200 to Shan Zhu. After he finished, he spat on himself; this was like giving a kickback. ｆ𝘳e𝒆w𝗲𝐛𝘯𝐨νe𝚕.cｏ𝓶

The opposite side received it as before, but he also returned a “thank you, boss” expression.

Shan Zhu: What would you like to eat tomorrow morning?

Ling Meng: Meat pie…

Shan Zhu: What did you say, the second canteen completely ruins the stuffed buns by kneading and the meat pies by burning?

Ling Meng: Right…

Shan Zhu: Clever boss, got it, boss.

Shan Zhu: Next time, you don’t have to send a red envelope, you can just sing a song.

Ling Meng: Didn’t I sing enough today? I sang until I lost my voice.

Shan Zhu: Then I’ll bring you some pang da hai tea tomorrow.

(t/n: seeds of a plant typically taken as treatment for hoarse throat)

Ling Meng facepalmed; the Mang Group takeout service was still well-established.

What he didn’t know was that as he was sending WeChat messages to him, Shan Zhu was still talking privately with the second housekeeper.

Mangosteen: Classmate Teddy.

LittleFlyingTeddy:?

LittleFlyingTeddy: Mang God, you spoke!

Mangosteen: Your art is very cute.

LittleFlyingTeddy: You said that before, ah, which expression do you want?

Mangosteen: No, just in case someone else wants you to draw something…

LittleFlyingTeddy:?

LittleFlyingTeddy: I ??see what you mean! Don’t worry!!

LittleFlyingTeddy: If that Guava really does look for me, I’ll say that my English isn’t good and draw a banana for him!

—

Footnotes:

1. 篇甜 vs 包养: Sweet (Fluffy) vs Cultivating (Sugar Daddy) genres

2. sharp (犀利): slang for incisive, used for a sharp-witted person

3.turn over (翻篇): to turn the page, put unpleasant things behind you

4. harmony (合体): euphemism for sex, previously translated as sharing intimacies

5. on the scene (在现场): phrase used by live stream audiences when a gamer is rewatching a game, if they witnessed the recorded moment live, they’ll say they were “on the scene”

6. 吹: means to brag or to blow (to brag for one year also means to blow for a year)

7. mechanical dance (械舞): popping aka robot style break dancing,

8. by Song Dong Ye: (鸽子 by 宋冬野)

9. yard…inch: idiom meaning to be insatiable

10. lead rhythm (带节奏): gaming term for the chief strategist in a game team, now slang for someone who instigates fights online and/or misleads others

11. 舍身取义: idiom meaning to choose honor over life; someone who would rather sacrifice their life than their principles

12. reference to a poem called Lin Jiang Xian by Yang Shen, the opening to Romance of the Three Kingdoms about how heroes come and go and fade into history as stories

13. crowd control (控场): gaming terminology for skills that effect all enemies in an area of effect, usually to stun or damage them

14. to reverse the rotation of the sky (无力回天): to save a desperate situation

15. by Ye LuoLuo

16. no corner…: saying there’s no marriage that can’t be broken as long as the 3rd party works hard

17. Gua-baby (瓜娃): also is a term for fool (guawa), there is no “va” sound in Chinese, so Guawa is the closest to Guava; will be Guawa from now on. Gua is melon. Guava is actually fan shiliu (番石榴)

18. comradery (同志友谊): also slang for gay friendship

19. 没sei了: slang expression for nobody can beat that; used ironically to comment on controversial behavior

—

btw in case you were wondering, the game they’re playing is essentially StarCraft